Vanishing Twin

I was dreaming about a little black puppy having wandered into where I was. I already had two small black dogs but this one was a little boy. I didn't know where he came from and determined I would simply keep him. He was playing with my dogs and I noticed he had accidentally peed in at least three different places that I would need to clean up. I told myself I would have to remember to take him outside regularly so I could potty train him. He was still learning so I didn't scold him. The little puppy wandered away next door to where this family had a light colored puppy. I followed him there to retrieve him. The family had a young girl with light hair and she is talking about how sometimes she imagines this scenario where she has to come to the rescue and take care of my dogs for me, but then she suddenly starts talking about Keanu and says that "She is his sister." I was thinking Alexandra was his sister and said that was an interesting theory but she said, "No. Who he is really with is his sister, Micaela. He was caught with her."

I tried to process this and considered an older dream I just reread where they were showing me this guy having absorbed a woman. I considered the possibility that Keanu absorbed his twin sister in the womb and now she was part of him. In the dream I reread, I saw him splitting apart into two sets of the same people and considered this was showing me a split in personality....two people within the same person. Maybe this is the sister he was caught with.

Dream Journal Entry: September 28, 2021

This is the dream I just reread:

November 18, 2020

The only bits I remember from last night's dreams is seeing a title like I was writing a new blog post that said, "Cure 666"

I remember a small snippet later of seeing a woman in a formal dress and she is asking me how she looks. It looks like one she wore before but she is saying it is a different dress. I think she was going to some wedding. 

Next, I think I am seeing some guy she had been seeing and I am asking where she was and he shows me her face by changing his own. I had this sense of him having absorbed her and then I see him as half her and half him. Then he splits into two and now there is two identical sets. 

I remember thinking about the whole 666 thing and dreams I have had about it. Basically, I have determined previously that 6 represents the first 6 chakras. The 7th is actually higher mind, higher self. It isn't technically part of the physical body in the same way that the first 6. Each person contains couples for each chakra...left and right. When an internal partner is missing, there are only 6. So when you bring an external couple together and one has all 12 and the other has only 6...that is essentially 666.

Carpet Art

When your daughter creates weird random carpet art while you are sleeping. 😂

 

It's The Little Things

Photo by Inara Kerketta

It's moments such as these that, when we look back on, we cherish and hold close to our hearts. It isn't the big grand events that we reflect on and wish to feel again, but all the quiet shared moments that we stitch together and call "life". I'm grateful for all the beautiful shared moments that I never realized meant to much to me until now.

Thank you for taking this journey with me, my beautiful and wonderful daughter. My life is fuller and better because of you.

Little things used to mean so much to Shelly- I used to think they were kind of trivial. Believe me, nothing is trivial.

Eric Draven - The Crow Movie

Photo by Inara Kerketta

Death is always on the way, but the fact that you don't know when it will arrive seems to take away from the finiteness of life. It's that terrible precision that we hate so much. But because we don't know, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky

 

The above photos were all taken by Inara Kerketta.

The below photos were taken by me.

E Is For ESPIRIT

For the longest time, until today, actually, I thought the brand name was ESPIRIT.  That is how I read it until today when I tried to look up to see if there was a meaning behind the word. Imagine my surprise to learn I had been reading part of the 'R' as an 'I'

I like the meaning of esprit and it describes you aptly.

es·prit

/əsˈprē/

noun

the quality of being lively, vivacious, or witty.

The reason why I thought of this today is because of a Facebook memory that popped up from 2013. 

Today is your Earth Birthday. I had forgotten that you are a Virgo, too. My life seems to be infested with Virgos.  🎶With a Virgo here and a Virgo there, here a Virgo, there a Virgo, everywhere a Virgo!🎶

To be honest, I don't think about you much. I have consciously tried not to.  But today, when I was reminded of your birthday, I had to admit to myself, and now you, that my life changed course because of you. You are an important part of my story and to leave you out would be leaving a hole, a gap. You helped shape the person I have become. You touched my life and it sent me on a quest where, in the end, I found myself.

Yes, you were just this dead kid who liked to get Inara's attention when she could still hear and see you, but your presence, your energy has been welcome, appreciated and cherished...even when I wanted to pretend you weren't there. You helped me laugh, relax, expand and grow. You helped restore my sense of humor that had died long ago. Thank you!

