Uh oh. I am going to think out loud for you again. lol Get
ready for this one because it should be an interesting ride.
I have been trying to sort out who these two people are in
my triangle and how the fuck we ended up in here and, based on dreams, I have
come to some strong possibilities.
I believe one is often seen as my cousin/uncle and childhood
friend. I think I came in here initially with him when I agreed to come in and
do the job I came here for. It was an opportunity to "test our
relationship" in the "Tunnel of Love" which is a program I
helped develop. You see, I believe the Tunnel of Love not only tests a
relationship, but forces the players to come to a point of understanding and
forgiveness to help repair a relationship, hence why I said I felt like in my
really real life I am both scientist and therapist in my last blog post.
The problem arose when my partner chose someone else.
Dream Journal Entry: October 17, 2015 I stop at some place that sells motorcycles.
Apparently they are a well known brand and some dude I think might be famous
gets off his motorcycle and says something and goes off. And I am like,
"Oh is this what we call your cameo?" Because that is what it felt
like...when some famous person comes on and has a cameo and disappears. There
was something about someone getting a rubbing from the emblem of the motorcycle
brand. The scene changes a bit and I am seeing Nuno. There was a scene prior
but it is vague. Were we at a wedding? I don't know. I am saying goodbye to
Nuno and I am flipping him off saying "fuck you!" And he is like,
"I want to stay in touch with you." I was like "Fuck you. You
chose her over me. There is nothing to stay for so fuck you." I am
coloring with a pink crayon. I think it might be a barrel? Maybe a vase? I just
remember coloring rather hard. I wasn't trying to make it look more realistic
and just made it solid pink. Nuno says that he wants to see what I made and I
am like "sure," and I throw at him the things I colored and walked
away. I remember seeing kennels with iron cages and dogs inside.There was a
whole part where there was a game being played but I can't remember details.
Comments: So what is a girl to do when her partner's free
will choices lead her to being stranded and left living like a caged dog? You
see, in order to leave the Tunnel of Love, I need a partner. But more than
that, I have important work to do in here that wasn't going to get done because
of a free will choice he made. I was in a pickle. I once had my TV turn off
during a specific scene while I was watching Philadelphia Story. It was the
scene in which Cary Grant's character was at the door to surprise his ex-wife.
During that time I was having a lot of "spirit" activity, so I knew
to take special note of this even though I had no understanding of what it
meant. In dreams I am often hostile toward the husband character who fades in
and out between my brother and husband. My brother's name is Thomas. Apparently
I believe the husband cheated on me and left me bankrupt.
Dream Journal Entry: June 16, 2015 The first set of dreams
are hard to hold onto. It feels like some sort of battle is being fought and we
are moving up. Brad Pitt seems to be a main character. We both are climbing our
way to the top. At the top it seems like he is with the wrong person and
someone closes him off in a room with me so we can find our way back to each
other in this life. I see myself tossing furniture of some sort and it stacks
amazingly well. It seems to be a skill I have. Brad seems to go off somewhere
and I am left with what I consider my "brother" although I he didn't
have the face of one of my brothers here in this reality. I lay back and had
sex with this brother and my body responded and I had an orgasm. I started to
rouse a bit and thought "here we go again" and feeling confused
because I don't really know what the purpose is of that element in dream time
or my reality. I lay there in a half asleep state and eventually fell back to
sleep where I had another dream.
Dream Journal Entry: September 27, 2015 I leave to go to my
car and I notice a band playing down near another business in the parking lot.
