Strings

Susan Seddon-Boulet - Shaman Spider Woman

Strings

You offer me your love

You offer me your touch

But I'm inclined to believe

You also offer an iron clutch

You offer me your hand

You offer me your kiss

But I have to wonder

If you offer a chain to my wrist

You say it wouldn't happen

You say it would never be

Well, I'm no stranger to this game

I've had many strings attached to me

You say you're different

You say I'd still be free

Well you might be intoxicating

But my eyes can clearly see

I want to fly with you at my side

But I don't want to get tangled in your strings

I want to play without being the prey

But a lady bug on a spider web always clings

Oh I don't want to get tangled in your strings

Written May 30, 1990

By Oktobre Taylor

Take a Stand

Take a Stand

Can you see what I try to hide

The person I am somewhere inside

Hollow words and desperate cries

Complications with discovered lies

Pointless destination has a reason

Tasteless flavor has a season

Unspoken words have found a voice

Cruel demands? There is a choice

Oh condescending eyes reveal

No one man is made of steel

Immobilized and on goes time

Crusaders are accused of crimes

Crossing over the line too late

Who shall we blame? Maybe fate

Breathing in this poisoned air

And still alive but may I ask where?

Take a stand

If you want to be seen

Take a stand

If you want to be heard

Take a stand

Say what you mean

Take a stand

To move the unstirred

Written December 25, 1988

By Oktobre Taylor

Myths About Spiritual People

I know I have touched upon this topic before in a previous blog entry about authenticity and the spiritual path. I am having a particularly shitty day where my faith in everything has been shaken. So many spiritual people give off the air of sunshine and rainbows. It is all about love, love, love and everything is always hunky-fucking-dory. Gotta plaster love and positivity because that is what is expected of us. Well guess what? Sometimes I don't feel like spewing fairy dust and shitting rainbows. Sometimes I fall into a really bad dark mood. Sometimes I question everything I think I believe. Sometimes I just want to say "fuck it all" and take an exit from the giant stage drama called "life on Earth."

It doesn't make me any less spiritual than the people who try so hard to stay "positive" at all costs. It just makes me more authentic and willing to show my flaws and true feelings. If I am in a bad fucking mood, I am not asking anyone to try cheer me up or to try to save me or help me. Just listen and try to be understanding. Allow me to me vent my frustrations because more than likely, I will move past it eventually.

People within the spiritual community tend to only want to share the joys of their life and happy thoughts. I have been just as guilty of that as there is nothing more annoying than reading someone incessantly complain about how shit there life is. I think sometimes we don't share the dark shit because if we see only kittens and flowers and positivity we can convince ourselves that our life is pretty awesome most of the time. It makes us feel better to read our own stuff we have shared. But I think it can give people an illusion of who we really are and they don't see that we are human and sometimes we are weighed down with very real and dark human emotions. Sometimes showing just a glimpse of our shadow sides helps the person next to us feel like it is okay to be real and admit that sometimes we hate the world and don't want to be here anymore. Sometimes we doubt our guides and think they are assholes who have forgotten how hard it is to be in a skin suit and just how very dense this life can be. Sometimes we feel like screaming and breaking things instead of meditating and breathing the shit away.

My name is Oktobre. I am a spirit who wears a skin suit. I don't always love my life. I don't always love my guides and trust them. I sometimes rage. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I just get really mad sometimes and spew profanities and angry words. And guess what? I am still a very spiritual person in spite of it all. I always eventually find my center and get balanced again.

Stranger To Myself

Artist: Frank Dicksee

Stranger To Myself

Gasping for air

The waves push me down

I see you there

And still I start to drown

I fight this feeling

Yet it comes back stronger than before

My head's sent reeling

Won't you please unlock this door

I'm a stranger to myself

Wishing I was someone else

I missed the last train

And I'm left with this pain

A white rose in hand

Changes into white sand

Wishing I was someone else

I'm a stranger to myself

I'm left calling

Wondering if anyone will hear me

I seem to be falling

No one to catch me as I drop into the sea

Gasping for air

The waves push me down

I see you there

And still I start to drown

Escape is what I need

But my feet are rooted to the ground

Like a forgotten seed

My spirit will be dead when found

By Oktobre Taylor

Written November 3, 1987

Death and Rebirth

Hunt and Gather - Tom Bagshaw

Where did that person go

The person I used to be

Once so full of feeling

Am I just a product of society

Where did that person go

Is this empty shell really me

Can I find what I lost

Am I just a product of society

By Oktobre Taylor
Written January 22, 1990

 

