Something Unexpected

February 16, 2021 They said something to me this morning about being done with the water signs.

Yesterday I heard myself saying, "You burned your house down."

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Of course this sentence I heard myself saying caused my thoughts to wander back to you and remember. I wondered quietly to myself, "Is it true? Have you burned your house down? Dare I allow myself to hope?"

I engaged in the forbidden indulgence of gazing at a picture of you. I lingered longer than I normally do.

Something unexpected happened.

I started to imagine touching your face gently, tracing every nuance and curve as if I was learning it for a sculpture I might make of your likeness. I imagined our lips meeting in a tender kiss. Not a deep and passionate kiss, but the gentle kiss of two people who are a little shy, a little nervous and feel so much for each other, meeting for the first time. 

I imagined laying my head on your chest, hearing your heart beat and feeling your arms wrapped around me with a hand stroking my hair and back softly. I imagined our fingers laced together and me whispering, "I never want this moment to end."

Maybe to some people, this imagining seems basic and unextraordinary, but for me, I have resisted imagining anything with you. I know how powerful imagining can be. Thoughts create and I haven't wanted to "manipulate" with thinking relationships into existence. I have wanted it to be organic, natural and free will. I don't want a fantasy, I want something real and lasting.

And so this spontaneous imagining I experienced was surprising because it happened with ease in my nostalgic, relaxed, and allowing state.

I miss you.

I imagine you.

I want you.