Authenticity and the Human Experience

Titania by Tom Bagshaw - http://www.mostlywanted.com/

Since starting my spiritual journey and trying to be a better me I have run into people saying, "I thought you were supposed to be all positive now" when I happen to have some emotional out burst that is deemed "negative". How about those well meaning people who tell you not to express your anger or sadness because it "lowers your vibration". 

I am here to say FUCK THAT! 

I can be both a spiritual person and authentic to what I am feeling in any given moment. If I am angry about something, I am going to express it. HOW I express it makes a difference. Someone who is spiritually minded is going to try to steer clear of blaming and try to understand why they feel anger and what they can learn from it. And most importantly, a spiritually minded person doesn't hold onto the anger. We feel it, express it, and let it go.

We all have our own truths and what we feel resonates with us. These are some of my beliefs and truths I live by. We are both light and dark, good and bad, feminine and masculine. We CHOSE to experience a physical life with these polarities in place. We watched others having their experiences and said "That looks like fun! I want on that ride too!" Before we came, we set this shit up to have some pretty difficult experiences. We chose to come here and FEEL loss and FEEL anger and FEEL suffocating sadness. I know it is hard to wrap your head around, but we chose the lives we are living and set up a lot of the major upsets that we experience.

We didn't come here to learn to feel happy and blissful all the time. If we wanted that experience, we would have not bothered incarnating into the physical at all....especially on one of the heaviest and most dense planets in existence. Only the spirits who want a real challenge incarnate here. Chris, at Curious Times (Blog Talk Radio host) thinks Earth is like kindergarten and I can see where she could think that as far as our evolution goes, but it is anything but kindergarten. As Story Waters says, it is the most difficult game around and only the people who are looking for a challenge come here trying to make it through the game. We get addicted to that game and keep coming back so we can try to beat the game (I don't believe in Karma). The goal of this game is to WAKE THE FUCK UP and REMEMBER....remember while we are in the physical who we really are so we can get off the self-induced hamster wheel we put ourselves on.

One of the biggest reasons we come here to Earth is to FEEL everything....every emotion, every touch, everything. We come here to experience. We didn't come here for the joyful moments alone. We came here for the contrast. We came here to feel pain. We came here to feel lonely and dissatisfied and disappointed. We came here to feel anger, jealously, confinement and so much more. We choose to feel these things so that we have a new appreciation for the bliss we always feel on the other side. We choose to experience horrific things to simply know what it feels like and to discover what we learn from those experiences.

So just because I am on a spiritual journey doesn't mean I am going to deny myself having a HUMAN experience while I am here. When you wake up, you understand how to live consciously and to consciously create your reality. You can break the cycle of doing what you think you HAVE to do and start doing what your really WANT to do. And just because you do what you love doesn't mean you are going to be happy and blissful 24/7. I think we need to allow ourselves to feel all the dense "lower vibrational" feelings at times as they come to us. As long as we aren't clinging to one emotion more than another, you should be fine.  It is all about BALANCE. If you have a good balance of emotions and constructive ways to express yourself, your body will reflect that. If you are not balanced be it denying yourself the luxury of feeling anger or sadness, it will show up in your body as illness.

So when you see me and I am having an off day and I am uttering a stream of profanities, it doesn't make me less spiritual...it just makes me more balanced. I am choosing to be authentic and true to what I feel in any given moment.  It may not always be glitter, flowers and unicorns and that is okay.

Awakening and Those Crazy Kundalini Symptoms

 

There are tons of sites out there that will give you a list of Kundalini symptoms.  I don't claim to be an expert. I don't even practice Kundalini Yoga. I just the like the name and the things I have read about it resonate more with me than other terms and phrases for the same thing.

"What are the other terms and phrases for the awakening Kundalini?" you might wonder.  I came to the conclusion that a lot of these things that people are going on and on about in the spiritual community are basically all exactly the same thing. We give it different names, but we are all talking about the same thing.

