Magic Mirror

I've noticed something curious, the past couple of days.

I've slipped and been compelled to defend you.

The thing is, me, when I am badbleubunny, is a manifestation of your own self loathing. I know that as fact. The hate comes easily and quickly. The venom is real enough when I'm Bleu. He hates you, the choices you have made, the lies you have told and he wants to hold you accountable. 

So when he suddenly felt compelled to defend you more than once, it gave me pause and I had to wonder why. 

But then I remembered how I have this ability to be kind of like a magic mirror of sorts. When I connect to people's energy, I have learned that I mirror back to them aspects of themselves. I never realized I was doing it until, not long ago, I had a friend I reconnected with who I hadn't talked to for ages. When I got his messages, I, oddly, felt apprehensive and a flee response. I didn't want to have to talk to him which was really unusual for me. I'm usually okay with talking to people, especially old friends. When he told me he was a triple Pisces, I then understood completely what was happening. I was feeling his own flee response. I was feeling his instinct to recoil from interaction. He had obviously resisted these urges in order to communicate with me, but I wasn't at all surprised when our communication abruptly stopped. Because I could feel his feelings as my own, I understood and didn't pursue further dialogue.

When I went to stay with my mother, I noticed a new problem of an urgency to pee and almost not making it to the toilet in time. It was peculiar, but I thought, perhaps, it was just because I am aging and these things sometimes happen. After all, my mother has incontinence issues, so maybe it runs in the family, right? 

When I moved back to Oregon, suddenly that urgency to pee and almost not making it to the bathroom disappeared entirely. Once I was away from her energy, the shared symptoms subsided.

And then there is you. 

How the fuck did I connect with your energy?

When did that happen?

How am I tied to you? 

Regardless of the "when", "how", and "why", something remarkable seems to be happening inside of you that is also affecting Bleu. It would seem you are hating yourself less. Maybe you are even coming to your own defense and standing up for yourself, which is beautiful, really. 

Bleu can only try to destroy you as long as you are doing that to yourself. As your thoughts towards yourself change, he changes, too. I didn't even know this was possible, but it is incredibly fascinating to witness as both participant and observer.

This is code for...

Maybe you thought we, as a whole, hated you, but we don't. Bleu is simply doing his job and Oktobre is allowing it. She still has love for you. She never stopped having love for you. If you are paying close attention to these blog posts, you already know that.

Congratulations on the progress you have made in loving yourself! I look forward to when Bleu can do nothing but love and support you.

...I love you. 😁