What River means to me now is infinitely more valuable than when I first started my spiritual journey. Back when he died, it felt like a piece of me had died. I couldn't explain it to people who never mourned someone they had never met in life. When I would think of him, he felt like brother energy and soul family. I mourned for a whole year and would inexplicably cry at times when I thought of him.
The immediate lesson I learned from his death was not to pass up opportunities when they are presented. Twice I passed up opportunities to meet River due to fear of how I might be perceived by him. I didn't want him to think me a stupid fan girl. I wanted to be respected. I thought there would always be another opportunity...but there wasn't. I try to take more risks now and not worry about looking foolish because I know now that those opportunities are precious and fleeting.
When River came to me as a spirit guide, I had no idea what a rough ride it was going to be to dig out all of the patterns and issues of my life and heal them in order to come to a place of self love and balance. I affectionately call him "the self love fairy". I get images of the fairy from the movie Scrooged beating the crap out of Bill Murray who was making it difficult to get the lessons he needed. I do mostly see River as gentle and sweet, but he can be a tough task master as well when trying to get you to take an honest look inside at festering wounds.
Who River was in life has been a powerful influence on my life. It has helped shape me into the person I have become which is someone who cares about the planet, people, animals and feels more in my element when I am outside in nature. River was a "take action" sort of person. He didn't think the issues and problems were someone else's problem to solve. He stepped up and became a voice to help the planet and animals. His bravery helps me choose to be brave in my everyday life and take action where action is needed. I help when and where I can. He wasn't materialistic but used his money to help improve the lives of others.
River, as a symbol in dreams, represents the gentle, open, compassionate heart to me. He is the heart unafraid of loving deeply and bonding with those around him. He is the nurturing soul who reaches out to the rejected and outcasts and says, "I see you and I care." He represents doing what you love most (making music), even if you have to keep doing what you have to for a time until you can do it full time.
He didn't get a chance to fully live out his dreams, but I think, for every one of us who do so because he couldn't, we honor his memory and keep him alive as part of the collective. When we emulate the parts of him that were good and pure, he lives on through us.
To River...I love you. Thank you for being my brother, my friend, my guide and my teacher.
Thank you to Jason Stuart Kamasz for helping spread the beauty that is River and helping a new generation learn about what a wonderful soul he is and will always be.
