Monday, September 19, 2011

Intuition

Once upon a time, I trusted my instincts, I trusted my intuition. I relied heavily on how I felt in any given situation. I believed in signs and omens and would look to them for guidance. I have always had dreams that tell of future events in my life.

Then one day I had the misfortune of dating one psycho, lying, deceiving SOB and the moment I realized how truly awful he was, it shattered my faith in my own instincts. Clearly I had been WAY off with this guy. He was a great liar, to be sure. From that moment on I ignored my dreams. I no longer saw signs or omens. I ignored what my intuition was telling me and would tell her to shut the eff up because look what a great judge of character she was with that loser from hell. Self-doubt came to live on my shoulder that day...the day I found out everything was a lie and he was dating half of the city's population...and, as it turned out, not just the female population. Don't get me wrong, I love gay men ("Fag Hag" is listed as one of my previous job titles on my resumé)...I just don't want to love gay men...if you know what I mean. lol

I've spent the last few months trying to get back in touch with my intuitive self. It has been slow going, for the most part. Self-doubt is such a powerful thing and a hard habit to break. I've made baby steps forward. I think the hardest part has been trying to quiet my thoughts enough to hear that inner voice that is trying to help guide me. When I do hear her, I often question the validity of what she says. I wouldn't blame her if she gets annoyed with me and stops talking to me.

Dear Inner-voice/intuition,

I'm sorry I haven't trusted you lately and I will try to do a better job in the future. If you could just keep guiding me along the path I should be on, that would be great. Thanks!

Love, 

Oktobre