River Phoenix and Identity Theft

I was talking to someone tonight about you and the subject of hag (aka Alexandra Grant) came up. It seems everyone wants to help you, but this is what I said that I found interesting. Sometimes things come out that I never saw before that makes so much sense.

I'm saying part of a game as in virtual reality that most are unaware they are playing.

I once wrote a blog post about hag being part of a big boss battle

There is always a big boss to battle before you can move on to the next level.

I think what is being "fought" for is game completion so that we can shift into "free play" mode.

Free play means it isn't about competition. You get to just have fun.

What he has to do to beat this level is face his fears.

That is what I did yesterday.

Climbing up that mountain was me facing my fears.

I'm terrified of unsafe heights.

I crawled up some of the way.

Scooted on my ass going down.

I just kept saying, "don't look down. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay."

It was fucking hard and pretty terrifying, but I kept going and kept a positive attitude about it which makes me proud of myself for doing it.

Anyway, Keanu has to do that.

He has to face his fears.

I think he is most afraid of speaking what he really thinks and feels.

He is afraid of being himself completely and openly.

I think he has been working on it. How can he not?

Exactly.

We are all working on it. The only way you can be yourself openly and honestly is to really love yourself enough that you feel secure no matter what.

That is hard to do but I have done it, so if I can, anyone can.

I didn't know who I was when I started all of this.

I discovered who I am through the journey which also changed me. I love who I became.

He can do that, too. Probably already has.

Who he has been isn't nice. That's the truth.

The old him has to die off in order for him to be reborn.

All we can do is wait and see.

Every path is different.

We get there in different ways.

I'm not sure what clown is going to do 10 years from now, but I guarantee, I won't be hanging around that chat much longer.

I would love to have real friends.

But I do think it is possible for us to follow the guidance and get everything we need from those we meet along the way to get to the next clue that will take us to the next clue and the next one.

He thinks hag is him connecting with River.

I say that because of a dream.

I just re-read it.

Let me find it.

Shit, this search sucks ass.

Basically in the dream I was in a parallel reality.

My name there was Summer.

And I was being told that I think that who I was connecting with was River but really it was Erwin. I don't understand what that means, but I am guessing Keanu does.

The person hearing River said that the person who I thought was River was lying.

My guess is, that is hag pretending she is all River-like in her energy when really she is like his old manager.

Who I don't know, so I have no idea what that means.

But I definitely don't trust his family based on what I have seen and heard in dreams. Hag is not a good person.

But she represents a part of him.

He has to be willing and ready to say goodbye to that old version of himself in order to be able to release her.

She exists within him first.

He has to have an inner hag too.

We can't fix that for him.

He has to do that for himself.

When he conquers the inner hag, the outer will naturally fall away, making room for a new version of his inner feminine to take her seat beside him. 

The little mermaid...

The witch took her identity and stole her voice.

Eric was being deceived.

He thought it was the right one because the voice sounded like the one he heard.

But she had stolen it.

Hag steals everything.

None of her ideas are original.

They all involve theft.

Isn't it funny her stalker was arrested for identity theft?

Maybe hag has stalked Keanu's real "one". 

Maybe she has copied her.

Looked at her social.

There's lots of ways of stalking these days.

Most can be done online.

She watches him.

Probably follows him.

I knew someone like that.

It was creepy as fuck.

He has to fight his inner hag first.

He can't defeat the outer one without destroying the inner one first.

Maybe destroy is the wrong word. He has to expell her internally.

Until he does, she will remain in the outer world with him. It seems to me if he thinks she is River-like, he wants her there with him.

I don't know. I have to believe he isn't dumb, but he fell for her lies just like we did his PR. It's karma related.

He is being given an opportunity to see how lies and deceptions in presenting yourself is an injustice.

He is doing it to millions of people and she is doing it to him.

He fell for the same shit we did.

I say we as in the collective we.

He just needs to see the lesson.

So that he can make different choices.

He has to stop deceiving the public.

And then he will attract an honest partner.

He will have space for her.

When he is honest. 

I didn't even realize all of this until talking it out with you.

It makes so much sense now.

That is why she is his karmic partner.

He is getting the lesson of the harm that lies do when we sell an image and pretend to be something we are not.