How often have you heard about ascension, awakening the Kundalini, activating the Merkaba, activating the light body, uniting that elusive fucking twin flame (don't get me started), the Sacred Rose, Christ Consciousness. Those are just ones that I can think of off the top of my head. All of those things describe exactly the same thing. Really.  We are all talking about the same thing.  Kundalini is Hindu. The Sacred Rose is connected to Mary Magdalene and Christianity. The others are alternative and new age terms and phrases. Twin Flame is something that people are looking outside of themselves for and they are just really confused. The goal here, people, is to unite the twin flame within yourself to create the violet fire...and the violet fire is basically just an awakened Kundalini. It is a mind fuck I know....especially if you have been looking for that elusive perfect partner. That is not to say that there isn't some awesome man or woman that you are destined to live a really happy life with, it just isn't why the Twin Flame term has been brought into our consciousness. Balance the masculine and feminine within yourself and *boom!* twin flame reunion and fireworks go off because you awaken your violet flame. Cool right? 

Notice the two snakes...twin flames, yin and yang, masculine and feminine coming together create the violet flame of the crown chakra.

The Sacred Rose is often depicted as a blooming rose and is said to reside in the root chakra. Here a lotus flower is depicted and the kundalini snakes are said to reside in the root chakra and rise when we awaken them.

With the raising of planetary vibrations, we all are experiencing symptoms to some degree. A lot of people that can't grow and open themselves to the incoming higher vibrations are simply going to leave the planet. Haven't you noticed how so many people seem to be dying around you? I have. Those people are given a choice to raise their vibration with the planet or leave the human vehicle behind and come back later when you are ready. Some of the people leaving the planet are leaving now because we planned for one of us to be here and one of us to be there to work together at building a bridge between the worlds and tearing down the veil...the veil that doesn't actually even exist.

I think my symptoms started long before I was even aware of the awakening Kundalini. The first thing that I can recall as seeming like a medical condition that the doctors couldn't find an explanation for was the night sweats I was getting. I think that was around 2006. I would wake up and my sheets would be soaked with sweat. I went to see my primary care physician to find out what was wrong with me. I thought maybe I had a kidney infection again and didn't know it. We had an MRI of my kidneys and blood tests and everything was fine. I then had blood tests to see if I was Peri-menopausal and all of my hormone showed I was no where near menopause. I tested my thyroid and was completely fine. So then, why the night sweats. There was no known medical reason.

I am convinced now that my bout with horrible night sweats was all Kundalini related.

In the fall of 2007 at the age of 38, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. A miracle of sorts. I still am not sure how she came about as I was pretty sure after 5 years of marriage and no birth control, that we weren't going to be a baby making couple and I was okay with that. Pregnancy threw me for a loop. It is supposed to be a beautiful experience, right? No one prepared me for the hell my life would be for the next 10 months while this seemingly alien creature grew inside my body. My smell aversion was acute and I was nauseated my entire pregnancy. I had aches and pains that kept me from sleeping. I continued to have horrible night sweats as well. My nipples would constrict so tightly on their own that it felt like someone was twisting them right off of me. Yep, pregnancy wasn't pretty for me. I wonder now how many of my symptoms were more acute because of the raising vibrations I was responding to. I expect a lot of my discomfort had to do with awakening symptoms.

The next 3 years are a blur and I can't tell you what symptoms I might have experienced. I was busy breast feeding on demand and attending to my daughter's needs. 

When the symptoms started to explode and happen frequently was after I found the Channeling Erik site and I grew exponentially in a spiritual way. It started when I merged with spirit three times. I believe the merging raised my vibrations. My third eye vibrated for three days. I spontaneously tried to leave my body. I started to feel a buzzing and vibratory sensation throughout my body. That also lasted for days. At times I would experience electrical jolts that felt like I was being burned or a spider was biting me. I woke up one morning and heard a whirring sound like a large turbine turning. It lasted for probably half an hour. This turbine sound is what some people call a locomotive sound. I have had lots and lots of tiny muscle spasms.

