I Choose The Light 2020

April 30, 2011 marks the day that I wrote my first blog post here titled "I Choose the Light". Nearly ten years later, I have grown exponentially. You would think that, this far into the spiritual journey, I wouldn't still be having to try my best to move into the light and learn to live there.

Don't get me wrong. There is value in Darkness and I recognize that I am both Light and Dark simultaneously, but I think I am still struggling to live in the Light as a full time resident. It often feels like I am just a visitor.

I choose the Light.

I choose Love.

I choose Life.

But I still wobble. I still have dark days where I don't want to be in the physical human form I inhabit. I still feel like I want to destroy people who wound me, who lie to me, who are not fair with me and I have to push the urge back and find my middle again.

I choose to be Open.

I choose Trust.

I choose Feeling.

But I still get angry and sometimes my words can be cutting. When I am betrayed and verbally abused, my walls still go up to protect me and I can still seem cold and unfeeling. I still struggle to fully trust people.

I choose Truth.

I choose Compassion.

I choose the Gentleness.

But I still can be hard, reactive and lash out like a ferocious untamed wild thing.

Regardless of how many times I fall back into the Dark, I keep trying to be the best version of me I can be and step back into the Light. I forgive myself for getting it wrong and falling back into dark ways. I love myself a little more to chase the fear and anger away. I support and encourage myself so that I keep learning from my struggles. I apologize and admit when I have gotten it wrong with others. 

Maybe with each return to the Light, I will place a log there to mark my return and eventually there will be enough logs to build a home and, at long last, I can live there.

I choose Forgiveness.

I choose Knowledge.

I choose Self-love.

I choose the Light.

***Image credit: All images are by Japanese Illustrator, "Sleepy"