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| Art by Roberto Ferri |
I think there are many of us here who have come to clear out accumulated karma of the ancestors. Some of that karma deals with really difficult subjects like sex abuse such as sadism, pedophilia, rape and other sexual perversions that harm everyone involved.
People who think they actually like violent sex are very emotionally and mentally unwell. Usually these people have suffered trauma and abuse that causes gross distortions in what they think they like and want...what they think they deserve. Often the abused become abusers.
It is not impossible to break the cycle and chain of these perversions. Just because we are abused does not mean we have to become abusers. We can chooses to heal ourselves and, thus, heal the wounds of our ancestors. By healing, we clear the karma for all of those who came before us.
To the one I love with all of my heart who I know has been and is being abused, I love you. I'm here for you and I want to help you break the chains so you gain your freedom. I want to help you heal. I'm damaged too, but neither of us are damaged beyond repair.
Dream Journal Entry: December 12, 2014
"The keep is inside of you. You were definitely bi in a past life" flamboyant older man said to me.
I remember driving down the road with my mom. It seems like no one is driving. She is asleep in the passenger seat and I am in the back seat. I get in the driver's seat. There was something about a giant bee in flowers. There was a smaller one too but I think it was dead. The giant one was alive and this girl shooed it away and then smacked at it and nearly killed it. I was very upset and asked her what she was doing. I can't remember who the girl was. I say girl but she felt like an older teenager or early 20s. I was going to take her out myself if she did something like that again. There was something not right with her. There was someone else there, I think....female, I can't remember who. I was taking care of kids...it feels like one had a disability. I think they were Leah and Lucy from Signing Time. I am spinning Lucy around and playing and told her to tell me when it was too much and she said she had had enough, so I stopped. I then see myself as an observer and the kids and caregiver were in an accident and I see Lucy and Leah are being held by the caregiver and all are injured but the caregiver is lucid and talking to the people attending to her wounds.
I see myself in some other vehicle. If feels like a truck used for a business...almost more like a van. I am standing rather than sitting. I am thanking them for the ride. I know them but in my waking state I am not sure who they were. When I was driving with mom, earlier, I knew we had a long drive ahead of us. So, this van is taking me the rest of the way and I hope mom doesn't worry about me. Earlier there was something about getting bonus points if we run into this caregiver who had to quit....she had gone to Texas but would be back and there was a bonus if we were able to see her eating custard...or soft serve ice cream. While in the van driving, Meghan appears on the road and leaps on the glass. I freak and tell them they need to stop and let her in and they say, no, just watch. And she leaps off and does some crazy summersault stuff and leaps back on the glass...like she was being funny. Now the van stops someplace to be serviced. I get out. There is a pond/lake with people around one end and i am trying to figure out how to pass them. A woman is like fly fishing and she is throwing her line in and out and i am scared to pass because i am concerned her hook will catch me. I think i mention to this to the guy near her and ask that she stop. I mention having had a fish hook in my head before and it wasn't pleasant. I ended up going into a house that turned out to be a bar and there were some odd people there. Everyone was staring at me and one older guy, as i neared the back, spoke to me. "The keep is inside of you. You were definitely bi in a past life" flamboyant older man said to me.
I told him it was likely i was actually full on gay in one of those lives. People propositioned me even though most of them were gay men. I felt uncomfortable and made my way out the door. I remember thinking this place had changed a lot since i used to go there. It seems like i had a sense of being back in my hometown. I walk out the door and am going to make my way back to where the van was and was going to find my daughter and friends who had given me a ride. Some big guy steps out. He isn't unattractive...muscles, clean cut lighter short hair. He puts and arm around me as we walk to the area i was headed. I have a sense he is into me and he says "I just know we are going to be together within this next year. I didn't think I ever wanted kids but i think that is different now with you." tall buff guy with light sandy hair I just met said.
I mentioned to him that i did indeed have a daughter and he could meet her in a minute. I got inside a fenced area and started looking for her and someone tells me they all left. I start screaming for Inara and crying and saying "how could they have left me here and taken my daughter??!" I mean, i knew i was in a familiar place and it probably wasn't horribly far that they had gone, but i was really distressed about it and woke up there.
