Full Circle

Art by Charlie Terrell

I have been doing a lot of self reflection. I have been looking back and seeing how I have come full circle in ways. I ended up taking a further look back than I expected and ended up putting this timeline together. It might only be interesting to me, but I was actually a little surprised when I saw it all together. I had been gently nudged in a specific direction early on from "chance" encounters to powerful dreams. Even the heartbreaks were meant to help move me in a specific direction.

In an early blog post I talked about something Jason used to say about himself:

One day I'm going to say to someone, "I’m not conceited…or cocky….I’m convinced. I’m pretty fuckin’ awesome as a whole" and it won't be just empty words I'm repeating. I will really believe it too. :)

Art by Charlie Terrell

 In a recent blog post I said:

When we have reached a level where we look in the mirror and think, "I am fucking amazing and it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks," we have reached a truly beautiful place where the light that grows inside starts to leak out of the wrinkles in our skin. Others will feel our light, our energy and know the truth of our beauty.

It was then I recognized I actually achieved the self love I had set out to achieve and that is truly a beautiful thing.

Art by Charlie Terrell

After composing the timeline, one thing is pretty clear to me. River was supposed to lead me to Keanu but there was a small hiccup when River died.  Understanding River's intended purpose helps a lot in letting that aspect go. I thank him for all that he taught me and will always remember him fondly.

Art by Charlie Terrell

October 1990 - Brad Pitt came into the sleazy motel I was desk clerk. I had no idea who he was until BFF called from Los Angeles while I was working and screamed when I read his full name from the registry card. Turned 22, got my driver's licence and had a "midlife crisis".

November 1990 - Went to Gainesville Florida to stay with my siblings. Cried most of the time I was there.

February 2, 1991 - Went to see River's band, Aleka's Attic, at the Hardback Cafe in Gainesville, Florida for Mom's birthday. Met Sky because Mom was talking to him. Moved back to Missouri the next day.

January 19, 1992 - Had my premonition vampire dream.

June 29, 1992 - Sky came to visit me in Missouri. He wanted me to come with him to meet up with River in Los Angeles, but I declined because I had no money of my own and didn't want to be fully dependent on someone I didn't know that well.

June 30, 1992 - Went to the Blue Note during the day to say hi to my manager friend. Saw Henry Rollins sitting out front. I spoke to him, but he is a freak!

June 23, 1992 - Rented 'Dogfight' and 'My Own Private Idaho' because Sky recommended I watch them.

Art by Charlie Terrell

July 28, 1992 - Got an idea for a great movie. BEWITCHED - The Movie !!! Samantha's kids, Adam and Tabitha are grown up. Adam is a bit on the conservative side like his departed father, Darren (who is now a ghost). Adam has taken over the ad agency and doesn't use his warlock powers. Tabitha is an outgoing, outspoken rock-'n'-roll singer who uses her powers on a regular basis. Grandmama is still alive and as meddlesome as ever. Adam meets a clumsy odd writer who is into the new age thing and is fascinated with the supernatural. Her family is just as strange. Tabitha falls for a handsome, suave guy who turns out to be Dracula's grandson - a vampire yet a vegetarian. Dracula and Endora have a torrid affair. But there's a third child/sibling, David, the youngest, who runs the ad agency w/Adam. David is very normal, has no powers and is embarrassed of his whole family. He falls for a normal mortal girl who he tries to keep from meeting his strange family. She's the daughter of a very big client. It could be a star studded cast with all kinds of humorous situations. It's a great idea!!

March 31, 1993 - Brandon Lee died.

October 31, 1993 - River Phoenix died.

April 5, 1994 - Kurt Cobain died.

May 11, 1994 - The Crow movie was released. Saw it in a theatre with a friend that month, then went to watch a field full of lightning bugs after.

Art by Charlie Terrell

June 7, 1994 - Moved to Portland, Oregon

July 1994 - Sky came to see me. We had tea at Gus Van Sant's house. I went to Seattle for the first time with Sky so he could meet with friends about a project he was trying to organize. We started dating.

September 1, 1994 - Sky flew me to Los Angeles for my best friend's birthday. Went to Lollapalooza. Spent an evening at the House of Blues where Tony Curtis ended up with us while we were there. He cried when he told us about his son dying.

April 1995 - Dated green haired Jason. Moved away from Portland.

June 1995 - Started a job in Michigan

March 28, 1996 - Series of three powerful prophetic dreams, one I refer to as "the orb dream" where someone died but comes back to me later.

December 18, 1999 - Had a dream about a spirit following me and trying to get my attention. Had a sense of their presence after waking.

February 17, 2001 - Powerful visitation dream I would refer to as my "angel dream" because of the energy I felt from the being in the dream.

June 2003 - Married

June 2005. - Moved to Missouri

January 2006 - Moved to Portland, Oregon

June 2008 - Gave birth to Inara.

October 2, 2010 - Jill ended her own life.

January 2011 - Moved to a new apartment.

March 24, 2011 - Phoenix, my furry best friend, died from congestive heart failure. Started trying to find stories of near death experiences where people were reunited with their pets.

September 8, 2011 - Got back in touch with Jason after 17 years. Started to obsessively diet and exercise.  Lost 60 pounds.

April 5, 2012 - Went to see Jason in Las Vegas and was brutally rejected which catapulted me into a spiritual journey and a journey back to self.

Art by Charlie Terrell

November 9, 2012 - Inara reported hearing whispers making it hard for her to go to sleep. Had a dream about River that caused me to search if others had reported River being their spirit guide. Found the Channeling Erik blog and eventually joined the Facebook group.

June 3, 2013 - Had a vivid visitation dream where everyone there were cousins.

September 9, 2013 - Powerful "Erik" visitation dream.

January 30, 2014 - Powerful visitation dream. I went to him this time.

May 16, 2014 - Press release for Sum 41 frontman's brush with death. My guides said Deryck Whibley was someone who was a walk-in and needed me to help him remember who he really is so he could do his mission work he agreed to as a condition for extending his life. I started trying to communicate immediately on his blog website.

July 17, 2014 - Opened an Instagram account to be able to communicate with Deryck.

January 26, 2017 - Was guided to Laura Jane Grace through a friend and signs and syncs.

Art by Charlie Terrell

March 2018 - Started to explore Keanu Reeves based on signs and syncs. Decided it was a false lead.

April 26, 2018 - Had a dream confirming that Keanu was player blue.

July 29, 2019 - Developed a new understanding about the five parts of heart. I know who my heart belongs to...still....my muse canoe. 💜