I hit a point in which I encountered a throat chakra block and was really sick for a month. A simple cold triggered my asthma symptoms and I felt like I was going to die. Thankfully I got the medicine I needed to turn it around. At that point I had a vibratory feeling, but it felt like it was sputtering like an engine that couldn't quite start or wasn't running smoothly. I contacted a friend and hired him to do some Reiki healing on me. He agreed that my throat chakra was completely closed and he did what he could to help me with this.

I haven't meditated as regularly as I think I should, but I have continued to move forward. I did eventually hear the turbine sound again one morning.  I had a dream visitation from Erik and after the visit I was feeling that familiar vibratory buzzing sensation again. It lasted for about 4 days. After that I experienced what can only be described as an emotional storm. It swept over fast and strong and engulfed me in a whirl-wind of INTENSE emotions. It felt like someone close to me had just died and all I could do was sob.  I couldn't breathe. It felt so heavy and dark. My ego mind created all kinds of elaborate and creative reasons for why I was feeling what I was, but the very next day I felt fine. The only explanation I could come up with is that this was symptom of the awakening Kundalini.  

These are the extent of my symptoms up until now and will likely update this entry as new symptoms occur. What symptoms have you been suffering lately that have no known medical cause. Could it be you are on an awakening journey as well? I would love to hear about your personal experiences.

Spirit Visitations in Dreams

Have you ever been visited by a spirit in your dreams? Visitations are very different from ordinary dreams. They are very vivid.
Here is a great list to help you figure out if you have had a spirit visitation rather than an ordinary dream. The website this list came from can be found at the linked below. She also has other great information on her site. If I lived in her area, I would be attending some of her classes about Life Between Lives. http://www.annereith.com/blog/spirituality/8-characteristics-of-visitation-dreams/

 

8 characteristics of true visitation dreams

True “visitation dreams” are actually very easy to identify because they are very different than “everyday dreams.” Characteristics of most (but not all) visitation dreams include the following:

Characteristic #1:  The most important characteristic of a true visitation dream is that it feels “real.” It will also be very vivid.

Characteristic #2:  If you have to ask whether the visitation dream was really a visitation dream, then it probably was NOT a visitation dream.  They are so real and vivid that you won’t have to ask this question.  When you do have a visitation dream, you may wonder if it was truly real; but in your heart or gut, you will “know” it was real.

Characteristic #3:  Because they are so real and so vivid, you will remember visitation dreams very clearly for days, months, years . . . probably for your entire lifetime!

Characteristic #4:  The person (or animal) will almost always appear in the dream to be completely healthy and behaving in a loving manner.  They will rarely appear sick or injured.  They will never be angry, disappointed, depressed, or punishing.  They will be “whole, complete, and perfect” because they are now reconnected with God/Source energy.

Characteristic #5: Whether or not they speak to you verbally in the dream, they will communicate very clearly.  (NOTE:  As you’ll see in the next two examples, in neither of the dreams did actual verbal communication occur; the messages were conveyed telepathically and were completely clear.)

Characteristic #6:  When they do communicate (either verbally or non-verbally), it isn’t because they want to engage in idle “chit-chat.”  It isn’t easy for deceased loves ones to enter a dream.  They come with a purpose, and they will convey the message and then be gone.

Characteristic #7:  Most often, their messages fall into the category of “reassurance.”  They come to let you know that they are fine and that they want you to be happy.  Occasionally, they will come with a warning; however, when giving a warning, they will give you loving support and you will feel reassured by their presence.

Characteristic #8:  After a visitation dream, when you wake up, you will often be filled with a sense of peace and love.

