Monday, June 30, 2014

Friends

Artist - Elena Khmeleva
Friends

When I felt I had nothing left to live for
And that I just couldn't go on
I've been lifted by the hand of a friend
To make me see I do belong
I used to think I was completely alone
Didn't think anybody cared
But I was blessed with very special people
With me their love they shared

Some realistic people have told me
That dreams don't come true
Yet some wonderful crazy dreamers
Showed me that they do
I was so scared of life, the hurt and the pain
Still I wanted to take a chance
I love them all and proudly call them friends
For they taught my heart to dance

You are more important to me
Than brief love affairs
You are so important to me
Answer to my prayers
You are more important to me
Than why a rainbow bends
You are so important to me
My dearest, dear friends

If I owned everything that is grand
To them I'd give it away
The only thing I can give right now
Is this poem I write today

Written February 6, 1987
By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes: It is funny how the happy, positive poems leave me feeling a little reluctant to share as they seem almost cheesy.  It is easy to bleed and show you my angst of years gone by, but to show you the bright points leaves me feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable, lol I guess that means I should share it.


Friday, June 27, 2014

Taming The Beast

It was a pretty brutal three days of caffeine withdrawal symptoms, but I made it through.  It will likely take me a little longer not to miss my trusty companion, but I will manage.  I like to think my body is thanking me and happy to not be loaded down with chemicals.  I have been more sleepy earlier, but hopefully that will balance out eventually.  And, yes, I am cutting all caffeine with the exception of a little dark chocolate now and then.  I feel really good and can imagine I will only feel better as my body is able to absorb nutrients uninhibited by the caffeine. Before you know it I will actually be one of those crazy healthy people who buys wheat grass smoothies. lol Okay, maybe not.

Thankfully I don't have a sweet tooth, so that is one addiction I don't have to confront.  I like salty things more than sweet.  I was that kid in the pasture licking the cow's salt block. lol  If I was given hot chocolate it usually was thrown away.  Most kids eat the center of an Oreo and leave the cookie. I was the opposite...scrape off the center and eat the cookie.  Cake frosting was scraped off and only the cake eaten.  Now salt is another matter. lol I'm not as bad as I used to be, but certainly I could cut some of the salt from my diet and be okay.


"What next?" I imagine the reader wondering.  Well, I really want to get outside more.  There are canoe rentals across the street calling my name and a number of lovely Oregon trails that I would love to get out and hike.  And now that I don't have to worry about missing my fix and getting a headache, I don't have to ever worry again about where the nearest coffee house is.  Tomorrow is my daughter's 6th birthday and we are going to the beach.  It will be a strange thing not to make that end of the day dash to a coffee house for a fix.  It will be nice, I think.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Day 2....Withdrawal Blues

I do not remember being THIS sick when I gave up coffee when I was pregnant with Inara.  Maybe I just assumed all of my throwing up was morning sickness.  I did not realize that caffeine withdrawals could be this wretched.  Today I am throwing up, have the shakes, I feel excessively hot and my head feels like my brain is trying to explode. 

Honestly, I probably wouldn't be going down this road of self torture if it hadn't been for my guides nagging me to quit coffee.  What it has shown me is just how very real a chemical dependency I have developed.  I will be so glad when the pain stops.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Blogging Through Withdrawal Symptoms

omg....THE headache has started and I can't think straight. I feel like I can't stay conscious and my body wants to just sleep. I'm irritable and can't seem to control my snappish annoyed responses. The caffeine withdrawal monster is rearing its ugly head.

I thought I would churn out some randomness while I sat here suffering. So while I was scooping poop in the yard, I started thinking about the whole Francis Bean/Lana Del Rey verbal exchange. Is it fitting that I was scooping poop and thinking about celebrity poop? Lol I would link the ridiculousness here but I am typing on my phone and it is too much of a pain in the ass from this mode. The gist is that Lana said she wished she were dead right now and mentioned Kurt Cobain. Kurt's daughter had something to say about this on Twitter.

I don't think it is fair to assume Lana was glamorizing death or suicide. The truth is, some people just really do feel like they don't want to have to deal with the shit anymore and if there were a handy dandy switch to flip so you could opt out, I expect there would be a lot of tortured artists and musicians flipping that switch. Maybe Lana wasn't considering she was a role model. Maybe in that moment she really just felt that she didn't want to be here anymore. The music business and entertainment industry is filled with slimy people  and leaches. I can imagine, though her life seems fab, she probably has a lot of shit days with shitty people she deals with.

