Dead Connections and Yellow Dresses

Art by Masaaki Sasamoto

I was thinking, this morning, about this part of my recent dreams:

There was a weird bit of dream about my daughter dying but then being recycled, as in, she was immediately reborn and I knew she would grow at an exponential rate. I remember her being a baby and nursing her. I also remember in that scene something about a coffee pot showing up in a corner on a counter.

I didn't understand what it meant at the time. Seeing your child die is always disturbing, but I had to think about what it could mean symbolically. A child is born from a connection between two people. In this instance, we could say the connection died quite suddenly. I think the rebirth of her could represent a new connection will come in fast and furious, hence why she was reborn and grew at an exponential rate. Coffee always speaks to me of something that wakes you up. And a corner is a "right angle" so maybe it is saying this new connection, who is fully awake, will be right for me. Maybe this will be someone who comes to the connection as an equal ready to give as much as they take which is why the child...the connection...can grow very quickly.

Last night's dreams seem to confirm that the old connection is dying off.

Dream Journal Entry: March 7, 2022

I dreamed about K again. I was at his house and he is saying he wants to take me and the kids horseback riding. I agreed, but needed to take a bath (get clean) first. His kids also busied themselves with getting clean. I remember using his tub and I am using a green and white striped bar of soap I identify as Irish Spring. I thought I had gotten clean, but then I find myself rubbing some of the soap on my neck even after I had gotten dressed and now I need to go back to the tub and rinse it off. When I got back in the tub, I decided I needed to shave my legs. I'm concerned that time is running out and soon it will be too late to go horseback riding at all. The afternoon light is starting to fade. There is still time, but I have to hurry.

I grab one of J's razors thinking it was mine at first. I was running the razor up my legs but it wasn't getting much of the hair. That is when I realized it was an orange handled, single blade razor that was J's (the relationship isn't cutting it). I then retrieve my own razor which is pink and has 5 blades which does what I am trying to do.  

During trying to find my own razor, I found an empty dildo package that was set away as if in hopes no one would notice. The fact that the dildo was out of the package seems to suggest it had been, in fact, used. To me, this speaks of "he fucked himself".

K wants to give me a dress that belongs to J. It is yellow and has a bright cheerful scene embroidered on the skirt. He says she has had it for awhile but had never worn it all of this time, so he offered it to me. It looked like it would fit, so I agreed and took it with me. I vaguely recall a second dream where I asked J if it was okay if I kept her dress and she agreed she was never going to wear it, saying I could keep it.

I don't remember ever doing the activity that was planned. I just remembered the sense of time slipping away and that if we didn't hurry, it would be too late.

Oh yeah, I also heard, "It was predicted he would be an alcoholic."