Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Intimacy and Sex in Dreams

Let's talk about sex. It is a subject that many are uncomfortable talking about. I mean, I am a recovering prude myself when it comes to this topic. I have been wanting to talk about this subject for ages based on my personal experiences with it, but I have held back writing a blog post about it.

I am an advocate for the dreamer being the best interpreter for their own dreams because often a dream symbol might have a completely different meaning to one person than it does for another. I feel you have to use what you felt and sensed at the time of the dream. I don't often use dream dictionaries, but when I am stumped by what a symbol could mean, I often go to Dream Moods and see what they have to say. Sometimes I can agree with their meaning of a symbol and other time it just feels way off. You have to go with what YOU sense and not rely solely on a dream dictionary.
In the case of sex in my dreams, I very rarely think the sex has anything to do with actual intimacy with a person outside of self. Lol I often think of it as the only way our human minds can translate the act of merging with an aspect of self.

Graphic details alert! If you don't want to read graphic sexual details, please read no further.

This is a dream I had about Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters:

November 28, 2015 4:52am I just woke laughing from a dream. I had just been having sex with Dave Grohl on the stairs and it was fucking amazing!

The dream starts with me hearing people talking about me. Some of them are family and they are saying how I am sometimes rough with the kids...like stern and not warm and fuzzy. I pull open a curtain to see who they were talking to and one of the people I see is Taylor, the drummer for the Foo Fighters. Apparently one of the kids I was "rough" with was either his kid or a nephew. I wasn't apologetic at all. I was just like "whatever" it feels like Taylor is interested in me but I am not really giving him my time. I am intrigued by him but that is all. And then later Dave Grohl comes out and I get all smiley. I was listening to some of his music on the Surface and he was all..."well if you would rather play my music than hang with me..." He was funny and I put the Surface down and moved some things off the couch so he could sit. I take out some gum from my mouth so I can talk properly with him and I dispose of it in a paper towel. We ended up wrestling on the floor and I was all like "I could totally take you" and yet I was underneath him. Lol We ended up going out of the room and started heading up the stairs because I think it was clear we both wanted to be with each other but we never quite made it up the stairs. He starts kissing me, tells me how beautiful I am and it all felt real and then he is inside of me and I am moving against him. I randomly think how his bandmate is going to be annoyed because I went on several dates with him and nothing ever happened between us. Lol He is nearly at his pinnacle and he stops me so he can hold it. And then some of the others come around the corner and I am laying there with Dave inside me and feeling a little embarrassed to be caught in the act. Someone threw some popcorn in the air and it went everywhere and some got stuck in the curls of my hair. Dave and I stand and I am trying to brush the popcorn out if my hair and I am laughing. I am wearing a black band t-shirt and it is over sized so you couldn't see my nakedness underneath. I see someone pass who I identify as Lee Majors and there were other famous people but I can't remember who. Lol I woke up with the biggest smile on my face and laughing.

Dave Grohl
Interpretation:
Now I could get my fan girl on and think "OMG I just had astral sex with Dave Grohl!" But that isn't what I think at all. What we have to ask is, what does Dave represent to me? To me the stand out quality in Dave is his sense of humor. His music is great but I am madly in love with him because of the combination of his talent and his sense of humor. The guy is funny and entertaining. Every show of his I have been to has been special because he managed to make me and everyone there laugh. He engages the audience and makes you feel like he really wants to be right there with you. So for me, Dave represents the funny and playful side of me. It was showing me integrating that aspect of me through the physical merging, through the act of sex. And I can look at my life recently and see how this is very true. I have rediscovered my sense of humor. It is most evident in some of my comments in the Sum 41 community, but it is very much there...the humor and playfulness that I love about Dave Grohl is part of me now and more at the surface of who I am.

Deryck Whibley - Photo by Scott Trippler
Deryck Whibley is the front man for the band, Sum 41. Two and a half years ago he collapsed and nearly died due to alcohol abuse. It was a long hard road to recovery but despite everything, he persevered and didn't give up.  His perseverance has paid off and when I see him in dreams, this is what he represents to me... perseverance.

