Standing Naked and Exposed, Vulnerability

The Descent of Iztaccihuatl (The White Woman) - Ricardo Fernández Ortega

I think I have to admit (mostly to myself) that Deryck Whibley has become my unlikely muse. lol Lately many of my blog posts are inspired by something relating to him. This one will be no exception. This too is directly related to my interactions with him on Instagram.

It was my guides who first brought Deryck into my awareness. Before that, I thought all those Sum 41 songs I heard on the radio were Blink 182. hahaha Sorry, Deryck, it is true. I was oblivious to the name "Sum 41" until May 2014. Since then it has been an interesting experience, to say the least.

It is funny how a complete stranger can unknowingly make an impact on us and help us grow without doing anything but being themselves. I dutifully started posting comments because I knew my guides wanted me to interact with him for a reason, so I complied. What I didn't count on is the inner growth I would make as a result.

I have been watching Deryck since his brush with death. I have been paying attention to what he says. I have watched older videos on their YouTube channel to get acquainted a little about who he is. I have watched interviews with him as well.

One day he is all like "Yo, I am on Instagram now. Follow me!" I groaned and reluctantly signed up to Instagram so that I could "Follow" him there. I watched and sometimes commented. I watched his adoring fans and their comments. Eventually Deryck actually started interacting with them. I thought, "Wow! This is a twist and a change." He has even replied to me a number of times. I saw his fans light up and get excited and start posting more. I saw the desperation of some wanting him to notice them. "Please notice me!" some would say. And how many of us feel that way in our every day life..."just notice me". It struck me and I could see how much it meant to those people to have a response. The average age of Dercyk's audience is still mostly young...teens to 20s, I would say. His music speaks to that age group and that age group can be influenced a lot.

Eventually the interaction with his fans evolved. He started sharing their artwork and tattoos. He started liking their videos, and I tell you, my heart grew just observing all of this. Sometimes I have posted comments to Deryck and later deleted them. I do that a lot actually. lol Sometimes if they just leave me feeling like I have revealed too much, I delete.

Recently I posted a comment to Deryck and sang his praises. I have done it before, but I chose an old photo and tagged him and hoped none of his fans would bother to look. lol This time I posted out in the open for all of them to see my soft gooey inside that I don't often like to show. And then yesterday I posted a poem on my Instagram and tagged him in a message that followed. While I was composing that message, something unexpected happened. At the end of the message I BURST into tears and I was like wtf, where did that come from?

That moment was a spotlight. It shined a light on a core issue...something I needed to work on and address....but it also left me feeling vulnerable and exposed even though what I said was kind and loving. This morning I promptly deleted it. My BFF, Ziba, asked me why and a series of questions that made me take a look at it.

This was the dialogue exchange...

ME:  I mean last night with writing what I did to Deryck and responding with huge emotion was a surprise and shined a light on something I need to look at.

Of course I have a strong urge to delete that message and I likely will today. I think he has probably seen it and there is no reason for it to be there anymore.

ZIBA: leave it

you created it and it's beautiful, let it remain

ME: The poem will stay

ZIBA: even the comment

ME: But my personal message to him I just removed

ZIBA: why?

ME:  I don't know

It just made me squirm

And I guess it wouldn't seem so...i don't know....pointless if he had actually acknowledged seeing it.

It makes me feel vulnerable and naked and so I deleted it.

Ding, ding, ding! And there it is...feeling exposed and naked leaves me feeling vulnerable and I run from vulnerability like the plague.

"What was that issue that came up?" you might wonder. Let me share a couple of the comments I posted before:

This was the one I hid on an old post....

oktobre17: I'm going to randomly post on one of your old posts over here because I can. I miss this account and miss seeing your face as the avatar I see when you post pictures. I understand why you would choose the sum 41 account as it just makes sense. More people can find you easily. Let's face it "sum 41" is easier to spell than "the official Deryck Whibley" hahahaha I am being nostalgic, I guess. I think it is very cool that you make some kid's day by commenting and liking his video, or sharing an amazing drawing someone did who loves your band. It makes them feel special and it makes you seem like you have a heart and can remember what is was like to be a geeky kid singing to your favorite band in your bedroom. I feel more like an observer than a fan and I have been watching and I think your interaction with your fans is lovely and thoughtful. Maybe I have had too much time to think while I lay in bed for days with food poisoning. Hahaha Sending love and light your way because my heart feels full with what I have seen.

