Sex With Keanu

Photo by Bert Hardy, 1957

Dream Journal Entry: April 9, 2020

I dreamed a lot about having sex with Keanu Reeves. At first our encounter was very contentious and he was forcibly penetrating me. It felt real. But by the end of it all, we both had feelings for each other. I wish I could remember the details but they elude me. I just remember feeling really open and amorous towards him even though, at first, it was angry, forced, and violent. 

Later he morphed into Brandon Lee and showed up by my side. I was so happy to see him. Again, the details elude me, but I remember thinking how much I wished I didn't have to wake from the dream. 

Interpretation: I was thinking about this dream and what it could mean. Keanu represents, to me, a closed and protected heart. He represents a heart that just won't let anyone in all the way which pretty much sums up my own heart, I suppose. I like to think my heart is open but the inner sanctuaries have been closed off for a very long time. 

It seems to suggest a battle my inner masculine was having to get all the way inside and penetrate my inner heart. By the end of the battle, both of us had softened towards the other and decide to be together harmoniously. We see angry Keanu transform into a happy and loving Brandon. 

Photo by Steffen Fischer

Dream Journal Entry: June 19, 2021

I had lots of other dreams but they were hard to hold onto. I think I had sex with Keanu and somehow it was out in the open where others could see. There was someone I identified as as Doug C who was there and saw us together. I think when I realized others were watching, I tried to cover up a bit. It seems like Keanu was trying to move me away from the location because it wasn't safe there and some of the people there had ill intentions. 

I recall something about several tickets for concerts being bought.

I also remember something about needing to get my shoes back on. They were black doc marten Mary Janes. Mine looked new but somehow I got a left shoe that was a man's shoe and then I got a second right shoe that was the same as mine, but I finally found a left shoe that was a match to mine.

Sorry For the Bird

Photo by Natalia Drepina

Sorry for the bird

Who couldn't make it to the sun

Sorry for the bear

Who didn't see the boat come

Sorry for the moon

Whose wisdom wasn't heard

Sorry for the man

Who lies with backwards word

Oktobre Taylor

Photo by Natalia Drepina

Katya: Is your wife a good woman?

Lucas: Very much so.

Katya: And yet, here you are.

Lucas: That's true. Here I am.

Katya: You don't think this requires an explanation?

Lucas: My wife and I are old friends. And sometimes, with an old friend, you learn to squint away certain things, things you'd maybe rather not see.

Katya: Is it just her doing this not-seeing or you, too?

Lucas: The thing about squinting, you can never be certain what you might not be seeing.

Katya: My... grandfather was in the Gulag. You know about the Gulag?

Lucas: Of course.

Katya: He always said there were two types of prisoners. Some of them, you put them in a wooden hut, and you give them a flint, and they'll use the flint to try and light the stove, and they'll pass years like that. Night after night, striking the flint, trying only to keep from shivering.

Lucas: The others?

Katya: You give them a flint, and they'll burn the hut down.

Lucas: You're saying my wife and I, we light the stove.

Katya: Do you?

Lucas: I'm so sorry for the bird.

Katya: [chuckling] Where did you hear that?

Lucas: Your brothers.

Excerpt from Siberia movie script by Scott B. Smith

______________________________________

Photo by Natalia Drepina

“Yet another longwinded toast from “The Caucasian Prisoner” concludes as follows: "And so when the flock of birds headed south for the winter, one small but proud bird said, I will fly straight to the sun! She flew higher and higher, but very soon she burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of a deep gorge. So let us drink to this: let not a single one of us ever break away from the collective, no matter how high he flies!"

Shurik, who is totally wasted by that point, starts to cry. “What is it, my friend?" his host asks. “I’m so sorry for the bird!” Shurik replies, his eyes full of tears. "I'm so sorry for the bird!” has been a popular catchphrase in Russia for half a century; it is often used to break tension or make things sound a bit less formal and serious." [Source]

 

Photo by Natalia Drepina

Dream Journal Entry: February 16, 2021

They said something to me this morning about being done with the water signs.

Yesterday I heard myself saying, "You burned your house down."

November 23, 2019 

"He's scared because of what happened last time he spoke his truth."

November 23, 2019

"The trauma he suffered in that life fractured his consciousness but it is coming back together in this one and is being healed."

