Dreams and Connecting the Dots

The Wedding Register, 1920, by Edmund Blair Leighton

Dream Journal Entry: June 2, 1996 

I had dreams about Brandon last night. I remember dating him and then fearing I was going to lose him because he was going to go ahead with his planned marriage. But then I felt a sense of confidence about the situation. I knew if I didn't protest his marriage, he would realize his true love for me and come back to me.

Dream Journal Entry: May 28, 2015 
There was a big spider and I think it was Kerry (former employer dad) was trying to kill it along with others from his family because the spider freaks them out. I yelled at them not to do that and offered to collect the spider and take it outside. It was one of those hairy spiders where you can see lots of eyes. I took the spider only now it was the shape of a puppy but was still a spider. I thought it very odd. I ended up in some laundromat that was part of the apartment building. Some of the washers had clothes in them. It felt cold in here and I hoped the spider/dog would be okay. I walked around the room and found one spot where it actually felt warm and thought this was the spot I would let him down. I uncovered him from the blanket I was holding and told him this was his new home. I told him that I was sorry the others tried to kill him but that they had a lot of fear of what they don't understand. The spider-dog started talking back to me, I think. I can't remember what he said. I asked him how it was he came to be this way...looking like a dog but being a spider. I think he was reluctant to answer. I was petting him and somehow ended up stroking his penis too. I sat there stroking his fur and his penis and just chatting to him. The next thing I know, it is in my mouth and when I went to pull it out, it was more like a really long tentacle that went deep inside me (deep connection). I wasn't bothered by this, just was fascinated and actually remember hoping my stomach acids didn't hurt him. I remember adjusting a thermostat so that it was set to 70F. 

I think the dream jumped and I am hearing something about clothes....formal clothes. Something about someone having paid $7000 dollars for undergarments for a wedding, only now the wedding wasn't happening and they were annoyed. I look down and it feels like i am wearing men's formal wear clothing. I don't remember much else about that.

Night before last I dreamed of replanting a peach tree and when I did it grew a lot (sweet and delicious investment). Orange is about relationships and replanting the tree suggests the relationship can't grow in one location but by moving, the relationship flourishes.

Dream Journal Entry: February 2, 2019
People were mad at me because I had fucked up some wedding. I am not sure how I had fucked it up. The bride was furious. She was one of those people who love a lot of excess and she had set up all of this unnecessary stuff and steps for the wedding. Like there was some weird scene of acting something out and changing clothes almost like a fashion show. Somehow I fucked it all up and her entire family were angry at me and I was trying to get away because some of them were so pissed that now they were trying to shoot at me.

Then later I am someplace with an ex friend only she wasn't ex in the dream. We see this guy who is famous for his story. Apparently he had gotten into a horrible accident and survived it. He had written about his experience and the book had become really popular and everyone seemed to know who he was. But it seemed like he wasn't actually wealthy and seemed really unhappy. He looked almost like a homeless man. He had lost the use of his legs in the accident.

Beth kept telling me to ask him specific questions. I said no, that if she wanted to know, she should ask the questions herself. I think I made a move to leave and walked by him and through the door...only I am struggling to get through the door and I fell down. The guy is coming outside too and we meet. I apologized for being in the way of the door. He was saying that he was trying to get to his equipment to try to take some shots but he didn't think he would be able to make it over in time to capture the specific lighting.

Now, at this point I already feel very attracted to him. It was overwhelming and instantaneous but I tried to not reveal it because I had only just met him. I offered to help him to where his camera equipment was set up and he agrees to the help offered. I asked Beth to help me. She gets on one side and I get on the other and we walk him over. He takes the shots and wants to go somewhere else. Beth is now gone. I have no idea where she has gone but I get behind him and hold him and together we are moving forward. It is like he is using my legs. I feel concerned if I will be able to keep my balance while holding him and allowing him to use my legs. He takes a step and I see I am wearing high heels and he has stepped into a bit of mud and I warn him. We ended up falling over but we laughed about it because we were together and it was clear we both liked each other.

He then revealed that he feels extremely aroused by me and it was something he hadn't experienced since the accident. He said that if he had a dick it would be hard but all he had were balls now. I told him that I felt the same way, highly aroused, since I had been near him. It was an instantaneous attraction... something neither of us had experienced before. I think I called him Matt, funny enough. The name Matthew means, "gift of YAHWEH". 

He was entirely bald as a result of his injuries. I made it clear that his lack of penis didn't matter to me and that I didn't want to part from him. We both seemed happier as a result of meeting. There was something about possibly needing to cut some part of him off and I said that shouldn't be necessary since they can make all kinds of tools to help people with injuries now. I knew I didn't want to part from him ever. I think I woke about there.

Dream Journal Entry: July 5, 2019
i dreamed about K and A. A was pretending to be pregnant and apparently had asked K to marry her. I remember spending time with the kids. I remember traveling around Michigan and talking about whether or not I would go on to Vegas after that. It feels like the adult son and I are somewhat intimate with each other and I mentioned something about having helped raise him but he wasn't my own child. I also remember something about K being really penny pinching and stingy and separating out a bill at a restaurant to make sure the other person paid their portion. 

I remember going to an airport. My mom is with me and dropping me off. I was supposed to meet some Eastern Indian people somewhere. They were expecting me but then I suddenly realized I had forgotten to pack and bring anything with me for the trip. I stopped and said to mom, "I can't go because I forgot to pack." I wondered if they would let me use my ticket for a later date and just pay a little extra. Mom didn't think so. I was concerned about letting the people know I wouldn't be there who were waiting for me to arrive,

Oh yeah, I heard a song but I didn't recognize it. It feels like I heard, "I stayed for Jesus" but the vocals sounded familiar...like the Kings of Leon but I couldn't find a song of theirs with that lyric.

I also remember pink roses in an overfill drain in a tub that Inara had put in. I tried to pull some of them out. They weren't real roses. They were fake and some of them came apart as I pulled them out. Some were lost down the drain and I hoped they wouldn't clog the drain.

I also remember something about showing up at someone's house Inara was staying at in the middle of the night. I was holding Mahina when I arrived at the door and Inara's little friend opened the door. I hoped I hadn't scared her.