Imprinting, Logging in Under Someone Else's Identity

Art by Brian Methe

It is difficult for me to decide where to put my comments. I decided prefacing the dreams is probably best and then let you read through. These are just a few of the dreams that tell a tale. The tale I feel they are showing me is I am sometimes "logged in" as Courtney Love and seeing through her eyes. At other times I believe I see through Kurt Cobain's eyes. Basically, like in some video games, you can toggle between different players, I can toggle to the perspective of different players in dreams. I don't know why this happens, but it does. Now that I recognize it, I see and understand with new eyes so many things I didn't before.

I think one of the things my dreams are showing me are clues and facts about what happened to Kurt Cobain. I'm still not entirely sure what to do with it all, but I trust the right person will come along that will know what to do with it.

I believe fully that when Kurt met Courtney, he imprinted on her and was then convinced he was like her. He was a black swan and she was a vulture. He followed her lead and she led him to hell. She plucked his feathers, cooked him, then ate him for dinner. I'm guessing he was no angel, but I don't think he would have gone down the path he did had it not been for him believing he was like her.

How does that happen? Lack of self love and self esteem could create the perfect setting for him to be attracted to someone who would lead to his ultimate demise. Instead of facing himself and his internal baggage and growing, he fell into bed with his demons and escapism.

He was 27 when he died.... practically a puppy in my book. When I was 27, I was still so fucking clueless about who I was or wanted to be. By all accounts, he was taking steps to break free and head in a new direction. He had no plans to kill himself, regardless of the lies that was put out in the media. He was making plans to start a new life without Courtney, but she wasn't going to let that happen.

It is my hope that maybe something revealed in my dreams can bring new evidence to surface so that the guilty parties can be held accountable for participating in Kurt's murder and cover-up.

Dream Journal Entry: June 19, 2018  Yesterday I dreamed about accidentally spilling tea on Jill's fresh new sheets. At first it seemed like water and when I looked again, it was a tea stain on the left head of the sheets. It almost looked like blood spatter but I had this knowing it was tea. I moved to get a new set of sheets, but these too had a stain on them. At a certain point I became upset, started crying and said, "I don't know how to fix this." It made me think of the movie 'I Love You to Death' where the wife tried to kill her husband.

Dream Journal Entry: November 5, 2018 I had dreams about Keanu where we were intimate a little. We mostly seemed to chat and I was surprised when he reached out and touched me. I can't remember much. There was also something about maybe Kole saying that he couldn't see that I had created much of anything. I see him looking at a mask I had created and told him that just because what I have made isn't on display doesn't mean I haven't created a lot. I am thinking about an emerald green dress I sewed and other items of clothes I sewed over time.

I have been unwell all day...severe head pain, throwing up. All I could do to cope was try to sleep. Naturally I dreamed a lot but all I can remember is fragments.

The first fragment is seeing something about shotguns and not wanting them anywhere near me, but then someone has left a shotgun outside my door. I am freaking out. I don't want to see this. I move away from the door. When I look again, I now see a smaller short double barrel shotgun with a rounded handle. The barrel of that one was pointing down while the long shotgun was pointing up and this position was upsetting to me.

Later I am going down a ramp on Hwy 217 in Beaverton. I am noticing a police officer ahead and everyone is slowing down because of it. Then I see to the right people had placed a silver canoe on the side of the cliff up high as if in storage. But then I saw seating, white porch swing-like, that has been placed up high as if in anticipation for an event to watch. I was trying to process what this event could be and I am seeing a team of six all dressed in white carrying the canoe together down the road. The thought came to me that maybe it was like the dragon boat races. I wondered how they would divert traffic.

Later I see a little boy in an elephant costume. He is a little chubby and I recognize him as one of Inara's friends. I call him "Bruno". I remember being in a Safeway with my Mom. I have a sense that it is an original store and has been here for a very long time which is why the floor set up is odd. Mom wants pepperoni so I said I would go back the way we came to the meat department and go get some and would be right back. I picked up a package of meat and turned it over and saw a snail inside the package. I dropped it thinking, "I definitely don't want that."

The scene jumps.