Research about "the keep" aspect:
There was a movie called "the keep"
Within an uninhabited citadel (the “Keep” of the title) in World War II Romania lies entrapped a dangerous entity named Radu Molasar
Einsatzkommandos by feeding on their essence, and then enlists the aid of her grateful father to escape. Cuza is also cured of his debilitating scleroderma by the touch of Molasar and therefore becomes doubly indebted to the entity, who is taking on a solid form.
.....
At the instigation of the local priest, the Germans retrieve a Jewish historian, Professor Theodore Cuza, from a concentration camp. He deciphers a mysterious message emblazoned on a wall of the citadel. Molasar saves the professor's daughter, Eva Cuza, from sexual assault by two Einsatzkommandos by feeding on their essence, and then enlists the aid of her grateful father to escape. Cuza is also cured of his debilitating scleroderma by the touch of Molasar and therefore becomes doubly indebted to the entity, who is taking on a solid form.
Full Definition
1
a: (archaic) custody, charge
b: maintenance
2
:one that keeps or protects: as
a:fortress, castle; specifically:the strongest and securest part of a medieval castle
b:one whose job is to keep or tend
c:prison, jail
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| Art by Roberto Ferri |
Dream Journal Entry: December 13, 2018
I dreamed about Thomas, who I helped raise. There was something about him being into some really questionable stuff...like sexual stuff. I had a sense that it was violent and could potentially get him arrested if he were to ever act on it. It was disturbing. I can't remember what I discussed with him about it all. We were all getting ready to leave the house in a vehicle, but one side was blocked. I saw a trash can in the driveway and not sure what else. We just couldn't take the vehicles on that side of the house. On the other side of the house it was sunny and there were two other vehicles. We got in the orange one and left. I remember seeing I had two tattoos on my lower right side of my leg. There was the head of a dog and above that was a cat.
Later there was something about seeing a doctor and showing him some issue with some skin on my leg. There were patches of skin that felt smooth and hard... almost like dry skin but slightly different. The doctor was very attractive, kind, intelligent and sweet. I think I was very attracted to him. For some reason I was trying to recall how I had met him which is when it became clear that he was the kind of doctor who heals emotional wounds...like a psychologist or something similar. I was saying that a friend had asked me to go with her to a session with him and that is how I learned about him and said I had been there every Thursday ever since.
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| Art by Roberto Ferri |
Dream Journal Entry: June 9, 2015
I haven't been writing my dreams down lately. There are bits and pieces of dreams over the last week I have had...many of the ones I remember are disturbing. There was one part I remember about being in a shop...they sold jewelry and items like herbs and powders for witches. I saw myself grabbing certain ingredients and putting them together. I don't know what it was supposed to do but I remember seeing something that looked yellow like amber that glowed in the mix. Then I wandered off to a section and it seems like they also sell sex here and I see a big man with cuts all over himself and he is having rough sex with a woman who is obviously pregnant and he is talking about cutting/ripping her baby. I turned away and didn't want to see it but while I was there, my body started to have an orgasm even though I tried to will it not to. I have been having lots of bad dreams about forced sex. Another one I never wrote about was seeing my friend, Brian, and he forces me to have sex with him and says he is going to fill me up with his cum and he does but I am very unhappy and don't want the experience.
The other night I had dreams about what seemed like classmates. I saw them everyday and then suddenly school was over and they were gone. It made me sad. That same night I dreamed that my brother, Thomas, had been secretly dating a man for a year and was in love with him and wanted to marry him. Last night there was something about 3 baby birds and the dude I was with trying to replace them safely into their nest. Mehosh was the owner of the land. I can't remember much about that one even though I know there was tons more. Later I dreamed something about my partner winding up in some muck and it was radioactive. He was doing what he had to do to save me and our three children. When he came out of the muck, he wanted me to leave him but I wouldn't. I moved to help clean him up.
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| Art by Roberto Ferri |
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