Why?

Why are you stalking me? 

Why do you hack my phone and read my private conversations?

What do you get out of it?

Am I really so entertaining to you? 

Surely if my conversations feed you, you must be starving by now.

I talk to almost no one, now.

What are you thinking will happen?

Following the Guidance and Let Him Watch

"Her hair" by Kanchan Mahon

Dream Journal Entry: June 1, 2020

I had a nap this afternoon and I remember a bit of dream where my daughter kept trying to go to her friend's house, but Inara wasn't allowed in to spend time there. Inara was upset. She said she saw other people going in but Amber wouldn't let her go in.... apparently she was worried about germs or something. I was upset and said I would go over and find out what was going on. I don't think I was allowed in either. 

The scene jumps and now there is something about how I got an email from some organization. I was doing what I thought it was telling me to do. It was something  related to my writing and preparing for some job I thought they were offering. The woman who sent the mail said that she had sent a lot of emails out to people but that most people never responded and I had. Apparently it was just for some online group. She said she sent out the emails to find the people who she thought would actually participate in the group. Only those who responded were invited. It obviously wasn't what I thought it was but I said that it was okay because I needed to do this anyway. 

Then it was like I was hearing a voiceover where they are showing me how I have been doing this all along, following the guidance even when it wasn't what I thought it was initially and I still got the experiences and lessons I needed to bring me to what I wanted in the end, anyway. I saw it was leading me to the job I wanted and now I was prepared for when the job offer came to me, which, in the dream, it was right around the corner. 

The dream jumps again and now someone is asking if I had bought any food at Target. They were saying there was some scandal about how they had saturated all of their food in Lysol. I thought about it and wondered why they would do that to the food but then started to remember the Mexican word of the day meme "Lysol the time". Basically they were saying that a message board where I spent some time was steeped in lies and falsities. 

Dream Journal Entry: June 2, 2020

Basically I was at some hospital doors and was trying to go inside. There was a guy trying to come out at the exact same time. I had to carefully step back and down a few stairs without losing my balance to make way for him to come out. I was holding a lot of things in my hands so it was difficult to steady myself. I had this knowing that this is the guy I have been trying to find and that when we finally meet, everything will happen really fast and effortlessly. Something was mentioned about Keanu still watching everything and I said, "let him watch. Let him see me be happy with someone else."

Dragons and Jobs

"An Allegory of Power" By Georg Janny

Dream Journal Entry: August 21, 2016

It feels like a school. I am not sure where i am. It is old. What we are looking for is old. It feels almost like I am on a Scooby doo mystery quest. Some people are fearful of this place but I'm not.. It feels like what we are looking for is some old school thing to make something else play. Like looking for a tape for a tape player but it feels older than that and I am having trouble remembering details. Something is taken away from me. It shows up later as my black phone but when I find it again, someone has rewired it. In the process of looking for whomever had rewired it, I found old journals they had taken that I had forgotten all about. I open them and see some of my writing and in one I could see a dragon moving in the shadows on the page. It feels like a dragon is involved in all of this. There I see myself reading and following along with lyrics to a new song my friend, Doug C, is singing. There was something about putting all the pieces together and how my adventure or quest was going to lead to a job. It feels somehow music related this job. I know there are details I have lost but needed to try to write some of it down. Along the way there was a guy we thought had my phone but he ended up joining our search.

When Doves Cry

Photo by Yancey Richardson

I started following this trail early in 2018. When I first felt like I was getting guided in this direction, I thought I was misreading the signs, but then there were dreams that spelled it out that this was definitely where I was supposed to explore next. 

I've been on this path for four long years now. That's how much time I put in on the first path until I was guided away and I thought, "never again" and yet, here I am four years of time put in and the path appears to have led nowhere.

Sure, I now have a vast library of poems and nuggets of wisdom, sure I have grown, but I am convinced I can grow anywhere and my growth and the lessons gained aren't dependent on this particular direction I've gone.  No matter where I land, I grow. That is a choice. Growth is always a choice.

Four years later and this path led me to none of the things I had hoped it would maybe lead to....a job I love, connection on a deep soul level, passionate love where I really feel something. It led to none of those things. Maybe none of the paths I take will lead there. Maybe I didn't set it up for myself to experience those things in this life. I believe anything is possible, and yet these things feel elusive and out of reach no matter how much I work towards them.