This is a dream I had about him:

September 3, 2016 5:22 am I dreamed of Deryck. We were together at some house. There was something about the basement being demolished and renovated. It was completely open now. Everything that had once been there was now gone including internal walls and furniture. I can't remember why but we get up early together. Deryck moves closer to me and I am happy about it. He wants to know if we can do something together. It feels like he mentions dancing together and maybe there is something about a song. I can't remember specifically. I just remember that he gets even closer so that he is touching me and we start kissing.

Interpretation:
To me this is about clearing away all the old shit and becoming really open. The mention of the song seems to suggest not giving up on an old dream of making music. And Deryck, of course, represents perseverance and not giving up. Having an intimate moment with him was about starting to integrate that aspect of self into me.

Deryck Whibley - Photo by Ysa Taylor
June 1, 2016 10:16 am I had some CRAZY dreams last night. I will recall the most vivid one first. I dreamed of Deryck and he is talking about how he has trouble getting erect. He seems to want to say something but is holding back. I gently coax him into telling me. He confesses that when he wears women's underwear, it helps to stimulate him into arousal and he wishes he could get stimulated without it because his girlfriend doesn't really like it that he needs the women's underwear to help him. I am sympathetic and tell him I kind of dig a man in silky underwear. I told him he shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed...that it was perfectly okay. We started kissing and the kiss felt real. I don't think it went beyond a kiss

Interpretation:
Because Deryck represents perseverance and not giving up on your dreams (for me), it seems to be showing me that I am having difficulty getting started....getting going. You need an erect penis to get going with sex. The limp penis represents the lack of enthusiasm about moving forward and not giving up on something. I want to get excited and pursue an old dream, but I need something more to help get me excited as represented by the unusual act of the wearing women's underwear to excite him. This is very true to how I have been feeling for a while. The fact that in both dreams Deryck and I only kiss seems to represent I am only kind of flirting with idea of merging with that aspect of me. Now when I finally see Deryck and I engage in full on sex and do more than just kiss, we can see this as symbolic of not giving up and perseverance coming into the forefront, of full integration. I have flirted with the idea of trying to sing again, but I haven't actually completely revived that dream and put perseverance into action there.


That last dream is a perfect segue into discussing unusual and sometimes disturbing sexual encounters in your dreams. I know when I have had some eyebrow raising sex scenes in dreams, my first response was WTF?!!! And my second response was to think that it was very disturbing that my subconscious was conjuring this stuff up for me to see. But if you apply the whole "sex is an integration of an aspect of self" idea, it becomes a LOT less disturbing.

Anal sex to some people is no big deal and kudos to you for being a more adventurous person than me. I had a dream that involved anal sex. I was a willing participant and actually seemed to enjoy the experience in the dream...which was strange to me since it really isn't something I participate in personally. What I decided the dream was showing me is being in a state of allowing...a state of vulnerability. I struggle to allow and be vulnerable. If you are not in a complete state of allowing with anal sex, it will HURT like hell. In the dream it was pleasurable and it was consensual. In the dream, the other participant was my employer which would indicate this vulnerability and allowing is work related. The work I think it is speaking of is my writing and what I share with all of you. It hasn't always been easy to completely open and share and admit some of the things I have here, on Instagram and on Facebook, but I do so in hopes that sharing my journey with you will help someone along the way.

I have had dreams of having sex with different animals. Once I got past being traumatized by the visuals and went into understanding the symbols, I understood what wonderful symbolism it actually could be. I have merged with lions, stag deer, a spider-dog creature, and a donkey, to name a few. You have to research the symbolic meaning of each animal and see how you could be integrating their qualities into self. 

I had a few dreams in the last month or so about being a hermaphrodite and having sex with myself. At first glance it could seem pretty strange, but in reality it is a beautiful symbol of integrating and balancing the masculine and feminine in self.

Don't let fear and shame of what is considered taboo keep you away from the core meaning of the visuals you are seeing. Don't push it away, try not to think of it and consider it a "bad dream" because, in reality, it is a gift.

Dreams are an amazing way for our subconscious, our guides and Source to speak to us. They are like a rose bud with so many layers just waiting to be discovered. Sometimes the hidden meanings, the Easter eggs, aren't always obvious and we have to revisit the dream over and over to check to see if the petals are opening more and revealing the many layers of meaning that exist in them as we gain more knowledge and understanding.