I'm not a celebrity and I have days and moments where I feel like I just want out of this bullshit earth game we have going on. I stay for my daughter, but if I didn't have her to tether me here, I'm not sure I would stick around. That isn't glamorizing death. I know death is not the end so it doesn't scare me.

For years and years I have had dreams that I am back in highschool and I suddenly go "What the fuck am I doing here? I am too old for this shit." And I leave the building. It wasn't until just this last year that i finally understood what what those dreams were about. Basically it had been a while since I had incarnated into earth life. For whatever asinine reason, I chose to come back here. See there was a mission I signed up for but I am not at all happy about being back in highschool. I'm fucking over this experience and a part of me just wants to be done. I'm too old for this shit and FUCK my head hurts. As much as I want to be done, I know I won't take myself out. I just need to vent about it sometimes. I will do what I came here to do but it doesn't mean I won't moan and groan about it along the way.

My point is, I can see how someone could say what Lana did and it isn't just because I have a girl crush on her. It is because I could picture myself saying the same thing and people being aghast that I could say such a thing.

Ode To Coffee

Coffee...oh delicious brown nectar of the Gods.
Your scent tantalizes me and teases me like a sexy brown seductress belly dancing.
Your flavor, when coming from just the right background, can make my taste buds moan with delight and send a delicious warmth from my head to my toes.
Coffee, how I love thee.
But today I am breaking up with you.
No longer will I be your bitch.
No longer will I be a slave to your chemical goodness that helps me start my day.
Please don't tell me to go decaf because the difference is like replacing a warm hard cock with a dildo....it looks the same but it isn't at all the same. There is always that palpable sense that something is missing.
I know the gravity of my actions, dear coffee.
I know I will suffer a three day migraine.

I will longingly think of you every time I see my empty French press and grinder.
It's not you, it's me.
Today I give you up.


I was 4-years-old the first time I smelled coffee and asked my mom if I could have a cup.  Oh how lovely it smelled.  I used to sneak free cups of coffee in the grocery store.  I have gone through refinement in my taste and became somewhat of a coffee snob.  Not just any coffee will do.  The hours and hours I have spent in coffee houses writing my soul onto paper.  All of my friends buy me coffee cups or think of me when they see coffee. lol But I am at that point where if I miss one of my fixes, I get a really bad headache.  It is time to see if I am strong enough to stand on my own without my delicious crutch.  Wish me luck.

Soul Family, The Human Vehicle and Walk-ins


I am so used to talking with those within my own spiritual community that it is easy to forget that "regular" folks (I affectionately call them "muggles") probably don't understand the terminology that I use when describing different things.  I was talking to my daughter about her "Uncle" David.  He isn't a biological uncle, he is a spiritual uncle.  He is soul family and he was only recently brought into my awareness after my spirit guides told me he had become a "walk-in" and was now in a new body.  I was trying to explain to Inara about "soul family".  I drew a picture of a tree and branches and showed her how there is the ONE tree and all these branches coming off.  On each branch is a set of leaves.  The leaves on that branch are your soul family.  They are the ones we are closest too and most connected to.  I explained to her that David, my friend, Mari, myself and her were all leaves on that branch.  We are family no matter if we are born into the same earth family or not.  We would always be soul family.  Some say "blood is thicker than water" and I would say it has nothing to do with blood.  It is all about the soul and where we are on the tree of life.  Soul groups aren't necessarily family on the same branch. They can be from clear across on the other side of the tree.  We can choose to incarnate over and over again with whomever we like, but it is that soul family that we are going to FEEL a strong connection to.


I then drew a picture of a stick person with a chair and a steering wheel in the head region and drew a little circle to indicate a spirit driving the human vehicle.  I explained to her that the human body is a vehicle that we drive.  The body is not who we are, it is simply how we experience life in the physical.  I went on to explain that when the vehicle breaks down, the driver of the vehicle gets out and becomes an orb...ball of light.  My daughter hears spirits and she has seen many orbs so she understands this concept well.  She understands that because of the high vibration, like the wings of a hummingbird, it is difficult for most people to see spirits. 