Happy Earth Birthday, E. We love you.

Ohana

 

Art by Heather Teurer

If I am really honest about what I hope and wish for, I wish for a new life with you. I wish for you to be with us so that we make three and we call each other 'ohana'. 'Ohana' means 'family'. 'Family' means 'no one gets left behind'.

Tame Your Dragon

Art by Paolo Barbieri

"It is only when a man tames his own demons that he becomes the king of himself if not of the world."

Joseph Campbell

Unpublished

 

Art by Andrei Riabovitchev (@riabovitchev)

I decided to unpublish most of my blog posts. I guess it is a mother's prerogative to tuck her brain children away from the eyes of the world if she so wishes.

Dream: Keanu, Compartmentalizing, and Integration

Lovesong By Artem Demura

Dream Journal Entry: 

March 24, 2019

The first dreams I had that I remember, there was something about being in a single room with almost nothing there and trying to sleep. We had been in a different room that was similar but had been moved to this one and there was very little there. I was trying to figure out how Inara and I could get comfortable enough to sleep. I remember seeing a window and cold air is coming in. I shut the window but it doesn't close all the way because it is bent out of shape. Behind the window looks like a display window for whatever scene you want to display, but currently it looked like an old fashioned pharmaceutical storage unit. it was not huge and had tiny drawers/compartments. Compartmentalizing?

I think I was going to try to find my mom, maybe. I left the room and ended up at some elevator. There is this alien being standing in front of me. He is very tall. His skin is sort of grey blue. His neck is unusually long and his head is long and narrow. His mouth and nose are off to the right side of his face. "Talking out of the side of his face?" I looked away briefly and looked back and now he has changed into my partner. It feels like I am not really being allowed to leave.

By Alicia Canovas (aliciainspace)

I ended up finding my mom in a different room. This room has a bed so we will finally be able to rest more comfortably. There was a remote type thing that you could use to order things and communicate with. I think some buttons were accidentally pushed because some guy radios in saying a button was pushed saying it was foggy out but it definitely wasn't foggy. I said it was an accident and apologized. 

I think my partner shows up and he has a bunch of cat food for all of these cats that we had there. Apparently food is brought in every day and I had to be the one to feed them. 

I make a move to leave and take Inara with me. I am trying to understand something and have been throughout the dreams. I am trying to understand about the 3. There is something I am missing and trying to remember. There is an extra person I have missed for the diagram.  I am going through different parts of the body.... pituitary, pineal. What am I missing?

I end up outside somewhere. There are three megalithic like circles on the ground but I can't see them from where I am well, so I hold onto Inara and fly up into the sky to see. I feel tingling as I fly up and see the three connected spiral circles. A Triskele or Triskelion? 

I came back down and ended up at some booth where this guy gives me three maps. I said to him, "You saw that, didn't you?" He said he did which is why he was giving me the maps because I would need them to get where I wanted to be. I told him I didn't have any money to pay him and he said it was okay. He was giving them to me because of my ability. 

Apparently others saw me fly as well. Next, I remember flying up into an opening. It feels like an attic. I see evidence of birds having been in here and just in front of me is a little hedgehog trying to scurry away, but i keep him from fleeing out the opening I had come in. When he curls up, he looks more like an armadillo. I think that was when someone else who saw me fly came in and detained me. 

The person who was detaining me was Keanu. He is not wanting to let me leave now that he saw me fly but i am determined I have places to go and things to do and he will not keep me here forever.

He is beside me and it feels contentious. It feels like I am being held against my will by him. I don't feel angry, just confident he won't keep me here anymore. At some point he puts some big paper on the table. He is anxious about submitting it. The paper/thesis is titled "Biologique". I looked up at him and said, "You are her, aren't you?" I was surprised when he actually admitted to being her. He was mumbling about how I will say I am not mad but it will fester and I will never trust him now.

He has all of these negative scenarios going on in his head about how I will react. He thinks I am going to hate him now, but it is all of his fears playing out. I don't hate him because I pretty much knew she was him all along. There were times I doubted, but more often than not, I "just knew" she was him and just played along. You can't be mad if you were a consenting party and chose to play it out. I was just annoyed that it took him so long to finally come forward with the truth because there is work that needs to be completed and he was delaying its progress.