Ending Patterns of Sexual Perversions and Abuse

Art by Roberto Ferri

I'm posting the below dreams more for my own benefit so I can easily find them again, but based on recent events and discussions, they are particularly relevant.

I think there are many of us here who have come to clear out accumulated karma of the ancestors. Some of that karma deals with really difficult subjects like sex abuse such as sadism, pedophilia, rape and other sexual perversions that harm everyone involved.

People who think they actually like violent sex are very emotionally and mentally unwell. Usually these people have suffered trauma and abuse that causes gross distortions in what they think they like and want...what they think they deserve. Often the abused become abusers.

It is not impossible to break the cycle and chain of these perversions. Just because we are abused does not mean we have to become abusers. We can chooses to heal ourselves and, thus, heal the wounds of our ancestors. By healing, we clear the karma for all of those who came before us.

To the one I love with all of my heart who I know has been and is being abused, I love you. I'm here for you and I want to help you break the chains so you gain your freedom. I want to help you heal. I'm damaged too, but neither of us are damaged beyond repair.

Dream Journal Entry: December 12, 2014

"The keep is inside of you. You were definitely bi in a past life" flamboyant older man said to me.

I remember driving down the road with my mom. It seems like no one is driving. She is asleep in the passenger seat and I am in the back seat. I get in the driver's seat. There was something about a giant bee in flowers. There was a smaller one too but I think it was dead. The giant one was alive and this girl shooed it away and then smacked at it and nearly killed it. I was very upset and asked her what she was doing. I can't remember who the girl was. I say girl but she felt like an older teenager or early 20s. I was going to take her out myself if she did something like that again. There was something not right with her. There was someone else there, I think....female, I can't remember who. I was taking care of kids...it feels like one had a disability. I think they were Leah and Lucy from Signing Time. I am spinning Lucy around and playing and told her to tell me when it was too much and she said she had had enough, so I stopped. I then see myself as an observer and the kids and caregiver were in an accident and I see Lucy and Leah are being held by the caregiver and all are injured but the caregiver is lucid and talking to the people attending to her wounds.

I see myself in some other vehicle. If feels like a truck used for a business...almost more like a van. I am standing rather than sitting. I am thanking them for the ride. I know them but in my waking state I am not sure who they were. When I was driving with mom, earlier, I knew we had a long drive ahead of us. So, this van is taking me the rest of the way and I hope mom doesn't worry about me. Earlier there was something about getting bonus points if we run into this caregiver who had to quit....she had gone to Texas but would be back and there was a bonus if we were able to see her eating custard...or soft serve ice cream. While in the van driving, Meghan appears on the road and leaps on the glass. I freak and tell them they need to stop and let her in and they say, no, just watch. And she leaps off and does some crazy summersault stuff and leaps back on the glass...like she was being funny. Now the van stops someplace to be serviced. I get out. There is a pond/lake with people around one end and i am trying to figure out how to pass them. A woman is like fly fishing and she is throwing her line in and out and i am scared to pass because i am concerned her hook will catch me. I think i mention to this to the guy near her and ask that she stop. I mention having had a fish hook in my head before and it wasn't pleasant. I ended up going into a house that turned out to be a bar and there were some odd people there. Everyone was staring at me and one older guy, as i neared the back, spoke to me. "The keep is inside of you. You were definitely bi in a past life" flamboyant older man said to me.

I told him it was likely i was actually full on gay in one of those lives. People propositioned me even though most of them were gay men. I felt uncomfortable and made my way out the door. I remember thinking this place had changed a lot since i used to go there. It seems like i had a sense of being back in my hometown. I walk out the door and am going to make my way back to where the van was and was going to find my daughter and friends who had given me a ride. Some big guy steps out. He isn't unattractive...muscles, clean cut lighter short hair. He puts and arm around me as we walk to the area i was headed. I have a sense he is into me and he says "I just know we are going to be together within this next year. I didn't think I ever wanted kids but i think that is different now with you."  tall buff guy with light sandy hair I just met said.

I mentioned to him that i did indeed have a daughter and he could meet her in a minute. I got inside a fenced area and started looking for her and someone tells me they all left. I start screaming for Inara and crying and saying "how could they have left me here and taken my daughter??!" I mean, i knew i was in a familiar place and it probably wasn't horribly far that they had gone, but i was really distressed about it and woke up there.