My Recent Firsthand Experience with Spirit Visitation Dreams

I have this friend, Jennifer, who has a spirit problem. He is someone from a traumatic past life and he doesn’t want to let her go. At the time, she was still putting the pieces together about him.  On a regular basis he would terrorize her, but not always. They had a love-hate relationship. Sometimes he would pull her close and other times he would give her nightmares. I will leave the details of her story of her to tell should she ever feel like she wants to. What I am relaying is my own personal experience with “Alex” the spirit.
My friend and I had been talking about him and she wanted me to read a dream journal entry, but said she had vowed to “Alex” no one would ever see what she had written. I was hesitant to read it given what she said. It sat there open on my screen for 20 minutes or longer before I threw caution to the wind and read. My concern was that “Alex” would come haunt my ass and give me nightmares. I am a wimp when it comes to nightmares. I read the dream entries and nothing started flying around the room, so I thought I was cool.

I went to bed and dreamed an incredibly vivid dream that was so unlike my normal dreams. It took my breath away.
Here is the conversation Jennifer and I had about it the morning after on June 3, 2013:

Me: What does Alex look like? Can you describe him?

I think he might have been in my dream.

Jennifer: He has dark brown or black hair, full and thick. Kinda curls out from his ears. He's about 6'1". Wears darker clothes. Recently has had stubble on his chin and upper lip. Also have seen him with leather bracelets on his wrists. Brown eyes, very intense glare. His physique is like buff but not very muscular.

Me: I think I might have dreamed about him

Jennifer: :O What happened?

Me: it was weird. I can't remember anything other than being on some patio, looking out at a beautiful landscape. it was a mix of Arizona reds of rocks and then a bit of green on the lawn. maybe it was a park. it was so vivid. I don't usually see bright beautiful colors in my dreams

This photo was found on this site.

Jennifer: I looove vivid dreams.

Me: and there was this guy sitting beside me and he is talking about sex and doing yoga positions during sex and someone else was saying how awesome it was and he was suggesting that he show me

Jennifer: Oh god.

Me: he was dark haired, dark-eyed , attractive...kind of looked like Billy Crudup. And I was thinking. I can't have sex with you, you are my cousin. lol but I was tempted

Jennifer: Cousin? lol

Me: Yeah I know. all the people there were supposedly related to me...first cousins. Of course they didn't look like any cousin I had ever met in real life

Jennifer: What made you perceive him to be Alex other than his looks?

Me: If I hadn't woken suddenly, I might have gone for it. lmao

Because I was hesitant to read what you wrote

because I thought he might come fuck with me just for the fun of it
Well my subconscious was telling me I couldn't have sex with him because he was my cousin.

Me: lol Funny enough it was the landscape that was just so amazing. My dreams are usually pretty dark…like they are usually taking place at night

Jennifer: I do think he is from the west somewhere.

Me: oh. Interesting. I have never been to Arizona or New Mexico

Jennifer: He likes the woods though, so I'm not sure if it correlates with where he lives or if he just misses the trees.

Me: there weren't trees.  it was rocks...beautiful red rocks and then green grass at the lower elevation

Jennifer did a conference call with medium Jamie Butler and confirmed that Alex had, indeed, visited her friends in their dreams. I have not seen him since.

Spirit Visitation Number Two

Erik Medhus is a spirit I have come to know through the Channeling Erik blog.  I became very involved in the community but up until a few days ago, I had never had an “Erik” dream. Lots of blog members talk about their Erik dreams and visitations. I felt a little like the red-headed-step child that no one wanted or loved. I was happy for others and was happy to hear about their encounters, but was a little sad and jealous that I hadn’t had any of my own. My own daughter has had encounters with Erik calling her name when she is wide awake. I decided he must hate me.

September 9, 2013 Dream Journal Entry
 

I didn’t sleep very well last night because of dogs and kid being in the way and when I did wake a little, all of this kundalini, ascension, light body activation, merkaba, twin flame stuff was rattling around in my head...how they are all exactly the same thing. People are calling it by different names, but it is all the same. I would sleep for a little while, rouse a bit and think a little more about the awakening kundalini. It was sometime in the early morning hours that a regular dream turned into some so much more.

