Wednesday, January 27, 2016

A Personal Dream, Death of Many, the Spiritual Journey

Art by Tom Bagshaw
The Dream:

February 23, 2015 I think Inara (my daughter) and I were somewhere but it doesn't feel like home. We are visitors. But we long for when we get to go back home. I know we don't have much time left so I am trying to get things cleaned up before we leave the place we have been staying. It feels like it is taking forever and then Amrik shows up and helps us tidy and I think, "Damn! He did that faster than we ever could have done it!" There was something about a tsunami coming and it takes out a bunch of people who are down low on the beach. I see big logs being flung around in the water.

Nuno in L’Uomo Vogue
I think this is where Nuno Bettencourt (a semi-known musician) comes in. It seems he has just woken up and I ask him what he wants to eat and if he wants some coffee. He asks for a tomato and mayo sandwich. So I say, okay. But I don't get it to him right away. I think because of the water...the tsunami. We have to move to higher ground and I am carrying him...only he is no longer in a body. I put him in a skeleton so he would be easier to carry. The elevator is packed and it doesn't look safe. The door is almost closing on people and it looks like people could get hurt. I opt for the stairs but first stop by a shop that has a chair which I tie the skeleton to so that it is easier to take him up the stairs without losing any parts. I traded the shop keeper something like a large purple/indigo net (kind of like hammock netting) that I said was valuable and told her I would be back with her chair to trade back. The shop keeper was in agreement and was happy with the exchange because the color matched many of the items she carried in her shop.

Nuno expressed sadness about the people who had been taken. I hesitated to say anything because I didn't know if he was ready and then I asked him, "Why? Do you know about the afterlife? People get recycled. No one truly dies. There is nothing to be sad about. Those people on the beach are okay even if their bodies aren't." We get up stairs and we are in a room and I have restored him to his body. I feel a lot of love for him. He sees a picture of Deryck Whibley on something and he mentions something about him.

Deryck Whibley performing with Sum 41 in Argentina. Photo by Valeria Solange

I start telling him about Deryck and who is inside of him. I ask again what he wants to eat and then say, "oh that's right tomato and mayo sandwich." I am getting ready to leave him even though it is hard. I give him a pendant and on it is a lion and horseshoe and I tell him it is for luck and to keep it near. It is gold and I take it off the silver chain and give the pendant to him. He thanked me. I remember some other woman being present. She was a friend...a co-worker. She said something but I can't remember what. It feels like he has feelings for me too and that is all I remember.

The Interpretation:

While all dreams, I believe, can be looked at as very personal and everyone is an aspect of us, the interpretation I am going to present is the bigger picture one.

Notice how I say we are "visitors". I believe fully that despite the many lives I may have had here, I am still just a "visitor". I have many, many of these dreams where I am preparing to go home but I have to clean up and get things sorted before I leave. I believe the "cleaning up" I am doing is wrapping up loose ends and old unresolved karma. When I see myself cleaning up shit (actual poop) in my dreams, I see this as cleaning out the internal crap that we carry with us from lifetime to lifetime. Sometimes letting go is all we have to do and other times there is more involved like forgiveness and/or making amends. I believe my time here on Earth is coming to a close and soon I will be allowed to go home. Some people will think home as in "heaven" or "the other side" but I think it means home as in the solar system I originate from in my other body.

The tsunami meaning from a bigger picture point of view to me speaks of what is happening now with so many people dying in one way or another. So much apparent distress in the world with natural disasters, wars, mass shootings, and just general deaths from illness. I posted this in a group when this subject came up and I think it is relevant to what I witnessed in the dream:

