Settling and the 'Make Do' Life

Art by James Jean

I have been a seeker and I still am, but I stopped asking the books and the stars. I started listening to the teaching of my Soul.

Rumi

I'm not sure when it was I woke up and realized I was living a "make do" life. Sure, I understood there were areas I have settled instead of holding out for more like my career and relationships, but when I really looked around me, I saw how my entire life was a "make do" life. I could see it repeated over and over again in the broken office chair that should have been thrown away ages ago. I see it in the broken steak knives with handles falling apart. I see it in the abysmal decor that surrounds me, the shop vac with a damaged hose and the mattress on the floor that is misshapen with wear that I call "my bed". I see see it in limitations and lack in my life that keeps me a prisoner, living the same day over and over.

It's when I saw my daughter repeating my mistakes and starting to build her own "make do" life with "make do" friends, that I KNEW I have to find a way to make some changes, one "make do" item at a time.

Art by James Jean

Over the last year, my daughter's neighbor friends became more like frenemies than caring, compassionate friends. Something shifted and now she was being left out of all the reindeer games. It used to be that all three girls played with each other, but this odd competitive dynamic came in and now the two girls, one on each side of us, were spending time with each other and leaving my daughter out. Not only were they leaving her out, they were rubbing it in her face on social media, sometimes sending it to her in DMs to show her what she wasn't being included in.

There was a big discussion between the parents and girls that one person shouldn't be left out because it wasn't fair when we all live next door to each other, but this agreement was quickly forgotten when the two moms on both sides decided they were going to be BFFs and not only was my daughter being left out, but so was I now.

Admittedly, those two moms have more in common with each other. They are both alcoholics and can often be found outside chain smoking and drinking booze. I don't drink or smoke and alcoholics like to have company in their addictions. But I am human and I wouldn't mind an adult conversation in person. I wouldn't mind to be invited even if I have to decline because my asthma symptoms would flare up around the smoke.

There are times when both women stepped in to save the day in the past and I am grateful, but material things and monetary assistance can't take the place of an actual friend who is consistently there for you emotionally, cares about your feelings and includes you in gatherings and WANTS to spend time with you.

They are close by, so it is tempting to once again "make do". Their daughters' interactions with my daughter have felt more like 'Mean Girls' than actual friends. My daughter would feel upset by their actions and vow to cut them off, but then cave because she was lonely or bored and would spend time with them anyway...often regretting the decision 

I talked to her about the problem and told her that she needs to try to get to a place where she prefers her own company to that of people who are shitty "make do" friends who aren't actually friends at all. We discussed how we both have been settling due to limitations, lack of transportation and circumstances. We agreed that we both need to stop making do if we ever want to have a life filled with our highest excitement.

Art by James Jean

So, no matter how painful or awkward it is, we both need to prune away the "make do" aspects of our lives and trust that our top choices will find their way to us, somehow. 

I'm not a materialistic person. Things aren't what I live for, but some things can make our lives more comfortable. I have been making do with broken things, broken people and a broken life for far too long.

I deserve to be comfortable. I deserve to not have to settle. I deserve to have balanced, healthy relationships with people...IN PERSON!

I have beautiful people I am friends with online, but I need human contact, in person, too. I need face to face connection as well.

How have you been making do and settling in your life? Is it time to take steps to stop making do and actually LIVE?