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I would like to hear from you.

Say Something

Art by Lorenza Pigliamosche (IG: _pigliamosche)

I want to say something, but I don't know what. 

I guess I will share some thoughts I shared on a message board thread pertaining to Keanu Reeves.

This was me responding to a comment about the announcement that Keanu is going to star in a Broadway play:

It's a bucket list thing, I think. If you had the ability to fulfill your bucket list items, wouldn't you? Keanu just has a lot more resources and connections to actually make it happen.

It's not a matter of being particularly good at it, but having the experience.

While I find him questionable in many ways, I can respect a desire to fulfill a long time dream.

Jinkx Monsoon is a local drag queen. I just watched her on season five of RuPaul's Drag Race. In it she said she wanted to be the first drag queen to perform in a Broadway play...and she made that dream happen! I have so much respect when people actually make their dreams come true. It takes a lot of courage to overcome self doubts and fears to move forward towards our dreams...probably even for Keanu.

The question should not be, "Will I be good at it?" but the question should be, "If I died tomorrow, would I regret not having tried in order to have the experience?"

If we always live our lives for other people and their opinions, we stop living.

I was responding to: "She doesn't deserve to be with him. Here come my haters!!!"

For the record, I'm not a hater. I just happen to hold different opinions, that's all.

"Deserve" is a curious word. To say that she doesn't deserve him would suggest to me that you elevate him in your own mind, given everything else said.

In my mind, they deserve each other.

I think they are very similar people and have similar character. Being faced with someone so similar to one's self can seem like a blessing in the beginning, but further into the relationship, it can be the very thing that becomes a source of conflict.

It's not always comfortable to be faced with someone so similar to ourselves because all of our own deficits are reflected back at us in the form of another person. A person willing to grow will use that mirror and change, but a person unwilling to grow will only point fingers at the other person and blame them for all of the problems and never see they are guilty of exactly the same things they don't like in the other person.

Regardless of who we choose, be it friends, romantic partners, or work partners, we are faced with opportunities to become better people regardless of how difficult or pleasant it might be.

I wish for them growth and expansion.

I was responding to someone who, in recent months, has gained a lot of people disliking her for being a voice of reason and closing out her comments with "Keanu + Honey forever":

Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts even when it feels like the water you are swimming in is filled with hungry sharks wanting to shred you to bits for fun. Your voice is valuable. Something you said helped me shift back into a higher gear. I'm grateful.

I'm not a fan of Keanu, but that doesn't mean I can't be more thoughtful and respectful of those who are for their own reasons.

You demonstrated your empathy by pointing out that Alexandra is a person with feelings which was a reminder to me that Keanu, also, is a person who has feelings even though it is very easy to dehumanize the very famous. It's very easy to think that what we say doesn't matter because "that celebrity won't ever see or care what I say".

What we say is like a pebble thrown into a pond. We can watch the ripples moving out when we see someone else adopting our expressions be it negative or positive.

We, too, should choose wisely.

Thank you.

I Looked Everywhere For U

Deserted Moment by Kay Nielsen, 1911

I got to work promptly at 4:00 a.m. and started doing my usual routine. During the course of my usual duties, something got shaken up and letters fell from my sign that was set up for blue. I found most of the pieces I lost, but I couldn't find u.

I looked everywhere for u. I turned on a light and searched high and low for u. I resolved that u were lost and I replaced u with another. 

I went into the place where I make my creations, I looked down and there u were, face down on the floor. I reached down to help u turnover and picked u up. I guessed u had hitched a ride on my shoe and had been with me all along.

I was happy to see u. I picked u up and decided to keep u with me. U might have been part of a sign but now u were mine. I think u were meant for me.

Red, Meet Blue

 

It's weird when the beginning chapter of your spiritual journey meets the ending chapter.

Red, meet  Blue 

I was guided to various characters on my journey to help me learn about me and heal certain aspects of self...some living, some dead. Each character had specific colors show up repeatedly in dreams and in the waking state that represented the chakra issues I was working through via studying them and observing their lives. Usually there was always something being highlighted through recognizing a pattern in their life. That pattern usually existed in my life, as well, which gave me the opportunity to change something and clear a blockage.

Red always showed up in dreams for Deryck Whibley from Sum 41. He also wears a lot of red, too.  Red is the color of the root chakra which can be about survival and security. His presence was highlighting my own root chakra issues by acting as a mirror. I learned a lot and healed a lot during my time with Deryck.

