Twin Soul Unions

Mahina and Lulu

Today I was having a conversation with a friend and it is within conversation that I often come to important realizations. Today was no exception.

This was the start of our conversation. My comments are in color with typos and hers are in white. 😁

Many people believe that twin souls/twin flames are two halves of a whole. I don't adhere to this way of thinking. 

During our conversation, I described two instances in which dogs I had seemed to have an instant soul recognition with another dog they just met and couldn't stop kissing them. These were dogs that were typically not very friendly with other dogs. With the right ones, it was instantaneous.

In my 52 years of life, I have connected to so many wrong people...wrong potential partners. I haven't really had good ones. I can find positives in just about anyone, but no one that makes me want to run up and kiss them and kiss them due to energy/soul recognition and never want to let them go. 

The ones I thought were "good" I was simply romanticizing. I believed (falsely) that they were better than they actually were.  I used to spend a lot of time living in the past and the "what ifs". 

I could make old flames out to be these magnificent people by focusing on the positives and projecting onto them who I believed them to be. If only I hadn't been commitment phobic.  If only I hadn't moved away. If only I had called him back and not lost touch. If only, if only, if only... 

So, when I got in touch with an old flame after all those years, I had this false image of him in my mind. I projected onto him who I believed him to be and he definitely puffed himself up to keep up that false belief. I eventually met up in person with the old flame. What I believed and what was true were two very different things. That was obvious in the in-person meeting which I couldn't have known otherwise by simply talking in text, phone conversations and online.

I can be very forgiving and I can overlook things to a point it is a detriment to myself. Thankfully, the old flame rejected me. In that rejection, it catapulted me into my self-love journey because I fought back and wouldn't accept his rejection as meaning there was something wrong with me. Where once I would take it personally and think there was something inherently wrong with me, I now was putting the responsibility back in the lap of who it belonged to. I didn't know about mirrors back then, but certainly he was a shadow, a mirror, that had come to send me on a crash course into self-love and self-discovery.

This journey I have been on has given me the ability to recognize energy better and not overlook so much. It has helped me recognize my own value. It has helped me get to know myself so deeply that I know my own energy extremely well.

I think, maybe, twin soul/flame unions are considered so rare because we often remain too fragmented to ever truly know our own energy enough to find a match. We are too busy cutting parts of ourselves off to fit someone else.

The journey, if done correctly, restores the parts of us we have cut off or given away and allows the parts of us to fall away that were put there as a defense system or coping mechanism that was never really who we were at our core. It restores confidence and releases insecurities that are the root of so many relationship problems. It gives us tools for communication, discernment, recognition, boundaries, and ending destructive patterns. It brings us back to self love and balance. It teaches us how to both give and receive and seek out relationships with those who can also both give and receive easily.

"Twin" isn't about being two halves of a whole but being two wholes with matching energy.

If we don't know our own energy or who we are, we will never be able to recognize someone whose energy so closely matches our own that they could be considered a "twin". 

If the energy we are in is someone we don't like, would we really want to connect with the matching energy of that? That is why we have to grow, expand, change and call back to us who we were always meant to be. When we become someone we fall in love with AND can recognize our own energy match in another, then we are ready for a physical union with someone.

Anyone has the potential to be a match if their energy lines up and matches our own. Most people who think they are with their twin actually are with a mirror, a shadow. Yes, love your shadows but know when to let them go, too. Letting go with love and appreciation for the lessons gained has been a huge part of the journey for me, a difficult and painful part, but a very necessary one. So often we love people who really aren't very good for us. Fully loving yourself is knowing when to walk away and let the connection go.

I was thinking about the reference to ultraviolet from my dreams and what it could mean. The main thing that comes to mind right away is how there are some rocks and minerals that look completely different under ultraviolet light. What once looked ordinary under normal light, looks extraordinary under ultraviolet light. Perhaps the meaning is that the so called "twin flame journey" or what I like to call "the journey back to self" gives us new eyes to see each other with. No longer are we satisfied seeing with our eyes alone. Now we see with what we feel, what we sense, what we hear and what we know. We see with observation of actions and behaviors. We see with signs, syncs and inner guidance. 

A person most people see as "nothing special" we can now easily see as a rare extraordinary magical creature to be revered. Someone we might have overlooked before we started the journey back to self, we can now see with with "ultraviolet light" vision and recognize the extraordinary beauty of their energy, mind and heart.

When we come to the completion of the "twin flame" journey, we should finally be healed, whole, and developed enough that we can enter a healthy and successful relationship with someone who has also reached the same level of growth and development.

It is there "happily ever after" can truly begin.

*Mineral Images borrowed from here.

I Choose the Light

I grew up in a deeply religious (Seventh Day Adventist) and highly dysfunctional household. For many years I held onto many of those (twisted) beliefs out of habit and fear even though I discontinued going to church regularly by the time I was 16. That was the point in which my mom left my dad for the second and final time. Back then I kept a journal regularly and writing in it was one of my favorite past times. I used to muse and think about everything big and small...especially things of a spiritual nature. I can't tell you at what point it was that I stopped believing in anything. I can't tell you when I started closing myself off to all spirituality. Hearing people attribute this or that to "the will of God" or talking about how great Jesus is makes me cringe and involuntarily roll my eyes. Hearing people go on about how their faith is the "chosen" faith of God makes me want to scream, "There is no chosen religion, people! Wake up! There is no god, Jesus was an alien and we are all just going to die and rot!" But I have remained silent because I know my view is not a popular one and people get pretty angry if you don't believe in their God, but even more angry if you don't believe in any god. I just kept my feelings and opinions to myself. I think it is safe to say the bible-thumpers are in the majority here in the good ol' USofA.

