Dreams and Expelling Blackness

Dream Journal Entry: February 12, 2022

Last night I dreamed about my ex bff. In real life we have actually talked a little in text messages and have added each other back as friends on social media. In the dream she was with her old boyfriend, Andy, and for whatever reason, she wanted me to spend time with him, too...like we were all going to be together and she wanted to share him with me. I Wasn't sure but I was cautiously friendly with Andy. He was very warm and nice to me. He seemed to be in agreement with the arrangement. 

At some point the ex BFF's mom came into my apartment where we were and I got really angry. She hadn't even knocked, just came in without notice. I told her she has no right to come into my place without knocking first and that I didn't want her here because she didn't even mention to her daughter that we saw each other in the park in Missouri and talked. 

It was at that point ex bff lets me know that she has invited all of these people over so that we can all talk about everything. I told her that if she had invited Beth over, I would not speak to her. I said that I never wanted to speak to her again and no one could make me talk to her.

I woke up to choking and coughing. It, oddly, tasted like chicken. It was that familiar feeling of my stomach acid backing up into my lungs. I haven't had any indigestion for a long time and hadn't needed antacids. Even in those moments, I didn't feel a burning, just a need to cough up what had seeped into my lungs. Despite the lack of burning, I took an antacid and went into the bathroom where I coughed up the blackness that threatened to damage my lungs again.

With each cough, I spit out what I could and watched as the blackness went down the drain. In those moments, I tried to shift my thoughts to this being a good thing and started saying in my head, "I expell from body what no longer serves me. I expell the dark stagnant energy from my energy field which doesn't serve my highest good. I heal easily and quickly."

I eventually coughed long enough that what I was coughing up became clear and then I went back to bed.

I'm not sure where I was, but it feels like I am packing up stuff to go somewhere. I'm leaving this place. I think I got upset with my mother about something, but I can no longer remember the details of why. I just remember that I was headed out and got drawn into this place with this teenage boy of about 14. He has short dark hair and is drawing me aside in this space indicating that he wants us to be together. I see his older brother in this place but never engaged in dialogue with him. I simply see him there. He wants us to be a couple. I didn't say no, but considered I was kind of old for him. I was wondering why he didn't want to be with my daughter, instead, who was closer in age to him but never asked it out loud.

The dream jumps and now I am somewhere there was an audience. It feels like a band is involved but can't say what band. Someone from the band asked me to go clean some dishes for them. I said that I didn't work there, but I agreed to do it anyway. When I got up, my seat and all the others were taken by people wanted to see the band.

I was cleaning what seems like macaroni and cheese out of one dish and popcorn out of another. Everytime I would clear the bottom of the dish, more of the macaroni and cheese reappeared on the bottom. I was very confused and didn't know how this was possible. I think the teenager who had claimed me and wanted us to be together came in and asked what I was doing. He told me that I'm not responsible for cleaning up after this band and drew me away. I can't remember anything else right now.

As I was waking, I heard, "He has chosen you over his Asian brother." I have no idea what that means. 

I also saw what looked like a bright light getting brighter with rays extending. I heard, "A star is being born." I asked, "Am I the star being born?" And heard, "Yes." I said, "I don't want to be a star but I will if I have to."

Musings:

I have considered what the teenage boy could represent and I think he could represent a part of me who exists who is still growing and learning. Maybe he is the part of me who was born when I started on an alternate spiritual path. That part is still young but he is sure of what he wants.

Edited to add:

I just remembered a bit of dream where I am seeing the ninja mutant turtles at a gas station filling up their car. Their faces look mean. I don't like them and am visualizing cutting their faces off.

I also remember something about a teardrop shaped stone and holding it.