Honesty

Photo by Inox Lord

 

For the past couple of days, I've felt near tears frequently. A song will play that makes me feel emotional; some words spoken hit me in such a way that I feel tears welling up spontaneously. I have no idea where this is coming from. I tell myself that maybe it's because it's the one year anniversary of Lily, my cat, dying. 

Everything makes me feel weepy, though, so I ask myself, "Is this even my own sadness I'm feeling?"

Is this your sadness I'm feeling? If so, why do you feel sad? 

If it's because you miss me, well, I miss you, too. I'm just waiting for you to decide to finally be honest with me, come to me as who you really are and open up to me. I don't hate you, even though you probably think I should. 

I love you still.

Foundations

 

Photo by sinisterdigitalart

A foundation built on lies is sure to crumble eventually. 

Did you think I was so gullible that I would just blindly believe all of your lies? 

I was taking mental notes and the math wasn't mathing.

Did I play along? 

Absolutely, but I wasn't all that invested because investing in a work of fiction isn't wise.

I have no doubt that you have other accounts even though you deactivated one today.  That wasn't surprising to me because I usually dream about it happening before it actually does. I saw what transpired today in a dream last night. When you came back after months of silence, I saw it before it happened in a different dream.

You can keep pretending. You can keep catfishing me as often as you want, but spirit will always show me the truth and it will always end with you running away and me rolling my eyes until you decide to take a different path.

Here's a novel idea, friend. Why don't you just come to me as yourself and be honest? And then, maybe, if you want to build a strong foundation towards something more, we can start from there.

Believe it or not, I'm open to starting over with a clean slate if it's done the right way.

Our current trajectory is dead in the water, so if you want "us" to actually go somewhere interesting and real, you need to get busy constructing a sail based in honesty.

If this is goodbye, so be it. May you have a blessed and transformative life.