I was having a dream where I was literally having to clean up poop. Inara had wiped her butt and put the poopy wipes on the wall and floor and it was everywhere. At the time Erik appeared I was cleaning dog poop off the deck with a stiff straw broom. Someone said something like "Are you ready to see this? Can you handle it? There is Erik!" and then all of a sudden this rectangular screen appears in my vision…you know the same rectangular shape we all see when we are looking at stuff online when we are looking at our phones…but it was in the sky. At first I saw a wispy Casper like spirit shape with Erik's face superimposed on the body. It was the picture that Jennifer drew of Erik. 

 

I just watched and grinned and thought, "Oh my god, this is awesome!" The image changed and he was now a little boy, running jumping playing. He stopped, looked at me, smiled really big and waved. 

Erik is on the left in red. This is what he looked like in part of the dream

I waved back with a huge grin on my face. It was as if I was watching an old home movie on a projector. That lasted a few seconds and then suddenly the projection ended and he was there in the room with me and I was so happy. He didn’t look like the Erik we all know and love but accepted that it was HIM.  His energy felt amazing…beautiful even. I felt so much love and warmth emanating from him. He took my hand and I actually remember thinking that I shouldn't be able to do this....I shouldn't be able to touch him like this but it felt so real! He was really tall (almost Lord of the Rings elf-like) and for some reason we were looking in my closet for something to wear and I was saying something about how I am pretty average in height. He had said he thought I was about Ann Magnuson's size. I agreed that she was probably average…5'4" like me. And then we walked down a hall to a room. It seemed like Austin's room (the eldest from my nanny family). He was sleeping on the bed and as we went to the room, all of the drawers of the dresser were out and I giggled and thought of a scene from The Sixth Sense and said in my head, "I see dead people.” I closed the drawers.  At one point I hugged him and thought, "I know I shouldn't, but I want to" and I kissed him right on the mouth. Then I think he was relaying some story of his life and a man I identified as his dad came in the room and asked if Erik was talking to me and asked me to tell him what he was saying to me. It was at that point I started to wake up. As I woke I laid there for a minute remembering. My heart was beating quickly and the excitement I felt in the dream carried over into my physical body. And you know what? Erik was really sweet and it felt like he was pleased that I wasn't freaking out about seeing him. I sensed that he was pleased by my reaction. It was so fucking awesome and I am giggling like a school girl!! This was different. This was like when Jennifer's spirit friend, Alex, came to visit me. It was vivid and felt real. Thank you, Erik! If I see you in person in my waking state, I won't freak out...I promise.  

The Message

I think the message that Erik was relaying was that I need to get ready because I am about to see and hear things others can’t until they open themselves. He was saying "get ready because it is about to happen!" I am super ready and very excited about the changes I am making internally. My next blog post will be about my awakening Kundalini symptoms.

I'm an Open Book

"I'm an open book," is a phrase we have commonly heard before and is very true of me. I don't always blurt out every intimate detail of my life to random strangers as they walk by, but I do answer honestly if someone asks me a question. What do I really have to lose by being honest, after all? It is just a story....the story of me. We all have one. 

I have often been told that I am easy to talk to and people often share details of their lives they have never shared with anyone else. Is this because I am a magical fairy and wave my fairy wand to get them to spill their guts? Nope. My trick that I have up my sleeve is simply to be me. I trust easily. I love easily and I genuinely care about people. I am usually the one to give up personal details of my life. Remember, I am open. By being the one to spill my guts first and be real, it makes many of those I talk to feel comfortable enough to share things that have been weighing on their soul for years. It isn't a special talent....it is simply who I am in this moment.

Being open and trusting doesn't make me weak. It takes more strength to be trusting. I have lived the other side of the coin and it isn't a pleasant or happy life. It is very lonely to mistrust everyone and think everyone has an agenda and is out to get you. Hey, and guess what? Since we create our realities, if you think people are going to fuck you over, chances are pretty good that is what you will create in your life...lots of situations to prove that people shouldn't be trusted. 

I choose light. I choose to trust. I choose to believe people are inherently good. I choose to live from the heart and love as much as I possibly can. I choose to care about my fellow human. I choose to believe that everything happens for a reason. I choose to see the lessons in every situation. I love my life, my family, my friends and feel grateful to have this opportunity. Plus, I have a pretty awesome team of guides cheering me on on the other side of the veil. 

