Saturday, March 25, 2017

Collective Consciousness Concepts and Core Identity


We are ghosts inside a machine and most of you think this reality is real.

It isn't.

The Earth in here is the "False Mother" of the fairy-tale. We have been kidnapped and most of you don't even know because you think it is the only mother you have ever known. It isn't. We develop amnesia the minute we step inside the game to give the player the most realistic experience and they believe they are the characters they are playing. The only problem is, it worked so well that most people forgot that this is a game, an amusement park, a school and a virtual reality. We forgot who we really are at the core.

I could post countless article links here about some of the most intelligent people in this reality saying exactly the same thing about us living in a simulated virtual world. I could post articles about some of the most intelligent people explaining that two parallel universes are currently colliding which will make for some pretty weird shit happening. Most people, including me, don't click on the links so I will leave it to the reader to do their own research into the matter should they be so inclined.

Let's talk about concepts we hear a lot from the collective.

This is absolutely accurate but if you don't know what truth you are looking for, you will never see it. Artists of all kind often get in a "zone" to create and many will tell you, their art did not come from them, but was channeled through them. That is why you will find so many messages in the lyrics, the music, the movies, the images. When we leave the physical and go to the waiting station to re-enter the game, we remember who and what we are but it is no good to remember over there. You have to REMEMBER WHILE YOU ARE IN THE PHYSICAL in order to make a conscious free will choice to choose your really real life outside of the machine...per the rules of the programming and game. When we created those rules, we didn't think it was going to be that difficult for anyone to finally get there, but everyone who came in got TRAPPED. People, like me, came in to help get people out, but we got lost in amnesia too.

September 16, 2014
Went back to sleep and had this dream: There was something about what seemed like a video game. There was someone in there who had gone in to try to fix the game or shut it down because it had gotten out of control. The game was taking over. I would see her get her head shot off and then it would come back. There was something about some computer somewhere in a person's home that was going to blow and could take out a huge population. I can't remember if it was me or someone else who went in and simply shut down the computer. There was something about a wealthy family who were just kind of horrible and all they cared about was money. There was something about this square sort of trampoline put in place that would allow them to jump from their section to another. At one point I remember lying back in the grass in a lawn but these horrible people people who loved their money were bouncing into my yard and annoying me.

Comments: I believe fully this is a memory and showing me what I came here to do. I came in here to try to fix the game and if we can't fix it, we are going to shut it down. It was never meant to be the hell hole it has become. I have family in here and I intend to bring my family home to the really real world with me.

September 3, 2015
The dream jumps and I see these kind of white iridescent rings. They shimmer a kind of see through rainbow and they are spaced and equal distance apart. I am curious. It feels like I am in a building. I walk through this ring and I am sucked through and I am traveling at a fast speed. I had the thought "oh I remember this. This is a worm hole" and it is taking me around almost like a roller coaster ride. I am moving through solid objects. I am passing through an arcade and I think the destination might be inside this arcade game, but it is not and I go through the game. I eventually wind up in an area that looks like my reality but some people are talking about something that happened and speaking of it as a fairy-tale. Like my story from where I came from was a fairy-tale story in this one. I think I said something to the people that it was no fairy-tale and they were speaking about me. I was going to try to leave but now it is like I am two people with a tether....string...connecting us and there is a big ball on the end. We decide we need to go back to where we came from but the ball gets tangled and stuck when we throw it. I am working at trying to untangle us. It was like the string was tangled on a roller coaster rail. I finally got it enough and halved the string so there wasn't as much to get tangled and I threw the ball through the wormhole ring. We started to move but it was weak and not fast enough to take us out. We were stuck there. There was something about how the wormhole was stronger at certain times so we would have to wait until it had grown stronger again. We were stuck there until then in this alternate world that looked like ours but wasn't. The people were excited and gathered around us and offered to take us in. They were excited to have real live fairy-tale characters among them. We were a curiosity. I remember walking along with the group of people and looking to the right and seeing what looked like a gorilla like creature but it had tall antlers coming from its head. It was glowing white but looked to be a statue. I don't remember anything else.

Comments: If you regularly read my blog, you will have seen this dream before in my declaration that I am not human. In that blog I talk about having a body in stasis. I believe we all do, the ones that are not just programs, have a sleeping body in the really real world. The key here is stating that I go "through" the game. Splitting apart was the creating of polar opposites that created two parallel universes. When we embark on a journey back to ourselves and learn to love even the worst part of ourselves, we help heal the rift and bring the two universes back together as one. I am still in the process and drawing in and winding the string to my other self and bringing her into balance within me. We see evidence of the two different universes with the Berenstein Vs. Berenstain controversy. Until recently, old original copies of the STEIN spelling could not be found, Not long ago, I saw someone on IG post a photo of an old version she found at a garage sale which had the STEIN spelling. To me, this demonstrates the merging of the two polar opposite existences. My friend, Cynthia, told me about the Sindbad/Shazaam controversy. I was surprised to hear that this movie was apparently never made in the current reality even though I remember clearly this very bad movie existing. Sinbad himself swears it was never made. Now when we start seeing copies of Shazaam, it will be further proof of a merging happening. 

The more we embrace, understand and love our own shadow selves instead of rejecting, the more into balance we become and the more the two universes become one.

We tend to think this concept is simply to wake up to spirituality and wake up to what is really happening in the world. I hate to be the bearer of bad news to all those self-professed awakened and enlightened individuals, but you aren't even close to being awake. If you think your end goal is to sit around and meditate and reach for higher dimensions WITHIN THIS VIRTUAL REALITY, you are completely wrong. The whole reason this has been brought to the collective awareness is because WE ARE REALLY SLEEPING in the really real world and you need to be able to acknowledge this fact and search for who you are at the core and then choose your REAL LIFE over the FANTASY of the GAME.


All that shit means is beating the game and getting the fuck out of here. You hear about the "Kingdom of God" All God is in here is the navigator/creator of the game and his ass is stuck in here with the rest of us. "The Kingdom of God" is the really real world where he comes from, not this bullshit nightmare of a game.