Here is a recent one...

oktobre17: @sum41 I know I have said this before and I will say it again. I really love seeing how you are interacting more with your fans in different ways...liking their posts and sharing their art and tattoos. Those tiny little gestures mean the world to those people. It isn't just about their idol acknowledging them, but I am guessing at least some of them don't have people in their lives supporting them and encouraging them to pursue their dreams. You give them hope and encouragement and that means a lot when so many people tell you to be realistic and tell you that you could never succeed in music.
 In your position you have a platform to be an influence and role model and what you do with that position matters. Bravo to you for stepping up and giving a shit about these kids. It is beautiful to watch as it unfolds. Much love and light to you, my friend

PS: I miss you updating your blog. :)

And this is the one I deleted...

oktobre17: @sum41 I used to write a lot when I was young. Hence the reason most of my lyrics and poems are written in the 80s and 90s. My big dream in life was that i wanted to sing in a band. I wrote lyrics but didn't play an instrument so didn't know the first thing about writing music to go with those words. This one is a poem but many of my writings were set up with verses and a chorus. My father was/is a religious fanatic. My parents weren't supportive of my dream. It kind of crushes the spirit of the young dreamer when you aren't encouraged to do what you love most. I think at one point I just gave up the dream and buried it deep inside. It was only this past year that I dug out my old poetry and lyrics and published some of it on my blog. I'm 46 now and those kinds of dreams I simply remember wistfully with a little pain in my heart. My daughter is 6 and i want to encourage her to pursue anything her heart desires. When I say the things i do to you, I say them very sincerely because what you are doing for those kids, I wish someone had done for me.

Do you see how in the second comment I kind of in a roundabout way talk about what my issue is but I worded it as "them" and "they" and didn't own it? In the last comment I admitted that *I* didn't feel supported or encouraged...and FUCK...god damnit the tears just broke free again and just typing this is like standing naked and exposed, showing you my greatest failure and disappointment...THE DEATH OF A DREAM...a dream never realized. And now I know there is something there that is begging to be healed and what that something is.

*deep breath*

I want to talk about how being vulnerable isn't a bad thing, blah blah blah....but I think I have to step away and post an edit to this once the tears have stopped and I can compose my thoughts.

Me, Myself, and I

Many have this idea of their bodies only ever containing one soul. They think of their "consciousness" being connected to a single soul. I was pondering who "I" and "me" really are in this experience. I started thinking about it because of a dream I had last night. In the dream I had moved into a new apartment but the people who had lived there before came back and didn't want to leave. I was content to go back to my old apartment. I considered that the "apartment" reference could actually be reference to the body and the roles we play and I considered whether or not "I" and "me" would leave to the new body or if they would stay with original.

The conclusion I came to is that what we know of as "I" and "me" remains with the body. Our consciousness...awareness of "I" and "me" is actually connected to the human vessel. Even if the soul that drives the vehicle leaves and a new one takes over, we still feel pretty much the same "I" and "me". The only way to get true release is to destroy the vehicle so that it is uninhabitable. The "I" and "me" is a computer-like program connected to the brain. "I" and "me" are the roles the body was placed here to perform. If the current soul driving my human vehicle leaves, "I" would still be here and she would be free but "I" would have no knowledge or awareness of her. 

There could be multiple beings that come in and play the ROLE of that particular body. So on the other side there could be many beings who played that role. When you call up to talk to, let's say Elvis, if there were multiple beings who performed that role, you could connect with any one of them. We are thinking in terms that the role as a single being and I think we are learning now that that just isn't the case for many of us.