When my beloved daughter was born, I felt I wanted her to eventually learn about all different beliefs and then choose on her own one day what it is she believes. I also felt I was not a good candidate for teaching her those things given my state of mind at that point. That is why we asked our friend, Dan Reed to be our daughter's Godfather. We felt he would be a wonderful spiritual teacher given all of his experiences and what a spiritual person he has become.

In October 2010, I was sent into a bit of a tailspin when my friend and former employer committed suicide. I was a nanny for her three children for 8.5 years and lived with them for 6.5 years of that time. How can you not think about whether or not you believe there is something after death at a time like that? My heart ached for her children and still does to this day. As time went by, I was able to push the sadness further and further away, but as I type these words now I feel some of the sadness creep back. I dreamed of her many times and it always freaked me out to see her in my dream because I would realize she had died and wasn't supposed to be there.

Fast forward to February 2011. Anyone who knows me knows what a big part of my life my little dachshund, Phoenix, has been. I happily call her my "child" and love her with the same unwavering love as I do my human child. I often refer to her as my "first born" and my daughter's "older sister". If you have never had a close bond with a pet, you could never possibly understand the depth of love a person can have for an animal. Those who have had that bond understand completely. Phoenix has always had health problems and I have done my best to attend to her needs so that she could live a little bit longer life. In February my husband noticed she wasn't breathing right and we immediately took her in to see the doctor. I was devastated to hear she was in congestive heart failure. The doctor gave us several meds to try to help turn it around and she seemed to make a turn for the better. She was mostly normal for about a month and then she took a turn for the worse and I knew this was going to be the end for her. My heart was breaking and I wished she could stay longer but told her it was okay to go if she needed to, but that I really wanted her to eventually come back to me if she could. I know she loves me just as intensely as I love her because she kept fighting and didn't die naturally at home. She was suffering and I couldn't bear to watch her suffer, so I made the impossible decision to help end her suffering by taking her to the vet and having them help me. A piece of me was suddenly gone in a matter of seconds. It was so fast. I can honestly say I have never grieved for a human the way I have grieved for her. I miss her desperately. My mind started to obsess about what was on the other side of death and I finally came to the conclusion that energy never dies, it only changes form. I started searching and reading about near death experiences where people saw a beloved pet on the other side and I found these comforting.

March 2011 has seen a lot of doom a gloom. Earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear meltdowns, continuing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, increasing cost of gas and therefore everything else. I suddenly found myself watching youtube videos about radiation that was making its way to the US. I started watching all kinds of things on conspiracy theories, chemtrails, geo-engineering, weather wars, evil pharmaceutical companies, Monsanto, alien invasions, doomsday and 2012. I was completely freaked out and scared out of my mind of everything. It seemed like no matter what I was going to eat or drink I was going to get poisoned even though I was trying very hard to buy good organic whole foods. When it would rain, I didn't want to go outside because I imagined it was pure poison raining down on me and my child. I started to feel really hopeless and depressed about the state the world was in. There are some who say there is a comet/dwarf star that is going to come close to earth and cause all kinds of natural disasters. I started feeling like the whole earth was pretty much screwed so what was there for me to actually do with that in mind?

I decided that perhaps it was time to explore what it was I do believe in on a spiritual level. I started thinking about learning how to meditate to try to balance my energies. I went to various sites that taught various styles of meditation. I don't know why, but a structured way of meditation just doesn't feel genuine for me. I think it is the same way for me that any religion telling me I have to do things exactly this way or that way feels false and wrong to me. I'm sure some people like the rituals and structure, but the core of my being resists rituals.

I went back to youtube and started trying to find videos that would help me on my spiritual journey. I eventually came across a Coast to Coast AM radio interview with a man named, Mellen-Thomas Benedict. It was my "ah ha" moment and I felt the flood gates had burst open and I could once again explore my spiritual side with ease. I also watched some videos by Nanci Danison who had similar stories to tell about the other side and the source from where we come. These stories resonated with me and I have taken them to heart.

I think on this journey called life we all have to figure out our own truths. My truth may not be the same as yours because no two journeys will be identical. Some of the truths that I feel I have learned thus far:

• We are caterpillars on this earth. We are here to feed, to feel, to take in, to learn. Death is just the transformation...the time in which we become butterflies.

• Thought is a powerful thing and we create our own realities.

• Fear is poison to the human body.

• We all have the answers within ourselves, we just have to ask the right questions and then really listen.

• The only thing of real importance in this life are the relationships we create. Love is what it is all about.

• This human life is a gift and we should treat it as such. We are fortunate to be here to enjoy a gentle breeze, to feel a child's love, to enjoy the sheer beauty and power of every natural thing on Mother Earth.

• We have all been here many times before and will be here many times in the future.

So with all of this in mind it is no surprise that I have decided to turn my back on fear. No longer will I fear the food I eat or the water I drink. No longer will I fear the air I breath. No longer will I fear that the world is going to be destroyed by natural disasters, nuclear meltdowns and our own stupidity.

I choose the Light.

I choose Love.

I choose Life.