Four Seasons, Two Paths

A Masque for Four Seasons by Walter Crane

What if going back to something we know is actually a test?

Two paths...like the hopi prophecy rock. 

The path of fear.

The path of spirit. 

The path of fear keeps us stuck in fear of lack, so we work to survive, work to accumulate things we think we need, work to achieve, work to prove ourselves and prove our worth using a measuring stick of money and materialism. Abundance and worth is measured by what you have. Love is shown through purchased gifts. You know...the haves and have nots. It keeps us slaves and never really leaving us feeling fulfilled. 

The path of trust and faith in spirit leads us to creative mode and true internal balance and abundance. It dismantles us and puts us back together so we can leave out the false beliefs we acquired along the way due to conditioning and programing. 

"It's just the way it works."

"It's the way it has always been."

It has been thirteen years since I had a full-time job. I stopped working to raise my daughter. The truth is, I don't want to go back to nanny work. The reality is, my lack of transportation pretty much makes that possibility null and void, anyway. I've looked at what is available in my area and I am mostly not qualified for a lot of it other than basic manual labor such as retail or food service.

Years ago before I quit to attend nanny school, I worked at Sally Beauty Supply and they are currently hiring. A job at Sally's would settle my fears, but maybe my fears mean I don't fully trust in spirit and that abundance can come to me easily through what I have already created and put out into the world. Maybe it means I don't trust the seeds I have sown to develop into fruit that can make sure my basic needs are met.

It is very tempting to go back to what I have done before and know I can do easily.

The reason why I am wrestling and waffling with moving in that direction is because of an older dream bit I came across.

I just posted it recently on IG...

In my dreams last night, I can't remember details but had a sense that they were all about showing how we shouldn't ever settle on people, jobs or anything else. It was like I was going through exercises to see if I would settle or if I had learned the lessons and make different choices that were more in line with what I really want.

I also heard, "Abstinence is a common denominator between you and him."

Going back to work at Sally's would definitely be settling. 

Maybe we have to eliminate a false belief that we have to work really hard in order to have our needs met. Maybe we have to change those beliefs to believing truly we can do what we love and abundance will come easily without it feeling like hard work.

I want to believe with every fiber of my being, but I know there is doubt and fear as I use up the monetary reserves in my bank account that came from the generosity of my family members.

I pray every night about it asking for guidance about what I should do. "Please, God, Higher Self, archangels, ancestors, and all those for my highest good, show me what to do. Guide me!" I beg them and, every morning, I process my dreams which give me insight into a specific someone else's world but has no real guidance for mine. 

This other someone isn't even talking to me. 

Sometimes I write my dreams down. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I share parts of those dreams on social media, and sometimes I don't. 

1st Spring brings about our initial awakening.

Summer is our time of learning and consuming knowledge.

Autumn is our time where toxic people, beliefs and old patterns fall away.

Winter is our time of retreat, hibernation and goo.

2nd Spring is what many of us are impatiently anticipating.

A lot of us on a spiritual journey are in a sort of in-between stage where we have left the old life behind but the new one hasn't quite yet begun. I refer to it as the goo stage of transformation. Our old selves have dissolved into goo but we haven't quite developed our wings so we can fly. We are waiting for second spring and the time of our rebirth so that we can use our transformed selves to soar to new heights and have exciting new experiences that light us up from the inside out.

I find myself asking silently, "Are we there yet?"

"Just keep swimming, Oktobre," Noah, my inner masculine, whispers to me. He encourages me frequently and makes sure I laugh at least once a day. And so I write, share inspiring quotes, share some of my dreams and share some of my lessons I am experiencing. It helps me, it helps us and fills our internal cups.

But is it enough to keep the fear at bay so I can manifest the life I desire most? 

I don't know. 

All I can do is keep trying to release the fears and build my faith in spirit.