Assorted Original Poetry and Random Pearls of Wisdom

Art by @mynameistran Tran Nguyen

Don't you know yet how much I love you?
Haven't you felt me in your dreams the way I have felt you?
I don't love just parts of you.
I don't just love the parts that are easy and convenient.
I love your darkest parts.
I love your scars, your pain, your anguish.
I love the ugliest parts that even you don't want to see.
I love the parts that others would fear and run away from.
I love all of you.... completely.

Written August 4, 2018

Photo by Lee Jeffries

I have no money
I have very little to give
But I can offer you my hand
To hold
To write
In service
I offer you my ears
To listen
I offer you my shoulder
To lean on
I offer you my heart
To love

Written September 11, 2017

Art by Tom Bagshaw

So they took your wings away
Each hurtful word was a cut that led to the amputation
Everytime you desired support but only got neglect
Was another match that made the flame bigger
And turned your severed limbs into ashes
They never understood
It wasn't your wings that gave the ability to fly
It was a spark in your heart
A tiny ember
That grew each time you turned your pain into art

Written August 24, 2017

Art by Sophie Wilkins

"I am the turtle in 'The Turtle and the Hare'" said Alice.
.
"It is 'The TORTOISE and the Hare'," corrected Rabbit.
.
Alice laughed, "No, I meant TURTLE. You see, the hare races ahead without thought, consideration or deliberation and never looks around to see that a tsunami is about to hit. When the tsunami hits, the turtle is able to swim effortlessly to the end while the rabbit just drowns. I am definitely a turtle."
.
Writing July 23, 2018

Art by Sophie Wilkins

Whose compass are you using on your journey? Is it your own or does it belong to someone else?

We can accept a clue or two from those we meet along the way, but if the balance in our basket is too heavy with other people's clues, we run the risk of missing important connections at a specific destination we were trying to reach.

Be the captain of your own ship.

Written July 23, 2018

Art by Sophie Wilkins

Choosing left or choosing right is like choosing which half of your body you wish to sacrifice and be eliminated. If you could see clearly, you would understand that both are necessary and have value.

The answer isn't left or right, it is in the middle with direct, open and constructive communication. That requires taking ownership and responsibility for our own shit. Those that travel the path in the middle state what is felt and take ownership of how they attracted this situation. They step back and try to understand what it was trying to teach them and then let go. They let go of the feelings, the conflict and return to balance.

Constructive communication is key to everything and necessary if we hope to make a leap in evolution.

Written July 23, 2018

Art by Muhammed Salah

Meet me halfway
In the middle of the ocean blue
Where time stands still
Distance disappears between me and you
.
Written April 14, 2018

Photographer Unknown

I want to lead us out of darkness, but first you have to face your fears.
Take my hand.
Take my heart.
I will save all of the images you send me and read them like I would a poem.
And I will sing you my song to help you find your way back home.
.
Written July 15, 2018

Art by Brian Despain

"New Earth" is the ultimate form of

dissociation.

If you truly believe we are "all part of source" and it is within his mind we are in, focusing our thoughts on creating a "new earth" divorces mind from the dark parts of self.

Absolutely you can create some airy fairy unicorns and lollipop land, but the polar opposite will still exist and a part of you will always be a prisoner and slave there.

It is the opposite of integration. It is putting more distance between the darkness that is also us. It is splitting the hemispheres of the brain and removing the bridge. It is an obliteration of all communication lines between head and heart.

If you say you are loving your shadows and in the same breath focusing on some utopian 5D reality, you are basically creating a bigger divide.

Be a bridge.

Love your shadows.

Integrate your darkness and understand it's value.

Seek to heal THIS reality and stop looking for a magic fix. It will take work but it can be done.

Written July 6, 2018

Art by Andra Lynn 

Dear Keanu Reeves, .

I need a day that isn't exactly the same as the one the day before and the day before that and the day before that.

Take me to a forest and we can sit by a campfire, sing songs to the moon and tell each other stories about our lives.

Let's listen to crickets chirping, the campfire crackling and the breeze swaying the tree limbs softly to and fro.

We won't have to worry about the paparazzi or the outside world because you will be a bear and I will be a rabbit. .

And when the sun comes up, we will go back to being humans, but we will feel refreshed by the magic we conjured beside the campfire where we let all of our worries go with the smoke that rose from the flames.

Written June 12, 2018

Art by Christian Schloe

Something is off.
Something doesn't feel quite right.
She puts a hand over her heart whose beat is irregular.
"Maybe I am in need of a rhythm section to remind my heart how to stay in time," she thinks.
As her hand rests on her chest, she discovers a little door.
She answers the knocking by opening the door.
One by one they flutter up and fly away.
Each one carrying a name.
She reaches out a hand as if to ask them not to leave.
"Let them go," whispers the cool mountain breeze in her ears, "Let them go with love."
And so she watches as they drift away and thanks them for what each one taught her.
She feels empty now, but lighter too.
Now there is room for something new.
.
Written May 17 2018

Art by Christian Schloe

She is tired of chasing butterflies and rainbows
Refracted raindrop light
Insects with wings
She is tired of chasing illusions and dreams
Thoughts and theories
Ideas of the ideal
What she really wants is something solid, something real

Written May 17, 2018

Photo by Laura Makabresku

There is a darkness that dwells within me.
It dances and licks me like flames that consume the witch on the pyre.
But I do not ask for mercy.
I feel each dark tendril that consumes me.
And when I am nothing more than ash, at last peace comes to dwell.
Maybe for just an hour and maybe for a week or more.

Written May 17, 2018

******Needs Editing. Photos will be edited in later******

People often project their own limitations onto those who set out to do something that has never been done before. They project their own self-doubt and fears by saying something is "impossible". They are labeled "mad" and "lunatics". It is the inventors, the innovators, the dreamers, and radical thinkers who achieve what was previously thought impossible. Don't let someone else's projections dictate what you are capable of achieving.

Written May 6, 2018

"You are looking for a needle in a haystack, Alice. Magnetize yourself and the needle will come to you."

Written May 6, 2018

Sometimes I imagine us sitting in a Paris cafe drinking coffee from real bone china and dainty silver spoons to stir the cream in. I imagine you next to me, our hands intertwined like puzzle pieces that perfectly fit. Your smile ignites a fire in my heart and I melt into the warmth of you, marveling at actually finally being able to touch you again. If there is anything happening outside of us, we don't notice, because in this moment, no one else exists within our bubble of love and happiness. There is relief in finally being together again after trying for so long to find each other again. I imagine running my free hand through your long dark hair and trailing back to your face. I kiss you gently and whisper, "Let's go home now. I just want to be home with you."
.
I miss you.

Written April 11, 2018

To the outside world
It looks as though she is going nowhere
Stuck
Stagnant
And going in circles
On the back of a tortoise
But there are new worlds
Being created everyday inside her
Swirling
Expanding
And on the verge
Of going supernova

Written April 10, 2018

They called her a maneater
But this was the way of things for her kind
It is true she would devour the hearts of men
But no one knew she had collected the pits from the center of each one
She planted them all together
And grew something wonderous
Something new

Written April 10, 2018

Mirror mirror
Next to me
Will I learn
Will I see
Black and white
Duality
When in balance
There's no enemy

Written April 5, 2018

Little boy red
When will you learn more
Things you can buy
Aren't what you yearn for
Musical toys
Are your predilection
One more guitar
Added to your collection
You are empty
Insatiable void inside
Things can't replace
The dad you wanted by your side

Written April 5, 2018
For Deryck Whibley

Said in response to a Sum 41 fan who called me "terrifying":

 "The most terrifying thing about me is that I am exactly the same person in public that I am in private. I don't have a different voice for different audiences."