We become SO attached to the "I" and "me".  I have heard some say they still want to be who they are right now on the other side. We have forgotten that the souls driving the vehicle are just playing a role. We are so much bigger than the current roles we are performing. Whichever soul leaves can call up the role whenever they wish even if someone else is now playing that role. Is that confusing? Think of the energy driving as a sky drive and the brain as a hard drive. But then you have a different being coming in and playing the role and there becomes another perfect sky drive copy of that role. Do you see where this is going?

How many versions of the Nutcracker have you seen with different actors playing the same roles? Each actor can say, "I performed this role" and it would be truth. Each would have a memory of playing that role and be able to call it up whenever they wish.

The character of Oktobre will remain until the body is uninhabitable and is written out of the script. This is just a role that those who want to experience it can. What becomes of the character on the other side? I honestly have no idea. I suspect all of the beings who have played this role can call her up and perform as her should they wish.

When you look at another person and you feel attached to them, ask yourself what it is you are attached to. Is it the character you are attached to or the current soul within? It could be either or it could be both. I think the idea of multiple beings playing a single role kind of changes one's perspective about who the "person" really is in this life. When we "lose" someone be it to death or just a falling out, who or what are we actually mourning? Is our grieving just part of the role and written into the script to help us grow and feel something we may have not felt on the other side before? Is it the body and computer-like program we are attached to? I think it is worth looking at why we sometimes react so strongly to loss...to a point that it destroys our own roles in this giant play.

It is very possible that the people we love don't have the original souls they started out with but we don't mourn when that soul leaves and a new one comes in. It is definitely something to think about and consider.

I'm Feeding The Trolls

So, I have this hater. Michael Gazica is a Sum 41 fan who has taken a personal disliking to my comments on Deryck Whibley's pictures on Instagram. My last blog post is filled with hateful comments from him and while I could completely ignore him, I want to take this opportunity to impart information that could be useful to some of my readers.

I annoy him a LOT according to him. And maybe if I were in the 5th grade and still the sensitive being I once was, the hateful words of a bully like him would have made me cry. I am not that sensitive child. I am a hardened 46-year-old woman...old enough to be his mother and his attempts to drive me away are pointless. I could psycho-analyze his behavior and dissect why it is he feels the need to attack me, but I'm not sure it serves a useful purpose here.

What I understand that it might take him many years to come to is that we all act as mirrors for each other.  We show each other where we need to grow. If someone triggers you, chances are pretty good they are reflecting something inside of you that you need to take a look at. You can ignore the opportunity to grow and continue to be hateful and unpleasant or you can choose to look at your shadow self and become a better person. He doesn't understand yet, but I know his spite and venom isn't really about me...it is about a deficit within him that he doesn't want to face. I am simply the trigger.

Maybe he hoped to rattle my chains, but all I could do is sit there and think "He is another me. He is showing me my shadow self. I love you, Michael Gazica, because my shadow self especially needs love." See, in the end, we are all one despite the illusion that we are separate beings. We are all connected. To hate him for his ill behavior is to hate myself. Maybe some day that other me will grow and learn and become a nicer person. I can hope.

As I told him in comments, I am secure in who I am. His opinion of me has no weight or influence on the choices I make or my behavior. Hate if you need to hate but know that I love me and my love for me is really the only love that matters.

A Trip Down Memory Lane - House of Blues - Sunest Strip

I woke at 2:00 a.m. to pee. I shouldn't have looked at my phone but I did. Ariana Cooper had posted a photo of a band from the House of Blues in Los Angeles. That was all it took. My head started taking a trip down memory lane and I couldn't go back to sleep. Her fiance, Deryck Whibley, had posted a video the night before of the Smashing Pumpkins and, coincidentally, it took me back to this very same place in time in my history....Los Angeles 1994. The fact that twice in two days I was reminded of this time must mean something but I don't know what yet. Let me take you back in time with me.

