Twin Soul Unions

Mahina and Lulu

Today I was having a conversation with a friend and it is within conversation that I often come to important realizations. Today was no exception.

This was the start of our conversation. My comments are in color with typos and hers are in white. 😁

Many people believe that twin souls/twin flames are two halves of a whole. I don't adhere to this way of thinking. 

During our conversation, I described two instances in which dogs I had seemed to have an instant soul recognition with another dog they just met and couldn't stop kissing them. These were dogs that were typically not very friendly with other dogs. With the right ones, it was instantaneous.

In my 52 years of life, I have connected to so many wrong people...wrong potential partners. I haven't really had good ones. I can find positives in just about anyone, but no one that makes me want to run up and kiss them and kiss them due to energy/soul recognition and never want to let them go. 

The ones I thought were "good" I was simply romanticizing. I believed (falsely) that they were better than they actually were.  I used to spend a lot of time living in the past and the "what ifs". 

I could make old flames out to be these magnificent people by focusing on the positives and projecting onto them who I believed them to be. If only I hadn't been commitment phobic.  If only I hadn't moved away. If only I had called him back and not lost touch. If only, if only, if only... 

So, when I got in touch with an old flame after all those years, I had this false image of him in my mind. I projected onto him who I believed him to be and he definitely puffed himself up to keep up that false belief. I eventually met up in person with the old flame. What I believed and what was true were two very different things. That was obvious in the in-person meeting which I couldn't have known otherwise by simply talking in text, phone conversations and online.

I can be very forgiving and I can overlook things to a point it is a detriment to myself. Thankfully, the old flame rejected me. In that rejection, it catapulted me into my self-love journey because I fought back and wouldn't accept his rejection as meaning there was something wrong with me. Where once I would take it personally and think there was something inherently wrong with me, I now was putting the responsibility back in the lap of who it belonged to. I didn't know about mirrors back then, but certainly he was a shadow, a mirror, that had come to send me on a crash course into self-love and self-discovery.

This journey I have been on has given me the ability to recognize energy better and not overlook so much. It has helped me recognize my own value. It has helped me get to know myself so deeply that I know my own energy extremely well.

I think, maybe, twin soul/flame unions are considered so rare because we often remain too fragmented to ever truly know our own energy enough to find a match. We are too busy cutting parts of ourselves off to fit someone else.

The journey, if done correctly, restores the parts of us we have cut off or given away and allows the parts of us to fall away that were put there as a defense system or coping mechanism that was never really who we were at our core. It restores confidence and releases insecurities that are the root of so many relationship problems. It gives us tools for communication, discernment, recognition, boundaries, and ending destructive patterns. It brings us back to self love and balance. It teaches us how to both give and receive and seek out relationships with those who can also both give and receive easily.

"Twin" isn't about being two halves of a whole but being two wholes with matching energy.

If we don't know our own energy or who we are, we will never be able to recognize someone whose energy so closely matches our own that they could be considered a "twin". 

If the energy we are in is someone we don't like, would we really want to connect with the matching energy of that? That is why we have to grow, expand, change and call back to us who we were always meant to be. When we become someone we fall in love with AND can recognize our own energy match in another, then we are ready for a physical union with someone.

Anyone has the potential to be a match if their energy lines up and matches our own. Most people who think they are with their twin actually are with a mirror, a shadow. Yes, love your shadows but know when to let them go, too. Letting go with love and appreciation for the lessons gained has been a huge part of the journey for me, a difficult and painful part, but a very necessary one. So often we love people who really aren't very good for us. Fully loving yourself is knowing when to walk away and let the connection go.

I was thinking about the reference to ultraviolet from my dreams and what it could mean. The main thing that comes to mind right away is how there are some rocks and minerals that look completely different under ultraviolet light. What once looked ordinary under normal light, looks extraordinary under ultraviolet light. Perhaps the meaning is that the so called "twin flame journey" or what I like to call "the journey back to self" gives us new eyes to see each other with. No longer are we satisfied seeing with our eyes alone. Now we see with what we feel, what we sense, what we hear and what we know. We see with observation of actions and behaviors. We see with signs, syncs and inner guidance. 

A person most people see as "nothing special" we can now easily see as a rare extraordinary magical creature to be revered. Someone we might have overlooked before we started the journey back to self, we can now see with with "ultraviolet light" vision and recognize the extraordinary beauty of their energy, mind and heart.

When we come to the completion of the "twin flame" journey, we should finally be healed, whole, and developed enough that we can enter a healthy and successful relationship with someone who has also reached the same level of growth and development.

It is there "happily ever after" can truly begin.

*Mineral Images borrowed from here.

An Open Letter to Cillian Murphy

Dear Cillian Murphy,

I can't believe you exist!!!

At first when I was exploring you, I easily thought, "oh yeah, he is my ideal" but I didn't actually know how true that was until I started exploring you further. It is difficult to get much from watching movie promotion interviews, but these little sparkling glimpses would appear, causing me to gasp and giggle with delight.

VICE interview...you were vocal about not loving the process of promoting a project with interviews but you did it earnestly with projects you truly believe in. I thought , "Oh my God!! He has integrity and values! Just look at that integrity! That is amazing in his industry!"