In many spiritual practices, killing off the ego is a revered occupation, but why? The objective has been lost and these concepts meant to get us the fuck out of here have been turned into various religions and you have lost the meaning and end goal. The reason for burning away ego is not to become some passive little bliss ninny, but to burn away all the characters in the game you have ever played so that you can identify who is at the core....the REALLY REAL YOU. Our core identity is what we are reaching for but you have forgotten. You don't understand how to even look for those fragments that are trying to reach you every single day and you ignore them or explain them away.

In the sense that The Borg are all one, yes we are all one...all part of the machine but that is where it ends. This concept isn't really helpful in finding your core identity. In fact, it leads you away.

 Totally true, but they also have the ability to keep us trapped and prisoners here. While I am all for dreams and imagination, it is entirely possible for them to ensnare you when you get what you want and you don't want to give up the fantasy. During my spiritual journey, I really struggled to see in my head and imagine what I wanted. I asked myself why this was so hard since I spent so much time daydreaming as a favorite past time growing up. The conclusion I came up with is that I WANT SOMETHING THAT IS REAL. I don't want to manipulate and create the fantasy. I want it to be entirely organic and the free will choice of the players around me and not some thought/coding manipulation. I no longer long for the fantasy. I want authenticity. I want only the really real. I want out of the game.

What are we letting go of exactly? Emotions? People?  Beliefs? Identity? Ego? Things? The reason why this concept is so important is because you have to LET GO of your attachments to EVERYTHING that is part of the GAME...part of this VIRTUAL REALITY. In order to get to a point where you choose your really real life, you have to be willing to accept that the people around you that you love may not even be real family but actors also playing a role. You have to let go of every script and story you have ever played out in this game. You have to let go of anger, pain, sadness and wounds inflicted upon you. That requires forgiveness and acknowledging that NONE OF THIS IS REAL. You have to let go of the joy, bliss,contentedness and all of those precious beautiful moments. You have to let go of your need to be there for people. You have to let go of your need to make this virtual reality a better place. You have to let go of your need to heal your false mother Gaia. You have to let go of all of the things you have accumulated. You have to let go of all of the art you have created. Let go of fighting the good fight. Let go, let go, and keep letting go until all that is left is the core you and a desire to go home to your really real life. Any attachment you have to this reality will keep you TRAPPED here.

I think Trump is a wrecking ball designed to make everyone really uncomfortable and ask ourselves some really important questions like:

How can this possibly be real?

If we are all fucked, what is there left to do?

So before you go to bed tonight, ask yourself, "Who am I really?" It is entirely possible for you to get a glimpse of who you really are in a dream.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Follow the Right Rabbit, The Apocalypse is Now

I posted most of this on my social media accounts but I want to pull it all together in one place and maybe expound a bit.

Art by Alexander Jansson

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine.

The apocalypse is right now.

Please wake up. Remember who you really are and choose your real life.

apokalupsis: an uncovering

Original Word: ἀποκάλυψις, εως, ἡ
Part of Speech: Noun, Feminine
Transliteration: apokalupsis
Phonetic Spelling: (ap-ok-al'-oop-sis)
Short Definition: an unveiling, uncovering, revealing
Definition: an unveiling, uncovering, revealing, revelation.

Photo by Jacob Sutton

March 6, 2017  I dreamed of seeing and hearing a movie trailer and there was some dude's voice saying something about "Jackson is on an adventure but what he doesn't know is that it is a fantasy. Will Jackson choose his adventure or will he choose his real life?"

Later I dreamed something about how all of us combined create the veil and the more people choose their real life over the Adventure, the veil thins. When enough people choose their real lives, the veil completely falls away and we all wake up and go home. I want to go home. Come on people, wake the fuck up to who you really are, choose your real life so we can all go home.

March 28, 1996 I dropped some hair ties in the back of a toilet. I decided to retrieve my them from the open tank of the toilet. I pulled out a couple and then saw more and went to retrieve them. I had laid out the several hair ties and was trying to decide which were mine. I started to pick them up one by one and rinse them off. The latter ones I had picked up were hard and crusty and I could tell they were old, had been in there a long time, and weren't my hair ties. But as I held them, the dirt and crust fell away to reveal necklaces....four I think. I cleaned each one up and then looked at each closely. One appeared to be quite valuable. I asked to speak to a woman I thought might know who it belonged to. The first woman told me another woman would be with me in a little while. In the mean time, I showed the first woman the necklaces. The one of value was quite old and belonged to an Indian tribe up in the mountains. So I was going to take it to this tribe that it belonged to, but as I stood there waiting for the second woman to come out, an Indian brave appeared in full old style dress on horseback. He was beautiful and I knew he had come for what I had found. Before I could say anything or offer it to him, he had effortlessly taken it from my left hand. At this point in the dream the necklace had turned into a scarf like with trinkets on it (stones, shells, etc.). I think I said something to him like, "Please do take it back to your people. It belongs to them. I was going to go up the mountain to take it to them myself, but now I don't have to since you've come." He disappeared. The second woman came out and asked to see what I found. I told her it was gone and what had happened. Then I was told that what I had found was "The Veil of the Huron" or something like that. I was also told that it was valuable not only in price but also believed to hold magical powers. I think I was told that I shouldn't have given it to the brave, but given it to them. But I felt okay and it felt right to me that they had their veil back.

Comments: For years I tried to understand what this dream meant. I always knew it was powerful, but it wasn't until now that I understand. The Veil has two meanings. It is both referring to the veil that keeps us here in a cloud of forgetfulness and the bridal veil that the necklace turned into. The bridal veil was a cue for me to remember my true and real husband in the real world where I lay sleeping.

Art by Kinga Britschgi

So you know all those people on a "twin flame" adventure? That only serves to distract you from finding your way back to you and the organic real life. In this virtual reality, it is pieced together with our own fantasies and thoughts. That is why thought creates. Carrying out any grand mission/storyline is yet another distraction to keep you from what your true end goal should be. Those of us who hear those on the other side...well they aren't spirits at all. We are hearing through the veil. We lay sleeping and people are having conversations around us and we are hearing them.

Many religions keep us from finding ourselves by creating fear, self loathing, and guilt. Woo woo new age philosophies keep us just as clouded by asking us to live only in every now moment. They ask us to keep our vibrations up and plaster a smile and be happy always. Had I adhered to what they always prescribed, I would have never found my way to the end of the maze.