I was dating Sky Phoenix and he wanted to fly me to LA for my best friend's birthday. I had just moved to Portland, Oregon that year so the flight wasn't long or bad. My BFF was living in the Charlie Chaplin mansion at the time and I stayed with her there a couple nights. She had BEGGED me to go to Lollapalooza with her for her birthday. I despise huge crowds and she really had to convince me but I finally agreed. Smashing Pumpkins were headlining that year. I really didn't care about any of the bands playing. I had only gone for her. It was hot and all the sweaty bodies made it smelly. People were dancing practically on top of me. I was a smoker then and I used my cigarette as a means of keeping people at a distance and burning those who got too near. Hahahaha

On another night Sky took me and my BFF to the House of Blues and because of who he was connected to, we were admitted into the VIP section (I guess they call it the Foundation Room). It was such a surreal experience for me. There were attendants in the bathroom with hot towels, mouth wash, perfume, etc. On that night we met Sharon Stone's brother (did anyone even know she had a brother? lol).

We also saw Danny Aiello walk in with his entourage. It was the person that we ended up spending much of the evening with that would make this night super memorable. We ended up sitting with Tony Curtis. He was so animated. Maybe it was the alcohol talking or maybe that was just his personality, I wasn't sure. He talked and talked to us. He told us about the death of his son and cried in front of us. He showed us his scar from his recent heart surgery and he asked my BFF to marry him. Hahahaha Oh what a night!  He became our personal tour guide of the HOB. And while Sky had been there plenty, he wanted me to see all the nooks and crannies that were hiding and allowed Tony to be our HOB tour guide. Tony, god love him, paraded us through all of the secret rooms. 

He took us through a private dining area too. Oh pardon us, we are crashing your dinner and spying on you. Hahaha I can't even remember who was performing that night but Tony dragged us down stairs for a while and got us right in front. It was a night unlike any other.

As I lay awake remembering all of this, I remembered Sky taking a photo of something engraved somewhere and it was in honor of one of the financial contributors to the LA location who had died before he had a chance to see it opened....River Phoenix.

From Wiki: "The first House of Blues opened on November 26, 1992, in the Harvard Square commercial district and retail area of Cambridge, Massachusetts. The company was originally financed by Dan Aykroyd, Aerosmith, Paul Shaffer, River Phoenix, James Belushi, and Harvard University, among others. This original location has since closed. However, the hands-in-concrete driveway where members of the Blues Brothers and others left their mark, still remains."

River....my dearest River had a hand in the creation of this business. It wasn't until two years ago that I discovered River is my spirit guide and because of this, this special night so long ago has even more meaning now. Maybe there is a message here from him that I am missing and maybe I just need to go to sleep so I can dream the answer.

Advice To Our Younger Selves, Falling In Love, and Gratitude

So it all started with a comment on an Instagram picture Deryck Whibley (Sum 41) posted of his 17-year-old self.

Me: What advice would you give to your younger self knowing all that you know now?

Deryck: I would say keep doing what ur doing kid, ur gonna love every min of it.

Me: Seriously that is it? Omg I have so much I would tell my 17 year old self. The biggest changes I have made have been within the last 5 years. I wish I could have made some of those changes a lot younger. I marvel at some of the younger people today and how they just get some of the things that it took me 30+ years to figure out. I'm glad you have no regrets. When you have kids of your own, that perspective might alter a little.

It inspired me to post a photo of my younger me and say some of those things to her. I posted this photo: 

And this was what I said:

I asked @sum41 what advice he would give his younger self. He didn't have much he would tell his younger self, but I have plenty I would say to my younger me knowing all that I know now. 

Dear younger me, let go of the anger and stop building walls around your heart because they will be hard to tear down later. Love yourself wildly and passionately. There is nothing to fear. Let the fear go that was taught to you by religion. Enjoy the little things in life because those are what matter most. Don't worry about what others think of you. The only opinion of you that matters about you is your own. If you see an opportunity in front of you, take it. It might never come again. That person you thought would always be there just might die tomorrow. Tell people how much you love them and tell them often. Don't ever stop writing and trust your own intuition.