Back to the subject of walk-ins...she understands how sometimes an exchange takes place and a new spirit can step in and take over.  I commented on a different blog about this subject in response to someone.  Here is that dialogue:

USER:
That’s not true. In fact the opposite is true.
If we consider brain activity the soul then the soul is everything. If you die your soul dies – otherwise you are not dead. Your body will live on forever, both the body itself as matter and the changes and memories it left behind. The soul will be gone.
When you take out a computer’s internal hardware there only is the shell left.

MY RESPONSE:
Clearly we come from different perspectives. Energy never dies…it only changes form and everything is energy. The body is a vehicle, the brain a hard drive…all true. Where we differ is that the hard drive of the body is only there so that should a soul decide that they want to bail, another soul can step in, an exchange be made and then the stand in can play the role seamlessly. And because of amnesia that takes place when we enter the physical, the new soul actually believes they have always been that character. Really our Earth “reality” is more like a giant play where we all come to play out certain roles. Often we come back in different roles working within the same soul family/group. Sometimes when an exchange is made, there is damage to the hard drive computer file and the new soul is like “oh shit, now what?” And those are the cases where someone suddenly speaks fluently a language they had never known before or suddenly seem like a different person. Those cases are rare. Most people who are walk-in/soul exchanges have no idea or memory they were not the original driver of the vehicle. I could go on about this stuff for days. Science is finally starting to catch up with spirituality and eventually the two will come together and marry. There is already scientific evidence of an energy that leaves the body upon death. Think of the soul as the SkyDrive version of the brain. We take all of our experiences and memories with us to the higher frequency we become. In actuality we are like a song…a sound wave. When we leave the body, we become a higher frequency and vibration.

My "brother's" walk-in experience took place during meditation.  The new spirit entered into the solar plexus region and the original driver was pushed out.  There was no trauma or illness.  A lot of walk-ins happen during severe illness where one soul says "screw this shit! I'm out of here!" another says "Wait dude, I will take over your ride. It is still viable. No sense in wasting a good ride."  Some walk-ins occur during an simple illness like a fever.  They suddenly feel different and they can't place their finger on why.  Sometimes it comes out when people are hypnotized and do regression therapy.  Sometimes is comes back in flashes of memories and triggers.  Usually adult walk-ins will remember eventually who they really are and that they aren't the original driver of the vehicle. 

I'm rambling.  I don't know why I am going on about this except that maybe some muggles will come here, read this and learn something. lol  A quick search of "soul exchange" and/or "spiritual walk-in" will turn up a lot of information that is available out there if you are interested in learning more.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Where There Is No Vision


Where There Is No Vision

They say I'm crazy
That I dream too much
If I want to be famous
Then I'm "out of touch"

Where there is no vision
The people perish 
It's not their decision
My dreams I shall cherish
For where there is no vision
The people perish

I wonder what is worse
Extremely high or none
Going 'round in circles
Is fine for some

Where there is no vision
The people perish 
It's not their decision
My dreams I shall cherish
For where there is no vision
The people perish

Let us build the world
Set a goal that is "too high"
You won't be disappointed
Do more than just survive

Where there is no vision
The people perish 
It's not their decision
My dreams I shall cherish
For where there is no vision
The people perish

Written June 26, 1985
By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes:  The day I wrote this I went to the Missouri State Capitol Building.  I think it was the first and only time I went inside.  I was 16 at the time.  I saw carved into the wall "WHERE THERE IS NOT VISION THE PEOPLE PERISH".  It really resonated with me and I wrote it down in my tiny handy dandy notebook I always kept with me and then I wrote words to go with it.  It resonated because so often I heard that I needed to be "practical" with my goals and that I was a dreamer and needed to keep my feet on the ground.  Really all I wanted was the people I love to support me and tell me that ANYTHING is possible and no dream is too big.  That isn't what I got so I had to be my own support.  Hopefully my daughter will feel like we support what she dreams of doing the most.

My Daughter Wants to be a Rock Star

Ever since she was a wee thing my daughter, Inara, has kept rock star hours.  So the fact that she now tells me she wants to be a rock star shouldn't surprise me.  It fits.  She also says that she wants to be on TV and in movies. 


 

Again, she is already used to her entire life being filmed and photographed.  It wouldn't be a stretch for her to do it for money.  Lately she has lamented that she needs a way to earn money.  Maybe it is an option but I pity the director that has to try to "direct her".  OMG the child doesn't listen. 

We were watching some Sum 41 videos together and she says to me:
 

 

 "I just really want to be a rock star." and "Deryck is so handsome. I could just look at him all day!"