You are reaching for some lofty goal of "ascension" and a "new earth" or the "return of Jesus" and "heaven on Earth" and they are nothing but smoke and mirrors to keep you focused on everything but what you should. You are busy meditating the world into a better place while the religious folks are busy praying it into existence because some magical man in the sky is going to fix it all. It kind of sounds a lot like the Wizard of Oz, don't you think?

You have been lied to about the "afterlife". The afterlife as you know it is actually a recycling center meant to keep you on the hamster wheel you keep running on. Your "higher dimensions" in here are just more of the same...a virtual reality. You are trying so hard to reach higher dimensions in here but it is still all just ones and zeros. Everything in here is code and every perceived dimension is the same code and NONE OF IT IS REAL

It isn't that there is some big bad evil, really. I just think that when the game was designed, no one knew how hard it would be to get back out and we have been trying ever since the first ones went in to get people out of the game.

This is like Fantasy Island on crack...only it is more like hell now because that is what y'all have been creating with those thoughts rattling around in your brains. Suffering and struggle isn't natural to us. We don't actually need those things to grow because we are a pretty evolved species. We created this place that all of you think is real, afterall. Some of your top scientists marvel and wonder what kind of advanced species created such a complicated computer simulation. So it stands to reason we have evolved far beyond how primitive it is here.

It was originally designed to be like your amusement parks. It was supposed to be fun but quickly turned into something very different when people couldn't remember and get out.

All of you have a real family at home who misses you. Part of what you have to do is let go of all of your attachments to the virtual reality. Let go of your need and desire of the material shit. Let go of all the emotional baggage. Let go of your attachments to the character you are currently playing and have played and all of the other characters in your play. Let go of even your love for this virtual planet and all its beauty. Let go of the fighting the good fight for every single cause and even let go of the need to "be there for your loved ones". The need to not leave because you have children who need you or whatever reason is a trap. It is a sure way to boomerang back. They are characters in the play. You are a character in the play. When you let go of your attachments and start to discover who you really are, you will get to leave the game.

Right now we are so busy trying to save the planet, fighting for our rights, fighting a wall, fighting deportation, fighting pollution, fighting an oil pipeline, fighting each other and fighting and fighting and fighting. And all of the fighting only keeps us distracted from what you really need to be looking at closely. You need to unravel the signs, syncs and information you are being given to help you remember who you really are in the real world.

As soon as enough people choose their real life over the fantasy in this virtual reality, the veil drops and we all get to go home.

I offer you something new that isn't religion or woo woo spirituality. I offer you the apocalypse. I offer you a way out of this virtual reality.

What will you choose? Your virtual family and adventure or your real family and real home?

One door leads to an important mission. One door leads you to your "one true love" and one leads you back to yourself and your real organic life. Which will you choose?

When I was a child, the song Hotel California always left me feeling deeply disturbed and now I know why:

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "

I choose me.

I choose home.

I choose my real life.

I want to go home to my real family.

Art by Alexander Jansson

"I cannot understand why you should wish to leave this beautiful country and go back to the dry, gray place you call Kansas."
"That is because you have no brains," answered the girl. "No matter how dreary and gray our homes are, we people of flesh and blood would rather live there than in any other country, be it ever so beautiful. There is no place like home."
The Scarecrow sighed.
"Of course I cannot understand it," he said. "If your heads were stuffed with straw, like mine, you would probably all live in beautiful places, and then Kansas would have no people at all. It is fortunate for Kansas that you have brains."

L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Oz, #1)

Thursday, March 2, 2017

I Am Not This Reality

Photo by Willy Suwandhi

I had a dream last night that was basically showing me that none of this was real. This is a virtual reality designed to be a school. That is why I get so often the school theme...because it really is and it is to teach us not to be assholes in here so that we aren't assholes out there. None of us probably spend as much time in here as we think.

Dream after dream I have had about two puzzles that I was trying to put together. I would get so frustrated and put the puzzles away. I will include some of those dreams below:

November 8, 2013 Also there was something about a puzzle. I put a puzzle together but there were all these other pieces like there had been a second puzzle in the box. I put the pieces of the second puzzle back in the box but bits of earth and moss went in with the pieces. I carefully took out the chunks of moss and moist soil and put it around the base of a mailbox (communication?). There were worms mixed in the soil and I noticed a single caterpillar. None of it was gross and wasn't trying to discard it, but was trying to separate it carefully so that I didn't lose any of the pieces of the second puzzle. I woke up before I had a chance to put together the second puzzle. There was a micro cd played but i can't remember what the music was.

August 17, 2014 There were puzzle pieces in my purse but only a couple pieces fit. All the pieces seemed like sky and border pieces because they were all blue. There wasn't a complete puzzle and I wasn't even sure if the pieces were part of the same puzzle. 

January 23, 2015 I was in the water doing puzzles and I think Nuno was in the water with me. I decided to put the puzzle away because I wasn't going to have time to finish it before I got out of the pool, so I started to put it away. I think I remember seeing Dan Reed's face as part of the puzzle. But then suddenly the water pulled back and then went forward and straight up leaving us really high up in the air and when it came down we crashed onto the floor and were hurt. Nuno and I went off somewhere to nurse our wounds. 

September 11, 2015 There was also a dream about puzzles. There were two puzzles...a large one on the table and a smaller one on the floor. Come to find out they were my puzzles I had been working on. Another girl was there helping me put pieces in place. Sometimes when I went to put a piece in place in the larger one, bits would slide off the table and I would have to reassemble it. The smaller one on the floor was mostly together except smaller pieces. There was something about some woman mentioning how red my lipstick was and it was as red as her own and she moves forward to kiss me. 

September 30, 2015 There was something about puzzle pieces and doing puzzles and two puzzles getting mixed up together. I tried to keep them apart but at one point just didn't care and put both puzzles away. 

And that is exactly the problem I have faced with all of this. I have pieces of memory coming in about who I really am and my actual life and I have pieces about the role I am performing here and the assignments I have been given. I have been trying to make my real life fit into the puzzle of my virtual life and it has confused the fuck out of me to no end. 

 I think I am finally starting to get it. It is about fucking time because I am tired and cranky. Lol

We have to play out our roles, solve the problems and collect the bits for the experience and tools it gives us, kind of like with any game. Are we actually all one? Are you actually another version of me? Are Adam and Eve actually the same being? I don't know. In the game only I think they are the same being. In my real reality, my partner/spouse is playing the Lucifer character. My over there cousin is performing the role of Adam.