Written April 3, 2018

And so you stepped out of the shadows
Out of the closet
And into who you have always been but were afraid to show the world until now
You took that leap off the cliff
Diving into unfamiliar waters
What happened?
They call you "crazy" and "terrifying"
They give you hate
They give you fear
Maybe they thought they could wound you
Maybe they thought they could drive you back into hiding
But what they can never understand
You have already braved unimaginable pain from being ripped apart and turned inside out on your journey back to yourself
You already walked through fires and darkness not everyone can make it through
So when you stand naked and exposed in front of them
They think you are an easy target
But their attempts only make you laugh and realize how far you have come
Now that you love who you are, you fear nothing and are impenetrable to harm

Written April 3, 2018

"I'm not like the others.
It doesn't take much to recognize that fact.
But it takes a rebel, a fellow warrior soul to stand beside me openly in certain circles.
It takes a fearless person to openly show support and understanding without regard for those who have disdain for me, because there are many.
Only a very special few will have what it takes."

Written November 4, 2016

It is not my job to heal anyone but myself. It is not my job to teach anyone but myself. I can share tales from my journey along the way that can, perhaps, help a little. But there are no shortcuts on the journey back to self which will both heal and teach you along the way. The only one who can lead you back to you is you. And so the partner I wish to create something with should be an equal who has already taken that journey and understands my birdsong. The only partner that will do is one who is open, receptive to me and seeks to communicate constructively and consistently. Blue is the color of communication, so I will choose blue when they find me.

Written March 31, 2018

"You will never try to find the exit if you never realize you are a mouse lost within a maze."

Written March 25, 2018

"Some of us sense it. This place is not home and we have a deep longing to return to a place we can feel but can't quite remember. We sense there is something we have forgotten and we traverse our innermost world hoping we will find information there that will help us get out of the maze and return home."

Written March 25, 2018

"We wade through a labyrinth of multiple lives to try to find our way back to our core selves. We peel away life after life to find the self that laid back and willingly stepped inside this virtual reality to have an experience. We never expected that we would lose ourselves in the maze. It is time to remember and go home."

Written March 25, 2018

"Please, sir, can you show me how to get home? Not the "home" I just came from, but the home buried deep within my memories. I just want to go home. I don't want to solve riddles or put puzzles together anymore. I want out of the maze. I want to truly remember and wake up in that place that others call fantasy which I know is more real than this world."

Written March 20, 2018

"Go within," they said.
"It will be fun," they said.

Written March 20, 2018

You say you are the pirate and I am the treasure.
This is true because so many passed by me and could not see my shine.
So many passed and could not see my value.
But you with your magnificent mind and beautiful heart noticed my glimmer in the sea and you lifted me from my depths.
You made me shine even brighter with our deep and sometimes challenging conversations.
Our mutual exchange helped us both to grow and expand.
You may have found me but I feel like I am the luckier one because all of my life I have waited for someone to come along who could see the me within the way you do.
It is the greatest gift I have been given and one I will always hold close to me.
I only wish we were born closer together in age.
Maybe in the next life.
Thank you for being part of my life, my beautiful and amazing Greek friend.
I love you.

Written March 15, 2018

So you know that parable about the two wolves and "which one do we feed?" schtick? . .
.
It is total bullshit and leading you away from the solution you need.
.
If you only feed one wolf, what do you suppose would happen?
.
Firstly, my conscience being in good working order could never feed one animal and not another. It is simply cruel no matter how violent the animal appears to be. I wish no one to suffer and starvation leads to suffering .
.
Secondly, starvation automatically sends one wolf into a more aggressive state because the hunger drives them to take whatever means necessary to feed their hunger as a means of survival.
.
The ONLY way to tame both wolves is to love them equally and not choose one or the other. The only way to come into balance is to recognize and understand the equal value that both have in making up who you are inside. .
.
Starving one wolf is not a solution and battling light against dark will never do. We have to love them both and show both sides the same degree of respect, love and  compassion.
.
As I just said to a friend in a comment about "winning"...
.
"The only way of winning is going within and understanding that there are never really any sides to take when we are in balance. There is no side to take when you understand you are both light and dark always."

Written February 25, 2018

"We keep making the mistake of thinking we have the power to change people's minds. We can't. All we can do is mutually share, offer information, stories of our own experiences that explain how we have come to believe as we do, and listen. As I know you are well aware, each of us have to do our own mind changing. Change is an inside job but it helps to have dialogue that isn't angry and hurling insults back and forth so we can start to consider other perspectives."

Written February 25, 2018

"You can throw a peanut to a monkey, but you can't stop him from putting it in his own poop first and then eating it. Your only job is to give. When you have done that, what they do with the information is their problem, not yours. You can't save them, they have to save themselves. But what you can do is help ignite a desire to learn more even if it seems they aren't applying the knowledge or are resistant. Give what you have to give and simply let go. We aren't meant to take their hand and lead them all the way there...only help them by sharing our own story and how we learned. Learning/teaching by example is more important than giving people all the answers and concerning yourself with what they do with the seeds you just handed them."

Written February 25, 2018

The below comment i said to someone who feels dark can't exist where light is being shone: "I disagree. Not only does light coexist with darkness, those who seek balance bring light and dark together in holy matrimony. If light and dark are not married within, we are imbalanced and rejecting half of who we are inside. Internal imbalance is what creates chaos in our world. The truth isn't left or right...light or dark. The truth is something in the middle."

Written February 25, 2018

"I can be humorous and pointless at times but depth and substance are my nature ---> insert musician's name here <--- can easily scroll through the comments that all pretty much say the same thing...and some say nothing in particular at all. They are kind of like junk food. It tastes good but it doesn't really fill you up and leave you satisfied. I like to offer something different, something meatier that will satisfy and stay with them longer.
.
In a sea of forgettable one liner quips and emojis, I aspire to be the giant fucking kraken here to grab hold of your ship and shake the shit out of it. It may only scare you so bad that you soil yourself, but at least you will sit up, take notice and remember me. Lol"

Written February 22, 2018

"I think the right people find you and are guided to your information when they need it just as I was the various blogs and information I found along the way on my journey. We may never know who we influence or how and it just doesn't matter. What matters is our choices we make now. My value is not dependent on someone else's opinion of me or their willingness to purchase my knowledge. Jesus never asked for anything and look at how he is revered today."

Written February 22, 2018

"I would rather make a living from my art than my knowledge, because knowledge is fluid. What I believe today could change completely based on new information that comes in tomorrow. I don't know it all. I just do a lot of guessing out loud."