November 22, 2015 You just have to view it at as birthing pains. I have said it before and I will say it again. Birth of a beautiful baby (new Earth) is sometimes bloody and very painful if you aren't hooked up to drugs to numb everything you feel. There will be more of this but, maybe this pinnacle is like the transition phase. It is like that excruciating contraction that feels like it will never end. And then all of a sudden we have to push. Our bodies say it is time to push. And guess what? When you are pushing that beautiful new life out, shit comes out with it and it can't be helped. It just is the way of things. Not only did I shit when I pushed, but that new thing I pushed out was shitting all over me and I just didn't care. I once heard in a half awake state, "find the calm in the center of the wave and ride it out." I think that is what we have to do. As passionate as we feel about it, we have to find the calm in the center of the wave. During contractions we are encouraged to breathe to ease the pain. Maybe when we are triggered we need to practice a little deep breathing in order to find our center again. The best way to change the world is to lead by example. By all means, share information. I think we are not trying to wake up the entire planet. Just enough to tip the balance and put into effect the hundredth monkey theory. Once you have a certain percentage who are awake and get it, it becomes a part of the collective consciousness and the others automatically know what we know because enough people have inserted the knowledge into the collective. We have to lead by example. We have to step away from the safety of FB once in a while and actually connect with fleshy people in order to be part of the solution. Everything is going to be okay. Just remember that sometimes when it seems like everything is falling apart, sometimes it has to fall apart before it can come together. The old has to be disassembled before a new foundation can be built.

My friend, Ashley wrote a perfect blog post that goes with what I am saying here.

When I go to the shop and exchange a purple-indigo hammock-type thing, I believe this represents checking in my abilities at the door so that I can work my way up to awakening and knowledge exactly the way most "local" humans would do it. Remember, I am a visitor and not from this place. So I checked in all of my seemingly extraordinary abilities so I can awaken and remember and build the abilities that are accessible to all of us if we just develop and work at it. Again, this is about teaching by example. I share my journey, my mistakes, my successes in case someone somewhere gets something out of it.

The elevator and stairs to me represents the spiritual journey. There are many who try to take a fast track to "ascension". The elevator was packed because people are all of a sudden recognizing the need to wake up, but they are trying to bypass steps spiritually and it doing so, it isn't the best route because it isn't actually safe.

You can read more about Spiritual Bypassing here:

I believe the representation of Nuno as a skeleton is about a primary soul mate who came to me first in spirit. Later in the dream he is restored to a body which to me is speaking of the process of spirit walking into a body.

There are lots of meanings to silver and gold that can be looked up. What the chain and pendant speak to me of is confirmation of who Nuno actually represents by the symbols on the pendant....lion and horse. Those totems belong to my primary soul mate. The separation of the chain from the pendant to me represents the separation I will have from him. Is it permanent for this human incarnation? Possibly. It is really hard to say.

Friday, January 15, 2016

I Am Not From this Solar System, Star Beings, Aliens

Time to get my freak on. lol

Let's talk aliens.

Early on in my spiritual journey...

I talk like I have been doing this so long but it only really started March 24, 2011 when my dog, Phoenix, died. I haven't been on this crash course all that long, but sometimes it feels like a million years ago. That is because it probably was millions of years ago that I came to this planet. Grab your popcorn because mama is going to tell you a bedtime story. lol

When I was trying to discover what persona Erik had come to me as in a powerful visitation, I won a reading from psychic medium Melissa Hevenor. Sadly she is battling for her life from the same insidious monster that took some great famous men recently...cancer. She is still doing readings if you think you have a question you want to ask. Melissa's reading for me, in retrospect, is pure gold because I didn't realize then the path it would help point me towards.

Here is her email reading for me:

Dear Oktobre,

Thank you for the honor of reading for you. 

1) Erik's past life name was Baruch, which means blessed inn Hebrew. I actually didn't know it was a name when I first heard it from my guide, but indeed it is! And, sometimes, Baruch
in English can be Bruce. I can also feel from the vibration that his spirit is highly evolved and angelic. I do think that you and he were healers, during the Atlantis era. In fact, your energy vibrates in tune with that of an Atlantis goddess. If. You are unfamiliar with Atlantis, look into it a little bit because I think you would resonate with the understandings of the time frame. 