And then my West Coast BFF, Shannon, posted this photo of me in the comments on Facebook:

I had never seen this photo of me before and it struck me and made my grinchy heart grow a little. This photo is SO me in a nutshell....happiest with a pen in my hand and deep in thought. But look at her! Just look! She is BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING and CREATIVE and FEELING and yet she never thought she was pretty enough or smart enough or thin enough or talented enough. She never thought very much of herself at all. All of the negative self talk....all of the closing off and walls she put up because what she felt she didn't think she could handle and she didn't want to be weak and crumble. She didn't want to be vulnerable. Her heart eventually became frozen in layers and layers of ice so that she could numb herself from being able to feel.

I sat there wishing I really could reach back and hug my younger self and give her the advice and wisdom I have today to share from my experience she didn't have yet. I was talking to my East Coast BFF, Ziba, and telling her all of this. I have done so much inner work and gained so much momentum just from talking about everything rattling around my brain with Ziba. She and I have similar issues we need to face and "self love" is a topic that has come up a lot.

As I mentioned to her, everyone is talking about loving the self first. We hear it over and over and yet we just nod and say "okay" but none of us really understand what we need to do and how to achieve it. Self-love is almost as mystical and elusive as dragons, unicorns and the perfect romantic partner. But today, something clicked and I completely understand what I need to do. I can see it, feel it and taste it in a way I couldn't before.

What I need to do is romance myself. I mean, I need to treat me the way I would a lover in the beginning stages of a relationship. I need to shower her/me with poems of love, tender words, kindness and consideration. I need to let her know that I love every aspect of her. I need to let her know that I love even the negatives and the dark side because even our shadow selves need to be loved.

I have an exercise in mind that I want to practice. I am going to visualize my now me with me at different ages and I want to love her. I want to tell her all the things she needed to hear back then but didn't. I want her to feel SO much love that all of her walls crumble. I will love myself so much that the inner fire and light will burst outward and disintegrate the fortress that has kept my heart a prisoner and hidden away.

I think this is key for moving forward and achieving all that I wish to achieve in my life and I feel really optimistic about it. I can't wait to start romancing myself.

I invite all who read this to post a photo of your younger you and give him/her advice from what you know now. I invite you to fall in love with yourselves and give yourself the love you desire so much. We often seek love from external sources when really the love we want most of all is our own.

I want to say thank you to Deryck for being my muse and posting things that make me ponder and contemplate life. I want to thank my West Coast BFF, Shannon for always being there and just getting me and loving me in the way I need to love myself. Can you believe it has nearly been 30 years ago that we met?! I want to thank my East Coast BFF, Ziba, for being there everyday and talking through so much of this stuff with me. I can let my spirituality hang out all over the place with you and be my weird self with you. I appreciate the presence of all of you in my life no matter what form or capacity. Love and gratitude to you.

The Tale of My Custom Orgonite

This is the lovely completed orgonite created by ShowMe Orgonite. This is after the resin was poured.

So I had this dream:

October 31, 2014 I had really kind of hoped I would dream about River as it was the anniversary of his death and he was on my mind, but instead I dreamed about Erik. I have never had a true Erik dream until last night…where the Erik face/vessel played the role. I dreamed about him all night. I would wake and say, “remember that” and then drift back off and keep dreaming about him. There was only the first part with him actually there with me. The rest was me trying to keep the memory. I was with Erik. We were a couple. There was this other couple who had created a place, a space for us to meet up and be together. I mean, I knew he was coming through in spirit and they created a space where he could come through and we could be together in a more physical way. We held each other and kissed and I didn’t want to ever part. I just wanted to stay there forever.
 
Then there was something about a device type thing that someone else had that Erik wanted me to gain access to. It wasn’t actually hers. In my dream it was my friend, Hafidha, at first who had this thing I was to gain access to. It was like it was an anomaly, an accident in how it developed. Whatever it was it gave Erik the ability to come through more easily. I seem to recall a box with roses on the outside. On the inside it was a mix of stuff. I couldn’t tell you what exactly. But it was like when certain components came together, it created this gateway…or perfect environment for Erik to come through. I heard something about “particles” and I want to say the particles were him. I asked Hafidha to give me the box/device and she gave me a box saying it was what I was asking for but it was much too small and wasn’t the actual device. What I was supposed to do when I gained access to this thing was “download” it and keep a copy so I had all the information I needed to be able to have easier access to Erik as well….so he could come through to me easier and be with me.
 
