Friends

Artist - Elena Khmeleva

Friends

When I felt I had nothing left to live for

And that I just couldn't go on

I've been lifted by the hand of a friend

To make me see I do belong

I used to think I was completely alone

Didn't think anybody cared

But I was blessed with very special people

With me their love they shared

Some realistic people have told me

That dreams don't come true

Yet some wonderful crazy dreamers

Showed me that they do

I was so scared of life, the hurt and the pain

Still I wanted to take a chance

I love them all and proudly call them friends

For they taught my heart to dance

You are more important to me

Than brief love affairs

You are so important to me

Answer to my prayers

You are more important to me

Than why a rainbow bends

You are so important to me

My dearest, dear friends

If I owned everything that is grand

To them I'd give it away

The only thing I can give right now

Is this poem I write today

Written February 6, 1987

By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes: It is funny how the happy, positive poems leave me feeling a little reluctant to share as they seem almost cheesy.  It is easy to bleed and show you my angst of years gone by, but to show you the bright points leaves me feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable, lol I guess that means I should share it.

Taming The Beast

It was a pretty brutal three days of caffeine withdrawal symptoms, but I made it through.  It will likely take me a little longer not to miss my trusty companion, but I will manage.  I like to think my body is thanking me and happy to not be loaded down with chemicals.  I have been more sleepy earlier, but hopefully that will balance out eventually.  And, yes, I am cutting all caffeine with the exception of a little dark chocolate now and then.  I feel really good and can imagine I will only feel better as my body is able to absorb nutrients uninhibited by the caffeine. Before you know it I will actually be one of those crazy healthy people who buys wheat grass smoothies. lol Okay, maybe not.

Thankfully I don't have a sweet tooth, so that is one addiction I don't have to confront.  I like salty things more than sweet.  I was that kid in the pasture licking the cow's salt block. lol  If I was given hot chocolate it usually was thrown away.  Most kids eat the center of an Oreo and leave the cookie. I was the opposite...scrape off the center and eat the cookie.  Cake frosting was scraped off and only the cake eaten.  Now salt is another matter. lol I'm not as bad as I used to be, but certainly I could cut some of the salt from my diet and be okay.

"What next?" I imagine the reader wondering.  Well, I really want to get outside more.  There are canoe rentals across the street calling my name and a number of lovely Oregon trails that I would love to get out and hike.  And now that I don't have to worry about missing my fix and getting a headache, I don't have to ever worry again about where the nearest coffee house is.  Tomorrow is my daughter's 6th birthday and we are going to the beach.  It will be a strange thing not to make that end of the day dash to a coffee house for a fix.  It will be nice, I think.

The Beauty Beneath the Skin Suit

Can we call this day 3 of my withdrawals? It is 1:22am and I am wide awake because I have been unable to do much else other than sleep.  My head still hurts but at least I'm not throwing up anymore.  I have had a lot of time to lay around and think....

*stepping onto my soap box*

I often wonder when we, as a society, will start to actually look beyond the skin suit we wear and really look into the soul.  When will we see and understand that we each are actually these amazing light beings on the inside driving these things we call bodies? 

Why are we so obsessed with looks?  Why don't we care about seeing the depth of the being that drives the vessel?  Is it because we actually believe we are the body?  Probably.  I have driven many bodies.  This is just one of many I have had and I am sure I will have many more but hopefully not the Earth variety.  I was told in a dream by elders that this was my last Earth life and I was SO relieved.

In my 20s people saw me and saw a pretty package....but they didn't see ME...the real me that dwells within.  They would project their ideal onto me and hope to mold me into their perfect prize.  It made me angry and resentful.  Then I gained weight and suddenly people treated me differently.  It is like I became invisible.  Guess what, dumb asses, I am still the same fucking person I was before.  When you are beautiful, people fall all over themselves to do things for you and give things away to you because of the way you look.  I went through the whole losing weight and all the attention you get from it.  Instead of it making me feel good, it just pissed me off.  Look people, I am still the same fucking driver of the skin suit whether my ride is a pimped out sports car or a beat up VW van.  When I step out of my car you will see that my light is HUGE and beautiful.  I am fucking amazing but most of you can't see it because all you see is the skin suit regardless of what size I am or what color my hair is this week.