2) in terms of distinguishing between messages from your guides, it is important to connect with them whenever possible in the same area of your house and ask for your main guide that you have contact with, to give you a physical sign on your body so that you know when you get messages that they are specifically from that guide. Ffor instance, my guide Robin, is always on m y left side, and I feel her energy whenever I am channeling psychic or mediumship information as a way to validate that the information is coming from a divine source, once you have chosen a special place to connect, regularly, in the house, your energy and your guide will know that you are there specifically to connect with them. Over time, you will become familiar with the repetitive physical indications rom your guide, and be able to distinguish messages regularly wherever you are. If you do find that you don't feel a physical confirmation,you can always  specify where you want your guide to  let you know when a message is from them, such as asking them to brush your cheek or feel tingling sensation on your head, but, at first, if all is good just ask for indication and see what they give you. sometimes, you have to  try for about a week before knowing for sure.
It is not uncommon for reincarnates that lived during Atlantis such as yourself,to sing or have musical talent. Please, honey, try to work on eliminating your fear for singing in public, because it is part of your spiritual path to share your gifts as it is through the vibrations that generate from your voice, that the world can receive healing. Try to begin making videos on YouTube, where you can sing on your own, but still share it with others. 

3) I'm sorry to bring this up again, but it's very important. You have to sing. Also, I see you writing something that's very important. Not exactly about your life, but stories that are related to some of your own experiences that are also a part of helping others to heal. You have so much creative energy as well as intuition and healing. It is important that you share yourself, energetically, through creative projects related to the music and writing. And, I definitely see you getting several tattoos in the future. One is related to your guide and another that has musical notes involved:) I look forward to watching your YouTube videos!:)

It means a great deal to me what you said about my music video. It was not so much to share my singing but to share lyrics as a person who is passionate for music, but whose talents gravitate more towards writing than singing. Regardless, your words touched me deeply. Please let me know that you received this e-mail. Love , light and blessings Melissa
When Melissa said I had "goddess" energy, I interpreted that as "star being". I think a lot of our so called gods, goddesses and angels are simply star beings, aka Aliens.

I started researching different groups of aliens to try to sort out which group I might resonate with. There are tons of lists and traits and I find them mostly ridiculous and not helpful at all. I have gotten the message over and over from intuitives and my dreams that I am meant to be a healer, so for a little while I tried very hard to access the akashic records via my dreams. I asked my guides one night to please show me a life that could help me awaken the abilities I have been shown lay dormant inside me.

That night I went to sleep and they showed me a single word written on paper: HALCIONE

It was spelled exactly like that and I went to the internet to understand its meaning. Human me thought they were talking about an immigrant ship which took immigrants from the UK to New Zealand. I scoured the existing passenger lists to see if any of the names jumped out at me and only one resonated....Sarah J. Friend. She is listed as a cook and was 23. The name Sarah has always stirred something in me and I have never known why. I still don't know why. lol The number 23 is the number I associate with River. He died when he was 23 and was born August 23rd, so when I see that number, I think of him. She was a cook which is a paternal family name. But Sarah J. Friend and the ship she was a passenger on was a dead end.

The spelling "Halcione" I believe is a Greek variation of Halcyon. I looked up the definition:

1. calm; peaceful; tranquil:
halcyon weather.
2. rich; wealthy; prosperous:
halcyon times of peace.
3. happy; joyful; carefree:
halcyon days of youth.
4. of or relating to the halcyon or kingfisher.
5. a mythical bird, usually identified with the kingfisher, said to breed about the time of the winter solstice in a nest floating on the sea, and to have the power of charming winds and waves into calmness.
6. any of various kingfishers, especially of the genus Halcyon.
7. (initial capital letter) Classical Mythology. Alcyone (def 2).

Although birds are powerful messengers for me in my life, I didn't think this word was about a bird. I skipped down to number 7 and searched further:

1. a third-magnitude star in the constellation Taurus: brightest star in the Pleiades.
2. Also, Halcyon, Halcyone. Classical Mythology. a daughter of Aeolus who, with her husband, Ceyx, was transformed into a kingfisher.

I researched both the Greek Goddess and the central sun in the Pleiades star system. While the tragic love story was compelling, I didn't sense this was the direction I needed to go. Seven Sisters has been a name that has come up in my life over and over. A musician I was drawn to, Dan Reed, has a song on an early album called "Seven Sisters Road". The man I would eventually marry started a fan website called Seven Sisters Road. It was only when my husband bought his new Subaru Crosstrek and he was telling me that the emblem was of the seven sisters but only depicted 6 stars because only 6 can be seen with the naked eye that it all kind of clicked and I KNEW that I was being pointed to the Pleiades.