They sound good. I see either a cello or stand up bass and think it is an
unusual instrument to see in a band. One of the guys eyes me and runs up the
hill to where I am getting in my parked car. He wants me to come down the hill
and pass around this yellow hat to the audience to collect tips. I say,
"no thank you" and have some awareness that it might simply be a ruse
to talk to me. But then I am also thinking that I don't have any cash to
contribute myself and say so. A guy with him takes out a 20 and a 5 and hands
it to me to put in the hat. The bills were crisp and new. But then there was
something about the key to my car being broken. Actually there were two keys
and both were broken but one had actually broken off in the ignition so you no
longer had to have the key to start it and i thought "oh so that is how
the car got stolen but it doesn't explain how he got it back so easily." and
the scene jumps and I am with some guy who is supposedly my husband and we are
having a heated discussion about the car and I think there is something fishy
going on with the broken keys. I am very angry at him and I suspect the car
being "stolen" was about money he owed. I am seeing a small child we
have together. I see him reach for something and ask him what he is doing. I
grab it and he had pulled some zip like the zip on a paper envelope and these
spiraled paper coins fall out. I pull what should have been a financial
portfolio book out (are those real?) and it is just pretend. There is nothing
inside except a couple pieces of paper fall out that I pick up. One is shaped
like a gravestone and the other like a bird. The gravestone one had things
written on it. It seemed like a name and a list of their wishes for an epitaph
on their headstones. The top of this list said "family" and the only
two names I could make out was my mom's and my cousin's. There were other
names. I actually think there was another sheet like this only it was
non-family and I didn't care about that one. The piece of paper that seemed to
be shaped like a bird had been signed, like people had said nice things to him
or something and I am getting images it was from co-workers in a hospital. I ripped
it up in front of him and let it fall to the floor. I was so angry at him. I
think I have in my head he has been cheating too. So not only had he squandered
all of our money and left us deeply in debt, he had been sleeping with someone
else. I am so angry. I scream at him to get out and leave. I don't want to see
his face anymore. I think I woke around there.
Comments: So this is highlighting to me what needs to be
worked on if I am to allow my "husband/brother" to help me out in
here. The interesting part about this is that Infidelity has been a huge theme
in my life...almost as if it was trying to teach me something. I have been
surrounded by infidelity in my life and I have been very judgmental and rigid
about it. I had a lot of loathing for the cheater...until I found myself in a
situation where I was considering going down that path myself. It was only then
that I could stop being so judgemental about it and try to understand where a
person's head is at when they make those choices. It usually isn't black and
white. Infidelity is usually a symptom of a bigger problem. It can be a problem
with the relationship or the individual.
I truly believe that certain patterns will appear to try to
teach us about who we have been out there. For instance, I have noticed a
strong pattern of me being available for people anytime they need me, but I
have not gotten the same in return. I can go, "woe is me" or think
"Fuck! That is how I have made my partner feel out there....like I am not
available when they need me, but they are always there for me." So if you
take this into consideration, is it any wonder that my partner might have
sought someone else who would make time for him when he needed someone? And
this is where you say, "Karma!" And I say, "Not really." It
is more like walking a mile in their shoes to understand how they have felt.
That isn't really Karma. It is teaching empathy and understanding. But you
can't really learn empathy from your experiences and patterns unless you
understand that what you are experiencing is because you yourself have been
this way. You will continue to have a pity party and wonder "Why me,
Lord?" Lol Sorry, I don't mean to laugh at your pain but there is a whole
lot of folks in here who struggle to take full responsibility for the things
that show up in their lives. We all step inside for various reasons and
experiences, but if you stepped into the "Tunnel of Love," you need
to take note of your patterns to make amends if you have been an asshole like
me.
Onto the clues of the two and how to identify them. I know
that they are basically the same game so there are going to be some uncanny
similarities present. But there will be some definite differences too. One game
was shown as red and the other yellow. Those two colors help to identify them
in dreams. One is very tall and one is small. Lions and cats are a symbol of
the small one and wolves and ravens are a symbol of the tall one. One time they
showed up as me wearing two different shoes only they looked very similar. I
was determined to find a match to one of the shoes so stepping forward didn't
feel strange. One is very funny and silly and the other is very sweet and kind.
One is linked to Italy references and the other is linked to Greece (think
Iliad). One is Christmas and the other
Halloween.
So what happens next? Who do I choose? Let's be honest, free
will could still fuck me up the ass here. I want out of this game, so I will do
whatever I must to complete the work I came in for and then leave. I can't do
it alone. I need help. I need one of them to be brave enough to step forward
and help me. I'm not eager for some fictitious fantasy romantic relationship. I
want to get started on the work I am meant to do with one of them and then I
want to go home.
I'm laughing as I bring this post to a close because I can't
imagine why anyone would actually read all the way through. My
"friends" are unavailable, so I talk to myself here. If you make it all the way through,
congratulations. Lol
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