|Painting by Roberto Ferri|
How is that for a title, eh? Lol
How shall I start this? There is so much to say and ponder.
I grew up in a fanatically religious household which caused me to eventually reject Christianity and everything related to it. I came to a point where I considered myself atheist.
Fast forward to the start of my spiritual journey. Early on, I listened to a channeled interview with Jesus. I had gotten to the point where I thought Jesus was a fictional symbolic figure, so I was skeptical going into the interview. I tried to be open, though.
Afterwards, I thought a lot about it and, when I went to meditate, I was inviting a couple specific people to the meditation party and considered maybe I would open the door to Jesus even though I felt a little foolish. When I went through the internal dialogue in my head, something happened, something triggered me and I thought, "You abandoned me!" I burst into tears and I couldn't stop crying. My husband wanted to know what was wrong. I blurted out, "Jesus abandoned me!" And I felt like an ass saying those words but I couldn't seem to stop myself.
It would be years before I would research the life of Jesus even though it felt like my guides were pushing all kinds of signs and syncs at me telling me there was something there I needed to look at.
If you read me, you know I get the majority of my information through dreams. I had a powerful dream about a baby boy that was going to be born to me. At the time, I made the mistake of thinking they meant that it was going to happen in this life. I didn't realize that this event had already happened.
January 6, 2013 Julie called me last night to tell me that for two nights in a row she had dreams about me having a baby boy named Reed. I had to laugh and think that was kind of freaky. I had my own interesting dream. I can't remember well the details but will try to recall what I can. I seem to recall being somewhere and dancing or doing some kind of acrobatics. It was kind of like aerial dancing only without the fabric. Anyway, there was some guy there. I think I liked him and then we started to lay down where we were to have sex, but then there was some woman who I believe he had been seeing who was next to us which caused us to stop for the moment. I think I knew who "he" was in the dream, but for the life of me, I can't recall who he was supposed to be. Somehow I knew this was the father of the son that would be born to me. It was so weird. Anyway, the dream changed and I saw stars....bright stars. I knew one was the father and the lower one, the son. There was something special about the alignment and how the son was "come to Earth" in its alignment. And I knew that the "son" was coming to Earth to be my child. At one point the stars changed to people. People were really excited about the star coming to Earth. It was a wild dream and I'm not sure what it all means. I laid there thinking about it all and trying to process it and kept wondering who the father was.
When I finally caved and started to research the life of Jesus, Dolores Cannon was one of the people whose work I turned to to explore. It was in Dolores' information where I found an eerily similar account of stars, planetary alignments and a very special child being born to Mary.
So am I saying I was Mother Mary during that time period? Absolutely. But I wasn't convinced of it at this point. And then throw into the mix that there are many people who make the claim of having been Mother Mary and all of the various different people having had lives during the life of Jesus all seem to have a different version of the story. I don't completely understand it yet but I think it could have something to do with different groups playing out their own storyline performing as those characters. I don't discount any of their alternative storylines.
What I am going to outline and describe is the storyline that I have been piecing together through dreams and research. In my story line, I was raped at the age of 12, which is how Yeshua was actually conceived. Through my research, I found a version of the tale where Mary was handed over to Joseph as a child bride at the age of 12. Supposedly he goes out to work for four years and comes back to find his child bride pregnant. He was pissed about this turn of events.
13. And she was in her sixth month; and, behold, Joseph came back from his building, and, entering into his house, he discovered that she was big with child. And he smote his face, and threw himself on the ground upon the sackcloth, and wept bitterly, saying: With what face shall I look upon the Lord my God? And what prayer shall I make about this maiden? Because I received her a virgin out of the temple of the Lord, and I have not watched over her. Who is it that has hunted me down? Who has done this evil thing in my house, and defiled the virgin? Has not the history of Adam been repeated in me? For just as Adam was in the hour of his singing praise, and the serpent came, and found Eve alone, and completely deceived her, so it has happened to me also. And Joseph stood up from the sackcloth, and called Mary, and said to her: O you who hast been cared for by God, why have you done this and forgotten the Lord your God? Why have you brought low your soul, you that wast brought up in the holy of holies, and that received food from the hand of an angel? And she wept bitterly, saying: I am innocent, and have known no man. And Joseph said to her: Whence then is that which is in your womb? And she said: As the Lord my God lives, I do not know whence it is to me.