Should I be worried that she is obsessed with the idea of getting married, having kids and thinking an adult male old enough to be her father is so handsome that she could look at him all day? lol  Honestly, it gave me a huge belly laugh.  I think when I was her age (5 years old) I was into Shaun Cassidy.  Later it was Andy Gibb.  What can I say, I was a girl who liked a guy in tight pants who could sing.  Inara thought it was pretty funny that I used to pretend my pillow was Shaun Cassidy while I watched episodes of The Hardy Boys.  She pretends "Big Dog" (a stuffed toy) is her boyfriend.  They get married often. lol 

She wanted me to record this message for Deryck...lol

 

PS: You probably won't even be able to see the videos from your mobile phones as I can't usually see the videos on my blog from my phone.

This One is For Me....

Back when I asked to have have more open contact with my guides, a song was played in my head as though it were playing on the radio.  That song was Andy Gibb's "I Just Want To Be Your Everything".  At the time I thought it was really peculiar that a guide would be playing a love song in my head, but I tell you that the words of that song go through my head in difficult moments and usually the lines that I hear are, "if you give a little more than you're asking for your love will turn the key".  So in those moments when I feel like throwing in the towel, I hear those words and think, "I just have to keep going.  I have to give a little more than I am asking for."  Today I put the words here for myself to come back to and read when I need to lift myself.

I Just Want To Be Your Everything


For so long you and me been 
finding each other for so long
And the feeling that I feel for you is 
more than strong, girl take it from me
If you give a little more than you're asking for 
your love will turn the key

Darling mine I would wait forever 
for those lips of wine
Build my world around you, darling, 
this love will shine girl, watch it and see
If you give a little more than you're asking for 
your love will turn the key

I , I just want to be your everything
Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be
The things you are to me and not some puppet on a string
Oh , if I stay here without you, darling, I will die
I want you laying in the love I have to bring
I'd do anything to be your everything

Darling for so long you and me been 
finding each other for so long
And the feeling that I feel for you is 
more than strong girl, take it from me
If you give a little more than you're asking for 
your love will turn the key

I , I just want to be your everything
Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be
The things you are to me and not some puppet on a string
Oh, if I stay here without you, darling, I will die
I want you laying in the love I have to bring
I'd do anything to be your everything

I , I just want to be your everything
Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be
The things you are to me and not some puppet on a string
Oh, if I stay here without you, darling, I will die
I want you laying in the love I have to bring
I'd do anything to be your everything
Songwriters
GIBB, BARRY ALAN

Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.




Friday, June 20, 2014

The Art of Balance

"Flora" Merab Gagiladze
I grounded and meditated for the first time in ages.  I did it outside with my bare feet on the damp cool grass and soil.  It felt really good to breathe deep the morning air and do my clearing, cleansing and grounding.  Afterward, I spent time in gratitude thanking my guides and helpers for all they do.  I expressed my desire to live my life for the highest good of all.  I have recently lost sight of that very important goal.

I sometimes can develop tunnel vision and I put all of me into one area.  Who am I kidding?  I do this quite frequently actually.  I guess that is part of an addictive personality.  I openly admit to being addicted to coffee.  I used to be addicted to cigarettes.  It wasn't uncommon for me to smoke two packs if I was out at the bars with my friends.  I am sometimes addicted to starving myself.  Creepy, I know, but it is true.  I get a high from it.  Eating disorders are awesome (sarcasm).  When I was on my exercise kick I was addicted to the motion and movement.  I would go out to a bar with my friends and all I could think about was coming home and going for a power walk.  I craved it like the body craves air.  When I stopped power walking, I started meditating like a crazy woman.  I would do my clearing, cleansing and grounding in the morning for an hour and then I would do my kundalini meditation for an hour in the evening.  I was obsessed.  I wanted to meditate all the time.  Lately my obsession has been communicating with spirit. 

I am well aware of my patterns and tendencies.  My challenge is to find balance.  I'm a Libra Sun sign.  Balance was always going to be a life lesson for me.  Obviously I planned it that way before I came into the physical.  I need to find room on my plate for all the flavors and put it together to create a sweet spot.  I want to be able to meditate, power walk, communicate with spirit, communicate with my friends, continue my spiritual studies, spend time doing outdoor activities and spending quality time fully present with my daughter.  I KNOW I can do all of this this, I simply must make a choice and start....which I feel I have done just that this morning.

