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| Attribution Unknown |
Dream Journal Entry: January 8, 2021
I had disturbing dreams all night. What I remember most is the part about this young black girl who had basically been given to me. Somehow she was special. She reached down my pants and started touching me. I was taken back by this. I allowed it at first and then gently moved her hand away. I am seeing that this place she had been raised groomed kids for this sort of thing so that they seek out adult people to engage with sexually. It was disturbing to me. I was trying to show this girl a different way to connect with people and a different way to be. The kids here actually began to believe they liked engaging with adults in this way and didn't realize it was just programming.
The coat the little girl with me wore was unusual. It changed colors based on temperature and it let the groomers know when she was ready to be sent out to try to pleasure an adult. I heard the word "pedophilia" and felt upset about what was occuring.
I remember going into some water at one point and also going into a home. I think we were supposed to be in italy at that point and there was all kinds of dog shit outside the door. I told the people who lived there that I would never come there again if they didn't clean it up and I wasn't going to be the one to do that.
I remember seeing a guy sitting down and he is watching a guy approach him and then he says "well that didn't take long". I look and there this a wet spot on the front of him that seems to be a combination of semen and blood. The approaching man turns out to be my brother, Thomas. His head is shaved and he leans in and kisses the guy sitting down. It is clear that he came with excitement when he saw my brother coming towards him.
As I was waking, I also heard the word "necromancy".
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| Painting by Inara (my daughter) |
Interpretation and Conclusions:
I thought a lot about it all to try to make sense of an otherwise disturbing dream. I think we can see what the children were groomed to do as "pleasuring" an adult and we groom them to do this from an early age. It creates a whole society with inner children who are programmed to try to win approval by pleasuring someone be it in school, the workplace, romance, friendships or our familial environment. When, as children, we get the magical and addictive approval and recognition, we start to think we like it and crave more of it. The groomers set up programs to keep us seeking to pleasure them through awards/rewards where we are given plaques, papers, and statues that actually have no meaning at all except to keep us motivated and on the treadmill trying to pleasure them over and over. Generation after generation we have programmed our children, both inner and outer, to seek outer approval and validation.
Freedom comes when we break the programming and stop seeking to pleasure the people around us and only seek our own approval and validation. When we are strong and secure in who we are and we love and support ourselves completely, no groomer can come along and take that from us by not giving us a useless award/reward meant for training monkeys.
I spent a lifetime being crippled by seeking outside approval and validation. It drove me into developing a perfectionist personality and that was so incredibly damaging to me. I wouldn't even try to do something if I thought I couldn't be the best. I spent hours crying if someone didn't like me and I would obsess over the one negative thing someone said and forget about the 20 other positive things also said.
My daughter was in danger of falling into the "approval and validation" trap when she would cry about her father not giving her the praise and approval she wished he would give her. I tell her that it is a slippery slope when we need praise and approval from someone for our own happiness. I ask her, "Do you like your art? Do you like your singing voice? If you do, that is the ONLY approval and praise you ever need...your own. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It only matters what YOU think."
I freed my inner child from pedophilia and pleasuring others, have you?