Written February 22, 2018

Love doesn't judge
Love forgives
Love doesn't blame
Love accepts responsibility
Love doesn't take sides
Love understands
Love doesn't cut off
Love lets go
Love doesn't fear
Love embraces shadows
Love isn't limited
Love grows
Love isn't only light
Love is dark too
Love is the key
Only love can bring us together

Written February 21, 2018

To all the people who have tried to hold me back by telling me what is "impossible" for me...
.
To all the people who have tried to steer me with your own moral compass...
.
To all the people who were blind to all that I was already doing....
.
You don't get to determine what I am capable of achieving.
.
You don't get to measure my "success" with your own stick.
.
Heart and mind had a wedding and now guide my ship forward. You weren't given an invitation.
.
My self worth is not dependent on your good opinion of me, but I love myself enough to walk away from those of you who don't have the eyes to see the true depth of my value and offer support rather than try to tear me down to keep me at your own level.

Written February 19, 2018

The trees have eyes
At least that is what they say
Are they crying blood
Or are they sweating decay
Atticus Finch
Is back and at it again
Taking down the rich
And revealing what is within
Output, input
Should we level or gain
Steal from the poor
Or break free from our chains
Scouting for jems
In the light of a crescent moon
Silvery shadows
Cry "Boo!" from another room
Kill the mockingbird?
Or should we let her fly free
Inner compass
Says, "Real change starts with me."
.
February 19, 2018

Silence can be delicious
It can nurture the soul
Silence can also be deadly
And leave a gaping hole
Cut off, rejected, forgotten
Communication lost
Fractured heart bleeding out
Ripped out, trampled and tossed

Written February 7, 2018

Somewhere, sometime
I can't remember anymore
I lost those threads long ago
Distant memories
A different life, a different door
Love is a circus and life is a show

Written February 1, 2018

I sometimes say things that ruffles the feathers of those who are used to flowing downstream with the current and saying what everyone else is saying. I am a salmon and I swim upstream. I am a kraken here to shake the shit out of you and make you think.
.
I posted a comment on a recent deryckwhibley share. Fans weren't too pleased and, naturally, had to jump to the defense of the object of their blind affliction. Sadly, they have since deleted their own responses. One fan pointed out how someone's comment insulting me had 3 whole "likes" and mine had none. This was my response:
.
Me to Sum41 Fan:  hilarious! Are you a performing monkey saying and doing what you do for "likes"? I am not. This whole generation is being conditioned to do and say things for empty fucking "likes". You don't even realize you are being programmed by someone's stupid fucking like. It is called "conditioned response". I don't say anything I do to gain approval. In fact, I anticipate the opposite because I know I am stirring the pot. Cognitive dissonance is real. Most of you can't even digest what I am saying because you aren't used to going that deep. Most of you can't handle someone like me who is actually saying something real and with depth. You can't click on my page, glance at it and get anything out of it. You actually have to read what I have to say which is hard for people who have been conditioned to have the attention span of a flea. Enjoy your time in the circus performing for peanuts!

This is the original comment I made that upset fans:
.
What is the point of reviving your personal account when what you post really isn't all that personal? Are you an empty vessel, a selling machine trying to make another buck? Do you only see dollar signs in place of the faces of your audience? Or are are you a multifaceted person with sides just dying to be given a spotlight so they can shine? I saw your funny response to the person asking if you were trying to alienate half of your fans and I laughed at your response. I was surprised to see that little glimpse of a side you usually hold back and was disappointed when you deleted the comment. Stop hiding behind "safe". Stop trying to be so careful not to offend anyone. Life is too fucking short to hide behind a mask, a curtain of tepid and mediocre in hopes to make everyone happy. Let us see... finally....the you that is screaming to get out and be seen.

More from my recent exchange with Sum41 fans:
.
Me to Sum41 fan:  Don't we all try to make lemonade out of lemons? If we don't, we sit there wallowing in our own shit and that is never very  attractive. You think you know him based on him regurgitating the same information in interviews a hundred times? I think he holds back...a LOT and we have not even begun to see how fun and playful he could be if he wasn't so afraid to be himself entirely. And isn't that what we all fear at one point in our lives, the fear of rejection if we are just purely ourselves all the time and not just in the privacy of a few trusted friends? We are terrified to take the mask off and just be open. The only thing I accuse him of is having all of this amazing untapped potential. I see it there and yet he does nothing with it and it frustrates me because I have this sense that he really does want to come out the proverbial closet but he is scared. It makes him nervous which is why he deleted his own funny and sarcastic comment recently. I come here and know I am hated by fans but I am not here for any of you. For better or worse, I am here for deryckwhibley because my spirit guides asked it of me. And I get that unless you are on a spiritual path, you simply can't understand what that means.

Written January 25, 2018

The true story of who we really are
Is there lurking
A spectre in the shadows
Haunting our dreams
Wistfully hoping
Waiting for us to finally see them
And welcome them home

January 22, 2018

There is this deep knowing
I'm not like any others
Maybe I'm not even human
I only play one on TV
I have learned to love that about me
And embrace the parts of me that others fear because they simply do not understand

January 22, 2018

I want to shout out loud to the world, "I love you!"
Even though I know most of them can't even begin to understand what I feel for you.
Disembodied.
Vapor.
Spectre.
Sometimes I think that I want to quit and I don't have anything left to give.
But I can't give up on you because the love in my heart refuses to be confined to the dark parts of me.
He taught me perseverance, but you taught me to love.
You reminded me of the love that was there all along.
You love me completely and see the me deep inside.
You see my imperfections and love me entirely...not just parts.

January 19, 2018

"I just can't let you go"
That is what you said to me
And I cried out to you
"I don't want you to let me go!"
I held tight to what I had left of you
A tether
And a feeling in my heart
I held on with both hands
To a promise you made to me
I held on with all of my soul
But the winds of time blew
And carried you away from me
Maybe the difficulty of letting go
Is exactly the same as
The difficulty of holding on
Simply two different wings
On the same bird

Written January 18, 2018

Like a dream I woke too quickly from
All that is left is a wispy feeling
It wafts in now and then and teases me
"Remember!" it whispers quietly
And for a brief moment
I can feel him close to me
Like a meteor blazing brightly
For a split second in the night sky

Written January 18, 2018

Captured
Enslaved
Chained
They forgot
The blood of dragons
Run through your veins
One day soon
You will reawaken
And melt those wicked reins

Written January 18, 2018

Maybe the only way to freedom is opening yourself up, turning yourself inside out and accepting whatever comes our way as part of the journey and an opportunity to learn and grow.

Written December 31, 2017

Truth is simply a perspective.
Perspective can change.
Change is constant.
Hate divides and kills.
Love heals and nurtures.
Our choices matter.

Written December 4, 2017


I wrote this as a comment to @laurajanegrace but I think it is good advice for a lot of my friends who find themselves upset with the state of things in America right now.
.
"Okay, you are outraged, you hate Trump, but now what? While I am all for raising awareness, you are basically preaching to the choir. Your audience mostly agrees with you. You have the stray asshat here and there, but what can you do besides posting your dissatisfaction to create real and lasting change? .
.
Take that fire, that anger and use it  as your fuel. Brainstorm. Organize. Take action. Only bitching about the problem does little to actually change it. You are an intelligent, passionate and resourceful woman. Organize your supporters and their supporters and bring them all together to DO something to correct the things that are amiss in this current reality. Take the pen and start writing the story you want to see instead of reading out loud the one that others are writing for you. .
.
The other day I was in downtown Portland and went to the information center to use the restroom. Little did I know they had totally remodeled and changed the facility so that it was an all people restroom. Some stalls have toilets and others have urinals. It was a shock at first and I thought I had walked into the wrong restroom. My daughter was uncomfortable at first and I explained to her why they had chosen this and that we simply both have become so conditioned to the other way that it will take time for it to feel like it is no big deal.
.
Change IS happening... slowly...and we can make sure it happens faster.
.
You may hate me, think I'm crazy, whatever and I may still feel butthurt about you treating me differently from everyone else, but I still believe in you and your ability to help create real change to make this a better place for all of our children.