Today I feel I have new clarity and vigor to do my best to become the best me I can be.  I have renewed focus on where I need to be and what I need to do to get there.  I know in my heart that the key to many aspects of this human experience is BALANCE.  Inner balance is needed to make us strong mentally, emotionally and physically to propel us forward.  Outer balance is needed to keep us sane and maintain momentum.  The act of learning to balance can be frustrating, but once we get to that beautiful point of equilibrium, we can achieve amazing things like the awakened kundalini, the end of fear, instantaneous manifestation and overall peace and joy in our lives...to name a few.

Now...time to practice what I preach and get off of here and outside.

Fear, Demons and The Boogie Man

Moment of Clarity - Tom Bagshaw
Okay...deep breath, Oktobre. Now go!

Fear. It isn't a subject you would typically think is controversial but it is. I have had more heated discussions about fear than I have about abortions, gay rights, or vaccinations. People cling to their fear and don't you dare try to take it from them.
 
Here is my truth as I know it. We are the creators of our individual realities and no two are exactly alike. Our thoughts and our beliefs create the projections we see on the screen we call our lives. If you believe in dark entities and demons and shadow people that are out to get you, guess what? You just created it with your thoughts and beliefs. You lent your energy to that creation. So if something is coming up to you and going "Boo!" and scaring your ass, chances are pretty good you created it yourself with our own thoughts. If not your very own creations then certainly you have offered someone else's creation access to you by saying there is a big bad boogie man and they are out to get you. The universe complies and offers you what you believe so you can say "see, people are out to get me."

Some fear is logical and is meant to save the physical vehicle from certain demise. It is built into the human vehicle. Other types of fear we choose. I have a fear of singing in front of people. That is entirely my creation. I have to make a choice to say that that particular fear has no power over me.  I have to change my thoughts. People who fear demons can choose to simply change their beliefs and say that they don't exist and they suddenly vanish in your reality. It is really that simple.

When I come across people who think we have these big battles to fight with dark beings, governments, secret sinister groups that are trying to depopulate the world, I just have to roll my eyes. Hey that is great for their reality if that is what they want to believe, but personally I feel like the biggest impact you can make on the world is to simply change yourself....change your thoughts...change your beliefs. Fighting something and trying to annihilate it doesn't usually work the way you think it will. When you try to kill off bad bacteria that makes you sick, you often take out a lot of good bacteria too and it throws your whole body out of whack. But if you boost the good bacteria in your system and eat good, healthy food, chances are pretty good that you won't get sick in the first place. It is all about BALANCE.

If you find yourself faced with a dark being or shadow person, instead of fearing, stop and ask yourself how you are manifesting it. Perhaps all you need to do is offer it your love and acceptance and realize it really is just a part of you. We are always trying to banish our darker selves. Instead of banishing and fearing we need to try to understand and integrate so that we can create true balance within ourselves and our lives.

I'm not saying give into murderous feelings. Lol you might need therapy for that kind of dark side. I am saying the simpler dark stuff we can look at, acknowledge and accept as being part of who we are. Understand and examine your fears and then make a choice to change your thoughts.

I used to let fear rule my life. I was afraid of everything. My fears paralyzed me. And then one day I learned I had a choice and could simply change my thoughts. It was such liberating moment.

*stepping off my soap box*

Edited September 1, 2014
I have a friend who wrote two wonderful blog posts that are similar and expound more on the subject. They are great blog posts and worth reading:

Are Ouija Boards Evil?

I Love The Things That We Should Fear


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Untitled Poem

Edward Dimsdale (Road, East of England, 1997)

Untitled
Isn't is a shame
All the life we waste
Oh god I feel the pain
Of my life so misplaced
I want to believe
Everything has a reason
But I feel the weight
Of this life's black season

By Oktobre Taylor

I AM....



I AM fierce.
I AM brave.
I AM a warrior.
I AM creator.
I AM Goddess in all of my divine power.
I AM the crash of the waves that pummel the cliffs into sand.
I AM the lightning that strikes with force.
I AM the wind violently swirling taking out everything that gets in my way.
I AM the hunter that takes her prey down with swift precision.
I AM beautiful.
I AM soft.
I AM love.
I AM compassion.
I AM the breath of the child who wishes while blowing a dandelion puff.
I AM the warmth of an embrace that melts away ice covering a heart.
I AM the horses that run wild and free.
I AM the rock that offers respite to the one floating and lost in the sea.
I AM the song that whispers and speaks to your soul.
I AM balance.
I AM the Universe.
I AM all there is.
Everything that is outside of me starts with in me.
I AM.

