Yesterday I heard myself saying, "You burned your house down."
_________________
Of course this sentence I heard myself saying caused my thoughts to wander back to you and remember. I wondered quietly to myself, "Is it true? Have you burned your house down? Dare I allow myself to hope?"
I engaged in the forbidden indulgence of gazing at a picture of you. I lingered longer than I normally do.
Something unexpected happened.
I started to imagine touching your face gently, tracing every nuance and curve as if I was learning it for a sculpture I might make of your likeness. I imagined our lips meeting in a tender kiss. Not a deep and passionate kiss, but the gentle kiss of two people who are a little shy, a little nervous and feel so much for each other, meeting for the first time.
I imagined laying my head on your chest, hearing your heart beat and feeling your arms wrapped around me with a hand stroking my hair and back softly. I imagined our fingers laced together and me whispering, "I never want this moment to end."
Maybe to some people, this imagining seems basic and unextraordinary, but for me, I have resisted imagining anything with you. I know how powerful imagining can be. Thoughts create and I haven't wanted to "manipulate" with thinking relationships into existence. I have wanted it to be organic, natural and free will. I don't want a fantasy, I want something real and lasting.
And so this spontaneous imagining I experienced was surprising because it happened with ease in my nostalgic, relaxed, and allowing state.
I miss you.
I imagine you.
I want you.
No comments:
Post a Comment