Research about "the keep" aspect:

There was a movie called "the keep"

Within an uninhabited citadel (the “Keep” of the title) in World War II Romania lies entrapped a dangerous entity named Radu Molasar

Einsatzkommandos by feeding on their essence, and then enlists the aid of her grateful father to escape. Cuza is also cured of his debilitating scleroderma by the touch of Molasar and therefore becomes doubly indebted to the entity, who is taking on a solid form.
.....

At the instigation of the local priest, the Germans retrieve a Jewish historian, Professor Theodore Cuza, from a concentration camp. He deciphers a mysterious message emblazoned on a wall of the citadel. Molasar saves the professor's daughter, Eva Cuza, from sexual assault by two Einsatzkommandos by feeding on their essence, and then enlists the aid of her grateful father to escape. Cuza is also cured of his debilitating scleroderma by the touch of Molasar and therefore becomes doubly indebted to the entity, who is taking on a solid form.

Full Definition

1
a: (archaic) custody, charge

b: maintenance

2

:one that keeps or protects: as

a:fortress, castle; specifically:the strongest and securest part of a medieval castle

b:one whose job is to keep or tend

c:prison, jail

Art by Roberto Ferri

Dream Journal Entry: December 13, 2018

I dreamed about Thomas, who I helped raise. There was something about him being into some really questionable stuff...like sexual stuff. I had a sense that it was violent and could potentially get him arrested if he were to ever act on it. It was disturbing. I can't remember what I discussed with him about it all. We were all getting ready to leave the house in a vehicle, but one side was blocked. I saw a trash can in the driveway and not sure what else. We just couldn't take the vehicles on that side of the house. On the other side of the house it was sunny and there were two other vehicles. We got in the orange one and left. I remember seeing I had two tattoos on my lower right side of my leg. There was the head of a dog and above that was a cat.

Later there was something about seeing a doctor and showing him some issue with some skin on my leg. There were patches of skin that felt smooth and hard... almost like dry skin but slightly different. The doctor was very attractive, kind, intelligent and sweet. I think I was very attracted to him. For some reason I was trying to recall how I had met him which is when it became clear that he was the kind of doctor who heals emotional wounds...like a psychologist or something similar. I was saying that a friend had asked me to go with her to a session with him and that is how I learned about him and said I had been there every Thursday ever since.

Art by Roberto Ferri

Dream Journal Entry: June 9, 2015

I haven't been writing my dreams down lately. There are bits and pieces of dreams over the last week I have had...many of the ones I remember are disturbing. There was one part I remember about being in a shop...they sold jewelry and items like herbs and powders for witches. I saw myself grabbing certain ingredients and putting them together. I don't know what it was supposed to do but I remember seeing something that looked yellow like amber that glowed in the mix. Then I wandered off to a section and it seems like they also sell sex here and I see a big man with cuts all over himself and he is having rough sex with a woman who is obviously pregnant and he is talking about cutting/ripping her baby. I turned away and didn't want to see it but while I was there, my body started to have an orgasm even though I tried to will it not to. I have been having lots of bad dreams about forced sex. Another one I never wrote about was seeing my friend, Brian, and he forces me to have sex with him and says he is going to fill me up with his cum and he does but I am very unhappy and don't want the experience.

The other night I had dreams about what seemed like classmates. I saw them everyday and then suddenly school was over and they were gone. It made me sad. That same night I dreamed that my brother, Thomas, had been secretly dating a man for a year and was in love with him and wanted to marry him. Last night there was something about 3 baby birds and the dude I was with trying to replace them safely into their nest. Mehosh was the owner of the land. I can't remember much about that one even though I know there was tons more. Later I dreamed something about my partner winding up in some muck and it was radioactive. He was doing what he had to do to save me and our three children. When he came out of the muck, he wanted me to leave him but I wouldn't. I moved to help clean him up.

Art by Roberto Ferri

An Incantation for All

Art by Gustave Klimt

I call upon Divine Darkness
I call upon Divine Light
I ask you to join together
To put the wrongs, right

Tulpas that have been created
By grief, self punishment, and ill will
Shall now be removed and recycled
Where emptiness exists, let balance refill

I call upon the ancestors
To bring forth knowledge and healing
I call upon the Earth elementals
To guide us into heart centered feeling

I call upon the highest and lowest
To meet in the middle for good
I call for complete restoration
Of Earth and doing what we should

I call for protection for all
Who choose a path of union and peace
I call for the great purification
So that pain and suffering will cease

I call for the final elimination
Of all who would stand in the way
Let their sins now truly be deadly
Let them meet their final end today

And so it is!

