Dream: Blue in the Face and Poop Suits

Photo by Slava Thisset

Dream Journal Entry: June  17, 2018 I dreamed last night about seeing these people in these suits and all of their elimination was caught within it. All the pee and poop accumulated in the bags within the suit. After a while, the suit started to expand and got bigger. When they took the suits off and looked at what accumulated, you can imagine it was pretty gross and there was a lot of it.

Later I dreamed I was sitting in some make-up chairs and we are getting ready to go live on some TV show. Part of it is they provide us with make-up and we get to put it on. It feels like a Japanese show. My best friend is sitting beside me. I pick something and start to put it on my face but it wasn't what I was expecting. It was a blue color. I thought maybe the foundation would cover up the blue so I just kept going and covering my face in this blue color. But when I went to find foundation my skin tone to cover it, I found they had no foundation at all so I had to just suck it up and deal with it. I wasn't really happy about this but just let it go.

Photo by Slava Thisset

Later one of the women from this place took a syringe, filled it with poison and moved to inject me with it. For some reason, I allowed it but I then took my own syringe and pulled some of the poison fluid from my own own veins and injected it into her.

Photo by Slava Thisset

Comments to a friend about the dream...

Part 1: I thought and thought about this dream and the meaning was directly related to what I was about to do.

Initially, I wasn't going to respond to you at all. You see, I hate being ignored. I think it is hurtful and unkind. Being ignored is the poison being injected into me. And by taking similar action, I was taking the poison from my own veins and injecting you. The poop suit is about all the stuff we hold inside and never communicate. Purging involves communicating our thoughts and feelings rather than holding them inside. The term "blue in the face" is also about holding stuff in. When you refrain from breathing, you become blue in the face. I knew there was a problem with the color and I kept putting it on my face and when I looked for a solution to cover it, there was none.

This is me saying, I love you but I hate being ignored. I feel disregarded and not valued. I understand you need time to step away from the internet to have your own purge, but maybe you could just type a quick note to say so. I would appreciate it. Obviously going to a place of vindictiveness isn't helpful, so I am communicating my feelings to you so I can pass this fucking class and go home.

I love you and appreciate you.

Photo by Slava Thisset

Part 2: Just to clarify....I see you as the best friend beside me. The woman injecting me with poison is my own distorted perspective, processing and limited point of view. Obviously there is something there since being ignored is a trigger. It is something I have to work through which is why it comes up for me over and over.

Thank you for all that you have said. Sincerely. You are correct in that I can't completely understand because our varying circumstances with obligations and responsibilities, but I am willing to try, so should you ever want to tell me about it, I would be happy to listen in order to come to a better understanding. I can understand the need to retreat, so maybe we can have a code word and you only type it as a way to say, "this is one of those times I need to withdraw". Maybe just the word "retreat" would enough for me not to feel ignored and you wouldn't have to go into some big long explanation when all you want is to be alone and have time to yourself.

I talk to my "best friend" of 30 years and it just feels empty and sad at the level of distance between us due to where we have chosen to travel via our paths. You have usurped her without ever trying. You are my sister and best friend. You are the one I want to tell all the things I don't want to tell anyone else.

Thank you for being in my life and being so supportive. Thank you for understanding and your love. ❤🙏

Further thoughts...

I think part of what this dream illustrates is a need for communicating clear boundaries and feelings when we identify there is a problem. Instead of just sucking it up when we are unhappy about something, we need to stop and communicate effectively with whomever is involved. So often some of us go through life and just suck it up.

Grab a straw and suck up the shit. The first taste was horrible but you are going in for seconds anyway.

Why?!!

Effective communication where we take responsibility of our own feelings and express what we would rather without blaming or anger could help people on both sides of a situation. It helps people know where we are coming from. How can they possibly know we are unhappy if we always suck it up and pretend everything is fine when it isn't?

In this game with the specific people we are working towards connecting with, we both act as mirrors. I used to think my weight and fat was all me and my issues. I was more than happy to take full responsibility. Because I know this is a game and we are part of a team, I understand now that I am a reflection of where he is at internally.  I am wearing the fat suit of the emotions and shit that he holds in. I am expressing myself in ways I never did before regularly, so if it was all my unexpressed emotions, the weight should be falling away effortlessly as a symbol of the elimination of all the internal baggage and shit I held onto for many years. Because we are a team, I have to help him learn how to express his feelings and boundaries constructively so we can both move forward and cross the finish line together.

In an in-between state I once heard, "Clear out the inside shit and the outside shit will fall away."

I didn't know until recently he meant I had to help my partner clear out his internal shit so I can finally step out of this fat suit.

So, dear teammate, you know who you are, this post is for you to help you on your journey. Maybe it will help a few others too. 💜