Food for Thought, Being in France

Photo by Brassaï, Paris, 1930s

Dream Journal Entry: February 28, 2022

I dreamed a lot about traveling and going different places. I think some of the time I am with my mother and at other time I was with Inara. During our travels, I ended up at some business, a bank maybe, and somehow I go in the middle of a heist. I tried to figure out how to get away from the situation. The details of this part are foggy and hard to remember.

There was a phone I had left somewhere and, when I returned, it was damaged. The earbuds weren't salvageable, but I hoped the phone was operable enough that I could at least transfer my contacts to a new phone. When I picked it up, the back with the battery was detached so I took both parts with me.

I then remember being given a new phone by Amrik. He has the same one but had already started using his. It looked very different to my old phone. It was much bigger and sort of resembled a larger calculator mixed with a tablet. I knew I was going to have to figure out how to use it, but thought if I could simply use it enough to make calls, that would be okay. 

I dreamed about being in France. I remember that I was concerned because I didn't speak the language there. I am apologizing as I am walking because I appear to be walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk. It was then that I noticed that people were speaking English here, so I didn't think it would be a problem as I didn't plan to be in France long. We were taken to some guy's house who has offered to let us stay and show us around a bit. 

I am being offered food, but I am given an entire skinned human head. I thought that for the French, brain probably wasn't all that unusual but I had never eaten brain before, so I was a little unsure. I had to do some prepping because it was given to me raw and uncooked. I worked at peeling away the flesh of the head to access the brain. Once I got to it, I think there was a distraction of some kind.

I ended up going outside and into the road where I remember petting the guy's dog as it crossed the street in front of me and a stopped car. I remember being concerned about having touched the dog with raw meat still on my hands but decided he would be okay. I went back into the house where I continued to prep the brains that was supposed to be my dinner and I hesitated, wondering if maybe I shouldn't be eating human brains and the implications it might have if I did. This part makes me think of the term "food for thought".

I see someone I identify as Orrin, someone I had a crush on a long time ago who was from New York. I find it curious that he is here in France as well and now he is seeing me look at him. I then realize I need to pee and I went to find the bathroom. The bathrooms here in France are very different to what I am used to and I am trying to figure out where to go and how. It was very confusing to me. I notice that there is a window between the bathroom and the living room and I see Orrin looking in watching me. I try to change position so I wasn't as exposed so I could find a way to relieve myself without being seen. The toilet was strange and there was a flow of water in a place that made no sense to me. I guessed it was some sort of bidet type thing. I finally relieved myself, but I wasn't sure I got it right.

Now I am seeing something about the guy who lives here and I think he is getting in trouble for something. Apparently he is an avid hunter. That is why everything he provided for food was raw meat related. He is now getting in trouble with the law for having hunted some sort of large bird. I am seeing dead carcasses of various animals hung upside down to drain the blood as hunters often do. I'm seeing small birds, a lizard of some sort and a quite large bird. I was guessing that maybe the large bird was an endangered species which is why he was getting in trouble now. I can't remember anything else.

Congregations and Spaceships

Collage art by Caitlyn Grabenstein

Dream Journal Entry: October 2014

These fragments are not likely to be in order and I am not sure the order matters anyway. 

There was something about people being annoyed because I was “censoring" what they had to say/teach the people of my “congregation". Basically I wanted to hear what they had to say before I would let them talk to my people. I explained that all churches have what they allow and what they don't allow. I said that I REALLY didn't want people talking about things that would instill fear. I didn't want fear being introduced as it wasn't helpful.

There was something about being on a spaceship. I saw people going though a doorway and they changed size. It looked like glass but they would walk through without effort and come out the other side big or small depending on which direction they went.

Collage art by Caitlyn Grabenstein

At one point there was this girl and this guy that were going to go to the surface of this planet and the planet had untouched forests. The guy had been prepping to talk to the people, I think and the girl had shown interest in him. I heard something like “tree heaven" and got the impression we considered it a type of heaven because of all the trees and it being basically untouched and untainted. The girl grabs a picnic blanket because she has some ideas of what she wants to do with the guy when they reach the surface. I seem to recall them walking along a creek and trees being everywhere. She looked for a place to lay her blanket and then they stopped. She was talking about not reproducing. It wasn't that she and the guy were incapable, it was that they weren't allowed to because of their genetics and having issues with their genes. I remember thinking that was stupid and they should just do it anyway. Screw what someone said they were "allowed" to do. I don't know who I was. I felt like an observer but not a person, if that makes sense. Like maybe I was in spirit.

Collage art by Caitlyn Grabenstein

Back when the guy was practicing or prepping to talk to the people, I recall having seen a cylindrical thing that had glass compartments and all the compartments had different aspects of the same person. They were all the same guy and I had the impression that it was an experiment being conducted. They could look in and see how he was faring and watch him closely in all of his aspects to see what happened.

I remember a weird part where I was coming down some stairs and this person comes near me and I identify him as an old classmate named Jim Gash and I tell him that I don't mean to hurt his feelings, but when he comes near me, I get an upset stomach. I think he had a bandage on his nose. I don't remember him ever saying anything.

There was a part about water....being in water but I can't remember much about it.

