He Really Loves Me

 

Photo by Robert Doisneau, Paris, 1955

Dream Journal Entry: December 25, 2018

I dreamed of being around a campfire outside a house. Darron is sitting with me as well as some other people. A male joins us who I identify as another classmate named Darren I haven't seen for a very long time. He currently has reddish hair, but I remember his hair used to be dark brown in school. I make small talk with him and ask how he has been. Apparently, he has to move his car and, for some reason, I go with him. I see Meghan is building a house across the road but the driveway is too high and it will have to be fixed. Darren is going in reverse looking for a place to park where it won't be in the way. He passes several vehicles that are parked on the right and I suggest he can park behind them, but he keeps going. 

We are getting further and further away from where we were and I am feeling concerned. Now there are suddenly people in the car with us and we are driving through a city and having to avoid things in the road. I couldn't make out what the first set of things we had to dodge, but the next set of things looked like what was left from a multiple motorcycle and bicycle accident. The motorcycles were still in the road but covered in black tarps. They were piled up in a turn point and we passed them as we turned right and parked.

We got out of the car and were wandering around a bit. I remember bumping into a black motorcycle and it moved, speaking in a way more like a cow than a machine. I am telling the others that I need to get back to my house. I am looking to take public transit back home. I was going to use the automated ticket machine but Darren wants to use the booth where there was a clerk. Something is said about "oral exchange" and I was jokingly saying that Darren is welcome to get oral on me. We all laughed. 

We walked away with the tickets and sat at a table to wait for the transportation. There is a little girl with us and I notice her right hand looks old. Darren sees me notice and he says she has a rare liver issue and that is how it manifests, but other than that, she is just fine. He asks me if I want to hold her and tells me her name is Tilda. I said sure, I could hold her if she would allow it and wanted me to. Then he pauses, looks seriously into my eyes and says, "I love you." I was surprised by this but thought it was sweet and I said, "Aww I love you too." He replied with emphasis, "I REALLY love you." He said it like he has felt this for a long time and really wanted to tell me but finally was able to say it. I sat there looking at him unsure of what to say or feel. I had a sense of not really knowing him well and somehow he knows me better than i know him. He leans forward and kisses me. I hesitantly kiss him back but it isn't passionate. I am processing this scene. 

Suddenly I am realizing that the Darron back at the campfire is the same Darren I was considering this guy was and now I am confused. I remember how there was Larry and Jeff who were brothers in my dreams but I seem to know Larry better than Jeff. I said, "Jeff?" And I came out of the dream.

In earlier dreams there was something about trying to take a bath and then realizing I had somehow spontaneously released poop into the water. I figured I would have to drain the water and start over. I also had my clothes on and had to take them off because everything was gross now.

Photo by August Sander

My dreams yesterday had a trans woman who I was at school with. The school was doing some drill in case there was a threat. I had some knowing that she planned to get herself killed by pretending she had a weapon. She was telling me I had been her only friend and was thanking me and saying goodbye.