In another reading by Janine Regan Sinclair, she saw Erik and I as star beings and we were healers. Sound familiar? So I connected the dots and deduced that I come from the Pleiades which is where my soul resonates most with.

But it didn't stop there. I had a good friend stop everything she was doing and call me. She was in the middle of moving and she stopped in her moving truck to call me and tell me about the vision she just saw. She said she saw my star being body and I was lying in stasis and we were being looked after by greys. She said my body had blue skin. There was more than me present who were in stasis. The thing is, what she meant was that this was my OTHER body...currently. The body I am in now is simply an avatar and my consciousness is being projected into it. I couldn't say for sure when I started having human lives, but sometime after Atlantis and Egypt, a group of beings went into stasis and our bodies where taken underground.

When I talked to Shannon Johnson about being in stasis during a session, she elaborated on what they were showing her. She told me that several groups/races from the Pleiades had volunteers step forward to be put into stasis to help assist the planet in raising and holding the vibrations of the planet. She saw it as our sleeping bodies sending out a pulse to the planet. She said there were 3 from my group who were together in stasis and that other groups were in other locations around the world. I believe fully that these bodies are being kept underground. I had a dream which I believe was showing where my Pleiadian body sleeps. Dolores Cannon's books provide regressions from people who recall information that seems to confirm that all of this is true.

December 8, 2015 Let me recall what I remember best. I was back as a nanny at a house. I see a little boy who doesn't belong. He is hiding out in the house. He doesn't want to go back to his people. I see a group of people outside the window and I have this feeling the father is abusive. I was just going to let him stay longer but one of the kids saw him and I knew they would tell someone that he was there. I ask him if he would like to live with me. In the dream I am single and have no kids. I thought I could probably call social services and tell them he was abused and file to be his foster parent. The boy is elated and he hugs me. 
Later there is some discussion about where I will sleep. Thomas is asking and his dad, Kerry, is nearby. I told him that I would figure it out. We get in a car the three of us and start driving. I see a mountain with snow on top but it isn't quite as big as other mountains I have seen. I mention that I didn't remember that there were mountains where they lived. I said it was pretty but relatively small. I am wondering if anyone ever hikes the mountain but I see no trails. We get around to the other side and I get excited because I saw an entrance and you can go inside and I mentioned how I wanted to go inside. I started to wake there.

Well shortly after there was a blog post about aliens on Channeling Erik and I clicked on the link even though I rarely ever read that blog anymore. Erik said there was an alien base in a mountain in France, so I had a look to see if any of the mountains that came up reminded me of the one from my dream. I found one and will include the article HERE.

"Some French and international websites devoted to the apocalypse claim that the mountain of Bugarach is a sacred place that will protect them from the end of the world. Some even believe that, on doomsday, they will be spirited away by a group of aliens who live under the mountain. The date in question is when a 5,125-year cycle in the Mayan calendar supposedly comes to a close."

I was STUNNED when I read that little blurb. It was such a huge confirmation to me that everything which I was thinking and feeling about this is correct.

In one of the earliest dreams I had that felt really meaningful, I dreamed I was a vampire. It might sound funny, but if you are familiar with Anne Rice, then you will also be familiar with the story of the Queen of the Damned. Akasha and her husband sit stone-like as if asleep but all the while listening to the thoughts and prayers of humans. And one day, the brat prince Lestat awakens Akasha with his rock music. If you think about it, being in stasis, not dead and part of your consciousness out wandering about living lives sounds a lot like "the living dead" or a vampire, so the reference is very relevant to unraveling the story that is hidden in the symbolism.

When my daughter was about 4, I had gone to bed early as I wasn't feeling well. When she came in the bedroom to go to sleep with me, I heard her exclaim to her father, "I see a person!" He is a non-believer so didn't pursue it. In the morning I asked her about the person she saw. Apparently it was a female with yellow long hair, purple skin and a green dress. The street light glows a pinkish orange which could make blue skin appear purple. This person was watching me. Was this person star family? I believe it was.

I had another dream which I believe was me revisiting my frozen body.