_________________________________

The is the dream I was trying to find for the conversation:

Dream Journal Entry: November 3, 2021

I remember a bit of dream where K was shooting arrows at some people  walking by. I was one of the people he was shooting at and didn't understand why. I remember seeing a person shot in the back with arrows who looked dead on the ground.

I remember a scene where I found this little creature that was sort of guinea-pig-like but had no fur that had been dressed in some sort of hard shell by one of the kids and he had been given an egg shaped thing that was being held together with sticky candy. Because of what he was wearing and holding, he was unable to eat. So I removed the egg from his hands, removed the hard plastic shell and let him wander away to go eat with some of the other pets they had. They were allowed to roam free. For some reason, he sort of had a cube shape that was a result of the hard shell having been in place so long but considered it would eventually smooth out.

Later I dreamed I was back at J and K's and the kids were young teens at first. But then I see them morph into very young kids and they were all sitting on the couch. I felt confused and disoriented by this. 

I'm seeing myself and my figure is quite slim, unlike what I usually am. J is introducing herself to me. Apparently she knows that the inner me at that moment is from a different reality and I was just visiting. She is saying that in this reality that my name is Summer. 

Then she sits and pauses like she is hearing something and she is saying, "River is here and he is talking to me. Just a minute." Then she continues, "You think that the person you have been connecting with is River but he is lying, his name is actually Erwin." 

In my head I was seeing some guy that I was spending time with and trying to understand why the name Erwin sounded so familiar. I was trying to process it.

J then states, "I have to go to the store to pick up some things, if you aren't here when I get back, it was nice meeting you." I considered that she meant the me inside her Summer would return to my original reality. And then I started to wake.

Distorted Perceptions and Competition

Photo by Ogami Ryohei

Dream Journal Entry: May 14, 2020, Part 1

I dreamed about being in the UK with my uncle Paul (my father's brother who is dead) and Inara. Uncle Paul is driving and he turns right, thinking this is the place we were trying to find. I wasn't so certain it was, but we went with it anyway. We didn't have much time here, so thought we could make the best of it by stopping at this place that resembled an amusement park but didn't actually have any rides. It was more like an arboretum on the outside with various different varieties of plants displayed and plaques telling what they were. We went by one section on the left that had all monkey puzzle trees. They were all small and looked young. 

In another section was an area you had to climb that was made of branches situated together like a log jam, only it was smaller branches that sort of curved and resembled a very large nest. You had to climb this section to get inside. 

Inside, were lots of different areas and there was a kids section with cushioned mats you could climb and bounce on. Someone is saying something about how there were probably lots of pubic hairs in there left behind by the people who had been in here playing. I thought it was odd, but continued on. After having been in there, I noticed movement in my vaginal area. It felt almost like I had a small, thin penis coming out of me and moving around. I removed my pants and underwear and looked. On the right side of my labia, a parasitic worm had attached to me. I pulled the bulk of the worm off of me and planned to destroy it but there was still a piece of it left at the site wiggling around. I asked my uncle to help me get the last piece because I was holding the parasite in one hand and couldn't get the piece out with one hand only.

I remember seeing a section with books and some author was giving a talk as I walked through.

Photo by Evelyn Hofer, 1963, NYC

I remember being at some eatery at this same location. It wasn't a fancy restaurant. It was the kind of place you would walk up and order at the counter. At first, we were buying just ice cream. Paul hands me an ice cream that I start eating but I don't like it and throw the rest away. I couldn't say what the flavor was. Then I find out that was the ice cream Paul had ordered for himself. He only meant for me to hold it and he seemed sad. I felt bad so offered to buy him another. He said no, but I insisted. We ended up buying grilled burgers and fresh cut fries. I was concerned about whether or not I had enough British money to pay with. I opened my purse and found a check that was for British pounds for two thousand and a bit. I asked if I could use that and they said "yes". The woman who had initially been taking our order got a sick look on her face and said she had to go throw up and asked someone else to take over. She said that she wasn't contagious, she was just pregnant and had nauseousness from that. I told her I completely understood as I had been sick and throwing up my entire pregnancy.

At some point, I suddenly realized I have no top on and was exposed. It didn't bother me much, but I knew others present might not want to see my breasts so I grabbed a towel and came back.

