The End is the Beginning

 Dream Journal Entry: April 10, 2019

"They harvested my eggs a long time ago. When they use my eggs, they will try to keep those who are related, together as a family."

I was telling someone this as I was trying to find a calendar in which I charted out a specific date. I wanted to show them that on my calendar I have it listed as "beginning time" or something similar. People had been thinking it would be the end, but it was really the beginning of new way of doing things.

I dreamed a lot about what seemed like aliens only they were likely just a more advanced version of ourselves. 

There was this place you could go and spend time with animals. They were kept inside and were animals who needed extra love. I think one of the animals next to me was a black giraffe and it was laying on a bed next to me.

It was at this place that I saw what looked like glowing people appear and were talking to the owner. Someone said, "You aren't supposed to be able to see them." So after that I pretended I didn't see them even though I did.

There was something about operating some craft and going into the sky. I was with other people who are in my class. We weren't sure where to go so came back to the place where the animals had been. Secret classes were being held there. Now I see several of these glowing beings and it is obvious I can see them. I make eye contact with them. They all looked quite old, like maybe they didn't have a long time left so they needed to pass what they new onto others. One of these people reached out and did something energetically with my heart. I guessed she was trying to fix a problem that existed.

I had this sense that because of my discovery, things were going to change. These beings wouldn't hide anymore and the information would be taught openly to everyone rather than just a select few. 

I remember trying to write my dad's address for some reason and this young woman, who I identify as being a similar age to me, shows up with a friend and was asking me to guess how they go there. She turned up again later where there was snow asking me why it is she isn't wet from the snow. I was annoyed with her. I know she had used the abilities she had been taught. I scolded her saying, "Stop being an asshole. You know how hard all of this has been for me. This isn't amusing."

There are lots of details I know I am missing, but basically I was left with the sense that things would be very different soon. What was once hidden will be out in the open. Everything would be done differently going forward as a result.

Keys

Recently, I've been obsessed with buying old skeleton keys. Every time I go to a vintage store, I search for old skeleton keys. I had no idea why until last night.

Last night I dreamed about going to a prison and providing the tools and means for everyone to break free from their confines. I woke up, thought about the dream and then went back to sleep where I basically had the exact same dream. 

I considered the potential meaning of what I saw and then it dawned on me what the keys represent that I have been obsessed with collecting.

The keys represent the tools and means to free my internal prisoners, the parts of me that have been caged. With each affirmation that I give and repeat to myself, with each outing I take to explore and enjoy my "right here, right now", I am giving my internal prisoners the means to break free.

🗝️"Everything always works out for me. I am very lucky."

🗝️"Unexpected abundance comes to me daily."

🗝️"True love exists outside of me because true love exists within me."

🗝️"I am loved and supported."

Each one of these is a mantra, an affirmation that is a key to free different aspects of self.

Recently, I have added, "Everything I spend or give away comes back to me threefold."

I've added this new key to help me move past the guilt and shame I have always felt for spending anything for "frivolities" and "unnecessary items". I have lived for a very long time in a mental state of lack where there's always a fear of not having enough money to take care of needs let alone little luxuries. I have deferred my needs to make sure other people's needs were met.

In recent months, my daughter and I go off on small adventures where we explore areas of our metro area we haven't explored before, shop vintage stores for little trinkets and pause to have a meal at a restaurant. I believe these little acts of kindness to myself have helped start to heal a part of me who has lived from a place of lack.

I have felt a lot of anger over my husband abruptly moving in with his affair partner. When I was not raging or triggered, I asked myself what the true face of my rage was, because I don't actually care he has found someone else. The source of my rage came from fear. I couldn't see it at first. My rage was from fear of becoming homeless because my whole life became destabilized by his actions. My rage came from fear of the future and the uncertainties. 

Once I recognized where my rage was stemming from, I was able to start to dismantle it through the keys I have been giving my internal prisoners.  I am learning to not worry, to believe everything will always work out for me. I am learning to believe that abundance comes to me easily. I don't have to live from a place of fear and lack ever again.