I Have Suffered Enough

 

William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905) - Pieta (1876).

September 20, 2019

"Our hands are about to bleed. Some will call this the stigmata, but others will call it the work of the devil. It was the female part of us who took me into her loving arms as I died."

October 2, 2020

"I have suffered enough." Heard just now in the in-between.

September 12, 2019

As I was starting to wake, I was talking about leaving the game. I heard myself say, "I would be willing to stay if I could actually experience my bliss." 

May 26, 2017

Something was mentioned about how I really should make the dog sleep on the floor once in a while. At which point I suggested that maybe they would like to sleep on a bed of nails once in a while. I pointed out that we were in the basement and the floor was cold.

April 20, 2018 

I haven't been remembering my dreams lately but I did hear something in my in between state as I was waking from my nap this evening. I heard:

"In my most difficult moments, a thief..."

I finished, "...made you laugh."

I heard, "Yes! A thief made me laugh."

I then saw crosses.

November 24, 2018

"She was born from all the shepherds" heard just now in my in-between state.

December 29, 2018 

I was dreaming I am in a car and we are nearing an intersection and I can't seem to find the brake pedal in order to stop. 

The scene jumps.. Someone is showing me what happened the night Brandon Lee died. I am seeing there is a group of guys who hate him for no real reason. He had some run in with them...an altercation of some sort and now Brandon has become their target. I am seeing how Brandon was arrested on some bogus charge but he is released. He has a run in with this group of guys again but I am seeing them in a restaurant and they are spitting in his food. It looks like pizza dough. They are taunting him. 

Now I am being taken with this guy to another place. We are out of the car and down in a creek. It is shallow and we are walking through it. At first I see a German Shepard with us and later it is my little dog, Mahina. We make our way up to a location. 

It feels familiar. It is a bridge. Mahina starts to growl and run, but I pick her up and carry her so she will be safe. 

On the bridge Brandon himself shows up. He sees me and is so happy to see me. He is coming with us to show us the rest. He is taller than the guy I am with and he picks me up and carries me for a little while. I told him it was okay for him to put me down so I could walk with him. 

I am seeing a second altercation with the same group of men and I keep seeing a bed of nails. I am starting to come out of the dream but I don't want to leave Brandon. I am starting to process the dream and recognizing this wasn't really about Brandon's death as Brandon. He was showing me Isa's death and what happened. Some people hated him and held a grudge. The pizza reference was showing me it was some Romans. 

I held him again before I woke entirely and exclaimed, "Isa, my Isa!" I started hearing Sting's "Every Breath You Take" in my head and I knew this was from him. I woke, laying there trying to hold onto as much as I could and feeling happy to have seen him in my dreams.

It seems I suffer so much physical pain. I once had an intuitive reach out to me saying a message for me from spirit is that I am "a slave to pain". I didn't understand then my connection to the Mary and Isa story. I don't know how to release this and move on from something that is obviously past life trauma coming forward with me into this life. 

It makes it difficult to want to remain in a physical body.

"Healer, heal thy self," but I can't seem to get there no matter how much I grow and heal emotionally. Maybe it is just time to go now. Maybe my work here is done.