April 9, 2015 This dream I just had I was going back to an old house I had lived in. It feels cold. There is bread left behind on a shelf. A lot of it. I remember a violet purple and white checkered table cloth and there is a matching dress to the table cloth. I see a living room and it has built in seating...but it is hard concrete seating and needs cushions. It is small but cozy and I wonder why I left. Some of my pets have followed me inside. I am going to have to shoo them out before I leave. The house is empty.

I believe this dream is a memory of how I and some of my people came to be here:

September 3, 2015 The dream jumps and I see these kind of white iridescent rings. They shimmer a kind of see through rainbow and they are spaced an equal distance apart. I am curious. It feels like I am in a building. I walk through this ring and I am sucked through and I am traveling at a fast speed. I had the thought "oh I remember this. This is a worm hole" and it is taking me around almost like a roller coaster ride. I am moving through solid objects. I am passing through an arcade and I think the destination might be inside this arcade game, but it is not and I go through the game. I eventually wind up in an area that looks like my reality but some people are talking about something that happened and speaking of it as a my story from where I came from was a fairy-tale story in this one. I think I said something to the people that it was no fairy-tale and they were speaking about me. I was going to try to leave but now it is like I am two people with a tether....string...connecting us and there is a big ball on the end. We decide we need to go back to where we came from but the ball gets tangled and stuck when we throw it. I am working at trying to untangle us. It was like the string was tangled on a roller coaster rail. I finally got it enough and halved the string so there wasn't as much to get tangled and I threw the ball through the wormhole ring. We started to move but it was weak and not fast enough to take us out. We were stuck there. There was something about how the wormhole was stronger at certain times so we would have to wait until it had grown stronger again. We were stuck there until then in this alternate world that looked like ours but wasn't. The people were excited and gathered around us and offered to take us in. They were excited to have real live fairy-tale characters among them. We were a curiosity. I remember walking along with the group of people and looking to the right and seeing what looked like a gorilla like creature but it had tall antlers coming from its head. It was glowing white but looked to be a statue. I don't remember anything else.

This dream I believe is telling me that I am a star being even though I had been living my life assuming I was human like everyone else. I think The ring is about my dormant healing abilities and in the dream I want to keep them hidden. I am resisting giving to the people something that could help them all. I can't even begin to know what the type of healing it is that I possess other than what I have seen in my dreams where massive amounts of energy comes from my hands and sometimes pulsing out from my heart chakra.

November 25, 2014 Where to start....hmmm....

What I remember first was missing the school bus. I was getting ready and was too slow. I see the bus below from a second story window and figure I will have to be given a ride by someone or just stay home. Either way, I didn't feel concerned. At one point I was out front with either siblings or other people who lived in the house. I remember seeing helicopters 3 of them and I wasn't sure what they were doing. Some men appeared on our front sidewalk and told us we should go inside and we should try to call our parents and get them to come home and stay inside for a while. I remember looking at my phone and trying to use it, but it wasn't working. There was no signal and all I saw on the screen was fuzz. I asked them what was going on but they wouldn't answer. They showed me a piece of paper and asked if anyone had given us one of these. I said no, even though apparently that wasn't true, because after they left, we took our piece of paper out back and was trying to read it. Someone held it up and shined a light on it. When they did this, the English writing went away and alien vertical writing appeared and glowed along with some shapes. It seemed like the men were coming back so we took the paper inside and hid it. The concern we had about radiation or chemical warfare went away because we now knew this was about aliens.

I seem to recall having gone to my room where everything appeared to be white. It feels like I got dressed into something and wrapped up in a blanket. I was trying to rest. Later, I came out of my room and was with others down stairs. There was a couple...young guy and girl and I remember saying something to the guy and he understood what I just said. I was surprised because I had totally forgotten that he was deaf and he loved this...that I treated him like anyone else. He was so happy and the girl mentioned this. I gave him a hug and he started rapping. lol I was surprised someone who couldn't hear could rap so well. I think I started to stumble/fall but I changed it and turned it into acrobatics. In the process, I had grabbed a chair and was using it in my tumble but I didn't stop. I just kept going. It felt like a dance and I brought the guy into my dance with me. He loved it and at the end I gave him a long and meaningful hug. I was into him and him into me at that point.