Sometimes it feels like life sucker punches you and knocks the wind out of you.  What do you do in those circumstances?  Do you curl up in a ball, cry, and wish to die?  Sometimes I do.  Or do you look life in the face and say "Fuck you!  I will be victorious."?  On a rare occasion this it what I feel...like right now.  Fuck you, life.  You will not bring me to my knees.  It makes me think of a line from the movie The Crow.  "Take your best shot, Funboy. You got me dead bang."

Monday, June 16, 2014

Tom Bagshaw, I Love You!



I just wanted to give a shout out to Tom Bagshaw. You might notice I am kind of fond of his work.  It really speaks to my soul and fits well with my darker early writings.  He is such an amazing artist.  If you like his work too, please let him know! 

http://www.mostlywanted.com/

https://www.facebook.com/tom.bagshaw


https://twitter.com/tombagshaw 

http://tombagshaw.tumblr.com/ 




People Come And People Go

Cassandra - Tom Bagshaw


People Come And People Go

Sorry to see you so lonely now
Sorry to see life has hurt you somehow
But don't stop your life, you've got so much to live
Don't stop your life, you've got so much to give
 
  People come and people go
Summer sun and winter snow
Heaven above and hell below
Love is a circus and life is a show
Restrained, restricted and rushing so slow
People come and people go

Yes they say the pain will fade
Yes I know the pain always seems to stay
But don't make mistakes others have made 
Don't make mistakes and throw it all away

People come and people go
Summer sun and winter snow
Heaven above and hell below
Love is a circus and life is a show
Restrained, restricted and rushing so slow
People come and people go

Carry on day by day
Black bird flying so far away
Screaming out, hands in red clay
 Coffin homes and gradual decay
This is the game we all shall play


Written date unknown
By Oktobre Taylor

Friday, June 13, 2014

With A Whisper

Pantomime - Tom Bagshaw
With A Whisper

Vengeance is all I wanted for him
Not the passion that burned within
I wanted to tear him down to size
To leave him there left without pride

With a whisper
With a kiss
The gun is fired
But you miss
He's in range
Try, try again
Bullets fly
It might take ten
It's only when 
You see him fall
That you can
Stand very tall
Blow the smoke
He's off your list
With a whisper 
With a kiss

He got what he's always deserved 
Though my tactics may seem absurd
Meeting me was a wrong turn
I taught him a lesson he needed to learn

With a whisper
With a kiss
The gun is fired
But you miss
He's in range
Try, try again
Bullets fly
It might take ten
It's only when 
You see him fall
That you can
Stand very tall
Blow the smoke
He's off your list
With a whisper 
With a kiss

Written October 3, 1985
By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes: Out of the mouths of babes, eh?  I guess maybe I had some homicidal tendencies back then. Hahahaha  I was 16 and had a pretty healthy hate for all men.  Did it show? lol  All these years later and I still like it.  I think it would make a really visual song.

Welcome To My Destiny

Gathering - Naoto Hattori
Welcome To My Destiny

Someday somewhere I know I'm gonna find what it is I'm looking for
Somehow in the midnight hour I will find it there
Amidst the fog and haze
Between the dotted line
Middle of black and white
While I'm in a daze
Caught up in the vines
Lost in the limelight

Loud rolling thunder
Crash of the sea
The feelings I harbor
Soon to be set free
Sweet silent solitude
Lost in the breeze
Welcome to my madness
Welcome to my destiny

For obvious reasons unknown to most that surround me here and now
I build a castle in the clouds and hold onto childhood dreams
Amidst the fog and haze
Between the dotted line
Middle of black and white
While I'm in a daze
Caught up in the vines
Lost in the limelight

Loud rolling thunder
Crash of the sea
The feelings I harbor
Soon to be set free
Sweet silent solitude
Lost in the breeze
Welcome to my madness
Welcome to my destiny

Mystery is my identical twin in this world of complete confusion
Believing in the unbelievable, reality is what you make it
Amidst the fog and haze
Between the dotted line
Middle of black and white
While I'm in a daze
Caught up in the vines
Lost in the limelight

Loud rolling thunder
Crash of the sea
The feelings I harbor
Soon to be set free
Sweet silent solitude
Lost in the breeze
Welcome to my madness
Welcome to my destiny

Written August 16, 1987
By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes: True confession....a good majority of my "poems" were really written with the intention of being songs which is why you see a lot of repeats of verses.  They were actually set up to be a chorus.  Except I don't want to lay claim to being a song writer as I don't write songs...only lyrics...aka poems.
 