I'm in a large house. It feels like we just moved in but won't be staying long. There is also a game show being recorded here. Some woman spins a wheel and wins a coveted big prize that almost no one ever wins. I am sleeping in the middle of the floor in a large room. I had no covers or anything. I went outside and notice a bottle of pale green nail polish on the ground with the lid off. I considered that Inara and her friends threw it out from the second story window to see what would happen. It was in tact. I remember thinking that it had always been a crappy polish. I picked it up to throw it away in the proper place.

Dream Journal Entry November 6, 2018 As I was waking and laying in my in-between state, they told me that the reason there were two shot guns in my dream is because it was a message of a "shotgun wedding". Such a bad pun and yet hilarious. Kurt Cobain and Brandon Lee were both shot.

Art by Otto Schmidt

Dream Journal Entry: July 26, 2019  God, I wish I could remember all the details of this dream! I remember I was brought to a house. Apparently my midwife, Joey, knows Kurt Cobain and she is going to bring us together. She is bringing him there to meet me. She tells me that he likes to cook and is going to cook for me. When he came in I was in awe that he was really there. I can't remember the dialogue that took place at all. He seemed to like me too and we were getting to know each other.

Dream Journal Entry: July 27, 2019  I think exiting this virtual reality will soon not be so difficult as it is now. That was in a dream last night.

The first dreams were about Brandon and how he was with me...like internally and only I can hear him because of it. Everyone wanted it but only I had him inside.

Later the dreams were about having to have some complicated sequence and code in order to leave the game but that was changing and we would be able to come and go with ease.

Art by Stephanie Houser

Dream Journal Entry: July 29, 2019 The only bit I remember from my dream was seeing something about posting using someone else's username. It was my cousin's username. Her name happens to be Courtney. I remember making the connection that this was showing me that I was clearing karma on her behalf but I am not her. Later I saw a single golden apple.

Dream Journal Entry: August 2, 2019  Just before I woke I was with my friend, Laura G. and she was walking straight down the hallway but I kept switching from side to side. I couldn't seem to figure out which side of her I wanted to be on but the whole way she just kept walking straight forward.

I heard myself saying, "I am here to get you home."

There was a scene where there were these big tanks with water in them. It seems they were growing something in them. It looks kind of white and floats to the top. It makes me think of tofu. For some reason me and some of my friends decide to mess around in the tanks. I feel like I am in my 20s and Shannon (ex-BFF) is there with me. People are coming, we are getting caught and in trouble. Shannon has a chair she is putting in the water but it goes wrong and she sinks quickly and hits her head hard on the bottom. I freak out, jump in and try to lift her out. I am asking if she is okay and she is saying of course she isn't okay. She is indicating pain at her neck and I am worried about a spinal injury. We are told to get out of the tanks. They asked us which ones we had been in and lied about it, saying only the one.

I remember thinking of the rhyme:

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

I wrote of a variation of that awhile ago:

Jack and Belle
Went to Hell
To fetch a pail of fire
Jack came back
A demon in black
And Jill a full vampire

Later I hear something about doing a regression in the tanks when I was trying to hold onto the dream.

There was something about ordering food at a fast food place but I can no longer remember the details.

Art by Stephanie Houser

Dream Journal Entry: August 4, 2019 I dreamed something about  Kerry and Jill. Kerry seems to have just come back from Chicago. I assume it was some doctor related convention but was surprised when there were all these music related newspapers among the stuff I picked up to clear. Jill seemed to be questioning whether or not there was any other women he had connected with while he was away. Before they had arrived there was something about Meghan. She was a little girl in the dream and she had taken a bath and said she had drawn water for my bath but what she had actually done was simply put more water in the tub after her own bath. I told her that typically we wouldn't do that. She was splashing water over the edge and I asked her to stop. There was some weirdness about cooking bacon on top of the water. It had to be on the top to cook. If it went under, it wouldn't cook. I felt like the bacon hadn't cooked enough but there wasn't time to worry about it. It was time for me to go and I handed her the bacon before I went home.

As I was starting to rouse briefly, I heard, "He imprinted on her."

There was another dream that is vague in my recollection of. I only remember encountering some sketchy guy I thought might try to rape me. I think he was mixed...like half white and half black. There were these black and white larger creatures we saw and after that was two skunks. One was bigger than the other but I wasn't sure if it was parent and baby or not. There was a lot more to the dream but I can't remember most of it now.