For some reason I go to the front door. I think there are people trying to come in. I dart off into a side room/closet and hope they don't notice me when they come in and then while the people were coming in the front door and going past, I suddenly realize there is someone in the closet with me. He is pale...almost white with foam coming out of the right side of his head. I asked him if he was one of the people they were looking of the aliens. I wasn't scared. I was super calm and just talking to him. I can't remember what he said but I have a knowing that they had been coming here and infiltrating society for a while and specifically, my household. I wasn't sure who else of the staff and others who lived there were one of them. I think I was a member of a wealthy family.

I seem to recall some sort of test where you rubbed your finger across the ice. If it turned up red, you were a real human. If is was clear, you were one of them. People were turning up as them that I was surprised about. I think I ran my finger over the ice and it was clear. The people who had come into the house were looking for something specific. I see a ring on the right ring finger of a girl's hand at some point. At times I viewed from outside and then at times I was the girl. This ring was special and was what they were looking for. They called it some sort of crystal and I was shown what it could do. I saw an oval stone in iridescent colors be held up to the forehead of one of the aliens and it helped to heal him. Without it, they used and depleted much of their own energy to help each other. I still didn't want to let my ring go and I found a shell with mother of pearl on the inside and suggested they see if this was what they were looking for.

I think I woke up about there. There was likely more details that I forgot, but that is the bulk of what I remember.

When I look back at my life and the things I was attracted to, it was all there trying to show me what I had forgotten. I fell in love with TV shows like the short running The Phoenix where the main character had a hawk friend he communicated with and he was on a mission to find his partner. Then there were movies like Escape From Witch Mountain where Tony and Tia were siblings who got stranded on Earth when their ship crashed. They forgot they weren't from Earth because their own world looked similar. They had abilities like telepathy and communication with animals that were unlike the humans around them. I loved Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica. I loved all things having to do with witches, ghosts and vampires. I loved the things many people feared.

So what am I supposed to do with all of this knowledge about my origins? I have no idea, but I suspect one day when I leave this physical body behind, I will return to my Pleiadian body and sleeping giants will awake. Maybe I will get to finally go home to my own solar system.

What are your dreams trying to show you? What attractions did you have as a child which were trying to show you what you forgot when you stepped into a physical body and developed amnesia? Will you delve into your own story so you can remember who you really are?

Edgar Cayce says there was a first wave of souls that came here to be the first to incarnate into the physical. It was a disaster and the first souls who came in forgot their divinity. They forgot who they really were and became stuck. Another wave of souls came in with the intention of helping the first wave souls remember, but in doing so, many of the second wave forgot who they were too and have been working ever since to try to remember so that they can help the rest.

Right now is the time to wake up and remember who you really are. In the end, yes, we are all an aspect of God but you need to pick up the pieces of yourself which the clues from your life are trying to point you to and you are ignoring. Your interests are trying ever so hard to remind you of who you are and have been. Your dreams are screaming "Remember me!" and yet you ignore them and brush them off as nothing more than subconscious meanderings about what you experienced that day.
Dreams have layers and multiple meanings and the sooner you understand that, the sooner you can put the pieces together of your own puzzle to start remembering who you really are.

Do you hear that? It is the sound of the alarm clock telling you it is time to wake up.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

All the Answers You Seek are Within You

Persephone's Return by Kinuko Y. Craft
In light of recent events in my life, I want to touch upon the subject of information we are getting to help guide us on our journey and how sometimes we get shit wrong. I have talked about this before but I feel a need to talk about it again.

I have been on this weird and crazy journey of discovery and knowledge. I often dream I have two puzzles I am putting together and sometimes the pieces get mixed up and make it confusing. Sometimes pieces make it in there that are part of neither puzzle and need to just be thrown out.

At the beginning of all of this I had this sense that everyone else knew more than me and had abilities I didn't have which caused me to seek outside of myself for my answers. I sought psychics, friends, mediums, etc. I collected all of the bread crumbs that I acquired along the way and used it all to help lead me to the next bread crumb. I had my own source of information coming in but I didn't trust myself. I didn't understand then how I best received my information. We are all different in how we receive information and for me where most of my information comes to me is in dreams. When I was regularly meditating, I also received images, names, words, etc. Sometimes valuable information would come to me in a half-awake state. And all the signs and syncs are also great for guiding me on this path.