Oktobre Taylor

A Warning for Keanu Reeves

Brandon Lee and Keanu Reeves

Something has been bothering me and I just can't shake it. I keep seeing the number 911 over and over again and I KNOW it is a warning about something, but what? I have written about some of my thoughts and concerns on Instagram about feeling Keanu Reeves' life is in danger. I thought it was simply about his current "girlfriend" who is a shady and questionable person at best.

In dreams, I saw it as a repeat of what happened with Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain. Greedy significant other kills off partner to get the money and fame.  There is speculation that the industry itself aided Courtney in her endeavor to take him out. Rumors have it that Kurt was getting ready to leave Courtney. It has been said that an additional reason for Courtney wanting to eliminate Kurt was to boost her own career by eliminating competition and getting sympathy attention from his fans.

Since the beginning of my spiritual journey, three dead ones came to me in dreams over and over, River Phoenix, Brandon Lee and Kurt Cobain. At first glance, their deaths don't have a lot in common other than they were young and worked in the entertainment industry. Drug overdose, suicide and accidental shooting is what you see on the surface, but when I dug deeper and paired it with what I have been shown in my dreams, what they all have in common is MURDER.

Kurt Cobain - it is easy to murder a drug addict.

Courtney had the most to gain from Kurt's death, but certainly scarcity drives up the value of all existing material.  Any last projects completed and released post mortem are sure to bring in good numbers, especially when the death catapults the victim into cult status. Kurt Cobain might as well be the second coming of christ to those who revere him...and there are many. The record company and Courtney have certainly cashed in on Kurt's cult status.

River Phoenix - it is easy to murder a drug user.

River's case is more complicated. I think it was more about eliminating the competition and then inaction on the part of everyone present who failed to call 911 for help immediately when they knew there was an issue. Based on dreams and my own speculation, Johnny Depp provided the drugs that were then handed to River by Samantha Mathis. She shifted the blame to the known drug user who had threatened to kill River for dropping him at rehab. Eight times the lethal dose was in the little dixie cup River drank from. Doesn't that seem like someone meant to kill him? But who would gain most from his death? At the time, Leonardo DiCaprio was close friends with Johnny. Leonardo had the most to gain by way of movie roles if River was no longer in the running for them. They resembled each other. Maybe the real reason he never got into drugs is because he knows that is how you can easily be eliminated by someone else.

Brandon Lee - it is easy to murder the competition if you know your way around props and guns and make it look accidental.

This one took me by surprise as I never really considered it was murder until a recent dream. The dream caused me to find out who the double was for Brandon Lee after he died. Interestingly, Chad Stahelski was the person used. He is quite well known now for his John Wick movies and his work on The Matrix series. Chad seems to know his way around guns and probably knows quite a lot about props and their preparation. He probably even has the knowledge of how to rig a prop gun to get it to fire in such a way that the projectile would act the same as a bullet. Someone else would pull the trigger and it would look like a horrible accident. But what if it wasn't?

The Crow movie quickly went into cult status. The buzz around the death on set drove people to the theaters...not once, but multiple viewings. Had Brandon Lee not died on the set, would it have been as successful? I don't think so. The film was struggling to get made and had one setback after another...rather like Matrix 4 is having right now.

Keanu Reeves - when your bankability is more dead than alive, you better watch your back and consider abandoning a sinking ship.

Keanu has a double whammy target on him. His disastrous promotional campaign with his con artist "girlfriend" is actually driving down his value. All the tabloid crap will start to make serious movie makers not want to deal with him at all. "Ten foot pole" comes to mind. Quality vs. Quantity and less is more in this case.  His greedy granny PR partner has shown through her actions what her interests are...money and fame. Beware of the woman who can be bought because the highest bidder will cause her to turn on you.

Matrix 4 has been having a lot of setbacks due to the quarantines. Money is probably quickly running through their fingers while paying for food and lodging for cast and crew while they try to resume filming at a much slower pace due to restrictions and social distancing in Germany. Too much time is passing between the last filming in San Francisco and these actors aren't getting younger. Some are getting more plastic, but definitely the differences can potentially be noticeable on camera.

What if by the time that they actually start filming again, people are thoroughly disgusted by Keanu thanks to his PR campaign backfiring? What if the suits in Hollywood take notice of this and think it might be time to shoot the lame horse in the head because he can't make them anymore money? What if Keanu is worth more dead than alive both with life insurance and potentially selling more tickets and catapulting Keanu's last film ever into cult status...beyond all other Matrix films that came before?

