Sometimes I'm an asshole.
I fully admit it.
On a hunch, deductive reasoning, and a series of signs and syncs, I felt compelled to explore Keanu Reeves as a potential clue on my journey. I reached out to my friend, Sky Phoenix, to ask about Keanu as he had known him back when River was alive. I asked my activist actress friend, Sofia Shinas, about him as well. From there, I started watching interviews...which is where I hit a snag.
I posted some thoughts and opinions on Instagram about what I found to be true in that moment and compared him to Laura Jane Grace to illustrate the differences I felt. The things I listed about Laura are basically the exact same things that I love about myself.
I ended up deciding this had to be a false lead and decided not to explore it further... that is, until I had a dream that basically said, "He is player blue you have been looking for."
Afterwards, I had my past life regression and it was there my higher self said Keanu is watching me and reading me. When I remembered that post, I promptly took it down and hoped he hadn't seen it. But when I went back and re-read an old dream, I was fairly certain he already had.
This is the dream in it's entirety:
December 21, 2014
The first dream I remember I was working in a restaurant or something but it didn't feel like I was very into my job. I kept eyeing the cakes inside a case and thinking I wanted a cupcake...one with coconut frosting. I am walking around and there are customers sitting having their food. I have co-workers but I can't remember how many. This tall young male co-worker follows me outside and I hug him and he hugs me back. He says something like "is it okay to do it?" And I asked "Do what?" He said, "I am going to kiss you." I smiled. He was tall so I had to reach up. I kissed him and it felt real. I loved the feeling of being in his arms. There was so much comfort there. I started to wake during the kiss. I drifted back to sleep and I seemed to carry on in the dream.
I am still with this tall young guy and we are both really happy. He is attractive. There was something about seeing several young women lined up sitting on chairs. One black girl mentioned liking my guy and thinking they were going to be dating because she had gone out on a date with him but that was prior to him meeting me. Another one of the girls in the chairs seems like a diva and she is talking about how her guy is famous but she seems like an egotistical bitch. I see something on her face and it seems like piercings in the shape of a Christmas tree. The top starts at her third eye and the base ends on the bridge of her nose. I feel bad for the black girl but not bad enough to give up my guy because he and I are really into each other. At some point we are kissing again and I feel his erection and it turns me on but the next thing I know he has turned into a deer and then a donkey. I continued to kiss him. The stag deer entered me and I orgasmed.
I encountered my mom and I was telling her how we met. There was something about me having his penis which sounds weird but didn't seem weird at the time. He had left it with me. Lol and later we were traveling together. We ended up on a farm. It feels like it is my grandfather's house and they want us to mow. So I start the mower and mow but I think that there really isn't grass tall enough to mow. I didn't want to wreck the garden, so didn't mow in there. I seem to recall thinking it was food...alfalfa for the animals. And then I mow under something but the mower gets caught on something. I pull the mower out and something falls out. It is a donkey. I was horrified and looked to see how injured the donkey was. One of his front legs were injured but I was going to try to cover it up and bandage it up. The guy I was with helped me. We tried helping the donkey together. I thought he was going to be okay but was distressed that Grandpa wasn't going to be home for a few days. So I spoke to the woman who was house sitting. I think she was his girlfriend and I told her she should marry my grandfather since my grandmother out of the way. She giggled and said she would be willing if he would. I think it is important to note that my grandfather's name is Thomas. Again, the guy and I get close after taking care of the donkey and this time we have sex. I had another orgasm. What I liked best was just being with him. It felt so comforting and so right. I loved him and remember wanting to tell him so.
I didn't know the donkey was there and I didn't mean to hurt him, but I did.
Fast forward to now.
I continued to study Keanu, but didn't bother trying to watch anymore interviews on YouTube. Instead, I decided to study his body of work. I have recently requested many of his movies from the library to watch. I have also watched what was available on Amazon Prime . It has been interesting, to say the least.
I hated Destination Wedding. It wasn't just the acting (Keanu, deadpan; Winona, whiney and drunk?), but the style of the film. It was JUST the two actors who had lines. Maybe on stage it would have been less cringey, but on film it didn't translate well. We never met the brother or parents or anyone else that would have given the story another leg to stand on. Maybe it would have been more clear it was a comedy. I wasn't amused. Amusement usually comes from being able to relate to one of the characters and I related to neither.
I have this sense that Keanu doesn't have to choose to do a movie just for the paycheck. He chooses a movie because he is interested in the script and/or helping someone realize their dream of seeing a story become a moving picture. There have been hits and misses. Some of his movies that didn't do as well, I actually loved. Generation...Um and Siberia both have characters who clearly have a lot going on internally but don't express it easily.
With 47 Ronin and Man of Tai Chi, I had a sense he was using the movies as a means of exploring his Asian roots. I had a sense of someone who was trying to find his place in the world and where he belongs. A lot of us do explore our ancestoral roots who have a shakey family foundation. We skip the ones we have no connection with and explore the ones we know nothing about because we can imagine that maybe they were better people than the parent(s) we couldn't have a solid, healthy relationship with.
Man of Tai Chi, which Keanu directed, turned out to be a glorious unexpected treasure. Typically, I'm not an action/fight film kind of person, but Man of Tai Chi had a flowing story that was deeper than just having fight scenes. It also made me feel nostalgic and reminded me of all those late Sunday nights I was allowed to watch Kung Fu Theatre with horrible dubbing.
Tonight I watched A Scanner Darkly and The Watcher. I love Keanu as the bad guy. He does "dark" well. In The Bad Batch as The Dream, he was just wonderfully weird. In The Neon Demon, he was terrifying.
Like one of his past life selves (ask me if you are curious), Keanu studies people and he adopts little nuances for the characters he portrays. I too study people, but more to understand and learn rather than to mimic and borrow from them. I feel I have a learned a great deal about him through his work, through intuition, through dreams, and through some of the people he used to be in other lives.
At the beginning of my spiritual journey, I developed a meditation space in my head I would go to during meditation. I collected a number of photos I found in Google searches as inspiration. One of the things my meditation space had was a cave. You can't tell much about it on the outside, but when you ventured in, I would imagine a beautiful cave with a glowing amethyst ceiling. There was a body of water that was naturally warm and the bottom was covered in shimmering fire opal.
I have come to the conclusion that Keanu is like my magical cave...only the cave he is is bigger, more profound and more varied in what it offers. It is likely the most epic cave you will ever encounter that will change you completely once you have experienced it.
Any avid spelunker will tell you that part of the reason they go into caves is that the mystery draws them in. There is also a certain amount of risk and danger that is exciting. Darkness can be both frightening and beautiful. With a head lamp to light the way, you carefully step, navigating the boulders and scooting on your belly through narrow openings to discover what few have dared to see. Once fears are faced, deep inside, there are treasures to be found in various locations and none are alike.
This is exactly what I feel about Keanu. He is all of those things and more. Exploring him and discovering some of who he is has pleasantly surprised me. I have so much respect for ALL that he is, not just the sweet, kind and gentle parts.
So, after all of this gushing about someone I think is truly remarkable, would I call myself a fan? Definitely not. I would call myself a supportive and loving friend who would embrace him warmly and welcome him home to the part of him that lives in my heart should he choose that.
**About the photos**
None of the photos belong to me but were saved in 2013 as inspiration for my mental meditation space. If you own one of the photos, would like me to give you credit or remove it, please contact me and I will comply with your preferences.
No comments:
Post a Comment