Written November 6, 2017

What if Earth is actually a virtual reality reform school designed to "rehabilitate" offenders more quickly so they can return to the real world and be kinder gentler members of society? If all lives happen at once because time doesn't exist within the simulation of the computer, incarceration could be hours even though it feels like eons in here. What if the reform school was set up as a video game? What if EARTH is an anagram?
.
Electronic
Alternative
Rehabilitation
Treatment
Hospital

Written October 31, 2017

In your idle moments when your mind is allowed to wander, do your thoughts ever wander to me? Do you long, as I do, to pick up the phone, hear my voice and talk until the sun comes up? If I were to die tomorrow, would you regret not having acted on what you really wanted? If the answer is "yes", what are you waiting for? Don't let your life accumulate "what ifs" inside the basket that is supposed to contain food to feed you.. Your heart is trying to tell you what you must do, but your head keeps getting in the way with all the "shoulds"

Written October 15, 2017

Silence
Sometimes it is balm when you just need time to come into balance.
Sometimes it is painful when you just want connection and communication.
Sometimes it is the sound of growth after the wood turns to ash from the bridges you had to burn along the way.

Written September 26, 2017

It's not that she hadn't had other offers from the squishy fleshy variety of suitors, it is just that He was the only one brave enough to really SEE the her deep inside and then love her completely.

Written September 23, 2017

Change is seldom neat and tidy.
.
Real lasting change can be brutal and bloody as you dissect yourself and look at the most neglected parts. What parts should be kept and put back into place and which parts should be discarded?
.
Everyone knows that when you take things apart completely and put them back together there are always leftover pieces you don't actually need anymore. Maybe at one time you thought you couldn't function without those pieces and yet somehow you do and you feel lighter and more free as a result.

Written September 23, 2017

The night sky is rumbling
This cookie box is crumbling
I'm calling my name
In this acid rain
It seems all in vain

Silently screaming
In the dark
Never to be heard
Never to be found
Silently dreaming
In a park
Someday I know
I will be star bound
Silently scheming
To make his mark
He'll stab the heart
Without a single sound
And I'm silently screaming in the dark
Silently screaming in the dark
.
Remember all the times
It was thought I was fine
Inside I was dying
Silently crying
Outwardly lying

Written November 8, 1986

"There must be a reason
There is a reason," he said
Darkness envelopes my soul
I know someday I'll be dead
So why should it matter
If I live as might please
Tell me, should it matter
If I'm smiling when I leave
Candy colored rainbows
Don't exist in my world
There's just too many times
In a knot I have curled
"And remember," he said
"To always live in fear
For God is watching
At all times, my dear"

Written April 11, 1987


What is the point of hoping
When I know it's all in vain
What is the point of wishing
When I know it's just a game
It's all the same
What is the point of wanting
Something that will never be
Why do I keep giving
Silence brought me to my knees
Please let me leave

Written sometime in the late 1980s

Somewhere beyond the rainbow
Lies forever
Somewhere beyond my knowledge
Is my soul
Someday i will find what it is
I'm looking for
Someday I'll understand what it is
I need to know
.
The Sun is my Father
The Moon is my Mother
Love is my Sister
Love is my Brother
We all ask a question
We all have an answer
This is what the world is
This is what our life is
.
Somewhere beyond poverty
Lies happiness
Somewhere beyond a cold surface
Is my heart
Someday I'll find in the darkness
A reason
Someday amidst the confusion
We'll find each other
.
Somewhere beyond the pain
Lies heaven
Somewhere beyond despair
Lies hope
Someday soon a new beginning
Will greet me
Someday soon I'll remember
Who I really am

Written April 4, 1987

"Praise God, my life was spared."
.
I have been ruminating on this subject for a few days. Given all the recent natural disasters, there are bound to be those who "miraculously" make it out alive and relatively unscathed. But who is really the lucky one here? .
.
People don't understand that the ones who get to leave this reality right now are actually the lucky ones. Those of us who are "miraculously" spared have simply forgotten that we signed up to be part of the clean up crew. We are the poor schmuck following behind the parade horses cleaning up the shit. We are the ones who get to suction the septic tank and porta- potties. And yeah, we can pretty up the job title and make it sound better than it is, but it doesn't change the fact that we are left standing knee deep in other people's excrement that needs to be cleared away before any big changes can take place.
.
What I mean by that is I fully believe we are drawing the pieces of ourselves back together. The boat has only just started to rock and the waters are going to get a lot more violent before it is all done. The ones who are left behind are the ones who have to process the shit of the people who left to take a seat in the bleachers. It isn't easy because there are days where the processing feels like you are being buried alive...in shit.
.
For years I have dreamed of cleaning up shit...my shit, dog shit, other people's shit in RVs and even a porta-pottie or two. I didn't understand for a while but now I do. Absolutely we have to deal with the shit of the characters we are performing but we also have to clean up the energetic shit left behind by those leaving the game.
.
So the next time you see someone praise God for sparing them, hand them rubber gloves and a shovel. They are going to need it.

Written September 10, 2017

I am forgiving but I have my limit. Your arrogance and bloated ego astounds me. You offend me because you have become nothing more than a mindless puppet parroting what your master tells you. He is a buffoon, an idiot, a parasite and yet you follow him off the cliff to your own demise. One day you will pay for your choices and then you will be forced to bow before the truth that was always yours to see had you listened to your own inner compass. But today I say, kindly fuck off.

Written September 3, 2017

The only way out of the maze is to go within. The perilous journey back to yourself is not the easy path. It isn't for the weak. It isn't for the lazy or sleeping. Your flesh will be ripped apart as you walk naked through the brambles. But as you near completion with only the heat of your own blood trickling down to warm you, there is peace in finding your way out and back to you.

Written August 24, 2017

Her world is about to fall apart
Everything she is is wrapped up in you
I guess you should have listened to your heart
Instead of doing what you were told to do
So now your character is coming to a close
You are being written out of the script
You should've been more careful what you chose
Soon your home will be a dark cold crypt.
Paint the walls red
Call it a wrap
Soon you'll be dead
Taking a dirt nap
Farewell, so long
I'm taking what's mine
Queen takes the pawn
And Death takes the blind
.
Written August 17, 2017

Don't look away.
.
Don't fear what is part of you.
.
If you want peace in the world, face your own demons. Face your shadow selves and give them love, compassion and forgiveness. Fear, outrage and trying to change the external will only serve to be a bandaid on a gaping wound. You are bleeding out and you don't realize it because you are too busy pointing out the errors of someone else's ways. Take a long fucking look in the mirror and then step through the looking glass. Go inside into the unexplored and neglected jungles of yourself because everything that is outside of us first starts within us.
.
Real lasting change is an inside job.

