Let's talk about those "well meaning" and maybe "not so well meaning" spiritual people who feel the need to invalidate our experiences with spiritual ideas, phrases and concepts. Maybe we have all done this at times without being aware of it, but I think it is time to shine a lamp on it and make us conscious of spiritual invalidation.
So you are my friend I have come to you to voice frustration about my journey. Or maybe I am just giving you some of the details of my journey and you come back with, "If it is meant to be, it will happen." To that I say FUCK YOU. There is nothing comforting or helpful about that statement to me. If you are in the camp who believe in free will, then you should also understand that there are multiple outcomes based on our choices, so to tell me "if it is meant to be, it will happen," is really just a giant slap in the face. It invalidates the experience of the person who is sharing something with you.
Here is a novel idea. Instead of blanket generic spiritual statements, try being a fucking friend and just use active listening words. Or maybe just try to be the empath you ALL claim to be and try to feel what I am feeling. Just say something like, "I can imagine it must be difficult for you" or "Wow, you set up an interesting story to play out for this human incarnation."
2. Time doesn't exist.
I, myself, have talked with others about how time doesn't really exist but when I am telling you that I am struggling with the waiting for things to play out and unfold in my story, it is NOT helpful when you say, "Oh well time doesn't really exist. There is no time." To that I say, FUCK YOU.
In this dimension and in this physical existence, we have chosen to experience time. We have chosen to have a linear experience. WE CREATED TIME WITH OUR BELIEF, so FUCK OFF with your "time doesn't exist" bullshit. Last time I checked you still used a clock for your spiritual business appointments, your yoga classes or just meeting your friends for coffee. You still pay attention to where the sun is at in the sky and the seasons. We get to a certain season and we say, "It is that time of year." You don't get to Christmas and say "oh well time doesn't really exist so fuck celebrating Christmas on a specific date." You still celebrate your birthday as though you too are playing the time game. How old are you again? Is that not time related?
When I am struggling and I am confiding in you, just be a fucking friend and say, "I am so sorry you are feeling this way. And yeah, it must suck to not know when it will all play out." I don't need you to fix me. I just need you to listen and be supportive.
3. We are all one.
I am groaning just typing that phrase. Yes, we are all one and I have talked about it before. Just like every virus, bacteria, parasite, etc. operates as one being within the human body, but if you isolate them and look at them under a microscope, they can seem separate. That cold I got last year isn't what we identify as me, but it was part of the whole for a while. We CHOSE to experience being separate from source. We are all part of the same being blah, blah blah. But when I am sharing a joyous moment and talking about how great it feels to have connected with specific soul family members and you come back with "We are all one. We are all soul family." To that I say, FUCK YOU. Yes we are all connected but what we FEEL for various people differs and you can tell me that, "we can feel that for anyone" and I tell you, "that has NOT been MY experience." By saying that we are all one after I shared happy feelings about my connections, you are essentially trying to diminish and invalidate the importance of that connection and feeling. If we feel the exact same thing for every soul, why is it we have specific groups we work with over and over again?
When I share my joy with you, instead of shitting on what I just told you, try saying something like, "Oh I am so happy for you. Yes, that must be so nice," or "That is wonderful!"
4. Everything is planned. It is fate.
This is very similar to "if it is meant to be, it will happen" statement. There are those who choose to believe that we have no free will and that we plan out every single tiny detail of the stories we live out while we are here. It is similar to those people who spout, "It's God's will." It is yet another way not to take personal responsibility. You just say, "Welp, it's outa my hands. I have no control. It has all already been lived, played out and determined." If that were really the case, why are you here? Why did you bother coming to have this experience? If I went out to a pond and knew I couldn't swim and kept going further in and drown, would you say that that was "planned" and it was "fate"? Or is it possible that I had the power to not make the stupid CHOICE to go in the water in the first place when I knew I couldn't swim? These human lives are NOT all pre-determined and pre-destined. There is likely some planning of things you would like to happen but there is a lot of space for free will allowing us to fuck up and LEARN. Saying, "It was just meant to be," is another way of us trying to make ourselves feel better about the shit we are standing in. It is making lemonade out of being given lemons. And it is perfectly okay to roll with it and make the best of whatever situation that comes your way, but when you use that concept and fate statements to invalidate another person's experience, it is not okay.
5. Stay positive...keep those vibrations up.
Instead of telling me to stay positive when I tell you my heart is bleeding or tell you that I am so angry, just say something like, "Man, that really does suck," or "I'm so sorry, I wish I could make the pain go away for you."
You don't have to try to fix me. Just be a friend, listen and offer support. If you can't do that, I love myself enough to say to you please KINDLY FUCK OFF. Thank you.