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| Art by Julie Bell and Boris Vallejo |
I had lots of dreams. I have stopped wearing earplugs to bed which has helped me stop waking up with headaches, but I seem to wake up more. I also am dreaming more as a result.
I can't remember much from the first dreams. The most memorable part was being with Brad Pitt intimately. I gave him a massage at some point too.
I woke, thought about it when I posted about it on a message board and wondered what Brad represents to me. "The Golden Child" is the thought that came to mind because Keanu compares himself to Brad a lot and feels he comes up with the shit end of the stick next to Brad. I think Keanu sees him as a Golden Child where he can do no wrong and everything he does is successful. Even when he fucks up, people still love him. It is like Cain and Abel where Cain probably thought Abel was the golden child and favored even though they were twins.
But if everything outside of us, starts within us, the twins and the golden child Keanu competes with and resents is internal. The Brad Pitt I see in my dreams is part of Keanu and the part that Keanu doesn't realize exists because he feels like a failure and like everything he touches turns to shit eventually. He is at war with that part of himself...the lighter side. Maybe seeing me be intimate with Brad is showing an integration is starting. A merging of polar opposites internally.
There was a bit of dream about living in communal housing. I had left for a while and when I came back, someone had taken my phone receiver and the connection and plugged it into their own system. I was upset and took back what was mine and told them they would have to pay for the calls that get charged to my phone that were theirs. I think my bedding and belongings also got moved and were being used by other people. I wasn't happy and said I thought that I would have my own room and not have to share with so many other people.
I think I got back my purse but it was empty. Someone was saying rent was due which was $9000 and I wondered how I would ever be able to pay that...that it was ridiculous to pay so much for so little space.
At one point, I made a decision to go home go Missouri where my mom was. She had my dog and I wanted to be reunited with her. I considered that in Missouri I could get much more space for my money.
Later I am in a large place and there is all kinds of creepiness happening. We are stuck in this place and can't get out. Every time we go out the front door, it sent us straight back inside.
There was one being who was particularly horrible. He looked like a huge monster and seemed to be the one who was keeping us inside this place. Crazy shit would happen and we would just reanimate back inside. There was no escaping. I remember sitting with some people who were talking. I think they were musicians. The guy to my right had really long brown hair. I didn't recognize him. I wanted to say something about his hair but decided not to. I think I identified one of the people as Eddie Vedder but thought that was odd because Eddie wasn't dead. Everyone in here had died.
People kept trying to escape this place and finally I was able to free myself. The big monster guy tried to force us back but I defeated him by hugging him and giving him love. At one point he spontaneously morphed into a smaller beast as though a spell had been broken. Some of the others who were escaping too wanted to kill him, but I wouldn't let them. I held onto him while he thrashed trying to get away. I kissed his cheek tenderly. Eventually our mouths met to join in a long kiss. He morphed into an older man. It was as though two spells had now been broken and he was finally himself again. His wife shows up looking for him and his face lights up with happiness. The two went off together and now there was no danger or fear in leaving this place that had been a prison for the dead.
I see in a window Chris Cornell and the guy I identified as Eddie and told my friend that we had to go back in and get the others out who were still inside. When we got to them, there turned out to be three men inside. There were three women, me and two others, and we seemed to pair up with the guys. I am walking with a blonde guy. I look at him closer and said, "Kurt Cobain?!"
He smiles and laughs. He starts, "It's funny, I was just talking about..."
"...what your ideal partner would be like and now here I am?" I finished.
He laughed again and said, "Yes!"
He reached out lacing his fingers with mine and we continued to walk away.
Kurt started singing a song to me and I liked it very much. It made me smile and we just kept staring into each other's eyes as we walked hand in hand.
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