Death and Rebirth

Hunt and Gather - Tom Bagshaw

Where did that person go

The person I used to be

Once so full of feeling

Am I just a product of society

Where did that person go

Is this empty shell really me

Can I find what I lost

Am I just a product of society

By Oktobre Taylor
Written January 22, 1990

 

 

Somewhere beyond the rainbow

Lies forever

Somewhere beyond your knowledge
Is your soul
Someday you will find what it is

You're looking for

Someday you'll understand what it is
You need to know

The Sun is our Father
The Moon is our Mother
Love is our Sister
Love is our Brother

We all ask a question

We all have an answer

This is what the world is

This is what our life is

Somewhere beyond poverty 

Lies happiness
Somewhere beyond a cold surface
Is your heart

Someday you'll find in the darkness

A reason

Someday amidst the confusion

We'll find each other

Somewhere beyond the pain

Lies heaven

Somewhere beyond despair 

Lies hope

Someday soon a new beginning

Will greet you

Someday soon you'll remember

Who you really are

By Oktobre Taylor

Written April 4, 1987

Author's notes: I want to dedicate this blog post to Deryck Whibley. Until May 16th, 2014 I had no idea who he was. That was when my spirit guides brought him to my attention. He might never see this but I felt important to let him know that new beginnings are a gift.

 
Dear Deryck,

You have been through such a difficult low in your life recently, but now it is time to restart your life as though you are a completely new and different person...start over...start fresh and start anew. Look at this experience as a gift and choose a new path that the Universe has presented to you. Get back on your horse and ride, my friend. Everything is going to be okay. Love and light to you and all who love you.

Oktobre

Chequered Love

Fecund - Tom Bagshaw

Chequered Love

Crystal clear emotions

Shining through a veil

Blood from a rose petal

Standing tall but frail

The candle in my heart

Is burning at both ends

In the day I know what's real

At night I am compelled to pretend

Chequered love

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

Prepare the person

Pour the wine

Word in my thoughts

You cannot define

Chequered love 

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

Image in a mirror

Has yet to be known

Bird of a blue feather 

Has finally flown

Green light in my head

Tells me to go

Still the light I answer

Bellows a loud NO!

Chequered love

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

Prepare the person

Pour the wine

Word in my thoughts

You cannot define

Chequered love 

For a chequered life

Life killed love

With an ivory knife

By Oktobre Taylor

Written August 28, 1987

Climb the Fence

Floatopia - Naoto Hattori

Climb the Fence

Sleeping through a waking state
Unaware of my surroundings

Stepping into a slow motion scene

Found motion so dumbfounding

Blinked my eyes and lost a thought

Thought came back an hour later

Spoke out the words I had to say

Found my tongue to be a traitor

Slurred, mumbled, mixed together

Even to myself I didn't make sense

The gate was wide open to me

But instead I chose to climb the fence

By Oktobre Taylor

Written October 21, 1989

Cherish These Moments

Here I am now

A new tomorrow has begun

Gradually rising

I look towards an eastern sun

Bright light awakens

In my smothering darkness, so new

Exploring unfamiliars

The bearer of the light was you

Hello happiness

I've missed you, where have you been

I've felt this way

Dizzy bliss, I can't remember when

Thank you I say

To the great Universe that has blessed me

Wandering emotions

I'm so alive now and quite happy to be

Terracotta sunshine

Breathing warm life into my soul

Missing puzzle piece

Has come to fill the gaping hole

Slowly it's formed

There is my cloud with a silver lining

Ray of hope is you

In a blanket of rain you came through shining

Chorus:

On the wind

I ride

On my lips

A name

Cherish these moments, I do

As our lives

Collide

As we find

New fame

Bright star in my eyes is you

Erasing scars

I hide

Erasing all

My pain

Cherish these moments, I do

By Oktobre Taylor

Funny...i don't have a date written on this poem but i can remember the fun filled night well that led to the writing of it.  It had to be written around 1989 or 1990 and it was spring. I remember someone picking a daffodil and giving it to me.

Take Me Back

Severance - Tom Bagshaw

Take Me Back

All grown up now

Oh yes that's what they say

Old-man thinking

Compounding with each day

Lights in my eyes

Fading quickly away

Need to go on

But doubt causes delay

Thumbing backwards

Through the pages of time

To regain understanding

Of Mother Goose's rhymes

Searching dark caverns

In the depths of my mind

To recover innocence

A part of me I must find

A tiny vessel

Adrift and lost at sea

Hell or paradise

What is it going to be

A water lily

A rose if she believes

Retain blind faith

Only blind faith achieves

Chorus:

Take me back to my younger years

To that state of mind which has no fears

When believing was all you had to do

To make your child words ring so true

Take me back to my younger years

To that state of mind which has no fears

Written March 23, 1990

By Oktobre Taylor

Fate

Artist J. Slattum http://www.jslattum.com/

Fate

Spin the wheel

Make your move

Show me what

You've got to prove
Throw the dice
Take your turn
So much now
You've got to learn
From the world

