Sunday, June 8, 2014

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Artist Unknown

I think maybe I need to say KUNDALINI more often.  It is the number one way that people find my blog.  I am genuinely surprised when someone other than one of my friends reads my blog.  I mean, I have no set form or blog topic. I am all over the place.  One minute I am talking spirituality and the next I am posting poems and the next just random stuff...saying whatever suits me at any given time.  I guess that is the beauty of a blog.  It is a place to just be you and go with whatever you feel in the moment.  It is like a fleshier version of Facebook.


Some people don't understand my desire to put myself out there and be public with whatever is on my mind. I have, at times, censored myself based on others' opinions and comments about what I choose to share, but I got tired of letting others dictate my behavior and what I choose to voice.  I decided I would go back to just being me.  If you don't like what I have to say, well that is your fucking problem, not mine. lol 

From an outside view, I am well aware how it could look like I am not really doing much.  In fact, I have been accused of doing nothing by a few people close to me.  Clearly they do not have the eyes to see the truth of the matter.  What is right before their eyes is invisible to them.  There is SO much I am doing on an internal level.  But if you can't see, why should I have to point it out to you?  Why should I have to tell anyone what my self worth is...what my value is?   If you don't value me, I am not going to try to beg or convince anyone they should.  It just is.  If you can't see my internal beauty and all the changes I have made, then it isn't my job to force you to see or explain myself. 

Honestly, I just don't care anymore if people understand me.  Some people "just get it".  Some people just understand and that is a beautiful thing.  I have felt so many of the people from my life fall away and the distance grow.  Friends I have had for nearly 30 years who I barely speak to anymore.  I still love them, but I love them from afar and with a sense that they no longer get the new me.  I don't feel inclined to share with people that couldn't even begin to grasp or understand some of the things I have going on in my life.  So I watch as they float away and become a distant memory of the story of me.

More and more I am letting go of my past, of my clutter that I have held onto for sentimental reasons.  I don't want the past to hold me back from moving forward and living fully in any given now moment.  I don't need things.  The things create baggage to pack when you want to take off on an exotic adventure.  So I am letting go of the letters, the bits and pieces that tell a story of my life.  I am letting go of that Duran Duran collection I have had since I was 14.  I am letting go of the gifts given to me by people no longer with us.  I am letting go of it all.  Those moments have been lived and don't need to be relived.  I let it all go with peace and love so that the experiences that are meant to come to me can reach me.