I feel you, see you in dreams. I have done everything within my power to assist you on your journey, but I can't see that it is doing any good whatsoever. I can't see any energy coming back to me in a circular exchange and energy flow. I want to believe what I see in my dreams, that you have feelings for me, too, but without any action, how will I ever know for sure? All I have are wispy conjectures that form and fade. I have no idea what the truth is. Is there a conservatorship? How can they force you not to talk to me? Don't you have free will? Isn't it really just a choice to be obedient if that is what is happening? Do you care more about how you look to the public than experiencing a love like none other either of us have experienced, the kind that you only read about in fairytales?

Guidance told me not to let go of you and yet I don't know how I can possibly hold on to nothing but thin air. If it is a ghost I am to love, then let it be one who has no choice in their ghost form.

They told me you were burning your hut down for me, but how can that be when you won't even really talk to me? It's been four years. I chose you, but you chose something else, I guess. I can do alone. Alone is a familiar old friend. I'd rather be with you, but there is no sense pining away for something that just never came to fruition.

I have no plan now. I have no specific path. So I suppose I just live in each now moment being grateful for the little things until I can wake up and go home to the really real world and out of this virtual reality.

And there is a really real beautiful world outside of this place, but the machine would have us believe there is nothing else. That isn't true. I'm going home with or without you, my love.

I wish you well.

Fairy Godmother

Dream Journal Entry: January 30, 2022

I dreamed that I applied for a job at some place and got it. I started working right away. I'm not even sure what kind of place it was. I just remember that I was happy to get the job but was told I would only be scheduled for Saturdays at that point. I was grateful for the job and hoped I might be able to work more later or maybe it would be a stepping stone to getting a better job later. It was a start and I was happy with that.

I see an actor I recognize as the person who played Peter Brady on the Brady bunch. He is talking to me but I can't remember what he is saying to me. I said something to the person who hired me that I didn't realize I was hired for an acting job, that I wasn't really an actor but I could figure it out and do the best I could. I then make my way to a stage where my boss does something with her hands that seems like she is performing magic. I had this knowing that she was sort of like a fairy godmother and she was doing something that would create a bigger opportunity that would be like a dream come true for me. 

I remember the place I went home to where my mom was, there area I had to sleep on wasn't that nice or comfortable but I was simply grateful for a place to sleep. I was used to not having much so this arrangement didn't bother me that much.

There was an odd scene about there being two refrigerators at mom's place. There was one inside on an upper level and one at a lower level that felt like a garage. Mom had put several things of meat too low and it was in danger of not staying cold enough and going off. I told mom she couldn't store them there, that they needed to be in the fridge. 

The scene jumps and now I am seeing a couple huge zucchinis growing up from under some grapes. When you lifted up the grapes, you could see the zucchini. I thought I would take two of them. One was larger enough, I thought it would probably only be good for seeds and not so much for eating.

Free Will

Photo by Yancey Richardson

From Jess Puckett - The Chaos Witch:

https://youtube.com/channel/UCi3wWQtEY9JtRxLsvqKe8Kg

I've been getting really peeved at bad, fatalistic astrologers lately. "The conscious man dominates his stars," is a phrase to remember. There are a number of ways that the energies in your chart can express themselves. As you grow in your spirituality you become less reactive and thus less subject to unconscious behavior patterns (that would be outlined in your chart) that would naturally play out if you were unconsciously reacting. You become the master of your own destiny and you will have higher vibrational outcomes from the energies in your chart as you grow spiritually, creating more and more distance between you and your birth chart. You will then be able to help people overcome those same energies just as you did.

This is the goal. Never forget that this is the goal.

Please do not be afraid. It is TERRIBLE astrology and terrible spirituality and terrible karma for an astrologer to scare you will a fatalistic approach. They've planted an idea in your head that may then grow. Perhaps this wouldn't have happened otherwise. It's absolutely shameful.

Your birth chart is known as your "distortion." Stepping outside the wheel of samsara aka achieving enlightenment, IS the same thing as stepping outside the confines of your birth chart. An astrology reading would be near useless to a fully realized person.

Become conscious and "karma has no more business" with you.

Xoxo Jess