I have a vague memory of a wind chime and offering to put it at my place because I like chimes. Most of the dreams were about me trying to “save Erik” by finding this device and downloading it and creating a copy. Who had the device seemed to change and I was plotting to gain access to it when they were away from the house. When they came back, there was something about one of them having had their hair done but it wasn’t right so the other was going to help fix it. When I went into the room, there were bits of red dyed hair everywhere on the floor. It looked almost like a dog shedding only no dog has that shade of red. hahaha I don’t remember many other specifics other than almost stepping in dog poo in grass and just missing it.
 
Interpretation: The meaning of this dream was perplexing to me. Usually I can see the meaning fairly easily but I was confused about what my higher self/subconscious was trying to convey to me. I started thinking about the “device” and how not long before a friend had talked about Erik coming to her wanting her to make talismans/pendants for some of the active members of a small private discussion group. She had mentioned that Erik wanted the components of mine to be slightly different to the others. I’m not sure why, nor was she. The talismans were basically going to be small orgonites. At the time, I really didn’t understand what an orgonite did. I had heard them mentioned before around the time of Fukushima and the concern of radiation but I never really researched them or gave them much thought. I just nodded and trusted that my friend and Erik knew and wasn’t concerned with exploring it further.
 
I considered that the “friend” in my dream was actually representing my friend who was going to make the talismans. My friend has a lot going on in her life and hasn’t gotten around to creating what Erik wanted her to.

Desert Rose

I had become acquainted with Chris at ShowMe Orgonite through my friend, Ashley at In My Sacred Space. He had done a beautiful custom piece for her and she raved about it. The morning after my dream, he posted a photo of a beautiful piece he titled “Desert Rose”. There were roses on the box of the dream device and there is a song by Sting called “Desert Rose” that was played for my friend, Jan, during a reading she was doing for me. The song was from Erik and the lyrics spoke to me. Because of the sync, I decided to reach out to Chris and shared my dream with him. I did consider he might think me absolutely insane for sharing this strange dream with him, but I wanted to see if he thought the device in the dream might be an orgonite
 
Chris was lovely and very open and had quite an unexpected response to my dream. He saw himself and his wife in my dream and suggested that I had traveled to the place and time when he had created this desert rose piece for his wife. He described having two dogs at the time…a great dane and a smaller one. I never mentioned in my telling of my dream that there had actually been two piles of poo…lol…one small and one very large one. I left it out on purpose because I didn’t want my friends who are also vivid dreamers knowing how much poo was in my dream. Usually it means I have internal shit I need to clean up. I never expected that it could actually represent real dogs. lol Here is Chris’ blog where he talks about some of what made him think I was dreaming about him and his wife. It is pretty cool. And the couple at the beginning definitely makes me think of Chris and his wife now. I just makes sense and fits.
 
I decided that I was being told to have Chris make the device from the dream. When I was sure that he understood what I wanted and needed, I had him move forward with making the piece.

This is the before resin picture. Look at how pretty the “desert rose” stone is in the middle. Go to Chris’ blog about the piece to learn about the symbols and meanings of the materials used.

I have yet to get my custom orgonite in my hands, but should have it sometime this week. I can’t wait! I am so excited! I will likely do another blog post telling what I experience when I get it.
 
Now those reading this may be very knowledgeable about what orgonite is, what it is capable of. I was still confused and not entirely sure even after trying to research it a little. Some of the terminology and language just makes my eyes glaze over and I totally miss the point and just translate the details as “blah blah blah”. lol Chris was kind enough to answer and explain some of what it can do.
 
Here is our exchange:

 
ME: Let me share a little bit of a dream I had last night. I am not entirely sure how an Orgonite works but if it helps to balance energy, perhaps it can also remove blocks.
 