We stepped away for a little while to wait for our food and, at some point, I ended up completely naked but grabbed towels from the place to wrap around me. And when we got our food, we took it away carrying it in all-clad cookware. I can't remember why.

There was one part where a girl who worked there stepped away from the restaurant and started to fall through the holes that were more like connecting tunnels...rather like a mouse playground with connecting tubes only it was for humans and had openings so you could travel to different sections. She fell a couple levels and one guy caught her and helped her up. I helped her up to the level she had originally been on.

I can't remember much else.

Oh yeah, there was also a part of the dream where there were two guys. I think one of them was being kept a secret. He was Asian. They were a couple but one of them was having a hard time admitting his relationship with him.

At one point, the Asian guy looked to have a very long skull like what the alien looked like in the movie, Alien, only it was a human skull, but once you changed position, you could see it was just a distortion of the glass he was standing near.

Commissionaires Dog by Kurt Hutton

Dream Journal Entry: May 13, 2020, Part 2

I had another dream where it seems there was some sort of competition taking place. People were all chasing after the same thing. They were hunting. I was one of them participating in the competition. At one point, I sought to work with others and started riding an elephant with a group, but a bunch of people passed me, so I thought I needed to hurry up and opted to get off the elephant and run ahead. Some of the people who were chasing the same thing I was started shooting at me. I took cover and avoided their bullets. I moved quickly ahead. It became clear we were hunting some dog and, apparently, it was very dangerous. It was possible it could destroy you. I found some dogs that others seemed scared of. I didn't have a weapon and wasn't afraid. I approached the dogs. At first they seemed to growl, but when they realized I wasn't scared, they let me pet them. It was a medium sized dog and a small one. 

Attribution Unknown

I moved past them into the area the biggest dog was and I come upon some guy. There was something about him having built some alter to draw the dogs to him. I was seeing it as a relatively small alter, at first, but there was a second much larger one that was hidden and blended into the natural outdoor setting. At first it looked like an ordinary tree that was slightly leaning over and its branches went up and bent in the direction the tree was leaning. It sort of resembled a pipe organ. The guy moved away some leaves to reveal it was a large alter to ensure the largest dog came to him. He had been drawing the dogs to him even though the largest was very dangerous. There was something about an area he built that was a virtual place. He said, "I built this place because I knew they would be drawn to be inside the virtual place because they can find balance here. They want to be here." The dogs who had gone in had become docile and relaxed. There had been a woman with him but he seemed to discard her in preference for me, the first person to have completed getting to that point. I guess I was the winner because I had gotten there first, but I didn't seek to destroy the dogs as the others had.

The guy backed me up against the alter and it seemed he planned to have sex with me. I think I woke up there. I waited too long to write the dream down.

Sex With Keanu

Photo by Bert Hardy, 1957

Dream Journal Entry: April 9, 2020

I dreamed a lot about having sex with Keanu Reeves. At first our encounter was very contentious and he was forcibly penetrating me. It felt real. But by the end of it all, we both had feelings for each other. I wish I could remember the details but they elude me. I just remember feeling really open and amorous towards him even though, at first, it was angry, forced, and violent. 

Later he morphed into Brandon Lee and showed up by my side. I was so happy to see him. Again, the details elude me, but I remember thinking how much I wished I didn't have to wake from the dream. 

Interpretation: I was thinking about this dream and what it could mean. Keanu represents, to me, a closed and protected heart. He represents a heart that just won't let anyone in all the way which pretty much sums up my own heart, I suppose. I like to think my heart is open but the inner sanctuaries have been closed off for a very long time. 

It seems to suggest a battle my inner masculine was having to get all the way inside and penetrate my inner heart. By the end of the battle, both of us had softened towards the other and decide to be together harmoniously. We see angry Keanu transform into a happy and loving Brandon. 

Photo by Steffen Fischer

Dream Journal Entry: June 19, 2021

I had lots of other dreams but they were hard to hold onto. I think I had sex with Keanu and somehow it was out in the open where others could see. There was someone I identified as as Doug C who was there and saw us together. I think when I realized others were watching, I tried to cover up a bit. It seems like Keanu was trying to move me away from the location because it wasn't safe there and some of the people there had ill intentions. 