What I know for sure is there isn't a big bad virus to fight other than one perhaps programmed for us to defeat just as there is always a big bad at the end of any game. We are nearing the end of the game.

My gamer story has revealed the story-line I am playing out is that of Eve and later Mary, mother of Yeshua. A multitude of players can come in and play out those same roles and story lines simultaneously just as we do in any role playing game. You get to choose the characters you play and the lessons for each player will look different according to what choices we have made along the way. We are playing out all the possibilities of outcomes. That means it is possible there is an Adam/Yeshua who simply cannot grow or take responsibility for himself and his life. What if his Eve/Mary's lesson is to let go, set him free and nurture herself in a loving way. There could be countless Eve/Mary's here in this reality all playing out different possibilities.

Instead of saying "we are all one" maybe the truest phrase would be "we are all connected" exactly like the flower of Life.

There is beauty in our uniqueness and separateness. Religion is too far in one direction and new age spirituality is too far in the other

The key is balance.

It always has been but our pendulums have been wildly swinging back and forth. The truth is not in one extreme or the other. The truth is in the middle.

So fight the good fight and save this virtual world or look inside yourself for your answers and ask yourself some important questions:

1. Who am I really?
2. What is the mission my character came for? In other words, what scene are you supposed to be playing out and what are you supposed to be learning? If you aren't asking yourself in all moments "What am I supposed to be learning from this?" Then you are not doing the assignments you signed up for in this virtual reality school.

In order to recognize what needs to be worked on and learned, you have to see the patterns in your life that keep coming back over and over. Once you recognize the patterns, you can then make different choices instead of repeating the same actions over and over again.

When you finally get what I have only just come to understand, you can breathe a sigh of relief and then tackle each moment in life as the challenge in the game that it actually is and learn what those moments are asking you to learn. You can choose to be distracted by Trump, the whole world going to hell or you can focus on getting the fuck out of the game and graduating.

So when you no longer see me getting worked up about the state of the world, it is because I understand now that the only fight I have always faced is within. I have learned a lot along the way and can now extract the lessons I struggled to accept. It has always been a journey back to myself, I just didn't always know it until now.

Don't you think you should stop fighting and start looking to the lessons you are meant to learn so that you can graduate and go home?

Did you hear that? It is the sound of the alarm clock ringing. What will you choose?

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Those Dastardly Shadows

Photo by Emilio Jimenez
Recently I have taken on something new with my posts that I share on Instagram and Facebook. I have attempted to illustrate lyrics from songs I love. I tend to post a series of three things that are connected either visually or by subject matter in the quotes so this new attempt could fit right in to what I do. Mind you, I do this for no other reason than because I enjoy it. I enjoy this form of self expression.

My most recent shares illustrated a song I love from Them Crooked Vultures. And yes, my boyfriend, Dave Grohl, was part of that project. lol But nevermind  that. It is a brilliant album that really hits the spot right now. The first song on the album called "No One Loves Me & Neither Do I" is wonderful on a melodic and riff level and the lyrics make me giggle every time. I especially like the lines "You can keep your soul, I don't wanna soul mate" These words kept repeating in my head and images started to emerge of the woman who would say those words and I just knew I had to put illustration to lyric. The images I selected were women portrayed in a dominatrix role.

I knew while I was selecting the photos that they could be pushing the envelope a bit for my Facebook audience. The audience on Instagram is highly dependent on what tags you choose to use for a photo. I waffled on whether or not I would include my Facebook friends in these shares and in the final moments I laughed mischievously and said "fuck it" and pressed the little Facebook icon and pressed "share".

My Facebook friends are made up of real life friends, family members, former employers, mommy friends, a few young budding minds and a whole lot of spiritual people. Collectively they are all over the board as far as their openness to appreciating these images is concerned. I predicted I would lose a friend or two and I was right. I figure the cream will rise to the top and stick around.

Photo by Koray Parlak

It is because I hesitated and was concerned about what people might think that I ultimately chose to share the images with both social media audiences. I know many might assume I have come to that point where those thoughts of other people's opinions never creep in to influence my choices, but even the most seasoned practitioners of "not giving a fuck" are not immune to having those thoughts pop up when we are at the border of a comfort zone and faced with a choice of crossing the border or staying comfortable.

I had another motive as well for sharing this series. I had just shared a series of three talking about passion, love and sex. The images of couples were soft, pretty and poignant. I wanted to give a taste of the shadow side to this theme for balance and contrast. Shadows are an important part of life and our shadow selves should be embraced and given love rather than rejected. And I am not saying go out and act on criminal impulses. If your shadow side is harming another, then it needs to be put in check and you need to come to a place of understanding about where the impulses stem from so that you can heal what needs to be healed for you. But for most people, their shadows selves is really relatively benign and more about what people will think of them if people knew it existed.

I am neither only light or only dark. I am both equally. There is a darker side to my light and I love it and embrace it. I am a multifaceted being and I have many interests. Why should I limit myself based on what I think people might think of me? I shouldn't and neither should you.

Love your shadows.

Live out in the open.

Be you unedited.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Why I Will Never Be a Skumfuk, The Power of Words

Since I have started participating in the Sum 41 community, I often wonder what Sum 41 fans called themselves before the Screaming Bloody Murder album which was released March 25, 2011. It was, by that time, their sixth album. Their first album was released in 2000. On the album is a song called "Skumfuk" and fans adopted this term to refer to themselves. As the t-shirt says in the photo of Deryck "PROUD TO BE A SKUMFUK" and many of his fans adhere to this slogan and happily proclaim they are "Skumfuks". Many go so far as to tattoo it on their person.

I have always maintained I will NEVER claim to be a Skumfuk. I will explain my reasons why in this blog post.

Words are a funny thing. Some words seem shocking to the string of profanities I sometimes utter without blinking an eye like they are filler words as common as "and"and "um". I don't look like that sort of girl to have such a potty mouth. Words are what I use for my artistic medium and words have power. We use words in communication. We use words to identify ourselves. We can use words to harm or heal. Every single day words go through our heads quietly and sometimes those words are negative self talk. We use words to degrade ourselves and each other and sometimes we aren't even aware we are doing it. Self-deprecation becomes as natural as breathing. Someone gives us a compliment and we squirm and negate it by saying something negative about ourselves.