This is the bit: November 22, 2014 So I just had this dream where there was this store that was getting ready to open up and everything they sold was pink. I saw pink clothing in my head. I was inside this open and large two level space they were going to use and everything was already Pepto Bismol pink….the walls, the carpet. They were just waiting for everything else to fill the rooms. I was like, ain’t no way a business like this will survive, but whatever. They were hiring and I am not sure why I was there and following them around. I remember sitting on the stairs feeling bored. I could see these lasers that were coming from the wall that I assumed was security. I kind of played with the dust in the light as I sat on the stairs. There was even a pink baby grand piano on the lower level but both levels were quite open to each other. I think I might have mentioned that I had worked in a place like this once before and it closed down. lol
 
Interpretation: To me this dream has a meaning of the heart chakra opening up written all over it. Pink is the color of the inner heart chakra. I have known for a while I have a heart chakra block because of related health problems I have. A part of me is wondering if this piece you made for me is the reason I had this dream.
 
SHOWME ORGONITE: Oh yes, Orgonite can be used for both balancing and removing blockages along with many other things. I feel this helps with so much it’s hard to comprehend. If you do any kind of energy work, meditation or astral travel type work Orgonite is a very powerful assistant. The Desert Rose is really Selenite, which in the book of stones is for Spirtual activation, communication with the Higher Self, spirit guides and angels. For the Spiritual – Selenite’s energy clears etheric blockages and debris, allowing for a freer flow of energy through the higher chakras – particularly the etheric chakras that facilitate connection and communication with the Higher Self. It is always my intention to allow the stones and crystals that I use to vibrate and assist at each specific level they are attuned too, whatever frequency they resonate at and assist accordingly. You have 7 DT AA quartz cyrstals and an awesome Desert Rose – that’s a total of 8 which is the sign of infinity, which I believe shows infinite possibilities!

Spiritual Prostitution

What is "spiritual prostitution"? you might wonder. I made it up on the fly in hopes it would draw your attention and make you want to read this blog post. lol But I also wanted to create a phrase that describes spiritual people trying to sell themselves to you and creating a dependency at the same time because what they really care about is making money from you.

Spiritual Prostitutes create dependency on their services. They don't want you to think that you can do any of this yourself. They drum up business by telling you that not just anyone can do what you need and you click on the link and of course their site is filled with ways for them to make money and not offering any wisdom or insight so you can help yourself. This was posted as a link in a group on Facebook I am member of. I will leave her name and the link to her site out. I just want to use it as an illustration of what I am talking about:

"NEW ERA HEALING wow am I happy to share this. I have been guided to share something new from ______________________ Counsel. You can now change your contract from light worker to light weaver or something else you feels is even more appropriate.

  ______________also told me this; " to change such a contract requires to go to a certain level of the halls of knowledge. There are few that can do that for themselves. Do not allow the mind to delude you into thinking you have done it as it will try to. Releasing this in the mind is one thing. Releasing it from your soul, from the earth and the universe is another. "

  ______________along with the ____________ council I have now been connected to have guided and instructed me in this technique and I am now offering it to those that feel it's right for them.

You can go to my website to learn more about it and how you can book a session with me to transform the reality you create in. Yahooooooo "

This sort of Spiritual Prostitution SCREAMS red flag to me. I was rolling my eyes as I read it. So we can change our contracts, but not just anyone can do it. Hmmmm So you mean to tell me my own higher self isn't plugged into all the EXACT SAME KNOWLEDGE?!!! SMH Puhleeeease! And you could say that any person (aka spiritual jon) that falls for it has their own spiritual lessons to learn from the situation. I suppose that could be true too.

This was my response to the user that posted the link to this woman's spiritual prostitution post:

How much is she charging? smh I'm sorry, but anyone that says that not just anyone can do it is tripping and drumming up business.

I have a problem with people in the spiritual community who encourage dependence on them and their services. We should be teaching people to do it all themselves because we are all capable. We all have the same potential but come choosing to emphasize one thing more than another but each of us are capable of amazing things. I don't want people to depend on me. I want to teach them what they can do as well.