Instead of judging a book by its cover, take time to get to know the driver of the car.  Observe them.  Ask questions about them and really LISTEN. Don't project onto them who you want them to be.  Really SEE the soul that dwells within.  This single Earth life is just a tiny facet of who we really are as light beings. The roles we play here are just that...roles.  We set up the stories and the experiences we have to see how something feels or to help us grow.  What you do with the time you have in this particular lifetime is up to you, but don't you think the world will seem like a much nicer and kinder place if we can actually look at each other and see the beauty of our souls and not worry so much about what the skin suit looks like?  I like to imagine everyone naked when I am out and about.  And when I say naked, I mean, without a body.  It really changes your perspective.

Ode To Coffee

Coffee...oh delicious brown nectar of the Gods.
Your scent tantalizes me and teases me like a sexy brown seductress belly dancing.
Your flavor, when coming from just the right background, can make my taste buds moan with delight and send a delicious warmth from my head to my toes.
Coffee, how I love thee.

But today I am breaking up with you.
No longer will I be your bitch.
No longer will I be a slave to your chemical goodness that helps me start my day.
Please don't tell me to go decaf because the difference is like replacing a warm hard cock with a dildo....it looks the same but it isn't at all the same. There is always that palpable sense that something is missing.
I know the gravity of my actions, dear coffee.
I know I will suffer a three day migraine.

I will longingly think of you every time I see my empty French press and grinder.
It's not you, it's me.
Today I give you up.


I was 4-years-old the first time I smelled coffee and asked my mom if I could have a cup.  Oh how lovely it smelled.  I used to sneak free cups of coffee in the grocery store.  I have gone through refinement in my taste and became somewhat of a coffee snob.  Not just any coffee will do.  The hours and hours I have spent in coffee houses writing my soul onto paper.  All of my friends buy me coffee cups or think of me when they see coffee. lol But I am at that point where if I miss one of my fixes, I get a really bad headache.  It is time to see if I am strong enough to stand on my own without my delicious crutch.  Wish me luck.

Soul Family, The Human Vehicle and Walk-ins

I am so used to talking with those within my own spiritual community that it is easy to forget that "regular" folks (I affectionately call them "muggles") probably don't understand the terminology that I use when describing different things.  I was talking to my daughter about her "Uncle" David.  He isn't a biological uncle, he is a spiritual uncle.  He is soul family and he was only recently brought into my awareness after my spirit guides told me he had become a "walk-in" and was now in a new body.  I was trying to explain to Inara about "soul family".  I drew a picture of a tree and branches and showed her how there is the ONE tree and all these branches coming off.  On each branch is a set of leaves.  The leaves on that branch are your soul family.  They are the ones we are closest too and most connected to.  I explained to her that David, my friend, Mari, myself and her were all leaves on that branch.  We are family no matter if we are born into the same earth family or not.  We would always be soul family.  Some say "blood is thicker than water" and I would say it has nothing to do with blood.  It is all about the soul and where we are on the tree of life.  Soul groups aren't necessarily family on the same branch. They can be from clear across on the other side of the tree.  We can choose to incarnate over and over again with whomever we like, but it is that soul family that we are going to FEEL a strong connection to.

I then drew a picture of a stick person with a chair and a steering wheel in the head region and drew a little circle to indicate a spirit driving the human vehicle.  I explained to her that the human body is a vehicle that we drive.  The body is not who we are, it is simply how we experience life in the physical.  I went on to explain that when the vehicle breaks down, the driver of the vehicle gets out and becomes an orb...ball of light.  My daughter hears spirits and she has seen many orbs so she understands this concept well.  She understands that because of the high vibration, like the wings of a hummingbird, it is difficult for most people to see spirits. 