I recall something about several tickets for concerts being bought.

I also remember something about needing to get my shoes back on. They were black doc marten Mary Janes. Mine looked new but somehow I got a left shoe that was a man's shoe and then I got a second right shoe that was the same as mine, but I finally found a left shoe that was a match to mine.

Sorry For the Bird

Photo by Natalia Drepina

Sorry for the bird

Who couldn't make it to the sun

Sorry for the bear

Who didn't see the boat come

Sorry for the moon

Whose wisdom wasn't heard

Sorry for the man

Who lies with backwards word

Oktobre Taylor

Photo by Natalia Drepina

Katya: Is your wife a good woman?

Lucas: Very much so.

Katya: And yet, here you are.

Lucas: That's true. Here I am.

Katya: You don't think this requires an explanation?

Lucas: My wife and I are old friends. And sometimes, with an old friend, you learn to squint away certain things, things you'd maybe rather not see.

Katya: Is it just her doing this not-seeing or you, too?

Lucas: The thing about squinting, you can never be certain what you might not be seeing.

Katya: My... grandfather was in the Gulag. You know about the Gulag?

Lucas: Of course.

Katya: He always said there were two types of prisoners. Some of them, you put them in a wooden hut, and you give them a flint, and they'll use the flint to try and light the stove, and they'll pass years like that. Night after night, striking the flint, trying only to keep from shivering.

Lucas: The others?

Katya: You give them a flint, and they'll burn the hut down.

Lucas: You're saying my wife and I, we light the stove.

Katya: Do you?

Lucas: I'm so sorry for the bird.

Katya: [chuckling] Where did you hear that?

Lucas: Your brothers.

Excerpt from Siberia movie script by Scott B. Smith

______________________________________

Photo by Natalia Drepina

“Yet another longwinded toast from “The Caucasian Prisoner” concludes as follows: "And so when the flock of birds headed south for the winter, one small but proud bird said, I will fly straight to the sun! She flew higher and higher, but very soon she burned her wings and fell to the very bottom of a deep gorge. So let us drink to this: let not a single one of us ever break away from the collective, no matter how high he flies!"

Shurik, who is totally wasted by that point, starts to cry. “What is it, my friend?" his host asks. “I’m so sorry for the bird!” Shurik replies, his eyes full of tears. "I'm so sorry for the bird!” has been a popular catchphrase in Russia for half a century; it is often used to break tension or make things sound a bit less formal and serious." [Source]

 

Photo by Natalia Drepina

Dream Journal Entry: February 16, 2021

They said something to me this morning about being done with the water signs.

Yesterday I heard myself saying, "You burned your house down."

November 23, 2019 

"He's scared because of what happened last time he spoke his truth."

November 23, 2019

"The trauma he suffered in that life fractured his consciousness but it is coming back together in this one and is being healed."

Why?

Why are you stalking me? 

Why do you hack my phone and read my private conversations?

What do you get out of it?

Am I really so entertaining to you? 

Surely if my conversations feed you, you must be starving by now.

I talk to almost no one, now.

What are you thinking will happen?

Following the Guidance and Let Him Watch

"Her hair" by Kanchan Mahon

Dream Journal Entry: June 1, 2020

I had a nap this afternoon and I remember a bit of dream where my daughter kept trying to go to her friend's house, but Inara wasn't allowed in to spend time there. Inara was upset. She said she saw other people going in but Amber wouldn't let her go in.... apparently she was worried about germs or something. I was upset and said I would go over and find out what was going on. I don't think I was allowed in either. 

The scene jumps and now there is something about how I got an email from some organization. I was doing what I thought it was telling me to do. It was something  related to my writing and preparing for some job I thought they were offering. The woman who sent the mail said that she had sent a lot of emails out to people but that most people never responded and I had. Apparently it was just for some online group. She said she sent out the emails to find the people who she thought would actually participate in the group. Only those who responded were invited. It obviously wasn't what I thought it was but I said that it was okay because I needed to do this anyway. 

Then it was like I was hearing a voiceover where they are showing me how I have been doing this all along, following the guidance even when it wasn't what I thought it was initially and I still got the experiences and lessons I needed to bring me to what I wanted in the end, anyway. I saw it was leading me to the job I wanted and now I was prepared for when the job offer came to me, which, in the dream, it was right around the corner. 