You hide the truth

Tell me please

What's the use

Secrets you have

Have been untold

Secrets you have

Shall soon unfold

Avoid the question

Tell a white lie

Answer you give

I won't buy

Live your life

Try as you might

You've had a chance

But lost the fight

A perfect hand

Dealt to few

Left in the cold

It wasn't you

Yes they say

"This is fate"

These are words

You've learned to hate

Written Septermber 9, 1987

By Oktobre Taylor

Author's notes:  The majority of the poems I am starting to share I wrote many years when I was in a very dark place. I have never ventured to share them publicly until now.  I hope, as time goes by, I will be inspired to write new poetry from the place I am at now in my life.

The Storm

The Storm
 
Clouds roll in
Across the sky
The air so heavy
My mouth so dry
Strange as it seems
Storms calm my soul
The heavens darken
Black as coal
Comfort is found
Out in the rain
It hides the tears
And covers the pain
Still slowly as
The rivers swell
The wind so violent
It rings a bell
Lightning strikes
A lonely old tree
Somehow I feel
That lightning is me
Loud and awakening
A sound of thunder
Some shall remain
Some shall plunder
Here I stand
Alone in the storm
Love is forgotten
For my heart is torn


Written May 21, 1987

By Oktobre Taylor

Authenticity and the Human Experience

Titania by Tom Bagshaw - http://www.mostlywanted.com/

Since starting my spiritual journey and trying to be a better me I have run into people saying, "I thought you were supposed to be all positive now" when I happen to have some emotional out burst that is deemed "negative". How about those well meaning people who tell you not to express your anger or sadness because it "lowers your vibration". 

I am here to say FUCK THAT! 

I can be both a spiritual person and authentic to what I am feeling in any given moment. If I am angry about something, I am going to express it. HOW I express it makes a difference. Someone who is spiritually minded is going to try to steer clear of blaming and try to understand why they feel anger and what they can learn from it. And most importantly, a spiritually minded person doesn't hold onto the anger. We feel it, express it, and let it go.

We all have our own truths and what we feel resonates with us. These are some of my beliefs and truths I live by. We are both light and dark, good and bad, feminine and masculine. We CHOSE to experience a physical life with these polarities in place. We watched others having their experiences and said "That looks like fun! I want on that ride too!" Before we came, we set this shit up to have some pretty difficult experiences. We chose to come here and FEEL loss and FEEL anger and FEEL suffocating sadness. I know it is hard to wrap your head around, but we chose the lives we are living and set up a lot of the major upsets that we experience.

We didn't come here to learn to feel happy and blissful all the time. If we wanted that experience, we would have not bothered incarnating into the physical at all....especially on one of the heaviest and most dense planets in existence. Only the spirits who want a real challenge incarnate here. Chris, at Curious Times (Blog Talk Radio host) thinks Earth is like kindergarten and I can see where she could think that as far as our evolution goes, but it is anything but kindergarten. As Story Waters says, it is the most difficult game around and only the people who are looking for a challenge come here trying to make it through the game. We get addicted to that game and keep coming back so we can try to beat the game (I don't believe in Karma). The goal of this game is to WAKE THE FUCK UP and REMEMBER....remember while we are in the physical who we really are so we can get off the self-induced hamster wheel we put ourselves on.

One of the biggest reasons we come here to Earth is to FEEL everything....every emotion, every touch, everything. We come here to experience. We didn't come here for the joyful moments alone. We came here for the contrast. We came here to feel pain. We came here to feel lonely and dissatisfied and disappointed. We came here to feel anger, jealously, confinement and so much more. We choose to feel these things so that we have a new appreciation for the bliss we always feel on the other side. We choose to experience horrific things to simply know what it feels like and to discover what we learn from those experiences.

So just because I am on a spiritual journey doesn't mean I am going to deny myself having a HUMAN experience while I am here. When you wake up, you understand how to live consciously and to consciously create your reality. You can break the cycle of doing what you think you HAVE to do and start doing what your really WANT to do. And just because you do what you love doesn't mean you are going to be happy and blissful 24/7. I think we need to allow ourselves to feel all the dense "lower vibrational" feelings at times as they come to us. As long as we aren't clinging to one emotion more than another, you should be fine.  It is all about BALANCE. If you have a good balance of emotions and constructive ways to express yourself, your body will reflect that. If you are not balanced be it denying yourself the luxury of feeling anger or sadness, it will show up in your body as illness.

So when you see me and I am having an off day and I am uttering a stream of profanities, it doesn't make me less spiritual...it just makes me more balanced. I am choosing to be authentic and true to what I feel in any given moment.  It may not always be glitter, flowers and unicorns and that is okay.