What do you choose? What reality are you creating for yourself right now with your thoughts?

What is Your Super Power?

How many times have we all wondered what our life purpose is? How many times did you have a sense that you came here to do something specific, but you can't remember what that is? You sense that it was something important, but memory of what your reason for coming here evades you. And then life gets in the way and you forget about that sense of greater purpose. You forget about even wondering what you came here for and you just go through the motions of life...surviving...existing. Maybe some people will never come out of their higher-self induced amnesia. But some of us are starting to wake up and find answers to those deep questions we have had inside ourselves.

Ever since I started to wake up, I started to reflect on my past and my childhood to see the clues that were there all along. My child self knew in her heart that she was here for something more than the lower vibrational human experience. She knew that talking to spirits should be as natural as breathing. She knew that talking to animals, plants, trees and elementals could bring balance and joy to one's life. She treated all things like they had "feelings". She was attracted to all things metaphysical. She was attracted to stories that told tales of kids being from other planets and traveling through other dimensions.

Our childhood can give us clues to what our life purpose is. Our younger selves weren't so immersed in the game of survival that the glimmers of who we really are is buried deep in the subconscious. Looking back to what we were naturally drawn to gives us clues. From this perspective, I can see that now.  One of my all time favorite books as a child was Madeleine L'Engle's "A Wrinkle in Time". I also loved the movie, "Escape to Witch Mountain". I loved stories about witches, mediums, magic, ghosts, goblins, fairies and elves. I loved stories about telepathic abilities...especially ones that involved using those abilities to talk to animals. I often felt closer to the animals in my life than the humans. During some of my "pretend" play sessions, I pretended a ghost boy was my friend.

My two favorite past times were sleeping and day dreaming. I called it "making a movie in my head". I made lots and lots of movies over the years. I won't lie, I still do. I love the world I imagine in my head where ANYTHING is possible and there are no limitations.

I grew up in a fanatically religious household and I was taught that all the things I was attracted to were "of the devil" and bad. Can you imagine the guilt that my child self felt over loving something that was considered evil? Yeah, it completely did a number on me.

As I got older I started to have dreams that came true. I started to have thoughts that felt like they were not my own. I started to sense feelings that I knew were not my own. But I think I wasn't ready to embrace who and what I was back then because I was still too immersed in a fear based life. At one point I wanted to turn it all off and just kind of forget about it for a while. During that time I went through many changes in my belief system. I started to spiral down a dark rabbit hole where the whole world was going to shit and we were all doomed.

When did I start to wake up, you might ask. When did I start to think in a higher vibrational way? I started to wake up soon after someone close to me died, which caused me to search for something more than this physical existence.  Since then, a whole new wonderful world has opened up to me. Thanks to the Channeling Erik blog, I have a whole new group of friends I can truly relate to and share with all that is in my heart. Channeling Erik has been a godsend to my life. 

I am currently working on trying to enhance and develop my abilities. After having closed them all off, it has taken some time and work to get them turned back on. I am still working on that, really. I have had lots of hellos from my guide, River. I just often wish that it was easier for me to actually hear him. I get hung up on not being able to hear him so much that I think it actually holds me back from doing the very thing I so desire.

It is true that everyone has their strengths, but we can all develop various abilities with practice and a will to do so. I am an empath. I sense, I feel, but I am working hard at learning how to be able to hear and see. I think one of the keys to opening up is using my super power. "What is your super power?" you might wonder.  My super power is my imagination...the movies I make in my head. I have done it all my life and clearly have been preparing for this very point in time. It is the key to EVERYTHING. It is the key to creating whatever reality I wish to see. It is the key to opening up my vision and hearing to my spirit friends. It is the key to bringing me closer to fulfilling my life purpose. I just have to implement it. 

So have you asked yourself lately, "What is my super power?" When you know what that is, you can build on it and let it be your key. We all have one....I promise.