When I was in my early twenties, I remember being with friends while they watched cartoons and laughed hysterically. I sat there with them completely unmoved by what I was seeing and thinking, "What is wrong with me that I don't find this amusing?" I also did not cry during sad moments in movies. It seemed that the only two emotions I could access easily were fear and anger. I was numb to all other emotions.
Yesterday, we went to see a sneak peak of Toy Story 4. Just prior to this, we watched The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part and I was struck by the profound messages and synchronicity I found in both. They seemed to be telling part of my tale in animated form.
SPOILER ALERT!
Don't read further if you plan to see Toy Story 4 and don't want to know any of the details of the movie yet.
Gabby Gabby and her ventriloquist dummy goons seemed pretty scary. She had an objective and that was to take what she wanted from Woody. Her desire was to finally know what it was like to have a kid that was her very own. Sadly, the one she thought was perfect for her ended up rejecting her. She thought all was lost and hopeless, but Woody, despite what he had given up to Gabby Gabby to help his own kid, felt compassion for her and wanted to help her experience life with a kid. On the way to taking her with him to try to get back to his own kid, they encounter a little lost girl. She was scared and crying. A decision is made that Gabby Gabby would try to comfort this child and maybe fulfill her chance of having her very own kid.
It was at the point where the little lost girl discovers Gabby Gabby that I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. In that moment, I connected with the characters on the screen and felt empathy. I have dreamed many times about having a sense of being lost...the kind where you are separated from your parents as a child. Connecting with someone who brings you a sense of "everything is going to be okay" and comfort is priceless.
It was in that moment of empathy and emotion that I recognized how far I have come on my journey. No longer am I the numb person in the room unable to laugh or cry with the characters on the screen. Being able to connect with animated characters is very symbolic of the reconnection I have made with my own set of inner children.
I can feel again.
I can laugh again.
There were signs and syncs before the movie ever started. We took Inara and her best friend to McDonald's. We never eat there, so it was a pretty rare event and I sat there having déjà vu due to a dream I just had recently where I saw a McDonald's. I searched my dreams but could only find an old one from 2014. When I searched my conversation with my friend, I found the bit where I talked about what I saw. Apparently it was included in a nightmare that I didn't want to write down because it was so upsetting. But the old dream from 2014 was fascinating and felt relevant.
Dream Journal Entry: October 22, 2014 Yesterday, I had a dream that I meant to write down but I forgot. There were lots of dreams but the bits I remember were these. It seems like I was at an event of some sort...not sure what kind of event. There were lots of people. I ended up going somewhere for lunch...i think it was McDonalds which is weird because I never eat there. I bought lunch for some other people. I had chips and some of the others wanted some of my chips. I was reluctant at first and then was like "whatever" and just gave away my chips thinking I could just go buy some fries and asked if anyone wanted any.
Then I remember a scene where I was talking to some people. There was an overweight girl talking about some guy, I think. I took her hand and I told her how beautiful she was and then I started talking about what I believe and how we are not our bodies...that our bodies are vehicles. I said something like, "When you take away the body, what we are is a fucking ball of light and we are BEAUTIFUL....all of us!" They seemed pretty happy and enthusiastic about what I was saying and I was surprised they were so receptive to what I was saying.
There was something about some guy who did all kinds of work and helping put things together but he never asked for anything or asked for recognition. There was something about some dude taking like 80% of the profit/pay and the employees were really unhappy who worked with him...while the other guy worked away without much notice. I don't know who he was or what meaning he had in the dream.
Later, I simply remember seeing this amazing ceiling. It was mostly white and glittery. It sparkled, but had a kind of an Asian looking pattern...like cherry blossoms or something. I took photos of the ceiling and what was revealed is that there were some amazing sculptures on the ceiling. I took more photos, but because of the angle, figured I would have to turn the photos upside down to be able to see them properly. Later, I was taking pictures of a house I thought was cool and it too had an Asian feel to it. I only wanted to get the house in the photo because I liked the way it looked.
I tend to see these clusters of signs and syncs rather like mile markers or exclamation points to tell you to pay attention because something important is about to happen in your story. The last time I had a large cluster of signs and syncs, they told me I would be having Christmas in July. On July 25th of last year, I would end up talking to someone very special to me for the first time.
Woody spent so much time trying to help his kid, Bonnie, but there came a time and place where it seemed he had fulfilled his purpose with her. At one point, he had to make an important decision between freedom and love or staying with a job he loved and had given all of his life to.
SPOILER ALERT!
He chooses freedom and love.
In the end, Woody is still able to do what he loves with the person he loves...just in a different way and on his own terms.
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part also contained some important messages for me and parallels with my own story I have been playing out.
Queen Wateva Wa'Nabi took many forms. Like Gabby Gabby, at first glance, she seems kind of menacing and scary. She is able to change her form to seem more ominous, but she was only trying to be more relatable to those on the dark brooding side. In her true form, Queen Wateva Wa'Nabi is pure love. She is Heart... literally...and not really scary at all. Her objective was to find someone from the dark brooding side to marry her so they could join their two worlds together.
I have had dreams that describe this very scenario for my own story.
Dream Journal Entry: May 11, 2018 Last night I kept hearing the word "Benzo" and "Benzo car" while I dreamed different things. I heard something about the parallel universes being brought back together.
Dream Journal Excerpt: September 4, 2018 I had some intense dreams last night. The first dreams I only remember repeatedly seeing two energies coming together and kept hearing Loa and Loa. I remembered that this is a term in voodoo for their Gods. I saw one energy as very dark and one very light. One was blue and white an the other blackness. I heard something about heaven and Earth coming together to create something new.
The thing is, all of the "dark" ones used to be part of the light world, only they had forgotten. Queen Wateva Wa'Nabi and General Mayhem were trying to help them remember. There is a place for darkness. Darkness can be beautiful and transforming, but it doesn't have to be lower mind. Darkness can be Higher Mind and beneficial. There is a place on the throne beside Light for Darkness and by bringing these two together into love and balance, two worlds are united to create something new.
This is the very same story that is taking place right here, right now.
Rex is a bitter shadow version of the usually sweet and cheerful Emmet. He serves to show we are capable of dark destructive deeds when we choose a path of lower mind. But, ultimately, Rex, the dark twin disappeared and integrated into his lighter self which brought peace and harmony to both worlds.
I don't feel like "fighting" the darkness and trying to kill it off is actually helpful. I think choosing to try to understand it, help it make better choices and forgive it for all of the past dark deeds is necessary for integration. I think our shadow selves simply need more love and understanding to help them remember they were once part of the Light world too and can be part of it once again without actually disappearing completely.
This is the age old story of archangel Michael battling Lucifer. They have to lay down their weapons and use effective communication as the tool that helps bring them back together as one being.
What both of these movies have in common is the element of people rising up and meeting their full potential for the greater good of all. Duke Caboom finally hit his mark and achieved a stunt that saves the day. For Gabby Gabby it was to finally realize her life's purpose. For Woody it was to realize it was okay to change and choose a new path when it seemed like he was nearing the end of one journey. Instead of clinging to his job with Bonnie, he let go and chose love and, in doing so, he found a new purpose being of service helping other toys realize their purpose. Emmet found a new strength when integrating his shadow self. The Light and Dark world found community and love when coming together in harmony and appreciating what both sides offered in their uniqueness. And Queen Wateva Wa'Nabi was finally able to take her true form openly. She was able to be her authentic self...pure love.
What movies are giving you messages about your own story?
Are profound messages making their way to you through unlikely places?
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