|Bear and the Fair Maiden, 1899, by Franz Hein|
January 10, 2019
Lots of dreams. There was a house I was staying in. It feels like we have just moved in. Things are still in boxes and there are lots of people inside. Sam Rockwell is here. He seems really unhappy. Weirdly, he is naked and he bends over and shows me his asshole.
The house has a lot of windows so everyone can see everything that is going on inside. One room in particular that looks like it used to be a porch is screened in with windows and sliding glass doors. The cracks in the flooring had been sealed up to keep in warmth during the winter.
People seemed to be coming in and out of this house. It was like it was being shown to people as part of a tour or something.
There was an odd scene about being intimate with my father but I don't remember a lot of specifics. There was actual intercourse/penetration.
Sam would come in and out of the bedroom but eventually came out and sat next to me. I took his hand in mine and started talking to him. I can't remember what about but his mood seemed to lift.
At one point I laid down in what I perceived as my room but I had this knowing I couldn't stay there long because I had agreed to do this job. It was a one time thing while I was visiting. Where I was at wasn't my actual permanent home. I was just there for a short time.
I looked out the window at the car I had borrowed to do the job and it was an old bright green car and the passenger side mirror was hanging down. I was amazed that they would rent out such crappy cars but at least it ran and I could do the job I needed to do with it.
I have these four lighter blue rubbery rectangular things I had to take to specific locations. Apparently they were for the blind in case a blind person came to them and needed something. They had something written on them that only those who can read Braille would understand.
I started driving and I am having problems getting control over the car. I am stressing out because I can't remember how to get around in this town. I have 4 paper maps I am trying to follow, but I am having difficulty keeping the car in the lane I want while I am driving, I see some girl on a motorcycle get completely run over by a car. I don't think it is possible to save her. She seems to be still moving as I go by but I can't seem to stop even if I wanted to.
Further up the road, I stop to try to find where I am going and look at my maps. A whole bunch of road worker people, some on bicycles, gathered around me for some reason and I am asking for directions. The place I was looking for, I think, was a fire department. At this point, my brother, Thomas is now with me helping.
We deliver the first rubbery communication thing for the blind and now I am seeing myself as a young male with long dark hair. He is giving the tool to the place and someone is giving him some suggestions on how to do the presentation the next time. I see him go to the next place and it feels like a hospital, maybe. I think we are having to talk through glass so it distorted our voice a little as intercoms often do.
I see him getting very good at the presentation. The next stop was a hotel whose counters had these circular spots that felt like it had been worn away by repetition. Last was the college campus of the University of Missouri Columbia. I recognize it as my home town and I haven't been back for a long time. It looks the same but also different. There are lots of students I see everywhere. I see the old columns still standing....4 on one side of campus and 4 on the other. But they seem closer together now than I remember them being.
It is hazy and so you can't see as clearly across campus as you normally would. Some random old guy walks up to me and slaps me with both hands and I have no idea why. He starts to come at me again and I hit him in the mouth. Not hard, but enough to get him to back away from me. A young female student approaches and she seems to recognize me. There are some little kids. She allows the girl to stay near her but sends the boy child away.
The female student approaches me and is smiling. She seems to know me. She had something she wants to tell us but pauses. "I'm not sure I should tell you. I'm annoyed with you." I asked her, "Did I say something I shouldn't have?" I couldn't remember anything. All I could think of was that maybe she told me something and I accidentally spoke about it to someone else. I didn't know. I started to wake up there.
As I was driving through town earlier, I remember seeing a small purple toy laying on the ground but I didn't pick it up because I considered that i already had one for Inara in a different color and all it did was repeat the same sentences over and over.
|The Ice Maiden, 1915, by Edmund Dulac|
Sam Rockwell seems to highlight someone who is an actor. The asshole part was showing me how he showed me his asshole side. It was brief but present nonetheless. Being naked suggests a certain amount of vulnerability due to being exposed. It is all the layers peeled away and showing part of the real self.
Sex with my father, I think, is due to the person I feel I was dreaming inside of looking so similar to my own father when he was younger. It was highlighting making a deeper connection between us. In life, my relationship with my father was challenging. I had to make a choice and effort to have a relationship with my father so maybe there is a similar aspect in my relationship with this person. Maybe it is showing a choice to heal our differences and connect.
The home where everyone can see in is showing how people can see a lot of what is going on in his life because of fan photos being posted on social media and paparazzi. All the glass made me think of someone living in a fish bowl. The part with the most exposure used to be a porch which is something that stands out off from the house... meaning that this person stands out and there are parts that are really visible to everyone else. What I forgot to mention is that I made a mental note in the dream that this house was in a very busy part of town. A lot was going on all around.
Green is the color of the outer heart chakra which is all about love...but a more general love and not the deeper and more intimate variety of inner heart which is pink. The car was in pretty bad shape and my guess is this person has suffered some blows to his heart leaving it a bit tattered and torn...but it still works and can get the job done.
The light blue rubbery communication tool for the blind speaks to me of learning to have flexibility in communication, specifically with people who are blind to our truth and can't see. I affectionately call them muggles, but even the spiritually initiated don't always understand the message I am trying to relay.
The fire department puts out fires and the communication device would help when he is trying to put out the fires in his life. It will give him added skills and flexibility when communicating with people when putting out those fires.
Hospitals are about healing. They help heal others and ourselves when we need it. We can use communication to heal others and ourselves.
Hotels provide rest, retreat and sometimes entertainment. People don't usually stay long here. For the employees, it is about being of service to the guests. Communication, when you are stressed out trying to provide for all the needs of the guests, can be challenging and flexible communication in this area would be very important.
The college campus has a few meanings to me. A university is about education. Being able to communicate in order to educate is vital. Being flexible in communication so that as many people understand as possible is vital. You have to be able to present in different ways so that the most people will absorb what you are offering.
The girl I encountered is an aspect of the person I was dreaming from within. I recently got to know and love her. She is a college student and artist. She was smiling at me because she still has feelings for me just as I still have feelings for her even though we had a disagreement.
I'm still not entirely sure about the old man.
The haze shows how not everything feels clear. You just can't see as clearly as you would like to.
What surprised me the most is that this was my home town. I had always assumed Missouri dreams were about me because I am originally from there. But what this message seems to be speaking is "home is where the heart is". It seems to be saying, "his heart is your home". I have scoffed at people who refer to someone else as their "home". I have even written poems about it. Such is the way of a cynical and bitter person who has stopped believing they could ever feel that way with anyone.
The number 4 repeats and to me represents "hard work".
The two sets of four columns are likely the place where our hearts meet and connect. Four sets being me and four sets being him. They were closer together now than I remembered them being, which might show us how we are working through things and are closer now than we were before.
I guess I will have to admit to being wrong and say that dreams really do come true should he feel like home when we finally meet.
I will have to admit that "happily ever after" really does exist...and that isn't such a bad thing, is it?