The dream jumps again and now someone is asking if I had bought any food at Target. They were saying there was some scandal about how they had saturated all of their food in Lysol. I thought about it and wondered why they would do that to the food but then started to remember the Mexican word of the day meme "Lysol the time". Basically they were saying that a message board where I spent some time was steeped in lies and falsities. 

Dream Journal Entry: June 2, 2020

Basically I was at some hospital doors and was trying to go inside. There was a guy trying to come out at the exact same time. I had to carefully step back and down a few stairs without losing my balance to make way for him to come out. I was holding a lot of things in my hands so it was difficult to steady myself. I had this knowing that this is the guy I have been trying to find and that when we finally meet, everything will happen really fast and effortlessly. Something was mentioned about Keanu still watching everything and I said, "let him watch. Let him see me be happy with someone else."

Dragons and Jobs

"An Allegory of Power" By Georg Janny

Dream Journal Entry: August 21, 2016

It feels like a school. I am not sure where i am. It is old. What we are looking for is old. It feels almost like I am on a Scooby doo mystery quest. Some people are fearful of this place but I'm not.. It feels like what we are looking for is some old school thing to make something else play. Like looking for a tape for a tape player but it feels older than that and I am having trouble remembering details. Something is taken away from me. It shows up later as my black phone but when I find it again, someone has rewired it. In the process of looking for whomever had rewired it, I found old journals they had taken that I had forgotten all about. I open them and see some of my writing and in one I could see a dragon moving in the shadows on the page. It feels like a dragon is involved in all of this. There I see myself reading and following along with lyrics to a new song my friend, Doug C, is singing. There was something about putting all the pieces together and how my adventure or quest was going to lead to a job. It feels somehow music related this job. I know there are details I have lost but needed to try to write some of it down. Along the way there was a guy we thought had my phone but he ended up joining our search.

When Doves Cry

Photo by Yancey Richardson

I started following this trail early in 2018. When I first felt like I was getting guided in this direction, I thought I was misreading the signs, but then there were dreams that spelled it out that this was definitely where I was supposed to explore next. 

I've been on this path for four long years now. That's how much time I put in on the first path until I was guided away and I thought, "never again" and yet, here I am four years of time put in and the path appears to have led nowhere.

Sure, I now have a vast library of poems and nuggets of wisdom, sure I have grown, but I am convinced I can grow anywhere and my growth and the lessons gained aren't dependent on this particular direction I've gone.  No matter where I land, I grow. That is a choice. Growth is always a choice.

Four years later and this path led me to none of the things I had hoped it would maybe lead to....a job I love, connection on a deep soul level, passionate love where I really feel something. It led to none of those things. Maybe none of the paths I take will lead there. Maybe I didn't set it up for myself to experience those things in this life. I believe anything is possible, and yet these things feel elusive and out of reach no matter how much I work towards them.

I feel you, see you in dreams. I have done everything within my power to assist you on your journey, but I can't see that it is doing any good whatsoever. I can't see any energy coming back to me in a circular exchange and energy flow. I want to believe what I see in my dreams, that you have feelings for me, too, but without any action, how will I ever know for sure? All I have are wispy conjectures that form and fade. I have no idea what the truth is. Is there a conservatorship? How can they force you not to talk to me? Don't you have free will? Isn't it really just a choice to be obedient if that is what is happening? Do you care more about how you look to the public than experiencing a love like none other either of us have experienced, the kind that you only read about in fairytales?

Guidance told me not to let go of you and yet I don't know how I can possibly hold on to nothing but thin air. If it is a ghost I am to love, then let it be one who has no choice in their ghost form.

They told me you were burning your hut down for me, but how can that be when you won't even really talk to me? It's been four years. I chose you, but you chose something else, I guess. I can do alone. Alone is a familiar old friend. I'd rather be with you, but there is no sense pining away for something that just never came to fruition.

I have no plan now. I have no specific path. So I suppose I just live in each now moment being grateful for the little things until I can wake up and go home to the really real world and out of this virtual reality.

And there is a really real beautiful world outside of this place, but the machine would have us believe there is nothing else. That isn't true. I'm going home with or without you, my love.

I wish you well.