"You are so talented. I love your drawing!"

"I think I suck but thanks anyway."

"You are beautiful."

"You think so? I hate my nose and I wish my hair was straight, but thanks anyway."

There are so many ways we are cruel to ourselves and put ourselves down and we don't even realize it as we think it is harmless. Adopting degredating words to identify ourselves is another way of doing that because if you really look at the words and what they mean, you will understand and hopefully never again identify with a word, phrase or term that is dis-empowering.

Let's look at the word Skumfuk which breaks down to "scum" and "fuck".
Impurities and a foul filmy covering mixed with a sense of disgust. Hmmm and this is what fans are calling themselves without giving it a second thought. This is what the band themselves are now calling the fans.

Now let's take a look at the lyrics of the song the term comes from:


Take the pictures off the wall
Erase the thoughts, forget them all
The choice is yours to save yourself
Or in the hands of someone else

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [x4]

Broken thoughts and alibis
Conscience disappears in time
Voices are all that I can show
And all that I have is a soul

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [x4]


You're a set-up to fail
You're a dead-beat on parade
With a foot in the gutter
And the other in the grave
You've cooked your silver spoon so black
So die

What can I say?
Guess it's obvious you would end up this way,
When you live amongst the dead.

The best of luck,
As the one and only resident scumfuk.
A victim or just a tragedy?

I hear you talk
But I don't hear you speak.
You don't make sense,
Your mind is incomplete.

I can't believe all the things that you say.
You just can't get enough.
We'll all be waiting here just for the day
That your time is up.

What can I say?
Guess it's obvious you would end up this way,
When you live amongst the dead.

The best of luck,
As the one and only resident scumfuk.
A victim or just a tragedy?

All that I need is time for me to breathe.
Dream little dreams that only I believe.
Now that I see beyond the light,
I know I'll be, I'll be alright.

Firstly, let me say that I love this song. The whole album is one of my favorites. I don't know about Deryck, but I know when I write my poetry, often the "you" I am speaking to is myself. To me it seems obvious that Deryck is speaking to himself and this is about his battle with his addiction which is what the line "You've cooked your silver spoon so black" is a direct reference to...addiction. How many times have we seen in movies images of a drug user cooking the drug before injecting it. This is a song about knowing how lost he is and not knowing how to pull himself out. There is self-degradation all over it and beating himself up over his path of self-destruction.

With all of this in mind, I see the term "Skumfuk" to be one of self-degradation and one that keeps speaking over and over again of the battle he was losing with himself and how much he hated himself for it. Why would I ever want to identify with a phrase or word that holds so much heartache, sadness, and struggle?

I will not.

Not ever.

So should you choose to identify with a word, a phrase or label, really look at it to see what energy it holds and decide if it is empowering or dis-empowering and then make your choice. Dis-empowering words and phrases work on a subconscious level. It doesn't happen suddenly. It happens gradually and then you one day realize you are in a deep dark hole and wonder how you got there. Little did you know that each negative word you spoke to yourself was a scoop of dirt making your hole deeper.

Choose your words wisely.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Twisted By Design

"Empieter" by Minjae Lee
Sometimes there are songs that speak to you more than others. Sometimes the lyrics speak what is in your heart as though someone reached inside and pulled them from you. Sometimes the melody moves you and transports you as though it contains a magic that other songs just don't possess. While I love the entire "13 Voices" album by Sum 41, this particular song is easily my favorite because it does all the things I mentioned above. I feel the words deeply.

"Twisted By Design"

I've got my scars to bear
Stitches just can't repair, woah
There's no one to blame this time
Absolution's waiting on a PRAYER

I'm breaking down the walls
Unveiling my share of faults, WOAH
This blood on my hands, is a blessing
In a lifetime, twisted by design
But I'm so alive

Is it a THREAT or the cure?
Cause it's a brave new world
I don't know if I'm ready for
Just a test
Cause I'm miles up above you
Flying with no safety net
I don't believe in FATE although
This time I think I've met my match
Why are the dreams so hard to catch

Cause you forget in time
What it feels inside
You LIVE right on the line
But I'm so alive

They say believing is the hardest part
But I say with every beat of my heart
I ALONE will find my way
And get right back to the start
They say the fire in your HEART is gone
But I say it's really only just begun
All along you know that I'm
I'm twisted by design
I'm twisted by design

"Eclipse" by Minjae Lee
I'm taking the days as they come
But now I'm seeing the WORLD as if it had a thousand suns
I admit that there's somewhere along the lines
I guess I lost my grip
But luck has turned the page
And time is all I need to get things right
One more chance to catch the light

Cause you FORGET in time
What it feels inside
You live right on the line
But I'm so alive

They say believing is the hardest part
But I say with every beat of my heart
I ALONE will find my way
And get right back to the start
They say the fire in your heart is GONE
But I say it's really only just begun
All along you know that I'm
I'm twisted by design
I'm twisted by design

Starting over again, but the further I get
I can't stop these walls from closing in
Going out of my HEAD, all the tears that I BLED
They're not enough to take my pain away

They say believing is the hardest part
But I say with every BEAT of my heart
I alone will find my way
And get right back to the start
They say the fire in your HEART is gone
But I say it's really only just begun
All in all you know that I'm
I'm twisted by design

In some ways I've changed
And I've left it all behind
But I can't change the way
That I'm, I'm TWISTED by design

Lyrics by Deryck Whibley

You can listen to this song at the below link on Spotify:

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Exit Points and Leaving the Physical

Yesterday I posted on Facebook about a dream I had which I believe was telling me that I am going to be leaving the physical soon. I mentioned that I had had many dreams before this which led me to draw the conclusions I have. The idea of leaving the physical isn't scary to me. I see my dreams as just saying, "The time is nearing. Get ready to go home because we will be calling your plane to board soon." I guess I see it more like graduation because death is just a transition back to our natural state of being. I had a number of varied responses from people and the common theme seemed to be that people want you to hang in there at all costs. Don't give up. They cling to the physical world. I think acceptance is NOT giving up. It is not being attached and at peace with leaving.