Later you go into a shop that has some sweet looking antique guitars. You make a B-line for this. "The music is still alive in him!" is the the spontaneous mental note I make. You admire a guitar that is £27,000 and immediately reject the idea of spending so frivolously and self indulgently. Immediately I think, "Oh my God, what planet are you from? You aren't materialistic and selfish! How is it you exist in that industry?!!! I think you might be a unicorn or some other mythical creature! People say they exist, but you have never seen one yourself."

Another interview...

Apparently you like to hike with your dog. Two thoughts occur: "Yay! He's a dog person!" "He likes to be outside and enjoy nature like me!"

Something became clear to me as I fell deeper in love with you with each morsel of goodness I found about you. At last I met someone who is the mirror of who I have become after the 9 years of my transformative spiritual journey back to self. The parts of you I find so beautiful and amazing are also who I am. By loving what I am seeing in you, I am also loving the me I have become and that is priceless.

If by some freak happening you find yourself available for a new relationship, will you marry me? 😁

Sincerely,

Oktobre

PS: I deliberately didn't use a photo of you because I know I would be more attracted to something funny than having to look at several pictures of myself. I'm guessing you would feel the same. The illustration I have selected is for you and not the potential readers of this letter. 🐬

Advice To Our Younger Selves, Falling In Love, and Gratitude

So it all started with a comment on an Instagram picture Deryck Whibley (Sum 41) posted of his 17-year-old self.

Me: What advice would you give to your younger self knowing all that you know now?

Deryck: I would say keep doing what ur doing kid, ur gonna love every min of it.

Me: Seriously that is it? Omg I have so much I would tell my 17 year old self. The biggest changes I have made have been within the last 5 years. I wish I could have made some of those changes a lot younger. I marvel at some of the younger people today and how they just get some of the things that it took me 30+ years to figure out. I'm glad you have no regrets. When you have kids of your own, that perspective might alter a little.

It inspired me to post a photo of my younger me and say some of those things to her. I posted this photo: 

And this was what I said:

I asked @sum41 what advice he would give his younger self. He didn't have much he would tell his younger self, but I have plenty I would say to my younger me knowing all that I know now. 

Dear younger me, let go of the anger and stop building walls around your heart because they will be hard to tear down later. Love yourself wildly and passionately. There is nothing to fear. Let the fear go that was taught to you by religion. Enjoy the little things in life because those are what matter most. Don't worry about what others think of you. The only opinion of you that matters about you is your own. If you see an opportunity in front of you, take it. It might never come again. That person you thought would always be there just might die tomorrow. Tell people how much you love them and tell them often. Don't ever stop writing and trust your own intuition.

And then my West Coast BFF, Shannon, posted this photo of me in the comments on Facebook:

I had never seen this photo of me before and it struck me and made my grinchy heart grow a little. This photo is SO me in a nutshell....happiest with a pen in my hand and deep in thought. But look at her! Just look! She is BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING and CREATIVE and FEELING and yet she never thought she was pretty enough or smart enough or thin enough or talented enough. She never thought very much of herself at all. All of the negative self talk....all of the closing off and walls she put up because what she felt she didn't think she could handle and she didn't want to be weak and crumble. She didn't want to be vulnerable. Her heart eventually became frozen in layers and layers of ice so that she could numb herself from being able to feel.

I sat there wishing I really could reach back and hug my younger self and give her the advice and wisdom I have today to share from my experience she didn't have yet. I was talking to my East Coast BFF, Ziba, and telling her all of this. I have done so much inner work and gained so much momentum just from talking about everything rattling around my brain with Ziba. She and I have similar issues we need to face and "self love" is a topic that has come up a lot.

As I mentioned to her, everyone is talking about loving the self first. We hear it over and over and yet we just nod and say "okay" but none of us really understand what we need to do and how to achieve it. Self-love is almost as mystical and elusive as dragons, unicorns and the perfect romantic partner. But today, something clicked and I completely understand what I need to do. I can see it, feel it and taste it in a way I couldn't before.

What I need to do is romance myself. I mean, I need to treat me the way I would a lover in the beginning stages of a relationship. I need to shower her/me with poems of love, tender words, kindness and consideration. I need to let her know that I love every aspect of her. I need to let her know that I love even the negatives and the dark side because even our shadow selves need to be loved.

I have an exercise in mind that I want to practice. I am going to visualize my now me with me at different ages and I want to love her. I want to tell her all the things she needed to hear back then but didn't. I want her to feel SO much love that all of her walls crumble. I will love myself so much that the inner fire and light will burst outward and disintegrate the fortress that has kept my heart a prisoner and hidden away.

I think this is key for moving forward and achieving all that I wish to achieve in my life and I feel really optimistic about it. I can't wait to start romancing myself.

I invite all who read this to post a photo of your younger you and give him/her advice from what you know now. I invite you to fall in love with yourselves and give yourself the love you desire so much. We often seek love from external sources when really the love we want most of all is our own.

I want to say thank you to Deryck for being my muse and posting things that make me ponder and contemplate life. I want to thank my West Coast BFF, Shannon for always being there and just getting me and loving me in the way I need to love myself. Can you believe it has nearly been 30 years ago that we met?! I want to thank my East Coast BFF, Ziba, for being there everyday and talking through so much of this stuff with me. I can let my spirituality hang out all over the place with you and be my weird self with you. I appreciate the presence of all of you in my life no matter what form or capacity. Love and gratitude to you.