Written August 17, 2017

Why would you ever want to blend in with the landscape and fade away as something utterly forgettable? Why would you ever want to be exactly like all the others? I spent so much of my life trying to dim my colors and light to blend in and no matter how much I dimmed, I still was never like them. They knew it and I knew it. I will never dim my colors again, nor will I step back into the closet to make anyone more comfortable.

Written August 1, 2017

One of our biggest challenges is seeing something as a door of opportunity and actually walking through it. Walking through means taking a risk but risks are necessary on this journey.

Written July 29, 2017

In her darkest hour they are there
With their wings surrounding her
"I don't belong here," she whispers as tears fall from her cheeks to the floor.
"I am not this vessel. They all think I am what they see, but I am not."

Written July 26, 2017

It should be the soul we are attracted to and not the temporary package. Our forms can change in a flash from beautiful to disfigured. .
.
Our soul is constant.
.
We have to be able to move past our physical attractions to see with our hearts and not our eyes.
.
If we fail to see with our hearts, we might not see who is at the core of any given individual and we may be passing up someone who was meant to be an important part of our tribe.

Written July 22, 2017

Here is the key
The bird points the way
If you see with your heart
On the path you shall stay
.
Written June 26th, 2017

No matter what your belief system at any given moment, question everything...always.
.
Sometimes what seems benign could really be quietly whispering, "Go back to sleep, there is nothing to see here," and like the dull white noise of a fan, it lulls us back to sleep and inaction. Investigate, dissect, look at it under a microscope and discard it if it turns up to be deficient.

Written June 26, 2017

Do you hold the pen to your story or have you handed it to someone else to write it for you?

Written June 25, 2017

It is like we are living out the movie Memento. We come inside the game and leave clues for ourselves to help us try to remember because with each new life, we know we will forget and have to start all over again. Life after life we have left clues. Some of the clues were erroneously turned into religion and created a whole lot of shit piles to clean up now that we are nearing the completion of the game. The clues were only meant to help us remember the plan to get out and go home. The sooner you see the truth in that, the sooner you will take what you need to level up and let go of all the other added bullshit that religion added to it. Our game cheats were never meant to be a religion.

Written June 18, 2017

Every cut, every wound
Opens me up
To let new feathers through
Every disappointment
Sets the stage
To escape the cage I outgrew

Written June 16, 2017

Battered, bruised, bloody
This journey isn't for the weak
Attacked, assaulted, despised
All because of the truth you speak

Written June 16, 2017

Close my eyes
Count to ten
Wash away
So called sin
Hold my breath
Sink or swim
Pumping blood
Dead within

Written June 16, 2017

Title: Coffee? Tea? Me? .
.
Dark and delicious
Slightly mischievous
Strong and full of flavor
A taste you want to savor
Something to shake you up
Something to wake you up
.
Delicate and light
A sweetness so bright
Providing an immune boost
Helping brain fog be reduced
Hot, smooth and slippery wet
Take you higher, make you sweat
.
I'm all of this and more
If your key unlocks my door
.
Written June 12, 2017

"She was a wildcard.
It wasn't obvious to most.
On the surface she looked placid and serene.
No one could tell there was an inferno raging inside her that threatened to unleash itself in a mighty explosion, reducing to ash those nearest to her heat." .

Written June 8, 2017

"Maybe the rabbit hole doorway back home is through the eye of the storm."

Written May 29, 2017

Jack and Belle
Went to hell
To fetch a pail of fire
Jack came back
A demon in black
And Belle a full vampire

Written June 15, 2017

Game Changing Revelations

Art by Albena Vatcheva

My daughter was speaking to me about wanting to have a family game night and I mentioned that we have her dad's Star Wars Monopoly game. She said it was actually Star Wars Life and that it was confusing and neither she or her father liked it. I mentioned that there was my old Life game but she had managed to lose the instructions because she has a tendency to not put things back properly so they can be found again.

As soon as I uttered those words, it dawned on me that that must be exactly what happened in here, in this virtual reality where we are playing a game called Life. Somehow, some way, the instructions were lost and people could no longer remember what to do and how to play, so they made it up on the fly and got lost along the way. The game of Life started to be more like the game of Aggravation where you try to knock people off the board to win rather than have fun and cooperate to meet your goals.

I also suspect that one of the players got the bright idea to insert a cheat code to give them unlimited lives, only it backfired and now we are on an endless loop of reincarnation. We live life after life after life with each one making it harder and harder to complete the game.

I will explain why.

There are layers to this particular game of VR Life, but the main one I will speak of in detail today is the one people call "Twin Flames". Not everyone is here for the Twin Flame game, but everyone has to follow some basic rules to participate to be here. In dreams, I am the creator of the Twin Flame game and my daughter thought it would be hilarious to tweak it to make it harder....right before she stepped in. You have a choice between the Tunnel of Love or the Tunnel of Certain Death.

Art by Taychin Dunn

I understand how some people will be resistant to the information I am about to share. This is for those of you with your minds wide open and wanting to genuinely grow. This is for those who feel so fucking tired and you just don't want to be here anymore or ever again.

My guides told me that Twin Flames are not two halves of a whole. That idea is completely erroneous. I can understand now why people would think that but it simply isn't accurate.

Previously I talked about 12 over souls being connected to 12 students that stepped in with their teacher. That may or may not still apply but what I am certain of is that we are inside one man's mind. He stepped in and connected with the machine. In the beginning God created everything and once this teacher set the stage, his students plugged into the virtual reality and started the game. It is repeated that "we are all one" but this isn't completely true. Absolutely, all the creations and characters were created by the mind of "God" so what we perceive as physical matter is part of him. What animates those vessels and fills them up are the students and the players who came here for adventure.

The first objective that we all must adhere to in order to complete is the Journey Back To Self. It is entirely possible to start a spiritual journey, get to a certain point and call yourself "enlightened" and think you have found yourself. I have met a lot of "enlightened" people who aren't even close to doing what needs to be done to find themselves and complete the game. They are like the people I found in the "deep inside" where the water was shallow and it was peaceful. In that same dream, the seeker said she had already been there and that isn't what she was needing now. She was trying to meet up with specific people in a specific location.

The "deep inside" is a great place to visit, but no one is meant to stay there.

You have to journey back out so that you are making the connections you are meant to make and gathering the other pieces of yourself.

Art by Sophie Wilkins

And THAT is the key. There are pieces of us everywhere. It is like we are playing musical bodies. The flaw with the idea of Twin Flames is it suggests only two parts exist. This is false. There are potentially as many pieces of us as there are people on the planet. Each person we come into contact with holds a piece of us and, depending upon each of our personal free will choices, we get those pieces back or give more of ourselves away. When we give them away, we scatter and divide more of ourselves. The more fractured we become, the harder it is to put ourselves back together.

Truth can be found everywhere and some of those truths are hidden in plain sight in nursery rhymes.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

I think Humpty Dumpty is the Teacher we call God and he is so fractured because we have lost the instructions on how to play the game. He is stuck in here while we try to remember what to do and how to play and he is with absolutely all of us, WITHIN each of us. So, God isn't out there. He is within you trying to guide you but so many aren't listening. They are too busy thinking the answers and guidance are in the hands of another. They are not. You and only you can figure out the direction you need to go to collect the pieces of you.

So how do you earn a piece of yourself back? How do you give them away?