Back to the subject of walk-ins...she understands how sometimes an exchange takes place and a new spirit can step in and take over.  I commented on a different blog about this subject in response to someone.  Here is that dialogue:

USER:
That’s not true. In fact the opposite is true.
If we consider brain activity the soul then the soul is everything. If you die your soul dies – otherwise you are not dead. Your body will live on forever, both the body itself as matter and the changes and memories it left behind. The soul will be gone.
When you take out a computer’s internal hardware there only is the shell left.

MY RESPONSE:
Clearly we come from different perspectives. Energy never dies…it only changes form and everything is energy. The body is a vehicle, the brain a hard drive…all true. Where we differ is that the hard drive of the body is only there so that should a soul decide that they want to bail, another soul can step in, an exchange be made and then the stand in can play the role seamlessly. And because of amnesia that takes place when we enter the physical, the new soul actually believes they have always been that character. Really our Earth “reality” is more like a giant play where we all come to play out certain roles. Often we come back in different roles working within the same soul family/group. Sometimes when an exchange is made, there is damage to the hard drive computer file and the new soul is like “oh shit, now what?” And those are the cases where someone suddenly speaks fluently a language they had never known before or suddenly seem like a different person. Those cases are rare. Most people who are walk-in/soul exchanges have no idea or memory they were not the original driver of the vehicle. I could go on about this stuff for days. Science is finally starting to catch up with spirituality and eventually the two will come together and marry. There is already scientific evidence of an energy that leaves the body upon death. Think of the soul as the SkyDrive version of the brain. We take all of our experiences and memories with us to the higher frequency we become. In actuality we are like a song…a sound wave. When we leave the body, we become a higher frequency and vibration.

My "brother's" walk-in experience took place during meditation.  The new spirit entered into the solar plexus region and the original driver was pushed out.  There was no trauma or illness.  A lot of walk-ins happen during severe illness where one soul says "screw this shit! I'm out of here!" another says "Wait dude, I will take over your ride. It is still viable. No sense in wasting a good ride."  Some walk-ins occur during an simple illness like a fever.  They suddenly feel different and they can't place their finger on why.  Sometimes it comes out when people are hypnotized and do regression therapy.  Sometimes is comes back in flashes of memories and triggers.  Usually adult walk-ins will remember eventually who they really are and that they aren't the original driver of the vehicle. 

I'm rambling.  I don't know why I am going on about this except that maybe some muggles will come here, read this and learn something. lol  A quick search of "soul exchange" and/or "spiritual walk-in" will turn up a lot of information that is available out there if you are interested in learning more.

Where There Is No Vision

Where There Is No Vision

They say I'm crazy

That I dream too much

If I want to be famous

Then I'm "out of touch"

Where there is no vision
The people perish 

It's not their decision

My dreams I shall cherish

For where there is no vision

The people perish

I wonder what is worse

Extremely high or none

Going 'round in circles

Is fine for some

Where there is no vision
The people perish 

It's not their decision

My dreams I shall cherish

For where there is no vision

The people perish

Let us build the world

Set a goal that is "too high"

You won't be disappointed

Do more than just survive

Where there is no vision
The people perish 

It's not their decision

My dreams I shall cherish

For where there is no vision

The people perish

Written June 26, 1985

By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes:  The day I wrote this I went to the Missouri State Capitol Building.  I think it was the first and only time I went inside.  I was 16 at the time.  I saw carved into the wall "WHERE THERE IS NOT VISION THE PEOPLE PERISH".  It really resonated with me and I wrote it down in my tiny handy dandy notebook I always kept with me and then I wrote words to go with it.  It resonated because so often I heard that I needed to be "practical" with my goals and that I was a dreamer and needed to keep my feet on the ground.  Really all I wanted was the people I love to support me and tell me that ANYTHING is possible and no dream is too big.  That isn't what I got so I had to be my own support.  Hopefully my daughter will feel like we support what she dreams of doing the most.

This One is For Me....

