Jealousy and Observing Cillian

Cillian Murpjy by James Wright Photography

I have a knife and I want to stick it in and peel a layer of decaying flesh from your body.

So, you're jealous, are you?

It would appear that this is the lesson we are at for you today.

Beautiful, younger Cillian Murphy...all the things you wish you could be. All the things you are not and so my exploration of him you saw as "cheating". 

Here is an opportunity for you to work through your insecurities.

Photo of Cillian Murphy

Here is someone sincerely grounded, kind, and generous who has no need of advertising his good deeds for publicity. 

Here is someone comfortable in his feminine self enough to perform as a woman...twice.

Here is someone who lives independently away from the chains of the entertainment industry and prying eyes.

He lives as a normal person in a community drinking a pint at the local pub now and then. 

His energy is calm and grounded. He is sincere and present in the now moment.

And so you resent him and think my interest is "cheating" regardless of everything I have said and tried to explain.

Cillian Murphy by Willy Vanderperre

When will you understand that exploring who Cillian is as a person was actually me exploring myself and understanding what beautiful energy *I* have to share with others? Exploring Cillian was energetic masturbation to show me how far I have come and help me fall in love with myself even more.

I don't want someone exactly like me.

I want 'different' and that is where you come in.

Yes, he is a beautiful human and he showed me that I am as well.. 

You can choose to stay where you are at, making excuses about being too damaged to be loved, but the problem is, I already love you. I have already chosen you as my first choice...as my heart choice...as my only choice.

But if you don't choose me, too, I will be okay and I will move on because I love me completely and know I will be okay no matter what.