The Mist is Clearing

Artist Francois Fressinier

The Mist is Clearing

I'm lying here in your arms
But I feel so far away
What are we doing wrong
Should I go or should I stay

They say it will work out
I really want to believe
But I have so many doubts
I know I'll probably leave

I've always thought
It takes two to make it work
You think I can be bought
I can tell by your smirk

You say you love me
I say I care
The two aren't the same
It's left in the air

My eyes were foggy
But the mist is clearing
It is time for a change
The end of us is nearing

Written May 14, 1985
By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes: It is funny reading some of my old poems I haven't looked at in years. I was only 16 when I wrote this and didn't know shit about relationships because I had never had one at that point.  In fact, my first long term relationship wasn't until I was 34 and got married.  I think I was tapping into my subconscious and she was saying RUN from relationships, run fast and run hard. lol  It took me a long time to figure out that I was commitment phobic.  This poem could have been written for my life now as I leave my marriage.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Where Do You Find Dignity....


Untitled

Where do you find dignity
When you can't feel anymore?
How can you live your dreams
When you've shoved them out the door?

Life can be a constant struggle
Between what's good and bad
And when you lose all hope
This world will seem quite sad

Like driving down a highway
Yet not having any direction
They tell you that they love
Yet you can see the rejection

The paths that we take
Have unexpected twists and turns
The salt poured in my eyes
Continues to sting and burn

How will you ever find love 
If you won't answer the door?
How can you find happiness
If you won't take chances anymore?

Written March 22, 1987
By Oktobre Taylor



Ripple In The Water


Ripple In The Water

Calling in the wind a name
But I am calling to deaf ears
Colliding together, this story's the same
A thousand times, a million tears
Rain on my head
More to be shed

Ripple in the water
Stain on my knee
Gap in my heart
Part in the sea
To each his own they say
To each his own I pray
To each his own they say
Happiness may find me someday
Ripple in the water
Stain on my knee
Gap in my heart 
Part in the sea

Waking from my constant nightmare
Only to find myself in another
Crying for help, hoping he might care
Yet my comfort is my dog and my cover
Pain in my head
Nothing to be said

Ripple in the water
Stain on my knee
Gap in my heart
Part in the sea
To each his own they say
To each his own I pray
To each his own they say
Happiness may find me someday
Ripple in the water
Stain on my knee
Gap in my heart 
Part in the sea

Climbing to the highest point in a tree
I fall down but try once again
And when I reach the top what will I see?
What am I seeking? I ask where and when?
Despite the blood
I fight this flood

Written May 20, 1987
By Oktobre Taylor

Queen of a Fallen Castle....

Pandora - Tom Bagshaw
Untitled

Queen of a fallen castle
Why are your eyes still kind
Your king was never found
Have your eyes grown blind

Picture on my wall
Painting in my heart 
Balloon has been busted
With a liquid dart

Sensation can be fatal
Fulfilling as it may be
Lost in a mere statement
Who is watching out for me

Peering through my reflection
Question oh so strange
Child of the dark night
Looking for a change

I can see the future
Wandering visions in my mind
The words I write on paper
The meaning somewhere I find

Written ?? early 90s probably
By Oktobre Taylor

Monday, June 9, 2014

I Miss Him So

Final Act - Tom Bagshaw
I Miss Him So

I miss him so
Tingles on my crown
Heart full of love
Web on my face

I miss him so
Ear burning hot
Deep drink of air
Wrapped in his embrace

I miss him so
Tender kisses
Passion filled dreams
His beautiful face

I miss him so
Andy in my ear
Animal messengers
Dragonfly in place

I miss him so
Computer craziness
Lights blowing out
Sharing phone space

I miss him so
Street lights flicker
Voice in my head
Majestic horse grace

Why did he go?
Future so uncertain
No guarantees
Can I win this race?

Written June 9, 2014
By Oktobre Taylor


Author's notes: This poem is about a beloved guide who is no longer with me in spirit. They don't tell you that it feels like death when they go into a new body. We are supposed to be happy they landed a new ride, right? I wasn't happy at all. My heart broke and now I miss him like most people do when a person leaves a body.