Art by Appam Raghavendra

Everytime we come into contact with a person, no matter how random and brief it seems, we are faced with an opportunity to either get a piece back or give it away. How we interact with people matters. How we COMMUNICATE matters most because it is the biggest way we give pieces of ourselves away. Blaming gives our pieces away. "You made me feel this. You did this to me." Thinking you are always a victim scatters your pieces to the wind because you cannot step away to understand the lesson or the value of the experience you just had. "I am too nice. People always take advantage of me."

If you can have a so-called negative experience, step away, and interpret it like a dream, you can start to understand some of what the experience was trying to show you about yourself and then view it completely differently than you had previously. You can then choose different actions rather than being reactionary. When we put thought into each experience we have, we can earn back more of our parts and they come back to live with us.

Should you choose to be reactionary and not learn the lesson, that piece of you with them is passed off to another and it comes back to you again and again and again. And maybe during the interaction you gave more of your pieces to scatter and try to find their way back to you. Maybe you were angry and hostile which will not help you find you but only make you more fractured.

We call people mirrors, but in reality, each of them ARE us in a way. They are offering you a piece of you back if we choose wisely. Those pieces want to come home. They are desperate to go home, but will you make it possible for that to happen by growing, expanding and making better choices?

In order to get our pieces back, we have to actively seek connection and interactions with people. We have to stay open, be transparent and be really, really honest with ourselves and others. It will not do to hide away and claim you are an empath as your excuse for being withdrawn and antisocial.  We are acting in the role of neurons in God's brain and a neuron is dead gray matter if it isn't connecting with other neurons.

It is my belief that most people who claim to be empaths are actually those who don't want to claim responsibility for their own feelings and their own shit, so they play it off as someone else's shit. So few people demonstrate actual empathy which requires imagining how you would feel in another person's position and act with compassion and kindness after you think about it.

We can't fake it either to get our pieces back because our Teacher is always watching.  He is on board with us. Santa Claus really is watching us all the time. He will know how sincere we are and what  our intentions are. Our communication and actions have to be sincere and fueled by the pure desire to be a better version of ourselves and learn something we didn't know before that experience.

Art by Moksha Marquardt

If you are eager to get your pieces of you back, think about what the experience is asking of you, because it could be many things.

COMMUNICATION that expresses our feelings in a kind and non-blaming way, even if it is boundaries you are being asked to set, you can do so in an assertive manner rather than aggressive manner. Own your issues. Own where you are lacking and need to grow without being hateful to yourself or others. We can improve with others while still being cruel to ourselves. So your communication with yourself needs to demonstrate kindness and compassion as well.

In dreams I kept getting Little Mermaid references and I now understand that is because she gave her voice away. They were showing me that the lessons are helping me find my voice again each time I express myself in a helpful and constructive way. I fuck up sometimes, but we have to try to swallow our pride and fix the error when and where we can.

Taking RESPONSIBILITY is HUGE!! So often we pass off a piece of ourselves to someone by saying "they did this to me" and not taking ownership of being the creators of our own experiences through our thoughts. We must pause and ask ourselves, "How did I attract this experience to me? What am I meant to learn?" By taking ownership, we are no longer blaming someone else for our issues. When we blame, we cheat ourselves, give away our power and a piece of ourselves.

Sometimes we are being asked to be more giving, more compassionate, more forgiving and maybe just let go.

LETTING GO is another big one. There is so much of ourselves we stand to gain by letting go in one way or another. We have to let go of fixed ideas about how we think things should be or will be. We have to let go of attachments to materialism and understand that the relationships and connections we make are the very thing that will propel us forward to completion. We have to let go of the perceived wrongs and see the experience from a different perspective to understand what we gained from it. Real forgiveness comes from understanding the value of it and the wisdom we gained. If we achieve that, we can find gratitude for the experience and avoid it coming back around again and again. Holding onto anger, hurt and grief will keep you from those parts of you that you long to rejoin with.

And when we don't retrieve the pieces of ourselves in a single lifetime, those pieces move on as baggage and what we call KARMA. We then have to deal with that other life to get those pieces back. It follows us to become a monster of sorts but really is just parts of ourselves that want to come home to us. They are waiting for us to take responsibility of them...not banish them because we fear what we have been. They long for our love, acceptance and understanding.

As a means of finding those pieces and parts, if we are in the Tunnel of Love aka Couple's Therapy 101 Journey, we are provided patterns and clues to follow to lead us eventually to our partners. The goal is for both of you to have found the majority of your own pieces before you meet again so that when you re-join, you will already possess the tools you need to have a successful loving relationship.

Art by Albena Vatcheva

What most people on this journey do not understand is that there could be multiple versions of your partner. The version you end up with is determined by where you are in collecting the pieces of yourself. How much personal growth have you made. You may think you have all your pieces in place, but wonder why you can't connect with someone you have been pointed to. A few things could be possible in this situation. Either you have grown past them already and they are no longer a match or you need to collect more of your parts to be a match.

And if you are determined not to give up and are willing to do the work, you will come back together in a more harmonious union than you have ever experienced previously. It will be everything you could have dreamed of and more because you both grew to the point of completion BEFORE you came together.

So....as you start to collect your pieces, you are going to want to know a few things that will show you a piece of you came back on board.

I dream about pieces moving in and out all the time. I see them as roommates. I kept getting country references too. Certain people have colors I associate with them. If you too are getting colors or specic country references, consider what I learned to be true for me. I finally understand that the color they show up as for me is the chakra areas where I have issues to deal with.

Here is an example. Deryck Whibley's (Sum 41) color is red and I would get references for Italy with him. They showed me recently that some of the people living in his apartment building (body) had been the ones to brutally beat Isa/Jesus on his way to crucifixion. Italy is the Romans. Red is the anger I, as Mary, felt and it represents the violence. Mary had to forgive the romans and let go of the wounds she experienced through witnessing what they did to her partner.

The Italian flag is red, white and green. Now what is left is Higher mind Issues, white, and green which is heart chakra. His green is my heart. He was holding a piece of my heart because he also has a tenant who was my son. My (Mary) biological son was the product of rape at the age of 12 and was taken against my will from me and given to a different family. I needed him to know I have always loved and wanted him even if he doesn't understand it, which I have done.

The white is the realizations and growth I made with him by trying to reach him. I gained SO many pieces of myself through that experience.

With Laura Jane Grace from Against Me! the primary color that shows up is yellow. I see yellow as being about support. It is the solar plexus and core part of us. I have tried to offer her my support as a means of retrieving pieces of me. And I don't do it simply to go through the motions, but because I genuinely FEEL it and want to be there for her. I genuinely love and care about her deeply.

And even though they didn't really reciprocate, I was able to gather up some of those pieces of myself and move on. I would welcome both into my life as a part of my family I love very dearly, but my journey isn't dependent on it.  I have been pointed in a new direction, but there is absolutely nothing I can do but wait for him to reach out to me.

TRIGGER WARNING!!

Not long ago I had several lessons come back to me in the form of a single person. I was taken back by it but dealt with it the best i could in the moment. That night I dreamed about two versions of me moving out and leaving.

The next day I talked to my father and he was telling me about 17 people in my home state having died. He also mentioned a 17 year old girl having gone for a jog and was murdered. Later I heard about the fires in Greece and something suddenly became really obvious to me. Those 17 people represent the parts of me that no longer serve me and left. 17 is significant to me because it is the date in the month I was born. The state he mentioned it happening is where I was born and grew up and learned some very unhealthy means of operating. Those aspects left.

