|My daughter as wee thing.|
|Me and my daughter.|
We seem to try to snuff out their childish natures earlier and earlier and that is a tragedy. We do it by trying to make them learn more earlier instead of just allowing them the freedom to explore and learn on their own terms and in their own way through play. We see the bright, pure lights illuminating their little bodies dimmed greatly by the pressures and expectations we put on them to perform at a specific level and in a certain way.
Sometimes a troubled home life robs them of their light as it did with me.
I was recalling in a comment elsewhere about some of my experiences I had that I cherished. Moments like hanging out with the band School of Fish on their tour bus and watching as one of the members took a bite from every (square) slice of pizza and carefully put it back together so that his fellow band mates would have a surprise when they got on the bus and opened the box to have a piece of pizza. I also recalled the night that I hung out all night with the band Soul Asylum after their show. I watched as some of the members took turns riding the super long skateboard that belonged to my friend whose house we were at. I was invited to go skinny dipping with them at Stephen's Lake but opted to hang back at the house and chat with the drummer, Grant, until the sun came up.
While I was reflecting on the memories, I also remember how inhibited I was. I remember how self-conscious I was. I was so cautious and fearful. I was old at the age of 20 and I didn't know how to get that playful childish spark back. I even wrote lyrics about it. I wanted to be able to cut loose and just have a good time but I was so closed off and so shut down. All I could do is observe from the sidelines. Yes, I was there for those moments. Yes, they are happy memories but the person I am today is so much less inhibited....so much less closed. I could see the now me being able to laugh and play with them and not just observe everyone else having a good time.
I can feel now.
I can laugh.
I can cry.
I am funny and I love to joke around.
Sometimes I am downright childish and I like it.
I have lots of room to grow so I can become more child-like, but I have made progress in that direction.