Inner Children, Balancing Masculine and Feminine

Art By William-Adolphe Bouguereau

I think I have come to realize something. I have flirted with the idea previously but it really took hold and solidified in my mind while talking with my friend, Lindsay, tonight.

I had a dream I previously posted where a young woman I came upon had two young children with her. She sends the boy along and keeps the girl child near. Someone asked me what that was all about. I stated then that, I suppose, since we are both masculine and feminine that it would stand to reason that we would also have two inner children...one of each polarity. But I didn't really pay much attention to what I had said.

Art by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Tonight the topic came up again and this time it suddenly seemed so obvious that, of course, we have an inner child of both polarities and all of those times I dreamed about having a baby boy, it was really about rebirthing the inner masculine within me which I had long since killed off.

What people don't seem to understand is we have been wrong for so long about the nature of masculine. Masculine is represented by white which is light, positive, and the color of purity. White is soft, warm, gentle and kind. And someone who has an imbalance with too much masculine will seem quite weak and too soft. They are easily wounded and overly sensitive.

Art  by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Feminine is represented by black which is also the shadow self, darkness, and negative. Too much of the feminine and they are ruthless, insensitive, hard and cold.

Art by Azaza Azunder

My imbalance was that I was all feminine. All of my softness and masculine were killed off as a means of survival in my childhood. My poor inner boy child was killed off and I lacked compassion and softness as a result. I was hard and cold. I often was accused of having no feelings. The truth is, I was very numb and felt very little for a long time. Even my inner feminine had died off. I was mostly dead inside. I think the literal birth of my daughter represents the rebirth of my inner feminine. When I see my daughter in dreams, I often think of her as representing my inner child. I just never realized there were supposed to be two.

Art by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

The baby boy I have dreamed of having over and over is my own inner masculine coming back to dwell within me. I am rebirthing him in me to create balance.

February 6, 2019 I remember something about people discussing gender and how they think that most people might actually be the opposite gender they really are inside. I agreed I thought that was possible. I paused and said, "But I am both. I know I am a hermaphrodite." Internally I knew I was a hermaphrodite....not on a physical level but on a soul level. It felt like the others only had a single alternate gender inside.. opposite of what their external was physically.

I think one of our goals is to achieve internal hermaphrodite status. The Sacred Hermaphrodite represents the ultimate balance and integration.

February 27, 2019 I dreamed about a lion. He was in my house and I was somehow responsible for him now. I was making some mixture of food. It was almost like a dough because it stuck together. The lion seemed to indicate he wanted this so I fed it to him carefully. I remember something about the fridge and how when you closed the door, part of it on the left was still open and the light stayed on. Others came in and I cautioned them because I wasn't sure how he would behave around other people. He allowed me to pet him but I was cautious about how and where I pet him.  I was still getting to know him.  

I remember a bit about agreeing to marry someone whose partner hadn't turned up. I became married to him within that tiny bit of dream. 

Just before I woke I heard, "He sacrificed her for you." I then saw a sword stab and go through all the pages of an open book. I couldn't tell you what kind of book it was, just that it was thick and had calligraphy style writing on it. And at that point I heard, "Mary, a boy child will to be born to you..."

Art by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Have you been dreaming about having a baby girl or baby boy?

What parts of you do you need to bring back to life?

Are you too soft or too hard?

What needs to be balanced within you?