The Ten Year Challenge

Calliope, Muse of Epic Poetry - Charles Meynier

I never participate in those online challenges that everyone on social media seem to participate in. This post will be no exception. I don't need to show side-by-side photos of me ten years apart, but I will reflect on where I was ten years ago because it was already passing through my mind today.

Ten years ago, I was only just starting on my spiritual journey and it was a bit of a rocky start. When I say "spiritual journey" it really turned out to be a "self discovery" and "healing" journey. 

I had no idea ten years ago that I would ever eventually look at the images I have placed here and identify with them so deeply. I didn't consider myself a poet at all back then, even though I had written poetry and lyrics in the distant past. 

Erato, Muse of Lyrical Poetry - Charles Meynier

The person I am today would be unrecognizable to the person I was back then.

I can feel compassion for that old, broken and lost version of me from ten years ago, but I am very grateful I am no longer her. So many insecurities and so much self loathing is no longer present. I no longer look to others for emotional support I never got from them anyway. I no longer want so desperately to be understood that I explain myself endlessly. I no longer need anyone at all to like me but myself, so I no longer cling to relationships (friends, family, romantic) who are toxic and not balanced. I no longer feel it is my job to save anyone but myself. I no longer give away my time and energy to the point of depletion.

I no longer wish, on repeat, that I would die.

I'm content in my own company ten years later. I enjoy simple things in life and have so much gratitude for small things that I used to take for granted. I am secure in who I am and who I am becoming. I feel calm and relaxed most of the time, even in stressful situations. And even when I lose my temper, I'm able to come out of it quicker and make apologies if needed. 

I have come to know different facets of myself intimately in a way I had never dreamed possible before. I acknowledge them and allow them the freedom to express themselves as needed. It is in this knowing the other parts of me, masculine and feminine, wild and tame, sweet and sour, that I feel whole. No longer do I feel I have to be only one thing all the time. I can comfortably be both simultaneously.

I communicate more effectively now. I can now turn the shit in my life into fertilizer to help create beautiful expressions through prose. 

Edward John Poynter - Erato, Muse Of Poetry

I know the growing never ends and I am comfortable with that because it is easier for me to expand now that I am no longer encased in a hard exoskeleton. It's less painful now to make those adjustments and realizations of false beliefs that have held me back and let them go so I can install new programming and new beliefs.

Ten years ago I hated myself and wished I would die. I lived in the past and in the future as a fantasy in my head.

Ten years later, I love myself completely and want to live my simple life to the fullest and be fully present in every moment.

Who are you now compared to who you were ten years ago? 

How far have you come?

Do you love who you have become?