March 28, 1996 I woke and drifted quickly back to sleep. That's when the third dream took place. All I remember is going outside to see the comet they've talked about on the news I looked up into the cloudless sky and saw what appeared to be a comet. But it got brighter and closer and I knew it wasn't the comet. In fact it was a rocket gone awry. It crashed violently to the earth not too far from where i stood. There was a huge explosion and debris from the rocket scattered and fell from the sky like rain. The pieces were red hot and/or on fire as they fell. I ran to get away from the debris and wound up in someone's garage.

This wasn't mentioned in my journal but my recollection of that dream, my friend, Ben, was with me in the garage.

Comments: The above was the third dream in a series of three after having done a powerful visualization. All three were very meaningful precognitive dreams. The "rocket" debris is eerily similar to the exploding airplane parts showering down in a later dream which specifically speaks of my exit point.

November 8, 2013 I just had a wild dream. I think it was more than a dream. I was having a normal dream and then suddenly I was trapped in an area that was all white walls. But then there was a door slightly ajar and I went through it. There were stairs...white stairs leading down and I was confused and asking what this place was. No one was there but me and then there was this bird that flew in. It was two tone like some black and white corvids only it was a light grey and white. I held out my hand and it landed on my finger. I said hello to the bird and asked what it wanted. And a voice started talking to me. It had almost a New York accent. Lol But he told me things...not everything I can remember. But the one thing I do remember was he told me I was doing well in this lifetime and I wouldn't have to come back for any more. I was pleased to hear this and asked him who he was. He simply said he was my superior. And then he sent me on my way back into a dream where I was in a house with what was supposed to be Amrik, I think, but he didn't look like Amrik.

Comments: This dream isn't specifically about exiting but highlights that when I do leave, I don't have to come back. To me it is a reference to graduation...ascension...moving on to the next level.

May 1, 2014 They just showed me how I will die. Elizabeth Harper and Mari were there. An airplane explodes in the sky. I am on the flight. I saw it explode in the sky and the debris falls down. We were discussing future events and it was mentioned but neither of them wanted to tell me who dies in the future. I was frustrated and said "well why bother bringing it up in front of me then?"
That is when I figured it out....that it was me. It explodes over water as it is coming in to land. 7 years away is what I heard.

Comments: This is pretty literal. I don't believe any explaining is necessary here.

July 31, 2014 Funny enough, I dreamed I was back In school only it was in Italy and they started a new program where the whole college only had 15 people. I felt silly being back in school when everyone was young enough to be my offspring. 

September 13, 2014 I just saw on a badge that was mine with a number 1 on it and then I saw something about the meaning of a class 1. It said "I don't do karma/rebirth" or "I don't karma/rebirth".

Comments: Again we have a reference that I will not be returning for another life on Earth.

January 21, 2015 I just heard something in my head. "we basically came here for my job and I think I have to win him over, but he came here for me and I just can't remember."

February 23, 2015 I have to write about this dream. It feels important. I think Inara and I were somewhere but it doesn't feel like home. We are visitors. But we long for when we get to go back home. I know we don't have much time left so I am trying to get things cleaned up before we leave the place we have been staying. It feels like it is taking forever and then Amrik shows up and helps us tidy and I think, "Damn! He did that faster than we ever could have done it!" There was something about a tsunami coming and it takes out a bunch of people who are down low on the beach. I see big logs being flung around in the water.

I think this is where Nuno (a semi-known musician) comes in. It seems he has just woken up and I ask him what he wants to eat and if he wants some coffee. He asks for a tomato and mayo sandwich. So I say, okay. But I don't get it to him right away. I think because of the water...the tsunami. We have to move to higher ground and I am carrying him...only he is no longer in a body. I put him in a skeleton so he would be easier to carry. The elevator is packed and it doesn't look safe. The door is almost closing on people and it looks like people could get hurt. I opt for the stairs but first stop by a shop that has a chair which I tie the skeleton to so that it is easier to take him up the stairs without losing any parts. I traded the shop keeper something like a large indigo net (kind of like hammock netting) that I said was valuable and told her I would be back with her chair to trade back. The shop keeper was in agreement and was happy with the exchange because the color matched many of the items she carried in her shop.

Nuno expressed sadness about the people who had been taken. I hesitated to say anything because I didn't know if he was ready and then I asked him, "Why? Do you know about the afterlife? People get recycled. No one truly dies. There is nothing to be sad about. Those people on the beach are okay even if their bodies aren't."

February 28. 2015 At some point there was a dream about a some sort of school and it feels "over there" kind of school and me being admitted into it and feeling like maybe I didn't belong. This old long white haired man (he doesn't actually look old, but that is the impression I have...that he is an elder) starts talking about how sometimes the people who don't always seem suited or right were the ones who would excel the most and that he was once one of those students. I mention something about people with blinders who can't see and I think I am talking about the others who usually choose students are blind and can't always see the true potential of a person. He agreed. I wanted to give him a hug and he goes to stand and I realize he has been sitting or on his knees because when he stands he is REALLY tall. He is entirely white. His clothes, his hair. I am in awe of his height and i comment about how tall he is and say, "or maybe it is just me that is really short."

I remember driving and feeling unsure of what pedals to use. It feels like my old Volkswagen Bug. I park somewhere and it feels like I have to go through an elementary school. I am trying to find my way back out of the school and run into a teacher and he is on his way out and offers to show me out. He is attractive and he seems to like me too. I am trying to find my car again. I get out to a parking lot and there are lots of old VW Bugs and one teeny tiny remote control VW Bug that I get excited about and he offers to show me how it works. I don't remember much else.

Comments: I feel the first part of this dream was a reference to going to school here on Earth. I think the elementary school is a reference to being back on earth and trying to find my way back out. The VW Bug seems to be a reference to my original original state of being and the smaller version, I believe, is a reference to the human vehicle. Only a very small portion of us goes into these vehicles that we are controlling from the other side.

March 1, 2015 It feels like there is food out but I am getting ready to take leave. I want to go home. I look around to see if anything there was mine that I need to take with me but I don't think there is. I am relieved because I think I will likely have to walk home and the less I have to carry, the better. Something is mentioned about a car and I am now in our old Nissan Altima and I am trying to start it. I finally start it and the inside light is on which indicates a door is open. I start to drive and the back passenger door is ajar. I close it. I try to turn on the head lights and they aren't turning on. I can't see. It is very dark out. I try to concentrate so I don't hit the people walking on the side of the road. I am not sure how I will be able to drive all the way home this way but I just want to go home so feel like I will risk it. I woke up around there.