What about those "psychics" that give away free readings repeatedly and cause a feeding frenzy of bottom feeders? I get giving away a certain amount to build your online presence, but how you do it matters. Melissa Hevenor does free readings sometimes, but the deal is, you have to subscribe to her YouTube channel, "like" her page, and "like" the video on YouTube...and if you like the reading, she asks you to leave her a positive review. I think that is a fair exchange. It is meant to give you a taste so you can decide what you think and maybe tell your friends about her. She doesn't do it all the time....maybe once a month. I won a free reading from her and I will say, I thought her information was interesting and unlike anything anyone has picked up but was confirmation of things I myself have gotten. Getting confirmations to your own information is wonderful, in my book. And then you get those who give away "readings" daily in hopes to get you hooked and come back and pay for their services.

I have heard so called mediums, psychics, intuitives and other spiritual figures make claims that "not just anyone" can do what they do. Some will say that they were just born that way and not everyone is born with abilities. A lot of these people like to tout what other side figures they are connected to be it Jesus, Archangel blah blah blah, ascended master blah blah blah, some high ranking alien, etc. Maybe they say that they were them in a past life or that they channel them. When I hear people make these claims I have to call bullshit when I see it. lol I don't always say it out loud in a post, but I certainly have groaned and said a few choice words at my monitor. lol

This is my truth as I know it. We ALL are BORN with abilities. All of us are born with the same potential. Now, some of us do set it up on the other side to come in with both knobs to the faucet turned on and staying on beyond our stage where amnesia sets in firmly. For those people, certain connections seem easier. It really is as simple as how we set it up before we come into the physical body. Now....what we do once we are here and have forgotten is really up to us. We ALL are capable of being channels. We all are capable of being mediums. We ALL are capable of being energy healers. We ALL are capable of using our intuition consciously. We ALL are capable of tapping into our higher selves and accessing a wealth of knowledge. If we are all technically "one", are we not then also all technically plugged into the same infinite knowledge as anyone else? I believe the answer to this is YES! You simply need a desire to tap in and learn.

I have no problem with spiritual people making a fair energy exchange with people for their services. I think they should ask for a fair exchange be it bartering or asking for money for what they are offering. You can often easily tell the difference between someone out to make a buck and only see a person as a dollar sign and those who genuinely CARE about empowering the people they come in touch with. The psychics who care often offer LOTS of advice via blogs. They really don't want you to become a regular client because they want to teach you how to connect with your crossed over loved ones and want you to go within and find the answers to your questions. Spiritual teachers who care don't want a disciple who follows them around like a puppy dog. They want their students to learn, graduate and go out and SHARE what they have learned. 

If this "shift" is really about shifting consciousness, then we need to be careful about how we are going about it. Spiritual Prostitution is not helpful.

Oneness and Eachness

Yesterday on Facebook, Dreamwork with Toko-pa posted a quote that was both a sync and incredibly meaningful to me. It resonates so much with me that I want to share it here on my blog so it doesn't get lost and I am able to find it again.

"Some people in the New Age, particularly those who have dabbled in Eastern practice, have swung with the pendulum of enatiadromia to a new extreme or one-sideness. They will monotonously insist on the oneness of everything no matter what is being discussed, and use this obvious reality as a way of leveling all difference, distinction and discernment. This point of view can be even more limiting than the tunnel vision of the reductive thinker, since at least the reductive thinker is still thinking about and investigating something, no matter how much they miss the infinite, interelated context of the something. This type of New Ager, however, takes oneness as a truism that relieves them of the need for thinking, discrimination and discernment and pulls oneness out of a hat, like the most tired of magician’s rabbits, whenever any issue requiring discernment appears. Recognizing that individuals or groups that are in conflict are part of the same oneness is crucial, but it is also crucial to recognize their individual differences and what sets them apart. The great American pioneer psychologist William James wrote more than a century ago that besides the oneness of things, anyone who glances at the phenomenal world should also be struck by the eachness of things. We see a world of unique individual trees and people, for example, and not an homogenous mass of treeness or undifferentiated pool of humanity. The dynamic paradoxicalist recognizes that there is both oneness and eachness, these are the two poles of the paradox that must be held in mind to understand both interrelation and individuality."

By Jonathan Zap