Now, keep in mind they were in the Middle East and being raped there, even today, can result in the victim actually being put to death, not the rapist. She was a CHILD. She was 12 years old. Of course she is going to say whatever she can to keep from being killed. Wouldn't you?
Here is my dream which speaks of Mary being raped:
December 1, 2017 I had a dream night before last where I went to a restaurant that my BFF supposedly worked. It was a cute and higher end restaurant. She wanted me to meet her employer. Her employer was a pretty woman who dressed kind of alternative and had long dread-like hair. She was talking to me about me possibly working there and I asked for an application because I hadn't needed a resume for years so didn't have an updated one. She seemed spiritual and cool and she said to me, "I saw the advice you gave my twins and I really liked what you had to say." I was like, "Oh thanks, that is very kind of you to say. I apologize because I have no memory of the advice you are talking about or who the twins are, but I appreciate your kind words about the things I have said." She showed me a picture and I see a red haired male and female who were apparently her twins. They were adults and beautiful. I guessed I had maybe used a photograph of them for my Instagram but had no recollection speaking specifically to either of them. The owner of the restaurant continues and mentions that she has an older son too who she had when she was only 12. She gets a grave look on her face and says how much her son means to her no matter the brutal way he was conceived. I am seeing she was raped at 12 which is how he was conceived and I am seeing a nail through a palm for some reason. I am now seeing her Om tattoo on her left wrist and my BFF is saying how she has gone through some true transcendental experiences. I have a sense of an extended time spent in India and now I feel foolish and like a novice having mentioned anything spiritual to her. But she really liked me and hugged me before I left. I told her I had an appointment to go apply for another job as well and left.
There have been other dreams that, when combined, leave me absolutely convinced that Mary's life is one whose baggage from that life I carry with me. I have to work through it to release the internal blocks and shit that has backed up. I have shared some of those dreams recently on Instagram and Facebook if you care to read more.
Sometimes I hear things in my in between state. We all do, but I have learned to not just brush it off as my "imagination".
Recently I heard something that sent me down the Jesus rabbit hole again.
I haven't been remembering my dreams lately but I did hear something in my in between state as I was waking from my nap this evening. I heard:
"In my most difficult moments, a thief..."
I finished, "...made you laugh."
I heard, "Yes! A thief made me laugh."
I then saw crosses.
I went on a search to learn more about the thieves who died next to "Jesus". Apparently the one on the right scoffed and taunted him while the one on the left said that Jesus didn't belong there. He admitted that he, himself was there fairly but Jesus had done nothing. Essentially, the thief on the left took responsibility for himself, while the one on the right, did not. There are some accounts that some of the words that were recorded as Jesus having said were actually the start of a Jewish hymn. He was singing. I don't think it is a stretch that a thief would crack a joke and make him laugh.
I have to remind you of what I talked about in an earlier blog post. Jesus didn't actually die on the cross. His doppelganger did, Thomas, whose name was actually Judas. Judas looked like Jesus so much that the others started calling him Didymos aka Thomas. Both mean "twin". In that earlier blog post I mention how one was the "son of God" while Thomas was his polar opposite counterpart and the "son of Satan/Lucifer". They were basically the same soul being expressed as polar opposites...two sides of the same coin. So, in essence, even though Jesus didn't actually die on the cross, the soul inhabiting both men DID experience the death of one of his vehicles.
|Painting by Roberto Ferri|
"The Hilali-Khan translation offers a bit more interpretation, representing how many Muslims have historically understood this passage:
"And because of their saying (in boast), 'We killed Messiah 'Iesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary), the Messenger of Allah,' - but they killed him not, nor crucified him, but the resemblance of 'Iesa (Jesus) was put over another man (and they killed that man), and those who differ therein are full of doubts. They have no (certain) knowledge, they follow nothing but conjecture. For surely; they killed him not [i.e. 'Iesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary)]. But Allah raised him ['Iesa (Jesus)] up (with his body and soul) unto Himself (and he is in the heavens). And Allah is Ever All-Powerful, All-Wise," (Surah 4:157-158)."