Blue always showed up in dreams for Keanu Reeves from Dogstar. He also chooses blue for his guitar and his motorcycle. Blue is the color of the throat chakra and is all about communication. His presence was highlighting areas in my own life where I need to communicate better by observing all the ways he doesn't communicate authentically. 

I think there were also some daddy issues that Keanu helped shine a spotlight on because of his own daddy issues.  Why was I so angry about people believing he is such a saintly nice guy that his PR team pushes so often when it isn't actually true? Because when my father was abusing his family, no one believed us when we tried to tell them. They couldn't believe that such a good church going man would do such a thing.

Do I feel completely healed now that I'm feeling I'm at the end of my journey?

Not really. 

I think I probably still have a lot of work to do but little motivation to do it at this point. 

Thirteen years have passed since my spiritual journey started and the cocoon stage in which the caterpillar becomes goo that I have been in for some time has produced nothing. 

No beautiful butterfly.

No wings.

I'm still a blob of goo, I guess.

I just work a lot, feel exhausted a lot. 

I don't focus on my dreams much anymore. I'm lucky if I can remember anything from them.

I'm grateful to have a job and be able to pay for the things we need. I don't hate my job and think "OMG I don't want to be here."  But I do think, "This isn't really what I dreamed my life would be one day. "

My dreams didn't come to fruition. There have not really been fruits for my labor of the past 13 years.

It is what it is, I guess. I will make the best of it. I always do.

I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to go see, in person, two of the people who Spirit guided me to, Deryck/red and Laura Jane Grace/yellow. It felt like closure of those chapters. When I didn't think Dogstar were going to play anywhere near me, I was bummed. But now they are playing near me and I have a ticket to go to their show in September. 

So, when I saw the picture of Keanu standing next to Deryck, it gave me pause and caused me to reflect on this long spiritual journey of mine. 

I don't know what will come after the Dogstar show. I haven't been guided in any specific direction, so your guess is as good as mine.

I guess I will just play it by ear and let the wind take me where it will.

Resurrection

"Meeting of souls in the Universe" 1946, by Jan Konupek (1883 -1950)

Resurrection 

From my slumber

Dark soul sublime

Come back humbler

Appreciate 

What came before

Pain creations

And pen restored

Admiration 

Word tailor me

Come back to life

Allowed to breathe 

Oktobre Taylor

Ready or Not

'Belehrung' by Sergius Hruby, 1935

The Eighth day

Of an eight year

Dancing to a tune

A rare feat 

Blue bunny

And a Blue boy

Once in a blue moon

They shall meet

Oktobre Taylor 

The Crow: 30 Years Later

I went to see the original The Crow movie last night. It was the 30th anniversary of its release. Thirty years ago I was in my Midwestern home town. A friend told me I had to see it with her. She had already seen it once but said she would happily see it again. 

It took my breath away.

Immediately after the viewing we went to a nearby field next to a trail and watched as a million fireflies flashed, lighting up the night sky. It felt magical as I processed what I had just viewed on screen.

About a week later, I would pack up my car of everything I could fit in and drive 2000 miles to Portland, Oregon. I was 25 and it was the first time I was truly on my own with no safety net. 

I arrived June 7th and the Crow soundtrack became part of the soundtrack of my life. I played it on repeat that year. It was my solace when I cried so many tears and tried to adjust to being somewhere so unfamiliar and knowing absolutely no one. I ended up seeing the movie a total of seven times in the theater. Yesterday makes eight times.

The Crow will always hold a very special place in my heart. Despite the violence, above all, it is a love story. It is a story of overcoming darkness, transcendence and prevailing in the end...even if that is in the afterworld.

Spirited Away

The below was originally posted on Facebook and Instagram October 28, 2019. I was thinking about it after listening to Billie Eilish's song, 'Chihiro'.

I went to see Spirited Away today in the theater. This time I watched it, I understood so much more of the deeper meanings of the various characters.

No Face is both the darkness and loneliness that can consume us and showing how greed can consume us. I believe it was actually the shadow self to Haku who is later revealed to be a River Spirit. 

Haku and No Face were saved and restored to freedom, truth and balance by the purity and love of Chihiro. Chihiro demonstrated being of service to others and loving unconditionally no matter how difficult the tasks were. She persevered and worked hard to help those she loved. No Face found a place to call home and a companion. Haku was given freedom through the restoration of his true identity. 

Through her good choices, she found her way out of what started out as a nightmare but ended up being the experience that freed her from the fear and darkness she had prior to going within...to the other side. The big change of her family's move no longer scared her. She could now embrace the new experience easily and without resistance.