It was when my primary soul mate came visiting me that I went on a desperate search for answers and not all of the information and conclusions I came to were correct. There is a lot of shit I have gotten wrong...things I thought to be true that aren't. But there have been a lot of things that I was told by psychics and mediums that were completely wrong and threw me off getting to my truths faster. I trusted them more than I did me and it threw several puzzle pieces in the mix that didn't belong. I blame no one for the erroneous information because I have interpreted information wrong too. It is a giant learning experience, to say the least.

Recently I had to come to terms with getting some information completely wrong based on new information that had come in. There was something I thought might be true because of something a psychic told me. I went to another one to confirm what I was thinking and she confirmed what I was thinking to be true....and yet it wasn't true at all. How does this happen? Should I be angry at them, at me for getting it so wrong? No, not at all. I think there should be no shame or anger in getting shit wrong and admitting, "Yep, that was wrong." I see it as an opportunity to grow and learn and understand that we truly do have all of our own answers inside of us.

So many times along the way on this journey I have gotten confused and frustrated and just cleared the table of both puzzles. I doubted everything I thought to be true and worked at trying to sort out again what the truths are of my story. I started to re-assemble the puzzle pieces on the table and I would find the bits that were constantly true to me no matter how many times I got angry at the puzzles and wiped the table clean. And where I have found the clues to the truths are not from psychics or mediums...they were clues I found when I went back and re-read all of my dreams, signs and syncs. The clues to my truths came from me.

Don't get me wrong, some of the information I have gotten from psychics and mediums has helped lead me in the right direction of self-discovery and some just led me astray on a wild goose chase. I truly believe we shouldn't be dependent on those outside of us. Some of the "best" mediums have given me wrong information.

When we come here, we often check in our memories, knowledge and abilities at the door so we can get the most out of the experience and work our way up and find our way back to ourselves. But with all of that shit we checked in before we entered the physical, we often feel like we are driving around in the dark with no head lights and no street lights to help us. It can be confusing feeling your way around in the dark when you are used to being able to see. We are yelling "Marco" and "Polo" as a way to find our way to the ones we are supposed to meet up with and work with while we are here.

While the answers we seek really are within us, that is not to say we can't meet people and put all of our puzzle pieces on the table to see if any of our pieces fit their puzzle and whether or not any of their pieces fit ours. My friend, Shannon Johnson, is a medium and she gave unsolicited cold readings for the members of her Facebook group as a gift. You can see my mini reading HERE. In it the guides were showing her bees from a hive all going out, collecting nectar and bringing it back to the hive. They were all putting their bits into the collective soup...the honey. When I dream of two puzzles there is always one bigger than the other and I tend to see that as the "bigger picture" puzzle which encompasses soul group members and the smaller personal puzzle is about closer soul family. The bees are coming back to the hive and contributing what they can and when there is a piece they contribute that fits in place, it helps us see more of the picture.

But ultimately it is up to you and you alone to decide what the picture is showing you. No one else can do that. You have the answers to your biggest questions, you just can't give up trying to reach your truths no matter how many times you get it wrong. You can't worry about what others will think about you changing your story once you have new information. Shrug, say "fuck it" and move on because the ONLY thing that matters is finding your personal truths to your story. Who the fuck cares what anyone else thinks? It just doesn't matter. Don't be stubborn and say "but so-in-so says this." Fuck it. Let it all go, clear the table now and then and find your core truths that no one else can determine for you but you alone. Be willing to let go of information that is fucking up your picture. Be willing to admit, "shit, that puzzle piece doesn't fit" even if it is from the best fucking medium on the planet...even if you were so sure you were right. When new pieces come in, it becomes clearer but you have to be able to let go of what doesn't fit.

The new information that has come my way ended up being like a lightning bolt and I was like, "Shit man, how come I couldn't see this before?!" But the new information is welcome and the new developments pretty amazing. Maybe some day I will talk about it publicly here on my blog.

When a scientist makes a big break through it is because he has failed a million times and finally got the formula or equation right.