There was a part about my friend, Cary, and I was following her somewhere. In my dream she was pregnant and I followed her there. I think we walked through areas that were considered dangerous but we were fine and I knew we would be okay. When I got to this house, it turned out she had other children and this was where her ex lived with them. They were all kinds of gross. The dad slept on the couch naked. He was big and hairy. Cary was really round in my dream and you couldn't really tell she was pregnant. They wanted to feed me but I didn't want to eat anything they gave me because I was concerned it would make me sick because they were so dirty. I think I eventually made some excuse and left.

I am sure there were other bits, but off the top of my head, I can't remember. Maybe something will trigger some of the memories.

Photo by Milton H. Greene

I just remembered a part of the dream. I was with a group of people and we were waiting for a table for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. I think there were 5 people in our party and remember thinking we needed a table for 5. I also remember it seemed like it was a special occasion, but I couldn't tell you what was special. I also noticed that others, like me, had chosen to wear the color red. A lot of those standing with me were wearing black with red accents. I could see my reflection in the glass and I was wearing a red dress and a white coat and someone commented on how I was wearing a lot of red.

Hail, Satan!

Dream Journal Entry: February 27, 2022

I only have a tiny bit of dream I remember. There was something about two different places that were cleared out. I was seeing it as soil being tilled and turned. Sometimes it feels like two different businesses that were nearby but sometimes it feels like it is about community. I remember dancing in the open space and thinking how nice it would be to combine the two spaces because they were so near by. 

There was something about sensors that had been part of the old set up that were still being activated even though the place had been mostly cleared out. When sensors were activated, a camera turned on to show who was in the space.

The dream jumps and then I come to a place that was close by. There is a guy conducting interviews. He is hiring for this new place that is opening up, but he is having trouble finding people to work there because the business owner had "Satan" in the title of the business name. People were superstitious and scared because of the name, but I was enthusiastic and let the guy know I was there to apply for a job there.

Fear

Art by HaDong Song

November 23, 2019

"He's scared because of what happened last time he spoke his truth."

"The trauma he suffered in that life fractured his consciousness, but it is coming back together in this one and is being healed."

March 25, 2021

I remember vague bits about being told, "People are afraid of you because of your abilities." I saw how lots of spirits are around me all the time because I like having them around and this pleases them. I'm not scared like most people.

Fallen

'Storm Dragon' by Eli Libson

December 11, 2020

"You are part of the same family as them." Heard this as I woke this morning.

As I laid there trying to process it, I said to them, "How is it even possible that I am part of the same family?! They are nothing like me."

They also said to me, "People don't die from the fall. They die trying to find their way back up."

November 27, 2019 

This morning I saw two books out and open and I took the two books and mashed them together to make a single one. Parallel worlds, parallel stories... coming together as one. When I asked about Mary Magdalene, all I saw was Krampus.

Wasted Offerings

Photo by Enzo Sellerio

Your offerings have been wasted, old woman

Opened veins

Sent out

Given away

Bloody Mary he never accepted

Just face it

You're alone

Always have been

Always will be

Your journey led nowhere, old woman

Pointless faith

Time to let go

Time to die

Oktobre Taylor

Asking For Help

Photo by Fan Ho

I don't know what is going on with you, but they told me this morning that you don't know how to ask for help. I'm not even sure who the "you" is in this equation, but if the "you" who they are talking about is reading this, you don't have to ask for help specifically. Maybe you can just reach out and say, "Hey, let's have a chat!" 

And guess what? 

I'm a pretty good listener, a very good conversationalist, so if you don't feel like talking about what is troubling you, maybe we can just laugh together to ease some of your pressure and worries, even if it is just a little while.

I'm not letting go of this connection, though it has mostly been an energetic one. I haven't given up on you.

Hearing Things

Photo by Peter Marlow

August 10, 2017

Earlier this week I heard in a half awake state "Maybe you should give the jock another chance"

October 22, 2018 

I heard myself saying, "I haven't taken advantage of any of the bodies I have been in."

May 2, 2019

"He'll have to give up his five lives if he wants to leave here with you." Heard this as I was waking.

July 9, 2019

Oh yeah, I also remember seeing a date... January 22, 2022

January 2, 2020

I remember seeing the date May 15, 2015 as being when he found me.

October 2, 2020

"I guess he wasn't able to open Matt's heart."

"October 11th*

"I have suffered enough."

Heard just now in the in-between.

Dream Journal Entry: January 14, 2015

There were 3 bass guitars standing upright. All were missing their two middle strings and then there were all these clocks hanging beside them. It felt like I was in class and the teacher was challenging us to get the meaning.

There might have been other instruments but the bass guitars are all I remember.

Upon waking, I decided I thought this part of the dream was pointing to a date. Each guitar had two strings left...2, 2, 2. Each guitar was missing two strings...2, 2, 2. 2/22/22.

Notes:

What is significant about Mark Lanegan's death is that, early on in my journey, someone was guided to me who also felt like River was her guide. Her name was Jennifer, which is significant due to the Jennifer Syme connection. Add to this that she felt Mark was her person, her twin flame she had been guided to. I never knew who Mark Lanegan was prior to my short-lived interactions with her. So when I saw that he died on a date that dreams had pointed to, I thought it was curious, to say the least.