Gaining New Understanding

Photo by Harvey Turtz 1952

You surround yourself with low-life people because it means you won't be challenged to become a better person. Most of the people you keep close to you are as bad or worse than you. People with integrity and high morals are pushed away from you.

It's the same reason why you pushed River away. His compassion, kindness, and goodness of heart is something you knew you couldn't live up to. Better to push that away than have someone making you feel guilty about being a shitty person. It's far easier to be a shitty person and just wear a PR mask that says you are "too good for this world" than actually being a good person. That requires work.

If you had truly wanted to be my friend in the open and not as some dirty little secret, you knew it would require stepping up and accepting responsibility for who you are, who you have been and changing. You knew that if you became my friend out in the open, you would have to retire that fake halo you wear for PR because I would hold you to higher standards. 

Stop playing stupid ass games. 

If you want to be my friend, you can't come to me as a person who chooses to surround themselves with low-life people.

If I were to color you in, the last photo shows some of the qualities I would color you in with. Maybe you can use it as a template, as a challenge for yourself. I know I am already all of those things. I think you know it, too, which is why you pushed me away to begin with. I'm another River, right?