It's weird when the beginning chapter of your spiritual journey meets the ending chapter.
Red, meet Blue
I was guided to various characters on my journey to help me learn about me and heal certain aspects of self...some living, some dead. Each character had specific colors show up repeatedly in dreams and in the waking state that represented the chakra issues I was working through via studying them and observing their lives. Usually there was always something being highlighted through recognizing a pattern in their life. That pattern usually existed in my life, as well, which gave me the opportunity to change something and clear a blockage.
Red always showed up in dreams for Deryck Whibley from Sum 41. He also wears a lot of red, too. Red is the color of the root chakra which can be about survival and security. His presence was highlighting my own root chakra issues by acting as a mirror. I learned a lot and healed a lot during my time with Deryck.
Blue always showed up in dreams for Keanu Reeves from Dogstar. He also chooses blue for his guitar and his motorcycle. Blue is the color of the throat chakra and is all about communication. His presence was highlighting areas in my own life where I need to communicate better by observing all the ways he doesn't communicate authentically.
I think there were also some daddy issues that Keanu helped shine a spotlight on because of his own daddy issues. Why was I so angry about people believing he is such a saintly nice guy that his PR team pushes so often when it isn't actually true? Because when my father was abusing his family, no one believed us when we tried to tell them. They couldn't believe that such a good church going man would do such a thing.
Do I feel completely healed now that I'm feeling I'm at the end of my journey?
Not really.
I think I probably still have a lot of work to do but little motivation to do it at this point.
Thirteen years have passed since my spiritual journey started and the cocoon stage in which the caterpillar becomes goo that I have been in for some time has produced nothing.
No beautiful butterfly.
No wings.
I'm still a blob of goo, I guess.
I just work a lot, feel exhausted a lot.
I don't focus on my dreams much anymore. I'm lucky if I can remember anything from them.
I'm grateful to have a job and be able to pay for the things we need. I don't hate my job and think "OMG I don't want to be here." But I do think, "This isn't really what I dreamed my life would be one day. "
My dreams didn't come to fruition. There have not really been fruits for my labor of the past 13 years.
It is what it is, I guess. I will make the best of it. I always do.
I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to go see, in person, two of the people who Spirit guided me to, Deryck/red and Laura Jane Grace/yellow. It felt like closure of those chapters. When I didn't think Dogstar were going to play anywhere near me, I was bummed. But now they are playing near me and I have a ticket to go to their show in September.
So, when I saw the picture of Keanu standing next to Deryck, it gave me pause and caused me to reflect on this long spiritual journey of mine.
I don't know what will come after the Dogstar show. I haven't been guided in any specific direction, so your guess is as good as mine.
I guess I will just play it by ear and let the wind take me where it will.