Back when I asked to have have more open contact with my guides, a song was played in my head as though it were playing on the radio.  That song was Andy Gibb's "I Just Want To Be Your Everything".  At the time I thought it was really peculiar that a guide would be playing a love song in my head, but I tell you that the words of that song go through my head in difficult moments and usually the lines that I hear are, "if you give a little more than you're asking for your love will turn the key".  So in those moments when I feel like throwing in the towel, I hear those words and think, "I just have to keep going.  I have to give a little more than I am asking for."  Today I put the words here for myself to come back to and read when I need to lift myself.

I Just Want To Be Your Everything

For so long you and me been 

finding each other for so long
And the feeling that I feel for you is 

more than strong, girl take it from me
If you give a little more than you're asking for 

your love will turn the key

Darling mine I would wait forever 

for those lips of wine
Build my world around you, darling, 

this love will shine girl, watch it and see
If you give a little more than you're asking for 

your love will turn the key

I , I just want to be your everything
Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be
The things you are to me and not some puppet on a string
Oh , if I stay here without you, darling, I will die
I want you laying in the love I have to bring
I'd do anything to be your everything

Darling for so long you and me been 

finding each other for so long
And the feeling that I feel for you is 

more than strong girl, take it from me
If you give a little more than you're asking for 

your love will turn the key

I , I just want to be your everything
Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be
The things you are to me and not some puppet on a string
Oh, if I stay here without you, darling, I will die
I want you laying in the love I have to bring
I'd do anything to be your everything

I , I just want to be your everything
Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be
The things you are to me and not some puppet on a string
Oh, if I stay here without you, darling, I will die
I want you laying in the love I have to bring
I'd do anything to be your everything

Songwriters
GIBB, BARRY ALAN

Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

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The Art of Balance

"Flora" Merab Gagiladze

I grounded and meditated for the first time in ages.  I did it outside with my bare feet on the damp cool grass and soil.  It felt really good to breathe deep the morning air and do my clearing, cleansing and grounding.  Afterward, I spent time in gratitude thanking my guides and helpers for all they do.  I expressed my desire to live my life for the highest good of all.  I have recently lost sight of that very important goal.

I sometimes can develop tunnel vision and I put all of me into one area.  Who am I kidding?  I do this quite frequently actually.  I guess that is part of an addictive personality.  I openly admit to being addicted to coffee.  I used to be addicted to cigarettes.  It wasn't uncommon for me to smoke two packs if I was out at the bars with my friends.  I am sometimes addicted to starving myself.  Creepy, I know, but it is true.  I get a high from it.  Eating disorders are awesome (sarcasm).  When I was on my exercise kick I was addicted to the motion and movement.  I would go out to a bar with my friends and all I could think about was coming home and going for a power walk.  I craved it like the body craves air.  When I stopped power walking, I started meditating like a crazy woman.  I would do my clearing, cleansing and grounding in the morning for an hour and then I would do my kundalini meditation for an hour in the evening.  I was obsessed.  I wanted to meditate all the time.  Lately my obsession has been communicating with spirit. 

I am well aware of my patterns and tendencies.  My challenge is to find balance.  I'm a Libra Sun sign.  Balance was always going to be a life lesson for me.  Obviously I planned it that way before I came into the physical.  I need to find room on my plate for all the flavors and put it together to create a sweet spot.  I want to be able to meditate, power walk, communicate with spirit, communicate with my friends, continue my spiritual studies, spend time doing outdoor activities and spending quality time fully present with my daughter.  I KNOW I can do all of this this, I simply must make a choice and start....which I feel I have done just that this morning.

Today I feel I have new clarity and vigor to do my best to become the best me I can be.  I have renewed focus on where I need to be and what I need to do to get there.  I know in my heart that the key to many aspects of this human experience is BALANCE.  Inner balance is needed to make us strong mentally, emotionally and physically to propel us forward.  Outer balance is needed to keep us sane and maintain momentum.  The act of learning to balance can be frustrating, but once we get to that beautiful point of equilibrium, we can achieve amazing things like the awakened kundalini, the end of fear, instantaneous manifestation and overall peace and joy in our lives...to name a few.

Now...time to practice what I preach and get off of here and outside.