July 12, 2015  Dreams from last night that I remember. I don't know where I was. I just remember saying that it was time for me to go home. I think I jokingly asked someone if they wanted to drive with me. I knew "home" was a very long way away.

August 7, 2015 I vaguely remember being at some market with someone and some guy was trying to sell me on some essential oils or something and there was some procedure he was offering for $10. I remember pulling the 10 dollars out and thinking I didn't have very much money left and when it was gone I would have to go home. It feels like I am visitor somewhere.

August 11, 2015 I had a dream about going home again. I was due to catch a flight home but I had to go through some processing before I left. I was concerned about missing my flight. I had to hurry and was hoping my flight was slightly delayed so didn't miss my plane.

I kept seeing the number 1:98 in my mind as the time my plane was leaving and even though that doesn't make sense according to our clocks here. I was thinking it was close to 2:00. Just before I was due to leave, I was having a meal with a girlfriend. I get the feeling home as in my other body. Home as in not this planet. I parked my little scooter somewhere knowing I would never be back for it. In my dream I had two suitcases and a cot type thing that folded up and was easy to carry. It was a foot powered scooter you usually see kids riding. The friend I was with was on a bike. I remember thinking we didn't have locks but figured it didn't really matter anyway.

September 5, 2015 I had earlier dreams but can't remember them clearly enough to write about them.

The only dream I remember is that I was back in high school and I had an understanding that it was my last year of high school. I recognized I was in my 40s and I didn't really have to be here but I was just going to complete it anyway. Everyone else knew I wasn't like them too. I think it was "back to school" from taking a break. I remember an old locker and that I never retrieved my belongings from the last time I was here and I was hoping they were able to cut the lock and clear the contents so they could use it for some other kid. I still needed to go to the office and get a new locker because I didn't go through the normal channels of coming back. I bypassed all the paperwork and just showed up. People were expecting me even though I hadn't come to the opening day of school where they assigned lockers and what not. I seem to recall two classes. I think one was an acting class and the other I am not sure. The teacher was this really cheerful woman who seemed to really like me but because she was curious, she made the class really hard for me, meaning I was given a lot more assignments than the others because she wanted to know everything about me. I was sitting alone in her classroom working on some of my assignments and I notice what seemed like a hair sticking out of my right knee. Then I started to pull the hair and noticed that there was something it was attached to moving underneath. I pulled and this worm popped out. It was blue and kind of plump and long like an earth worm. I didn't know if it was beneficial to me or not so I tossed it on the floor. It almost seemed to have a face and expressions and when it landed on the floor, some of its insides came out in a puddle. But it wasn't dead...just looked sad. And then he eyes me and seems to be trying to get back into me and he is moving fast but I am avoiding him by moving quickly when he comes toward me. It was like he would kind of scrunch up into an accordion and would dash at me. I think I asked some custodian about the worm and he had no clue what variety it was. At some point the teacher came back. There were all these cans of pop. Not sure if they were empty or not. I am guessing not because she makes some motion with her arms and they all start to move up and she grabs one as it is going up because she remembers so-in-so wanted one. The worm makes one last attempt to get back inside me and almost seems to develop wing type things to aid him. He leaps and is taken up with the soda cans instead. It seemed to be making music or singing while it floated up. I don't remember anything else.

Comments: I included this one and another dream about being back in high school because this is a recurring theme for me. I find myself back in high school. I suddenly realize I don't have to be there and I choose to leave. This was the first time I dreamed about staying and completing the schooling even though I had done it all before previously and didn't really need to be here. The dream seems to suggest that I didn't come through normal channels which supports an earlier blog post where I talk about discovering that I am a walk-in. I didn't arrive on the day school started. I came after the body had already been born and was thriving. The dream also suggests that I volunteered to come back and that even to those on the other side, I am a curiosity and they are interested and watching closely.

September 9, 2015 I dreamed I was in an airport getting ready to go home. I was waiting in line to go home. I was nearer at the beginning of the line and didn't want to leave it because I didn't want to have to go all the way to the back of the line. At one point I almost stayed but then was like "all of my stuff is already on the plane. I have to go." I think I was considering staying for some guy but he wasn't showing enough interest in me to bother. In the dream my dog was with me and already on the plane which was a determining factor as well. I had to transfer a couple times because I was far from home.

September 21, 2015 My dreams were scattered at best. In a dream where I was in a house. I was making plans to leave and saying my good byes. I was with a guy and our good bye was a reluctant one. We touched and held hands but said it was time for me to go. His wife was there and was annoyed by our interaction with each other. It feels like I had a difficult time leaving.

There was a scene in a dream where people were getting shot by someone and at first I was thinking about trying to save myself and then thought, "Oh no, wait. This might be my way out of here" and I welcomed it. I was shot twice in the head and was annoyed that nothing had changed and I was still there.

Comments: I feel the second half of this shows that I no longer have a fear of leaving the physical behind. When I become conscious, I determine this might be a way to leave the physical...only it is a just a dream and it doesn't release me from the body when I am shot.

September 30, 2015 Dreamed I was with a girl at her house. Later teens, early 20s maybe. I borrowed some of her clothes at one point but went to change back to my own but I needed to gather them and wash them. I gathered Inara's clothes as well to clean. I wanted to clean them before I had to pack then to leave. I remember seeing candy bits...stick candy canes in assorted flavors and some sort of tootsie pop type candy hanging up on the wall.

October 15, 2015 Later the dream switched and now my friend, Aysha, is coming up with a birthday cake but it was for her party and yet she was bringing cake so I could have some. I am eating a hot dog and not really caring if I have cake. And then suddenly there are all these people lined up to get cake only she doesn't seem to have a knife to cut the cake. Later I see her going through cards that people made and among her birthday cards were cards for me that were from a going away party and that said "good bye Oktobre."

October 27, 2015 At the tail end of my dream I was on a train or something with this guy. It is an open train or something because I don't feel closed in. It feels like the roof, perhaps. Anyway, we are nearing a town and I embrace him and say "I am just looking so forward to going home with you." he says something like "looking forward to going home or being with me?" I said "Being with you AT home." I had that feeling of being away for a long time and was looking forward to being home. It was that comfort feeling. But I was also happy to be with him and was holding him closely. 