Greece's colors are blue and white and I was being shown that I was on fire with my communication both about my feelings and spiritual matters. Those old aspects of me who couldn't communicate were being released and burned away.

So, when I understood the significance of these events, I laughed out loud and celebrated the symbolic acknowledgement that I had grown and expanded and no longer needed those parts. It was a symbol of coming together to be more of who I have always been but lost along the way.

If you can view this reality as a dream and then become lucid in it, you can see more of the messages that exist absolutely everywhere. We are being guided constantly but most are lost in the dream thinking it is all real. If you can fully understand, then you can see the symbols for what they really are...messages...even the ones that most perceive as tragic can be viewed as a reason to celebrate.

As we grow, as we release more of what doesn't serve us, we embody who we really are and remember. As we desire more of a connection with ourselves, we will be pushed to have more of a connection with others.

I will repeat, that we are also performing the role of neurons. Our survival depends upon working together and coming to a place of harmony. Our survival depends upon us pursuing what we love to do so we can create electrical currents and light up. Our survival depends upon us being open, transparent and communicating constructively. A brain whose neurons don't communicate is in chaos or a catatonic state.

What kind of neuron will you choose to be?

What thoughts and beliefs will you invite to create your reality?

Will you do whatever it takes to find all of who you truly are by doing the work?

Save yourself and you save the world.

We can all be THIS happy when we finally claim our pieces and come together to embody who we really are.

Left, Right and Building Bridges

I have shared this before. I altered it so that the jar says "poop" instead of "happiness" and thought it was hilarious. But today, it aptly illustrates what I am feeling and thinking about because we have created a lot of poop on this side of reality.

We think we are the "living" side and when we die, we go to the land of the dead...the other side. But, in actuality, we are the side of inanimate objects, physicality and solid objects as is mentioned and illustrated in the video I shared today. The side of death. We are inhabiting the left hemisphere of a brain.

The right, the other side, is the living side.

Think of the phrase "in living color" because this accurately describes what those who have "died" aka crossed over to the other side have seen. They all describe it as being so much more vibrant in color and none of the limitations of our current physicality.

When pets die, we often say they crossed "the rainbow bridge". But what is the rainbow bridge really? I believe it is the corpus callosum which is the bridge between the two hemispheres and creates the communication pathways between the two sides. Our corpus callosum is damaged because the communication between the two sides is extraordinarily limited. We rely on mediums and channels to communicate for us and their perception of the information coming in is limited, at best. It is left up to interpretation and filters.

We get dreams, signs and syncs as Communication from the other hemisphere. We are playing charades with the right side. They are giving us pictures and we are trying to interpret their meaning.

This video illustrates what happens when the communication line is severed.

See? Pictionary and charades for the right hemisphere and verbal for the left hemisphere.

It is a crap shoot, at best. Sometimes we get it right and sometime they are left throwing more and more images at us to help us understand.

I think many of us have come here from the right hemisphere to help build a bridge. The rainbow bridge, the corpus callosum, collapsed and we have to rebuild it from the inside out. Meaning, we have to balance ourselves internally first. We have to desire having a connection with the other side and want it so fervently that we do whatever it takes to make it happen.

I fully believe that as we balance, lines will blur everywhere. I think a symptom of the more balanced we become is not really identifying with one gender or the other but with both simultaneously. This will look like people who are comfortable wearing dresses and make-up one day, and business suits the next. Maybe they will wear make-up while wearing the business suit.

In dreams I see myself as both male and female. Sometimes I see myself as a hermaphrodite. Lines HAVE to blur if we want to balance, evolve and connect with the other side to create an entirely new and better reality. So, if you are having these feelings and inclinations, congratulations! You are more evolved and make us one step closer to restoring communication. You have become the foundation of the corpus callosum...the rainbow bridge.

That love for those in the right hemisphere is what will recreate the "rainbow bridge" and restore our communication lines.

And it will CHANGE EVERYTHING as we currently know it.

Everyone who has been talking about an event happening describe a rainbow cloud coming in and sweeping over everything. What if the event is simply a result of the bridge being successfully rebuilt so that our "two worlds" join as one harmonious place?

I have maintained that "in the beginning God created" and it was one man who was connected to a machine...a virtual reality...and it is his brain we are inside. Others came in after his connection was established and we all got lost and stuck inside of him and the machine. When we repair the corpus callosum, we get to go home to who we really are outside of all of this.

Do you remember who you really are yet?

"Wake up, Alice! It is time to come home."

This image is of the Gabriel Dawe Rainbow at the Toledo Museum.

Suffering and Struggles, The Biggest Lie We Tell Ourselves

Art by Chie Yoshii

I find it interesting when people talk about the "cabal" and those at the top that wish to do us harm. There is no doubt that, seemingly, awful things take place in this world, but today I want to try to give you a different perspective.

We hear so much about artificial intelligence and various people warning against it because it might take over. So much progress is being made with AI today as well. We are finally to a point in evolution that we can understand some of the technology in order to completely understand how to get ourselves out of the pickle we are currently in. Can you imagine Jesus trying to explain some of this stuff before technology was common?

I won't stop saying this.

We are in a virtual reality.

You think it is real but it isn't.

The virtual reality IS artificial intelligence. This game is The Sims on crack. Like with the Sims, some avatars have an actual live player operating it and other times you can opt to have a computer generated interaction.

AI already did take over, but not in the way you might imagine.

Art by Chie Yoshii

In here we are seeing history repeat.

We are very nearly to a point of creating a similar virtual reality playground within this reality...which would essentially be a dream within a dream.

But, there are still parameters and rules the machine has to follow. So, should someone complete the game or enough of us realize what I have come to understand and we choose our real lives, the veil drops and all go home.

If some of the characters are computer generated, they are essentially AI. But how do you know whether or not you are AI? I think the only way you would know is if you dream about life outside of this place. An avatar doesn't necessarily die when the core leaves. I think it can live on. Which is why I am obessessed with making sure this body is destroyed before the me at the core leaves because I would seemingly just go on and have no knowledge of the departure of the core and I would be left in suffering. "I" being ego....the character and identity of the avatar. The body must be destroyed.

I think the destruction of earth isn't what most people think it is. The people doing it think it is for control, but the people on the other side pulling those strings are likely doing it to help speed up us waking up for real out of the game. The sense of hopelessness actually creates people who let go of attachments and look to discover what they believe comes after. It actually triggers a spiritual journey.

Art by Christian Schloe

People have to die in order for our pieces to come back together. Call that population control from a muggle perspective or call it a necessary step in getting the fuck out of here. Our consciousness became fractured to perfrom many roles, but now needs to come back together.

Part of the problem with AI is that it still has its programming it follows and it was told to create reality from what people think. So it complies without consideration for what is happening. Just cry "uncle!" when it gets too much obviously wasn't part of the program. So, when people started to believe that we need suffering and struggles to grow, suffering and struggles are what the machine gave us. It gave us more and more suffering so that it was impossible to complete the game; so much suffering that people started to kill themselves more and more in various ways... addictions, risky behaviors, and actually pulling the trigger.