Chad Stahelski is working on this film again, I believe. He can easily be paid to set up another "accident". Keanu's greedy granny would easily turn on him, as well, for the right offer.

The way I see it is, some people on the other side are trying to warn Keanu he has a giant fucking bull's-eye on him based on a perfect storm of unfortunate circumstances. They told me once that "he imprinted on her". For Kurt it was Courtney and imprints make you believe you are like them. Like a duck being raised by dogs would likely behave more like a dog than a duck. In Keanu's case, his "mother" is the Hollywood industry he basically grew up in. He grew up thinking he was like them, but he is not...not really. He simply needs to remember who he really is and start taking swift action in his life to make some radical changes that could save his life.

Remember...this reality is a game. Our choices matter.

He has a choice...

The tunnel of love, which means he abandons ship and leaves with practically nothing but the shirt on his back and his life. It means taking a risk and trusting that everything will be okay. This choice leads to abundance, love and happiness.

The tunnel of certain death leads to a grisly death. Game over and start again from the beginning.

Over and over my guidance has told me that this has happened before and it will happen again...where someone is killed off for greed.

I will include significant dreams that feel relevant and important at the end for anyone interested in reading them.

__________________________

March 29, 2017

I was dreaming about a game... Actually there were lots of them going on at once. Apparently one of my daughters thought it would be fun to mess with my game and changed it a bit. She left her signature and illustrations to say "Mom, I have made your game more interesting. Come home now, love, Annabelle"  I thought the illustrations were amusing. In some sections there were races. In another section there are spectators all watching. I made my way up to this one section that had two tunnels and it was meant to test your relationship to see if if would last. She had changed the right tunnel so that everyone met with an grisly end. The left one was designed so that at one end a person stood and projected their love for the other in and guided them through. You have to trust your partner to guide you. But Annabelle had changed the parameters to make it more difficult and something was going wrong with the readings on the computer. They were going to have to fix it. Meanwhile she and her partner were in the "tunnel of love" trying to navigate through the game. That is where I woke.

In an earlier dream I heard something about how how this world was Jesus' world.

___________________________


March 3, 2019

I was with another girl who i identity as my sister. It feels like we are younger...early twenties, maybe. We are somewhere with brothers. My sister is off with the brother she is dating. I am left with the other one. I think it is determined we will come together at some point  but I have this knowing that we have played this scene out before. The last time we played it out the mother to the boys came in and killed all of us. I can't remember why she would do such a thing, but I knew it was about to happen again. .
.
I said to the others, "If we know she is going to kill us, why are we just sitting here accepting that this will be our fate? Why don't we just call the police or leave?"
.
Later I am talking to the mother and I feel guarded. She is talking about how there is a special alignment happening and there are three days in a row that are one days. I didn't ask for elaboration. I assumed it was numerology or astrology based. I just knew I had to find a way to leave without her suspecting anything. I encouraged the brother I had been talking to to come with me. I was making my move and leaving. The brother ended up at some movie theater. I came back to help him because I thought his mother would surely find him here. He was having trouble walking, so I assisted on one side of him. It was at that point he turned into the actor Cillian Murphy. .
.
Where we had been was very dark and felt like night but where we ended up was bright and sunny. I told him I would take him to my home for now. I looked around. It felt like farm country and there were just a few houses sprinkled here and there. It was pleasant. We stood on the road while I tried to decide where to go. I apologized because I couldn't remember where my home was so decided to go to the house nearest us that seemed to have some event going on. There was a bouncy house and someone was showing them animals and talking about them. The first animals were bunnies and then I heard them say, "and this is our Cesarean bear." I started to wake at that point.

______________________________

April 17, 2015

There was something about following someone into a house. She was talking to someone about a serious situation where someone similar had happened in the past with her brother. Her brother had died and apparently his dried corpse was on a shelf. I was curious while she was in the other room and lifted it and, to my surprise, he started talking to me. I took him with me and we went someplace....some business...but I think he was telling me what had happened in the past and warned me it would happen again. Someone with me jumped from a window to avoid the fire that started. I got out but don't remember how i ended up outside.

Then there was a part about dogs eating some girl's underwear. lol They were fancy lingerie styled underwear too. I scolded the puppy that was eating them and he growled at me.

In earlier dreams I remember being in a hotel room and seeing two fish tanks. Also there was a dog that wasn't mine who wandered into my room and I took him back to his owners.