Comments: I simply want to say that this dream made me smile. It made me think, "Yes, I can't wait to be back at home with you. I have missed you so much."

November 6, 2015 I had another one...another dream that I was someplace else and I was getting ready to go home. Inara was with me. I was having to clean up before I left and there was something about sweets. All these people wanted my brownies and there wasn't much left for me.

January 12, 2016 One bit I was someplace with other people and decided I wanted to go home and there were two who offered to walk me home to make sure I made it back okay. Only one ended up walking with me which was Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

January 17, 2016 An earlier dream had me in a small village on Italy. I don't know why I am here. I visit with some people but can't remember anymore what took place in this scene...only that there was a guy for sure and maybe others. I suddenly wonder how long I have been here and think it is time to catch my plane home. I feel ready to go home. I am hoping I haven't missed my flight. I am leaving with a small piece of luggage and a few bits. I come to a more populated area and I think maybe I should have planned to spend my time in the city rather than such a small village. I look for my airline tickets and someone tells me I am early. They said my ticket was for the 16th and today was the 9th. I remember thinking why in the world did I choose to spend two whole weeks in this place. One week was plenty long enough. I hoped that they would let me use my ticket early anyway because I was ready to go home. I remember something about setting this electric kettle thing down and it seemed like a combination kettle and coffee maker but it seemed to have mushrooms growing out of it. I went somewhere to do something and then came back for my kettle and people were using it and really liked it. I told them they should get one of their own but this one was mine and I was taking it home with me. I pick up the kettle/coffee maker and it seems to turn into one of my dogs and I am cuddling her. 

March 21, 2016 Yesterday I had a dream about two different paths I could take and I said I wanted to go home. I couldn't imagine why we would need or want to go back to this other place. I said i wanted to head home.

Comments: I think ^^^^ this ^^^^ is pretty important to point out to people who keep saying that me leaving is symbolic or I can opt to stay. Blah fucking blah. The whole point is I have already CHOSEN to leave. This is my conscious choice I made on a deep soul level and it is showing up over and over in dreams. This is a pretty literal dream where I am offered two paths and I choose to go Home.

May 28, 2016 I had a dream I was with a guy and we were having a great time together. I seem to recall something about the outfit I was wearing...a mini skirt, a white top, a sweater over the shoulders. I think it was light pink and I was wearing navy blue socks. There was a second outfit I was holding that I contemplated wearing but since what I had on was similar, I save the one I was holding for another time. I seem to recall this guy driving a small orange car at one point but we had to use a different car when we wanted to go somewhere together. I really like him and enjoyed his company but apparently I was going to have to go home the next day.
May 29, 2016 I had another dream where I was getting ready to go home. I was somewhere...I can't remember where. I am being served 3 boiled eggs in a small carton to take with me on the plane. Later I see three toilets meant for men. I got some of the crud from around the toilets on my socks and opted to do a load of laundry before I left. But there wasn't going to be time to wait for them to be cleaned. i would have to leave without them.

June 3, 2016 Dreams for the night...
The overall theme seemed to be that I was getting married to my husband again. Sometimes he was just some guy, sometimes he was my actual husband and sometimes he morphed into my brother. In one dream I am wearing a white wedding gown but the head piece we found was off white which we were just going to make do with. At one point I see me wearing a pink rain coat thing. and there is a hat piece that looked like a veil and it covered my face at first until I moved it to the side. I remember getting all of these details ready for the wedding as it was pretty last minute. I remember something about a ring in a box and locating the box before we left to where the ceremony would take place.

I woke up and went back to sleep and dreamed some more about this wedding that was getting ready to take place. I am getting ready as it is almost time to go to the place where the ceremony is happening which is nearby. I have on my dress but for some reason I am wearing what looks like a graduation robe over it and I couldn't figure out why. I thought maybe my husband wanted me to wear it so that I wouldn't get shit on it as I am prone to spilling things on me. We were going to eat something but there isn't time. We have to just go. I see some little trinkets like something that looks like a glass fairy, maybe, and a few other little things. I see sweets like candy bars wrapped in see-through chiffon type material with bows.

Comments: I think the combination of wedding dress and graduation is a direct reference to both graduation and reconnecting with my people who are waiting for me to least this part of me.

October 12, 2016  I dreamed again that I was staying in Italy. I was staying at some guy's house who I had been pursuing because of something I believed to be true about him...about who he was to me. The guy is never there. It feels like he is avoiding me and it disappoints me. I feel deeply  disappointed and I go through doubts thinking maybe I was wrong about him the way I have been wrong about others in my life. A group of his friends come in at some point. I am sleeping on the couch and someone places a large multilayered document on my chest that has my name on it, some address that indicated a 3 bedroom place. I thought at first it was an eviction notice. Then I thought maybe it was a suggestion to go rent a place elsewhere so I would leave. And then I wondered if the document referred to the guy's place. Not much was actually filled in. I just remembered thinking that I wouldn't need it because I was leaving soon anyway. The friends who showed up were all men and seemed like they were somewhat feminine and I guessed they might be gay. I can't remember the dialogue that was exchanged in that part. They leave and eventually the guy comes back but it is time for me to go home. I am in the process of leaving. The guy is expressing sadness about me going. There was something about him wanting to see me in one of his t-shirts and I complied. I told him I needed to go so I didn't miss my flight home. He said he would be willing to pay for a new ticket if I stayed a little longer. I think I did linger but still intended to make my flight.

Final Thoughts: Trust that I know my own journey. Trust that I know what the messages are telling me and where they are guiding me. Death is only scary if you are uncertain of what comes after. We really can be fully informed about our exit points and it doesn't have to be a fearful or scary thing. We don't have to avoid the knowledge when we come into acceptance and letting go of attachments. 

I have no doubts that I will wake up to who I really am when I leave the human vehicle. 

What if part of the end goal of all of this is to wake up, remember who we really are, and consciously release our attachments to physical life so that we aren't boomeranged back into a human body on Earth? If you are still attached to the physical world, you WILL boomerang back and will not level up. I think part of what we are trying to do here is get off the endless cycle of coming back over and over. When you can achieve that, you graduate and don't have to repeat levels over and over again. You have, at that point, achieved ascension.

Home is not to be feared. 

We are eternal beings.