So Jesus assumes his cousin's identity long enough to flee to France where he lives out his life. Mary believes her beloved son has perished brutally and never knew he lived on and had a family. It is why I had overwhelming feelings of abandonment about Jesus. It is what the Knights Templar protected. It is why their symbol, Baphomet, holds the same pose as Jesus in images.
Jesus didn't die for your sins, Thomas did.
Now let's talk about reincarnation and this little tidbit I got this morning:
As I was waking, I was shown an image of Hitler and someone said, "This is who your best friend used to be."
I wasn't really alarmed by this because of a previous dream I had about a Nazi soldier:
August 21, 2015 A man I think I was caring for was seen in 3 stages....young, middle aged and old.. He was intimate with me. In the middle stage he seemed to be reliving his time as a nazi soldier. He was aiming a pretend gun at me and firing. He was directing slurs at me in German. I tried to get him to put away the guns because I didn't like it even in reenactment.
There have been lots of other clues along the way pointing me in the Nazi soldier direction...especially the Adolf and Eva direction. I have SO many connections to wolves via dreams, signs and syncs. My daughter's middle name is Zev. It is Hebrew for "wolf". It was such a weird possible connection that I watched a documentary about Adolf and Eva not too long ago. I had a feeling they might be connected to all of this. So this revelation that my best friend had been Adolf Hitler barely made me blink. It was more like, "Yeah. So? Tell me something I don't know." Lol Adolf was Eva's best friend. And isn't that what we all long for? A partner who is also their best friend.
Today on Facebook I shared a couple dreams that illustrate two different past life scenarios. You can read them should you want to. This was a comment I made after pondering those other lives:
What if the man who died on the cross (not Yeshua/Jesus) came back as Hitler? Killed by the Jews only to kill a few million Jews. Was it Karma? Was this baggage being carried over from his past life? I started thinking about this today with my past life shares earlier. In one we see how my killing this man's father caused him to become angry and violent. He killed his wife as a result of my having killed his father. It isn't about blame. Of course we always have choices but what was illustrated is how the chain of repercussions can follow us into other lives. In another life, I was the one who was murdered but we see the man who did the deed became a changed man. He broke the chain and grew to help humanity.
So often I used to dream that I had so much of this old baggage and stuff that was a burden to pack up to take with me. Forgiveness, both for them and ourselves, is key in being able to let all of the past life stuff go.
Usually when I dream I am heading somewhere, recently, I have almost nothing with me but my ID.How I feel in this now moment is that Thomas, who died on the cross pretending to be Jesus, came back and had a life as Hitler.
So do we worship one and hate the other when, at their core, they are exactly the same soul, the same being? Or should we forgive and love the soul at the core regardless of the roles he performed? Did Mary come back and choose to give love to a man the world thought a monster? I think that is exactly what happened.
My 5-year-old inner self believes that there is good at the core of all people. We all have the potential to do really awful things and really good things. Looking at the other lives we have had and understadning what baggage we have brought back with us from those experiences can help us let go of the baggage.
When we look at our other lives, we have the opportunity to see how we have been both "saints and sinners" when participating in balancing karma. Karma isn't required. It is a choice. We can choose to simply make better choices. We can choose to understand the bigger implications of difficult experiences as a potential balancing act. Upon understanding, it is easier welcome acceptance and then forgive right now in order to be released of that baggage so we don't take it with us to the next life.