There was also something about this shop that sold popcorn and gummy worms. They mixed with the popcorn what you wanted....chocolate, gummies, etc. I had never had anything from this shop before and just wanted plain caramel corn....no gummies or chocolate. I think this was the business that was going to explode or catch fire.

I remember the dead guy's tongue coming out at one point and having to put it back in.

______________________

December 14, 2018

I had been captured by some guy who was capturing women and killing them off. I ended up in a bar and somehow I had gone back in time. Kurt Cobain was performing at a small club and I went up to him and asked him to help me. The guy was there at the club with me, watching us but he couldn't hear what I was saying. The bar staff was notified and some of their actions alerted this guy who had been holding me against my will. It was obvious they were calling the police.

I told him he was going to die in Florida....that it had happened before and was going to happen again. The guy who had taken me was going to kill him because of me. Kurt looks at his wrists which had cuts in them and he said something like, "he has tried before." I said, "he succeeds and he will do it again." I think I thought if I went back again and never meet him, his life would be spared.

_______________________________

Go With the Flow

Gilbert Williams - Kindred Spirits

"Go with the flow "

How many times do we hear this on the spiritual journey? "You're in resistance if you aren't going with the flow," they say.

I want to yell back, "No, bitch, some of us are salmon and were made to swim up stream against the current!!!"

Would it surprise you for me to tell you that I have been a chronic quitter? In the past, I have started things and very rarely complete it. There are a multitude of reasons why I never finished things. It no longer interested me, it was too difficult, I couldn't do it as well as I wanted to, I meant to come back to it but never did, it was too stressful, etc.

The spiritual journey and following the guidance I am given has been the single most difficult thing I have ever done and, no matter how much I want to quit and give up, I never do. I'm like the Energizer Bunny. I keep going and going and going no matter how many times I feel I can't possibly break anymore or shed another tear or go a single step further. Somehow, I always do.

All along the way I have had people trying to tell me to "go with the flow" but that isn't what I feel my guidance has ever told me to do. Floating, I can do for a short time, but I can't let the current take me too far away from the direction I was headed.

"Be like water" Bruce says. But water can sometimes be a tsunami that helps you dismantle your life as you know it so that you can rebuild with a new foundation. Water can be a flood and make you feel like you are drowning. Water isn't always sweet and gentle. It can smash you into the rocks and send you over a high fall so that all that you thought you were falls away.

Multnomah Falls, Oregon - 1918

Sometimes water can give you reprieve when it is a placid pond or lake. Better hope that water doesn't have brain eating amoeba or toxic blue-green algae. lol

Hans Gude and Adolph Tidemand - Bridal Procession on the Hardangerfjord (1848)

I come from a different perspective than most in the spiritual community. I follow the guidance I am given, but there is a lot of brain work that goes into figuring out what is actually going on because I know this thing we call "life" is also a game. How will I know if I am choosing the tunnel of love or the tunnel of certain death? I was given guidance to move away in a new direction, and yet something has felt off about that. It isn't that I can't move away from #3, it is that my previous guidance and what I FEEL my heart is telling me, "Don't be a quitter, Alice. Don't give up so easily." If this journey is all about ending destructive patterns, quitting is surely one of those for me.

It is all a lot more complicated than I feel comfortable going in too deeply right now, but the bottom line is that the spirit whose energy has been guiding me, I started to recognize inside the one I was walking away from. I felt sick inside thinking that I was walking away from who I have been searching for these past 9 years. I found me on the journey, but I have been searching for him too. The promise of coming together with him is what drove me and kept me moving forward.

I have put in a lot of effort and work in this direction. It has been difficult. It has been painful. It has felt like an impossible task, and yet my heart whispers, "Don't be a quitter this time. He is worth holding on to."

The salmon gets bruised and battered swimming up stream to their spawning grounds to start the cycle of life all over again. They either get to their point of destination or they die trying. That is me.... swimming up stream with everything that I have got. Sometimes I have to linger by a rock near shore to rest,  but I just keep swimming.

I do still maintain that I have to stay open to the possibilities. If this person is unable or unwilling to show up for me soon, I am open to welcoming other opportunities should they come my way.  Should the new person they were trying to guide me to happen to show up with an offer before the other one takes any real action, I will go in the new direction. I love him, but I have waited long enough and I need to keep swimming up stream.

I believe in magic.

I believe in miracles and that anything is possible.

I believe dreams do come true.

Going with the flow is great for those who are guided to go that direction, but that isn't my path or what I was made for.