 

Somewhere beyond the rainbow

Lies forever

Somewhere beyond your knowledge
Is your soul
Someday you will find what it is

You're looking for

Someday you'll understand what it is
You need to know

The Sun is our Father
The Moon is our Mother
Love is our Sister
Love is our Brother

We all ask a question

We all have an answer

This is what the world is

This is what our life is

Somewhere beyond poverty 

Lies happiness
Somewhere beyond a cold surface
Is your heart

Someday you'll find in the darkness

A reason

Someday amidst the confusion

We'll find each other

Somewhere beyond the pain

Lies heaven

Somewhere beyond despair 

Lies hope

Someday soon a new beginning

Will greet you

Someday soon you'll remember

Who you really are

By Oktobre Taylor

Written April 4, 1987

Author's notes: I want to dedicate this blog post to Deryck Whibley. Until May 16th, 2014 I had no idea who he was. That was when my spirit guides brought him to my attention. He might never see this but I felt important to let him know that new beginnings are a gift.

 
Dear Deryck,

You have been through such a difficult low in your life recently, but now it is time to restart your life as though you are a completely new and different person...start over...start fresh and start anew. Look at this experience as a gift and choose a new path that the Universe has presented to you. Get back on your horse and ride, my friend. Everything is going to be okay. Love and light to you and all who love you.

Oktobre

Chequered Love

Fecund - Tom Bagshaw

Chequered Love

Crystal clear emotions

Shining through a veil

Blood from a rose petal

Standing tall but frail

The candle in my heart

Is burning at both ends

In the day I know what's real

At night I am compelled to pretend

Chequered love

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

Prepare the person

Pour the wine

Word in my thoughts

You cannot define

Chequered love 

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

Image in a mirror

Has yet to be known

Bird of a blue feather 

Has finally flown

Green light in my head

Tells me to go

Still the light I answer

Bellows a loud NO!

Chequered love

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

Prepare the person

Pour the wine

Word in my thoughts

You cannot define

Chequered love 

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

By Oktobre Taylor

Written August 28, 1987

Climb the Fence

Floatopia - Naoto Hattori

Climb the Fence

Sleeping through a waking state
Unaware of my surroundings

Stepping into a slow motion scene

Found motion so dumbfounding

Blinked my eyes and lost a thought

Thought came back an hour later

Spoke out the words I had to say

Found my tongue to be a traitor

Slurred, mumbled, mixed together

Even to myself I didn't make sense

The gate was wide open to me

But instead I chose to climb the fence

By Oktobre Taylor

Written October 21, 1989

Cherish These Moments

Here I am now

A new tomorrow has begun

Gradually rising

I look towards an eastern sun

Bright light awakens

In my smothering darkness, so new

Exploring unfamiliars

The bearer of the light was you

Hello happiness

I've missed you, where have you been

I've felt this way

Dizzy bliss, I can't remember when

Thank you I say

To the great Universe that has blessed me

Wandering emotions

I'm so alive now and quite happy to be

Terracotta sunshine

Breathing warm life into my soul

Missing puzzle piece

Has come to fill the gaping hole

Slowly it's formed

There is my cloud with a silver lining

Ray of hope is you

In a blanket of rain you came through shining

Chorus:

On the wind

I ride

On my lips

A name

Cherish these moments, I do

As our lives

Collide

As we find

New fame

Bright star in my eyes is you

Erasing scars

I hide

Erasing all

My pain

Cherish these moments, I do

By Oktobre Taylor

Funny...i don't have a date written on this poem but i can remember the fun filled night well that led to the writing of it.  It had to be written around 1989 or 1990 and it was spring. I remember someone picking a daffodil and giving it to me.