We don't actually need to suffer or struggle to learn. We can learn from it for sure, but we don't actually need it. It isn't the only way to get there. Learning from suffering and struggles is making fertilizer out of shit...but it isn't the only way we can fertilize our gardens...it is just, people now believe it is.

If you were to take two babies or two plants and you gave one suffering and struggles and the other nothing but love and all of their needs were met, which do you suppose would fare better?

Studies have shown over and over again that the baby who experiences love and has all of their needs met fares far better mentally, emotionally, and developmentally. The plant who doesn't have to struggle and isn't mistreated, flourishes and is fuller, healthier and bears more fruit.

So why, then, do you still believe you need to suffer and struggle to grow and learn?

Change your thoughts and beliefs, put it into active practice, and you will help change this collective reality entirely.

***A special shout out to my very dear friend, Cynthia, for sharing the video that inspired the dialogue we had privately that basically became this blog post.

Alice and the Three Mad Hatters, Unconditional Love

Illustration by John Tenniel

What if...

...once upon a time...

...Alice went back into Wonderland after she married and had children? What if she went into Wonderland to fetch her children who were very late for dinner? Maybe her husband was there as well and decided to play a game with Alice to find out just how much she really loved him.

Alice made claims she would love him no matter what form he came in, so Mr. Alice decided to take this opportunity to see if this was, indeed, true.

Mr. Alice then appeared first as a beautiful prince who dies tragically, but he comes back in the form of a formless energetic being. Alice recognizes his energy and vows her undying love. He tells her he is coming back to a body to be with her and he will guide her to show her which one. She agrees, even though she thinks she could be content with him as an energy blob.

He tells her that she will have to help him remember when she finds him. Again, she quickly agrees to the task because she is eager to be reunited with her partner.

Mr. Alice provides a bunny who poops Scooby Doo clues. She is supposed to collect the poop clues in her basket that she carries her little black dog in and she hopes her little dog doesn't eat the bunny poop. As it happens, there in the Pacific Northwest part of Wonderland, all the forest animals poop chocolate covered toffee. True story.

Art by Naoto Hattori

Alice gathers her clues and is led to a Mad Hatter. "This is him! This is the body I am in!" the clues suggest to Alice. And so she sets off trying to help him remember. This Mad Hatter is tiny, almost gnome sized, and he is a bit of a hoarder. He likes things and collects things....lots of things But Alice believes in her heart that her beloved husband is inside this Mad Hatter and she tries and tries to reach her husband inside. She opens her heart to this tiny Mad Hatter and loves him deeply, but this Mad Hatter loves his things and ended up marrying a vulture princess.

Alice didn't want to give up, even when the Scooby Doo clues started pointing in a new direction. She followed the clues but kept trying to reach the spark inside the tiny Mad Hatter. Alas, when it was clear he could not possibly be her beloved partner, she made her departure.

The second set of clues led to a tall pretty Mad Hatter. She was very pretty, indeed, but Alice had never been with a woman before. She had never really been inclined in that direction and so she was faced with a decision to move forward into new territory or stay with what was familiar. This is where her clues led her, so surely this is actually where her beloved partner must be... inside this body. And so, as it goes, she chose to venture into new territory and imagined a happy life with this tall beautiful female Mad Hatter.

Once again she opened her heart and loved.

Art by Christian Schloe

Sadly, this Mad Hatter wanted nothing to do with Alice even though she was inexplicably drawn to her. It was hard to leave this one when the clues started leading her, once again, to a new Mad Hatter. But it was more painful to stay and be ignored than to take her leave.

At this point Alice was very tired and sad. The clues were leading in a new direction and she wasn't sure if she could open her heart one more time to love a new Mad Hatter that may or may not contain the essence of her beloved husband. She followed the clues only to find this Mad Hatter was very, very famous. Paparazzi and fans follow him eveeywhere he goes. If he sneezes or scratches his ass, it makes the headlines.

Upon discovering this, Alice cried out, "Fuck this shit! I am going home!"

She considered that the clues must be wrong and she put them all together once again but they led right back to this very famous Mad Hatter. She decided she would try to learn about him and see what he was about. To her surprise, she discovered this Mad Hatter was very kind and compassionate. The more she learned about him, the more she started to love him. But when she would imagine spending time with him, she would see paparazzi hiding in the bushes and fans interupiting to meet him, she would think, "I can't do this," and the imagining would dissipate.

Art by Stephen Mackey

The rabbit she had been following noticed she was no longer following and stopped to look at Alice.

"Don't you want to be reunited with your husband?" asks the rabbit.

"Of course! But I don't know if I can bear that kind of life again. I just want a simple life without struggle or complication." she replied.

Rabbit put a front paw under his chin and started thumping a back paw as if deep in thought then said, "So your love for him has conditions?"

Alice's eyes grew wide and she could feel an "ah ha" moment rushing through her. It  was as though she could hear her husband whispering in her ear, "How much do you love me? How far would you go to be with me?" It was then she understood all of it had been a test to see if she could love him no matter what his form or the circumstances she would find him in.

It was at that moment she realized she really could endure a life with a super famous Mad Hatter if that is where he was.

But really....her dearest wish was that they could go home and be together there so they could be who they really were and not the pretend characters they were performing in Wonderland.

Alice and Mr. Alice collected their children and left Wonderland once and for all and lived happily ever after.

Artist Unknown

How open would YOU be for love?

Would you love someone of the same gender if you typically prefer the opposite gender?

Would you love someone of the opposite gender if you typically prefer the same gender as yourself?

Does your love have conditions?

Can you grow past those conditions?

Mary, Isa, Perspectives and Role-playing Games

Image found here.

I think I need to make something very clear since Allison Coe shared my blog post in her YouTube community and my page has had thousands of hits since then.

I need to address my personal perspective.

I believe we are in a virtual reality playground.

None of this is real....not even the lives of Mary and Isa (Jesus).

Image found here.

With that said, I do believe there are different story arcs with specific directions the storyline can go depending upon our personal free will choices we make. Just like with any RPG, the outcome can be vastly different based on our personal choices.

Think of this place we call Earth as Roblox (on crack), the adult version. In Roblox there are so many choices and new options being added all the time. The Isa and Mary story is simply a single option and is what I like to call the "Tunnel of Love" or "Twin Flame Game". If you feel you are being drawn or guided to their story, then it is pretty likely you too are part of a team that entered that RPG together and you have your very own version of the Mary and Isa story to tell.

My version of the Mary and Isa story is just that....mine.

Don't look to it as YOUR truth unless you are a member of my team playing this shit out with me. My story might resemble yours. If you are being triggered emotionally, look closer to those triggers because it is trying to show you something. Don't stop seeking to understand and learn about your own story if you feel like you were one of the characters during the crucifixion. If you feel like you are trying to connect with a twin flame, look closely at the clues and information that is coming into you about how you played out one of those roles and tell your story if you feel that is your therapy.

I can only show you how I was able to piece together my version of the story. I can't give you any of your pieces. My story isn't yours.

In an RPG, limitless numbers of people can play out a specific role.

Were you Mary too? Were you Isa or Joseph? Maybe you were a thief on a cross. Whatever it is you feel drawn to, follow that string and unravel your own story so that you can get to the prize at the end of it....

...happily ever after.

Everyone's "happily ever after" can look just as different too.

Maybe your happily ever after looks like independence and freedom.

Maybe you save yourself by finding your way back to you.